A/N: After reading a reply to my message from one of my favorite authors, I was... um... "motivated" to type this story. So, as a result, I have created this, which is a self-insert fanfiction of me.

Turning into a yellow yinglet.

And being thrown into the Out-of-Placers setting.

And then there's a magic wizard involved too?

And then ? ? ?

...Anyway, enjoy this train wreck. Or don't. I'll try and do my best to entertain you.

WARNING: There are yinglets in this fanfiction.


Chapter 1: Random Omnipotent Being

Grah. The bed feels lumpy. It never felt this hard before. I probably need to get it replaced or something. And did I kick my blanket off the bed again?

What was supposed to be a mattress was instead replaced by grass-covered soil. The sky was a deep bluish color, which meant that it was the early morning. Or perhaps it was the afternoon? It was hard to tell, since I just woke up from a dreamless sleep.

Me eyes widened slightly as I took in my surroundings. ... ... ... And it was then that I suddenly realized something. I wasn't in my bedroom. What was supposed to be a roof was replaced by the twilight of the sky. Walls were stolen away from me, which revealed a horizon filled with hills and grass, stretching out in all directions. And what I thought was supposed to be my bed, wasn't, for it was the ground. Ordinary ground. And worse, it was unfamiliar to me.

Once the murky stupor had mostly cleared from my brain, I attempted to look for any landmarks I could recognize. I found none. What I did find was some fuzzy tail that was at the edge of my vision.

I focused on the tail and looked down at it, only to see some yellow obstruction set on the front of my nose. When I attempted to prod the thing that was on my nose, a ratty-looking paw thing came into my view. I heard a loud screech as I reacted to this giant rodent's attempt to touch my face.

I looked for the source of this limb, only to find that it was long. It was connected to a shoulder, which was connected to a fuzzy, almost-noodle like body. I couldn't crane my neck to see where the head of this creature started, since I could feel strain in my own neck as I attempted to find the top of its neck.

I tried using my limbs to bring this creature into my view. I had no idea if it was dangerous, but it didn't seem to attack me at the moment.

The ratty stilt-limb moved. I paused. I moved my arm. It moved again. I tried to reach for the ground. It patted the grass, and the sensation of the grass fibers ran through my fingers.

... Wait.

I tried slowly reaching for my face.

... Is this...

The ratty silt-limb moved toward the yellow thing on my face.

... Is this me?

I felt my new snout for the first time.

At that very moment, I felt the world stop. That, or I may have skipped a heartbeat. That, or I was having a stroke. I moved my limb more to try and feel my face, but the ratty stilt-limb took over for me. I tried moving my other limb, but a similar stilt-limb came into view. I tried to feel my face with my other limb, yet that other limb mimicked my limb's movements and intentions. Both ratty hands were on my face, and I could feel the snout like it was my own nose.

This is... a VERY unsettling feeling.

I got up from the ground and inspected myself.

I stood on two stilted legs, which had hands at the ends. The long legs supported alien thighs that held up a noodled body. My spine jumped past my posterior, which turned into a stiff tail that kept me balanced. The arms, which now seemed to be my new arms, were similar in the shape of my new legs. Long and thin, with some grasping appendages at their ends. When I reached for the sides of my head, I could feel two flat and rigid things protrude from the sides of my head. They flapped around a bit when I touched them, and I could feel the sensation of new muscles tickle through my new ears.

"... Waht hhheh feck hham I?!" I shouted. I didn't recognize my voice at first, since it sounded like it was pitched higher through an audio processor.

"A yinglet." Said a voice I didn't recognize.

I looked at the source of the voice to find a... uh... purple-robed man. The robe had small white stars that seemed to move around along its cloth, while pointy wooden shoes seemed to poke out from the bottom of the clothing. I looked up to see him wearing a pointy purple hat, which had a brim that looked like a whirling nebulae, with the tip topped with a light of some kind. The light was sort of hard to look at. The man had aviator shades on his face, while he was smoking from a crooked pipe. He had twisty mustache and a singular long beard, divided into three rounded segments, which randomly had red and blue beads stuck into his facial hair. His hair was grey, but I also saw distinct lines of red threading through it.

"A whah?" I tried to reply. My mouth felt so weird to talk with for some reason.

"A yinglet. It's what you have been turned into. You're a yinglet, Royford." The robed man said, emptying his crooked pipe and pocketing it in his robe. "I know that you're confused about your current physical state, but the sooner you get over it, the better. Trust me. Your mental state will thank me later."

A yinglet?

... Oh.

I remembered that word, now that my waking stupor is finally gone. It's the name of a species that originated from a webcomic, which began some years ago. But... That should be impossible. Shouldn't it? ... Well, maybe not impossible in certain plot points in the webcomic's story. In fact, in the webcomic Out-of-Placers (abbreviated as OOPs) one of the main characters experienced a transformation that changed their life.

Yinglets are a strange little type of sentient critter I quickly learned about from the webcomic. They typically range between being 2-4 feet tall, and usually live near bodies of water, like rivers, lakes and oceans. Their preferred diet is molluscs, the bones in their limbs are somewhat brittle, they can lay eggs, and their evolutionary Darwinism is scaled up to a ridiculous degree. Possibly at a number between 10 and 11. Or maybe 9? In any case, yinglets are stupidly adaptable. They are also diminutive and weak, but still stupidly adaptable.

