Chapter two: Link Start!

Kirito places the NerveGear on his head, then plugs it in. The NerveGear begins to activate.

Everyone looks at the screen with confusion, except for one. Kazuto stares in disbelief as the events replay in his own head, although, he didn't remember sounding so.. different

Kirito: Link, start!

The NerveGrear transports Kirito into the digital world of Sword Art Online

As he was transported, the original group that had beaten Aincrad stared in wonderment as the world unfolded, showing Kazuto's original player avatar

"So, the long hair was a constant, was it, Kirito?" Asada muttered in his direction with a sweatdrop

Kirito: (sighs) Sword Art Online. It's been a while since the beta. Wonder if they changed anything?

The camera zooms out to reveal the entire area was covered in ads

Kirito: Aw, come on! Really?! That's digusting. Activate ad-blocker

The SAO store screen pop-up appears, asking to confirm/cancel "Purchase "AdBlocker" DLC for $29.99

The group was mixed with laughter and groans as the pop-up appeared

"It wasn't this bad, was it?" Sinon asked as she looked over in Kazuto and Asuna's directions

"We never had ads at all" Kazuto explained with a chuckle "But, I remember seeing other MMOs like that before"

Kirito: (chuckles) I am gonna burn this f**ker to the ground

"I don't remember you being this aggressive..." Klein pointed out as the sceen changed to a familiar one "Oh no..."

Nov. 6, 202 Floor 1: Town of Beginning, West Field

A player, identified by the username BallsDeep69(aka Klein), was just beaten by a pig

All but one person was laughing as Balls was clutching his namesake, while Klein just groaned as he slumped into his seat "Guys, come on... I was level one"

Kirito: Wow, congrats. You were defeated by a pig.

"That's like getting beaten by a slime, man..." Agil admitted while rubbing the back of his head. I mean, come on. If you get beat by a slime, you shouldn't play RPGs

Balls: F**k you, man. That's like the pig from Hell!

"And the hole just gets deeper..." Klein groaned out as he slumped further, now on the floor

Kirito: Really?

Kirito picks up a small pebble, and throws it at the pig, instantly killing it

"Pig from Hell, huh, Klein?" Sinon teased as she looked over at him condisendingly

Klein just groaned in response

Kirito: My God. I've stumbled across the most powerful weapon in the game!

"It's getting worse, isn't it?" Klein groaned as he lie on the floor, hoping it would swallow him

Balls: Stop.

Kirito: (off-screen) The Mithril Pebble of Pig-Smiting!

Balls: Please stop...

Kirito takes a deep breath as Balls starts a meditative ohm

Kirito: For you see, long ago, this pebble was forged in the fiery pits of Tartarus by the grand blacksmith of Lucifer himself, in a time before the world began...

"This is going to be a while..." Lis uttered as she took a sip of her drink

"Ya know, you were never this annoying either..." Klein added

Dusk, same area.

Lisbeth immedietly did a spittake as she saw how long A!Kirito had been talking

Kirito: …and thus, Mardoza, Guardian of the Pebble, fell to his knees, and passed from this world, leaving behind the mighty weapon, for he knew that, one day, its power would be acquiered once more.

Balls: Are you done?

Kirito: Yes, but the legacy of The Pebble lives on.

"I have a feeling he/you get beat up a lot in reallife." Both Kliens utter at the same time

Kirito: Shut up! Here I have power!

Balls: (stands up) Right. Anyway, I've got a pizza coming , and I'm gonna meet up with some friends later so thanks for the quick tutorial on pig-slaying, and the not-so-quick tutorial on... rocks. (Reading Kirito's Player tag) Ki-ri-to?

"How long did it go on for..?" Lisbeth questioned with a sweatdrop

Kirito: Hey, no problem. I had fun taunting you... (reading the player tag) BallsDeep69...

The group laughed out at the name change, with Silica and Sinon blushing slightly, and Lis on the floor bawling with laughter

BallsDeep69: Yeah. It's, uh... it's, uh, just a joke name. Just a character to dick around with while I gt the hang of the game. I'm gonna make my real character later.

"And like that, I now feel bad for him..." Agil said

"He's stuck with it until the game's over..." Asuna agreed

Kirito: Yeah, yeah. No, no, I get it.

There was a short pause of silence.

