Err, hi… -peeps out from behind computer- Remember me? Yeah, that's right – I'm that author who used to update regularly, and prides herself on her regular updates –dodges sharp object- No, really, I do! Let me take a moment to explain – first I was totally snowed under with projects and still more projects, but I submitted this really amazing tech project and got full marks – yeah! Now, it's exams – aargh! So I've taken a break from studying to post this. Also, LOTR NIGHTMARE CAMP GOT TAKEN OFF! SOME STUPID ------- REPORTED IT! When your story gets taken off, you aren't allowed to update in a while. The ban has JUST been lifted! I won't be posting anymore chat/script format again! School breaks up on the 30, and I have an operation on my foot, so I won't be doing much ie. you'll be getting lots of updates! This chapter is really funny, try reading in Merry and Pip's accents if you can. I can do a really good Pip accent. We went out to this restaurant the other day and I ordered a slice of cake in Pip's accent. Waitress thought it was v. funny :D Anyway, on with Chapter Six!

Chapter Six: Hiccough!

The Fearsome Foursome knew what they needed to do…Part I of Lustful Lovers was Strider's prank, and boy, was he in for it or what! The hobbits headed off to the kitchens to find butter, lard and all things greasy and slippery, and the twins went to their father's study for some good, strong glue. Merry also returned Bilbo's cane. Luckily the old hobbit was not in, and so Merry had only to lean the stick in the corner and leave without answering to anyone.

oXo

The group met up in Merry's room a few hours later, and counting up the various items that now lay in a heap on the floor, they were delighted to see that they had everything that they needed.

"Was anyone seen?" Merry asked, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"We were…" began Elladan. Pippin gasped, not seeing the twinkle in his eyes.

"By the spider on the ceiling!" guffawed Elrohir. Pippin harrumphed. "He's been in ada's study for weeks now," Elrohir continued, "I don't know what he survives on… I keep telling him he should ---"

"Telling who? The spider or Ada?" Pippin looked confused.

"Well, you don't talk to spiders," Elladan told him, "Though I've heard 'Ro talking to the thing – 'Hi Hobbit ---'" He was interrupted as Elrohir clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Why don't you take the hint and shut up?" he growled. Elladan promptly bit him.

"Hah!"

"That wasn't very nice, 'Dan!" huffed Elrohir, examining his hand, "Well at least it's not bleeding. You're not rabid, are you?"

"Nah, well at least I don't think so…What's rabid?"

"Ah, forget it."

"Why did you call the spider Hobbit?"

"Hey – we're not spiders!" cut in Pippin, confused.

"No," giggled an oddly quiet Merry, "Why don't you eavesdrop more and talk less – you'll understand a lot more in life."

"Pardon – eaves – drop!" Poor Pip was even more lost.

"I guess I called him Hobbit 'cause he looks like one – short, fat, tubby and hairy...Like a hobbit!" Elrohir shrugged, grinning wickedly. Merry immediately went on the offensive.

"I am NOT fat and…" he looked down at his feet, "hairy…?" He frowned.

"So you admit to being short!" crowed Elrohir, and then realized his mistake. Pippin sniggered.

"Well, obviously, I'm a hobbit, and hobbits are short! It is one of the unique physical traits that makes them hobbits! Folk don't call us Halflings for nothing you know. Yup, I'm a hobbit, and proud of it. There aren't many that can quaff ale like a hobbit!"

"Oh yeah?" challenged Elladan, an eyebrow cocked, looking down at the hobbit with mock superiority.

"Yeah!" said Pip, now feeling quite sure that he was a hobbit after all, and not a spider. Anyway, spiders had black fuzz, didn't they? He was a straw-coloured blonde.

"Drinking contest!" yelled Elrohir.

"You're on!" Merry's eyes sparkled, "Prepare to be beaten hollow!"

"To the kitchens!" Elladan took off, the rest hot on his heels. "Race you!"

oXo

"Oo-oohhhh…that washn't a good idea," Elrohir moaned as he staggered up the stairs some hours later, clutching the banister tightly. Elladan looked at him forlornly.

"Beaten them I would have if manashed to –hic– keep the shtuff down I had…" The elf looked rather sick. "Drank more than them, I did... –hiccough–"

"Well I –hic- WON!" Merry was jubilant. "Fair 'an shquare!"

"No, I did!" cried an indignant Pippin, reeling drunkenly as he reached the top of the stairs. "Oohhhhh, look, guysh, a pink oliphaunt! 'An look – he'sh riding a flying cart pulled by flying pigsh!" He broke into bouts of hysterical laughter and then suddenly burst out crying. "Aargh, it's an orc! Save me! Save me!" Merry gave him a bloodshot look.

"Peregrin Took, you are drunk!"

"Well, a fine one to be talking, -hic- aren't you?" giggled Elladan. Then the poor elf suddenly went green, slapped a hand over his mouth, muttered "Going to be sick I am!" and ran.

