Harry Potter: How I Met Your Mother
(Because I can't stand Dramione pairings)

Part Four: Meeting The Dangerous Dentist

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, its characters, or its settings. They belong to JK Rowling, Warner Brothers, and Wizarding World. I do claim my original characters: Hands Off!

I am writing this story for my own amusement and ego gratification. I neither expect nor deserve any sort of financial reward for this work of fiction. If you like this story, please write and post a positive review.

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-How I Met Your Mother—How I Met Your Mother—How I Met Your Mother-

When we arrived at King's Cross, your mother and I returned to hearth and home, mine in the Wizarding world, hers in the Muggle world. I suppose I missed my chance to meet her parents, but then I was far more interested in reuniting with my family and perhaps saying Hello to Mr. and Mrs. Sanscouer. My Mum and Dad were there on the Platform to greet me, as was your Uncle Titus. All of them were glad to see me again. After we exchanged greetings and hugs, we picked up my luggage and made for the Floos, Titus gawking not only at the Hogwarts Express but at the older boys and girls who would be his schoolmates come September. A short time later, we were home again.

We had a late dinner to celebrate my return from school. Mum and Dad told me some of the family gossip. As you know, we have cousins on both sides: Grandma Cora's cousins and Grand Da Uther's. Alexandra and Herbert had gotten engaged and Marylin was getting married. We'd all be going to parties later on in the summer. Marylin's wedding was surprisingly close: I was told that she wanted the wedding to be on Midsummer's Day but was foiled by the Hogwarts school calendar. She and Alfred would hold it on the 27th.

"Thank the Gods she changed the dates!" said Mum. "It would have been impossible for the girls to prepare if she'd held it earlier, even if old Dumbledore had let you out sooner!"

Well, parties were to be expected. I also knew that I'd be working in the shop. Despite the fact that I was still underage, my Dad wanted me to familiarize myself with how the family business was run and I'd have to spend time working there later that summer. August was the height of the summer tourist season and Dad wanted me in the store to help him deal with the foreign customers.

But that was later on. Mum and Dad traditionally took our own holiday, ten days or so at a tourist hotel along the Mediterranean. We'd been doing it since before I could walk. It was one of Dad's splurges, and one I'd enjoyed. We usually left about a week after I got back from Hogwarts. We'd probably have to delay our departure for about a week more because of Marilyn's wedding, but we'd still be going.

"So I'll be working at the shop later this summer?" I said.

"You will," said Dad. "Unless you've got some sort of internship lined up at the Ministry."

"No such luck," I replied.

"Before I put you to work, I do have an assignment for you," Dad continued.

"What sort of assignment?" I said.

"I want you to begin to familiarize yourself with Muggle transport," he said. "I think it's ridiculous that you lot know so little about how Muggles get about. It's a useful life skill and you're of age to learn it."

I already could see some point to learning about Muggle transport. While there was room enough for apparation in Wizarding areas, spaces for apparation in Muggle territory could be badly-placed and public fireplaces could be few and far between. "Do you want me to learn to drive an automobile?" I asked hopefully.

"No, you'll be learning to use Muggle public transport," said Dad. "You'll be using trains, busses and trams, where the latter exist. Nanette will help you learn the basics."

I frowned. The idea of roaming Muggle Britain was thrilling but I already knew that the trouble with Muggle transport is that it could be so time-consuming. "I'm told that some trips can take all day," I said.

"I think Nanette can help you plan and implement some short-range trips," I said. "We can pick destinations that have public fireplaces nearby. If it's too late in the day, you can Floo home instead of taking a round trip."

I realized that this would be my first extensive excursion into the Muggle world with no adults looming over my shoulder.

"Wicked," I said.

-How I Met Your Mother—How I Met Your Mother—How I Met Your Mother-

Nanette and I set about making our first Muggle trip on Monday. We'd start by Flooing to Diagon Alley, changing some Wizarding money into Muggle currency at Gringotts, then stepping out the door of the Leaky Cauldron onto Charing Cross Road. We took several bus routes and I quickly learned about bus fares, day passes, how to transfer from one bus line to another, and how to set about taking the Underground. Late in the afternoon, we took a commuter train out of Paddington Station, a route I'd never been on, and traveled to an outlying suburban station. By that time I was getting tired.

