Harry Potter: How I Met Your Mother
What? She's Not On The Train?

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter, its characters, its plot, its situations are the creations of JK Rowling and are the property of JK Rowling, Wizarding World, and Warner Brothers. I don't own them. I do claim ownership of my original character Titus Woodbine, his friends, and his family.

This story was written for my own amusement and ego-gratification, not for profit. Another motive was that I dislike Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger pairings and think that someone else ought to get the girl. If you are enjoying this story, please write and post a review.

This story has no relation to the How I Met Your Mother television program.

Harry Potter: How I Met Your Mother

The last couple of days before the Christmas holiday were hectic. Not only did I face a last-minute essay and exam, but Titus and I also had to send owls to reassure our family that we were all right and let them know when we'd be getting back from Hogwarts. After the last attack, Titus and I decided that we

The aftermath of the attack not only reverberated in my dorm room, but elsewhere in Slytherin. My roommates were intrigued when they'd learned that I'd happened on the scene of the assault and peppered me with questions. It also got me a summons to Professor Snape's office.

Professor Snape questioned me about what I had seen, if I had seen or heard anyone who might have attacked Sir Nicholas or the Hufflepuff, and if I'd noticed anything unusual about the attack. I did tell Professor Snape that Potter and the second-year Hufflepuff had reached the scene just before I did and they were as shocked and horrified as I was. I also told him that I doubted that either one of them had been involved in planning or implementing the attack, even if I didn't see what they were doing beforehand. That didn't stop Professor Snape from looking at me like I was a clueless idiot.

He then asked me just what I was doing in that part of the castle at that time of night. I told him the truth: that Aiden, Edgar, and I had appropriated an empty classroom and had spent a couple of hours reading Professor MacRae's new Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. Professor Snape's expression seemed to show that my explanation was dodgy at best, even when I offered to show him one of the copies we'd ordered. He then asked me if I'd noticed anything I thought was out of the ordinary. I told him about the large puddle of water on the floor and the line of spiders marching out of the castle into the freezing cold. Our Head of House received my observation without comment and I left his office feeling like I was still under a cloud of suspicion.

Our Christmas holiday started two days later. Tristan and I eagerly boarded the sleighs that crossed the lake and took us to Hogsmeade Station. The area around the station platform was a crowded mass of students waiting to board the train or, in a few cases, to say their goodbyes. the Hogwarts Express that year was every bit as crowded as it had been that September. Only a doughty few (or an unlucky few) remained behind at Hogwarts: most of us decided that we'd much rather be safer away from school. Titus and I were part of the latter group.

We boarded the train, then went our separate ways: Titus to sit with his new chums in Ravenclaw and me to sit down with my mates. Fifteen minutes after I finally felt settled in, the locomotive's whistle blew and we were off, relieved that we were leaving whatever-it-was in the Castle behind for the holidays.

The first part of my journey back home was mercifully uneventful: I did have to field questions about what happened when the night Sir Nicholas and the Second-year were attacked, how the Headmaster reacted and what the Headmaster's office was like. I was also asked about Professor Snape's reaction to my being caught up in the events of the evening. I told fellow Slytherins that Professor Snape seemed to accept my explanation while I told students from other Houses that it was none of their business.

After a couple of hours, I decided to rise from my seat and see how Titus and Camilla were getting along. I walked to Titus' compartment and was relieved to see that Titus and his friends were getting along splendidly. Titus gave me a wave, then went back to talking to his mates. I then went off to look for Camilla and was dismayed to see that she was sharing her compartment with Whitmer, a Seventh-Year Pureblood with family connections to the Rosiers. That didn't stop me from knocking on her compartment door to say hello. To my dismay, Camilla's greeting was cooler than I expected and Whitmer gave me the sort of patronizing treatment that used to set my teeth on edge when I was younger. Getting it again from some Pureblood berk did not fill me with the holiday spirit: I extended some quick goodbyes to the other girls in Camilla's compartment and returned to my seat.

I did not give much thought about your Mum. While I'd thought that she was Up To Something before the Holidays, I'd assumed that she'd set her plans aside and would enjoy her Yule without returning to them. That inspired me to get up again and walk the length of the train. I did see some Gryffindor girls about her age, but I didn't see her. I gave a mental shrug and assumed that she might have been using the loo or elsewhere on the train. I then took a nap that lasted until an hour and a half until we were due to arrive in London.

I awoke to see a young girl that I assumed came from Gryffindor tapping on the compartment door. Edgar opened it. "Excuse me, is one of you Tristan Woodbine?" she said.

"I'm Tristan Woodbine," I replied.

"Have you see Hermione on the train?" she said. A name came to match her face. Lavender Brown.

"No, I didn't notice her boarding," I replied. "I thought I might have missed her while she was on the loo or something."

"If she got on the train, I would have seen her," said Miss Brown. "I think she decided to stay at school after all."

That made me sit up and take notice. "Stay behind?" I said.

"She said she wanted to experience a Christmas at Hogwarts," said Miss Brown. "She also had some sort of project she wanted to work on. Some sort of potion."

"What about her friends?" I said. "I know Potter stays at school during Christmas. But I thought she might have decided to come home to see her parents or perhaps visit the Weasleys."

"Ron stayed behind too," said Miss Brown. "So did his brothers. His parents are visiting Ron's brother Charlie in Romania." I didn't know that. I didn't doubt that that was a good reason to stay behind—at least for Potter and the Weasleys. But Granger remaining at the Castle with her friends Potter and Ronald Weasley?

I strongly suspected that she was up to something.