Kirito: So... Um, your pizza?

"I still never got my Teriyaki mayo pizza..." Klein said sadly

"And, that is the weirdest pizza ever..." Sinon sighed

Balls: Right, right. (opens his menu) Loggin' out.

Kirito starts to walk away, but stops as Balls starts to ask him a question

Balls: (offscreen) Hey, Kirito. Um, total noob question, but, how do you log out?

Kirito: Are you serious, man?

Balls: Come on, man, it's NerveGear. I can't ALT+F4 this sh*t!

Kirito: (sighs) Alright, fine. It's right... (Opens his menu, but the logout function is empty) here?

Balls: (offscreen) Oh, thanks, Player's guide

"I don't think either Kirito would be good player's guides" Lizbeth teased

"But, ours taught me pretty well..." Silica muttered, with Pina giving an agreeing scree

"Nah, he would just say it's about feeling. That one, would probably have a ten-page guide on rocks" Sinon argued

Kirito: No, it's here, it's just... blank

Balls: Wait, there's something scrolling across mine. (reading the scrolling menu text) Hahahahaha—HahahahaHAha-Hahahaha-Hahahaha-

Kirito: I get it.

Balls: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there's more; (continues reading) … Ha.

"Riveting..." Both the onscreen Kirito and Sinon said, deadpanned

Balls: Well, whatever. I'll just pull the NerveGear off, (attempts to pull off the NerveGear) like so! (it doesn't come off.)

"How'd the ALT+F4 work out for ya, Klein?" Kirito teased as he smirked at his friend, who just groaned in response

Kirito: Hey, dumbass, it doesn't work that way. The NerveGear disables your motor functions, so you don't move around while you play. Don't you remember all those videos of the beta testers?

Cuts to a video of NerveGear Beta Testing

The Beta Tester walks out of a room.

Beta Tester: Woah. It's so life-like.

Tester's friend (walking up to the Beta Tester) Oh, hey man, how's th-

Beta Tester: Troll!

Punching is heard as the beta tester starts ruthlessly beating up his friend in the hallway, mistaking him for a troll

"Kirito..." Asuna started nervously "Those beta tests aren't real.. right..?"

Kazuto opened his mouth, but was caught off by Yui "Don't worry, Mama. The dive was intended so that this would not happen!"

Kazuto simply nodded, never remembering seeing any videos like that

Back to Kirito and Balls

Kirito: So many lawsuits...

A whirring sound is heard as light begins to overtake the screen

Balls: Um, do you feel tingly?

Kirito and Balls are transported to the Starting City.

Kirito: No, why?

Other players are also transported to the Starting City, where a beeping noise is heard, followed by a red shape in the sky with the word "WARNING" inside it

Balls: What the hell is that?

"The start of two whole years of hell..." Klein sighed, answering his own question

More shapes begin to appear with "WARNING" or "System Announcement" inside them, until they covered the sky

Kirito: Well, Ballsy. I believe the locals call it a... hex-a-gon? Not sure if I'm prnouncing that correctly, I'll have to check back with you

Balls: F**k off...

"Smartass." Sinon stated bluntly

"Would you rather be a dumbass?" Lizbeth snarked with a pointed smirk, aimed at Klein

The sky begins to bleed red

Kirito: And, the sky is bleeding

Balls: Man, they're really working for that M rating...

"SAO had an M rating?" Sinon and Silica questioned, with Silica seeming a bit scared by the fact

"It was rated, like, T or something on the box" Klein replied simply

The red gush bleeding from the sky begins to take form

'Female' Player: (holding another player's arm tightly) Oh my god, what's going on?

"I can already tell that's a guy..." Sinon deadpanned

Male Player: Don't worry, baby. I'll protect you (That physically hurts to write...)

"And, he was a dork" Lisbeth finished the thought and high fived Sinon

The red gush from the sky formed into a robed person

Male Player 2: Oh! It's a person

?: Ladies and gentlemen. I am Kayaba Akihiko, head programmer. Welcome to the unparalleled online experience that is... Sword Art Online-

The players begin to chat amongst themselves

This relieved some tension from the group as they all chuckled at the scene

"The head programmer of the game shows up, and people still worry about trades" Agil said to himself as he chuckled

Kayaba: Hello, hel-hello? Um, hello! People! Kinda talking here. Focus.