"We'll never get home in time for supper," I said.

"We wouldn't," Nanette replied, "not if we were staying with Muggle transport. There's a public Floo nearby and we'll be heading home from there."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I said.

"Because you needed the experience," Nanette replied, not a trace of pity in her voice.

Looking back, I did. I may use Apparation and the Floo for most of my travel these days, but I still work at the family business and our family does have the occasional Muggle or Squib customer.

-How I Met Your Mother—How I Met Your Mother—How I Met Your Mother—

Nanette made me practice again the following day. This time she made me Floo to Northampton and work my way south to Luton. It took several bus rides to work our way southeast. We paused at a bus stop near a Sainsbury's, then shopped inside. To my surprise, I ran into your mother. She was shopping there with her mother.

I was the one who saw her first.

"Granger," I said in astonishment. Two heads whipped around to stare at me, your mother and Grandma Jean. It was the first time I'd met her and I could see the family resemblance: Mrs. Granger was taller than her daughter, a bit plainer, her hair as curly but less blonde than that of her daughter.

"Woodbine," said the younger Granger. "What are you doing here?"

"Shopping," I said, feeling abashed. I probably wouldn't have been so abashed but your Mum's Mum was there.

"Nanette and I are shopping for snacks," I said. "My Dad decided that I needed to learn about Muggle transport."

Your Mum looked at me skeptically.

"Hallo, I'm Nanette Lofton," said Nanette. "I do work for Tristan's Dad. He wants Tristan to learn how to use Muggle transport. We're making our way from Northampton to Luton, then we'll Floo our way home."

"Did you do this on purpose?" said your Mum.

"I admit that I knew that you lived in the area," I said, "but I didn't think it likely that I'd run into you or that we'd be in the same shop at the same time."

Your mother frowned at me while her mother saw my expression and grinned. "It's all right, Sweetheart," she said, "I think he's harmless."

"Still, there's something I want to find out about you lot," said Mrs. Granger. "Open your mouth."

"What?" I said.

"Open your mouth as wide as it will go and keep it open," said Mrs. Granger. She opened her purse and then put on a pair of latex gloves. She then extracted a small pen-light, and turned it on. She closed in and started looking at my mouth while I was wondering what was going on. She then used her gloved figers to move my lips away from my teeth to look at them. She then removed her fingers from my mouth, stared at my teeth for a bit, then backed away and said "Hmm."

"First chance I ever got to look at a wizard's teeth," she said. "I didn't want to pass this chance up."

"My Mum's a dentist," said your Mother.

I backed up a couple of steps in alarm. I'd heard about dentists. They liked to drill holes in people's teeth.

"Have you ever had a proper teeth cleaning?" said Mrs. Granger.

"No, Ma'am," I replied. "We use magic in our mouths."

"I'm not sure that's adequate," said Mrs. Granger. "In my professional opinion, I think you ought to come in for a proper tooth cleaning. Do you live near here?"

"No, ma'am," I replied. "I live closer to Cambridge." I was finding that being caught in the clutches of a Muggle dentist was every bit as alarming as being cornered by Professor Snape.

"Well, I think you ought to see a dentist when you get home," said Mrs. Granger.

Meanwhile, Nanette was grinning ear to ear.

"And you, Miss," said Mrs. Granger. "Have you ever seen a dentist?"

"I'm Muggle-raised," Nanette replied. "Yes, I have."

Mrs. Granger nodded in approval. "Keep it up," she said.

I then decided to change the subject. I asked Mrs. Granger if the Sainsbury's had some sort of lunch counter. She referred Nanette and me to the bakery in a different part of the store, enjoined me to eat fruit and drink water with my meal, and to avoid Muggle colas, particularly those with sugar in them.

And with that we said our good-byes and Nanette and I made our successful escape from the dangerous dentist.