"He'sh drunk!" laughed Pippin, who had forgotten the orc. "Oohh, a purple unicorn. He'sh sho pwetty!" He giggled happily and tottered forwards, arm extended to pet his hallucination.

"Yesh," said Merry sagely, gazing blearily after the disappearing figure of Elladan, "that'sh what happensh when you get…ah…ooh…err…ohhh…drunk…" Merry went very green, but after swallowing a few times and taking a couple of deep breaths he seemed to gain control of himself. "Hic."

"Merry," said Pippin, hands on hips in what he hoped was an imposing manner and swaying dangerously, "you are so dwunk! Stardust says so too." He giggled and petted his imaginary unicorn.

"Am not! –Hiccough–"

"Fashe it, Halfling, you'we dwunk." Elrohir decided to join this. "Shay, where'sh that bruvva of mine?"

"I'm NOT dwunk!" Without warning, Merry swung a powerful punch that nearly broke Pippin's jaw. Slightly dazed by the impact, Pip clouted him back.

"ARE TOO!"

"AM NOT!" Merry tripped Pip up and tried to throttle him, but Pip bit his hand.

"Owww!"

"Servesh you right, you stupid –"

"Rrrgh!" Merry slugged Pippin. Elrohir tried to separate them, but in his severely inebriated state, he was unsuccessful.

"Guysh! Guysh no! Shtop it! Fighting'sh bad! Very bad! Mushn't fight! No! Shtop it! Guysh!" When Elladan returned, looking slightly better, the scene looked like this: two hobbits and an elf were locked in an epic battle on the landing. Elrohir, who had finally lost his temper, had Merry in a headlock, Merry was sitting on Pippin, and Pippin was bent on throttling the life out of Merry. It was not a pretty sight. Elladan scratched the top of his head, logic having deserted him in his current state.

"Guysh?" No answer, except that Pip tightened his hold on Merry's neck, so there was a muffled squeak from Merry. Elladan cocked his head to one side, trying to make sense of the situation, but thinking aggravated his headache, and his vision was somewhat clouded. "Shee you later, guysh." Elladan turned and headed for his room, thinking only of sleeping off the worst hangover of his life. Eventually, Elrohir came somewhat to his senses and sent the hobbits to there rooms, and then he retreated to his own, falling asleep as soon as he flopped down onto his bed, his last thought being that he would never, ever participate in another drinking contest again.

oXo

"So you think it's late enough?" Elladan asked. It was around ten o'clock that night and the Fearsome Foursome were once more gathered in Merry's room, awake and ready for action – at least, the elves were. The hobbits were awake, all right, but they did not feel at all fearsome at that moment. More like Terribly Tired Twosome. Merry groaned. Both still had splitting headaches. They did NOT feel like pranking anyone at this moment.

"Whatever," grumped Merry.

"So, we can do it then," prompted Elrohir.

"Guess so." Pippin flopped onto Merry's bed with a groan, and stared blankly at the ceiling. "I've looked everywhere, but I can't find Stardust! He was my friend." Elladan snorted.

"Because it was a hallucination, you nutcase! It wasn't real – you saw it because you were drunk."

"Oh, can I get drunk again then; I miss him," said Pip forlornly. Elrohir snorted.

"Well, back to the subject," he said.

"Yeah, let's go," said Elladan impatiently, "We're wasting time!"

"'Kay." Merry got up of the bed and promptly crashed to the floor. He sat there, looking up at the twins balefully. "Ohhh, my head…" The hobbit lay down on his back, regretting the drinking contest.

"Change of plans," announced Elladan, hands on hips, "'Dan and I are going to set this one up by ourselves. The two off you will only stuff things up."

"Yeah, go ahead," answered Pip monotonously.

"Mmm," said Merry, half asleep.

"Good," said Elrohir, collecting up the required items, and then he and Elladan marched purposefully out of the door, leaving behind the two hobbits, Merry flat on the floor and Pip sprawled on the bed. Soon, the room was filled with soft snores.

oXo

Shortly, the twins returned, waking two rather disgruntled hobbits to inform them that the prank had been successfully set up. Then they said goodnight and left, disposing of the used items. Elladan took a while to fall asleep, but when he did, his dreams were filled with Rangers, boots and glue…

TBC – REALLY

To let you all know, I would NEVER, EVER EVER (recurring) abandon a story! You can have it in writing (LOL): I, Windsong of Darkness, do hereby pledge my allegiance to in that I will never abandon a story – ever! Happy? Because that is a crime! Punishable by death! Lol. Talking of crime, anyone watch Prison Break? It is SOOO good! The next chapter of my big angst story is on its way, and I am past page 200 in rough drafts:O (random) C ya. Lol Elladan's Yoda impersonation.

Windsong