The crowd continues to chat

Kayaba: Kay, I' just gonna go ahead and disable general chat h-(accidentally mutes himself)

"You think he realizes he just muted himself?" Klein asked as he did onscreen

"Give it a minute" Both Kiritos reply in the same beat

Kayaba finally realizes he muted himself and unmutes himself.

Kayaba: Alright, I just realized what happened there. It's very funny, but right now, serious time. How many of you have seen Tron? (the crowd is silent) Eh? Eh?

"It was a surprisingly interesting movie" Asuna admitted

"And, ironically viable to SAO..." Kazuto added

Kayaba: What, seriously? None of you have seen Tron? Sh*t, I was really banking on that. Okay, okay, no problem. I can wing this. (clears his throat) Much like World of Warcraft, none of you are here by choice anymore. (the camera zooms out behind Kayaba) Unlike WoW, however, you are held here by me, not by your need to escape your empty f**king lives

"That seems a bit harsh..." Silica whined as she rubbed her arm

Lisbeth shrugged "He's not wrong, though"

Kayaba: (opens his menu) There is no longer any way to log out of Sword Art Online. (he taps the logout panel on the menu, where the logout option was missing) If someone on the outside attempts to log you out by removing your NerveGear... Well, has anyone seen Scanners? (once again, the crowd is silent)

"That was a good movie" Agil said "Although... not really one for kids..." (Lowkey, never watched Scanners. Dunno where to find it)

Kayaba: Scanners. It's a movie that- Serioously? (a bunch of panels circle around Kayaba) Okay, give me a sec. (he opens more panels) Alright, here we go. Watch this:

Kayaba opens a panel that shows a video of a man's head exploding, and pauses it right after the explosion.

Silica screamed at the scene and clutched her head for dear life, with Pina 'helping' by lying on her hands

Agil sighed "Yeah, that's kinda why..."

Kayaba: Okay, that was from Scanners! Basically that! (the crowd gasps)

Male Player 3: Why would you do such a thing?!

Kayaba: Steven? Steven, is that you? Steven, how are you enjoying that advanced copy?

"Probably not so much now..." Klein muttered

Steven (Male Player 3): I'm playing with my family!

"And, it gets worse..." Kazuto added

Kayaba: (laughs) Ah haha, that's right. Happy birthday, Timmy!

Timmy is heard crying

"Poor Timmy..." Asuna said, visibly upset

Agil shook his head "That ain't right..."

Kayaba: Ah, they grow up so fast. Cherish these moments, Steven. Cherish these moments. (a model of Castle Aincrad appears) So, as I was saying, the only way to keep the NerveGear from going all Gallagher on your grey matter is to make your way through Castle Aincrad and beat Sword Art Online

Male Player 4: So, you want us to beat an MMO?

Kayaba: Essentially.

Male Player: F**k you!

Kazuto shrugged "I mean, no one's seen above Floor 75 yet"

"We'll be the first!" Lisbeth shouted as she pumped her arm in the air

Kayaba: Woah, getting a lot of hostility here. Don't appreciate it.

Male Player 4: Well honestly, when was the last time you heard of someone beating EverQuest?

Kayaba: When was the last time you heard of someone playing EverQuest?

Male Player 4: (short pause) That's fair.

"I mean, he has a point..." Kazuto deadpanned

"What's an EverQuest?" Silica asked

"And, case and point" Asuna muttered

Kayaba: Anywho, for all you guys who wanted to play as girls, and you know who you are, well, I've got a surprise for you.

The camera shows a mirror appearing in Kirito's hand, followed by all the players glowing, before being changed to normal

"And, there's the Kirito look we know" Lisbeth teased

Meanwhile, Yui and Asuna hugged into Kazuto softly

Balls: Kirito?

Kirito (turns back to look at him) Hm?

The camera changes to two other players

Fatty (Male Player): You're not a girl!

Girl-Guy (Female Player): And you're not seventeen!

"I knew it..." Sinon muttered

Fatty: I'm okay with this.

Girl-Guy: Me, too!

Male Player 5: Love knows no gender!

"At least they're progressive, and proud about it" Lisbeth stated with a shrug

The camera returns to Kirito and BallsDeep69

Balls: You look so... young.

Kirito: And, you look less hairy, Balls

Klein sighed "That's what my name is stuck as, isn't it..?"

Balls: My name is Klein

Kirito: (chuckles) Hehe. No, it's not

"I think it is, buddy" Kazuto said with a sweatdrop

The camera returns to Kayaba.

Kayaba: As you cansee, I have peeled away your petty facades and revealed you for what you truly are: (camera zooms over the crowd, which is now mainly men) Fairly attractive twenty-somethings. Apparently. Good for you. Kinda undermines the whole "cold light of day" thing I had planned. But, still. Way to break down stereotypes. (camera turns to Girl-Guy and Fatty) Except for you, Fatty. (camera switches back to Kayaba) Way to bring down the curve.

"That's kinda fair..." Sinon admitted

Kayaba: Oh-oh-oh, one more thing, one more thing. I should probably mention if your health points reach zero, your real bodies perish as well.

Male Player 6: WHAT?

Kayaba: Ah, okay. If you die in the game, you die for real.

"Seems easy to follow" Silica said

Male Player 6: WHAT?

Lisbeth sighed "Apparently not..."

Kayaba: (a bit annoyed) Really? Okay. (clears his throat) Sometimes, things are born. They live, and then they stop. Forever.

A short pause

Male Player 6: WHAT?

"Yup, they're fucked..." Agil sighed

Kayaba sighs and plays the clip of Scanners from earlier.

The players gasp

Male Player 7: Oh my God! If we die in the game, we die for real!

"So, the gears finally start turning" Sinon mocked

Kayaba: (mainly to himself) Yeah, I'm just gonna keep that tabbed. (to the players) And with that, I bid you adieu. (begins to disappear) Oh, oh, oh, last thing. I swear. I disabled the profanity filter. Have fun with that.

Asuna and Kazuto blushed furiously as they remembered their night. With Lisbeth teasing and nudging Asuna

Kayaba disappears into the red sky, in which afterwards a popping noise is heard as the sky returns to normal as the camera shifts to the shocked players, left in a pause after the information given to them.

Male Player 5: WE'RE FUCKED!

"And, now they figured it out?" Sinon deadpanned

Later, ina n alleyway.

Kirito: (opening his manu) Ballsy, I'm heading to the next town, and I need your help.

"Maybe there's some remnant of our Kirito!" Silica said hopefully

Balls: Really? You need my help?

Kirito: (scrolling through what apparently is a map in his menu) Yeah. There's a mini-boss on the way, and I need some cannon fodder. You in or out?

"No... He just needed an extra body..." Klein sighed

Balls: As tempting as that sounds, (camera switches to Balls's friends) I really should stick with my friends back there. (camera switches back to Balls and Kirito) They're about as skilled as I am, so I figure we have a better chance of surviving if we stick together.

Kirito: (still in his menu) Well, monkeys and typewriters.

Short pause

Balls: In any case, you may have to be the most unbearable asshole (Kirito closes his menu and looks up at Balls) I've ever met, but you are really good at this game. We could use you in our group. What do you say? You can meet my friends, we'll form a guild and have adventures. It'll be great!

A crow caws as Balls notices Kirito is gone.

There was a resounding slap as Lisbeth hit Kazuto, yelling at him for leaving Klein in an alleyway, with Kazuto trying to explain what really happened. It went on for a few minutes, before Lis calmed down

Balls: Well, screw you, too! Think you're too good to join my guild. Think you're all cool cause you know how to kill a boar.

Camera changes to Kirito, who is running out of the city, crying

Kirito: (crying) He called me an asshole!

"Aww, he's sensitive..." Asuna said, feeling pity

"What a crybaby" Sinon muttered

[Ending Sequence]

[Stinger]

the video of the Beta Tester beating his friend up is shown, as the Beta Tester finally finishes beating the troll (or his friend) up, stands up, walks toward the end of the hall, and jumps up and down video-game style.

Several pop up screens show up, showing the Beta Tester received 25 Exp. point(s), 60 GP, and 1 Manslaughter Charge(s).

"Oh, hey. A rare drop" Kazuto zinged

-

"Well, that was... Interesting..." Asuna said

"It was kinda funny" Kazuto admitted

"And we have more to watch!" Liz said excitedly as the next episode started