But that shit doesn't explain how 'I' got turned into a yinglet, a species of diminutive ratbirds that should exist only in that webcomic. Ironically, I found the yinglet species to be quite fascinating when I discovered them. Though their antics amused me, being turned into one myself wasn't exactly very amusing. Instead of finding amusement from discovering that I have been turned into a yinglet, I instead found that I was appalled by the change.

"How dibd hhis happenb?" I asked the robed man.

The robed man sighed. "How about you try to speak clearly first? I can hardly understand you, what with you getting used to your new mouth parts. Here's a tip: You can no longer pronounce 'th' fricatives. I recommend using 'zh' or 'dh' or 'fh' as replacements."

I don't really like this guy's attitude. However, I accepted his advice. "How zhe fek did I turn into a stilt-limbed ratbird?"

The robed man stifled a chuckle. Whereafter, he then bowed to me. "You'll have to forgive me, but... cosmic fate, it seems, has dealt you with and incredibly short-handed scenario."

There was a pause between him and I.

...

I gestured to him to continue. "And just what is zhis scenario? Don't leave me hanging here!"

The robed man stood upright abruptly. "Oh! Right! Um... A multidimensional meteor landed on you."

There was another pause.

...

"... And zhat's it?!" I barked.

The robed man shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Uh... I'm sorry for being unfocused. I was supposed to have my vacation after my last day of work, but I was called back to handle something." He then waved his hands forward, which began manifesting clouds of nebula, planets, stars, and other celestial objects right before my eyes. "You see, Royford, when the cosmos is imbalanced, instabilities begin to form in real-space. These real-space instabilities, or 'anomalies' as we often call them, can take on many shapes, sizes, concentrations, properties, and sentience in some occasions. In your case, the convergence of multiple universes created an unreal meteor. Think of it like using several plastic sheets on a projector to create one image. This multi-dimensional meteor landed on your homeworld, planet Earth, which then proceeded to knock you out of your own universe's existence. And... well... here you are now."

My brain turned into a pretzel.

The robed man made the celestial objects vanish before he gestured to himself. "I was tasked with trying to stop the damage that the unreal meteor would cause. But by the time I had arrived, it was too late. Thankfully, it was a small meteor. There were no casualties. No severe damage. ... Well... Besides you, that is. And the neighbor's cat. And maybe the bugs that lived in the garden. A few of the trees. Some birds. A house or two, though they were empty. Oh, and there was that snake, which took me, like, several years to track down. She ended up in a world that had elves, believe it or not. Goblins too."

I looked at my ratty hands, its paw-pads replacing the palms of my own human hands.

The robed man craned his neck upward as he lazily gestured towards me. "Anyway, due to the properties of the meteor, we were unable to return you back to your original universe since it, meaning your body... rejects being in your own universe. That, and the meteor did some nasty stuff to your body too. It turned you into some kind of ethereal stone. You would have been sleeping in that state for an eternity, had I not stepped in. Sadly, the only way I found that could break you out of your anomalous stasis was to turn your body into what you see yourself as now. Wasn't too hard to do, now that I mention it. All I had to do was find a green crystal that was in a nearby shoreline, knock it against your head and 'poof', 'zot', 'pop', you're now no longer that ethereal stone anymore. Or whatever that was."

My eyes shifted at the robed man. "... You turned me into zhis?"

The robed man looked back down at me. "Hmm? Oh uh... Yeah. I did."

"Change me back." I asked angrily.

The robed man cocked his head at me. "You want to turn back into an ethereal stone?" He shook his head. "Sorry, but if I did that, the Council of Grand Magi would demote me to fledgling magus faster than I can sneeze!"

I shook my head. "No, not back into stone, you dumb wizard! Back into a human!"

The robed man shrugged. "I'm sorry, but your human form was permanently afflicted with the multi-dimensional anomaly! Your human body is paradoxically linked with your ethereal stone stasis. And even then, your ethereal stone self was emitting an unhealthy amount of radiation that had a reverse half-life. Do you know how dangerous that is? If you were left alone in that state, then you would have jumpstarted another 'Big Bang' event after nine billion years. Also, this world would become a ball of molten rock in, oh, a few centuries or so. A millennium tops."

Okay, I've about had it with this character. I awkwardly walked up to the robed man, climbed up his robes, and then pointed at his stupid face. "Listen here! I just discovered zhat I was turned into a yinglet after waking up, and I also learned zhat I was forcefully evicted from my home just because some metaphysical rock hit zhe roof of my house! And you're telling me you turned me into zhis wizh some shiny rock you found on a beach?!"

The robed man gently picked me off of himself and placed me back onto the ground. He didn't do so with his hands. He instead pointed at me and then used some sorcerous telekinesis power to pull me off of his person and placed me down. "Calm down, Royford. If I were to offer you some advice, it would be this: Don't stare a gift-magus in the proverbial mouth."

I looked at myself in surprise before staring madly at the wizard. "How zhe fek did you do zhat?!"

The wizard shook his finger at me, wearing a cocky smile. "A magician never reveals his secrets."

I glared at him. "I don't recommend being a smartass to someone who is in biting distance." I paused for a few seconds before I realized something. "And how do you know my name?!"

The wizard smiled smugly. "Oh believe me, I won't let you bite me. And to answer your question, let's just say that, as a grand magus, I am allowed some clairvoyant predictions, calculations, and precognitions. So much so that I'm practically omnipotent."

"I don't believe zhat!" I complained.

"How about if I guess the number you're thinking of?" The wizard suggested.

I scoffed and lividly turned away. Whoever this asshole is, he reeks of his own ego. I can only hope that this conversation ends soon.

The wizard paused for a few seconds before sighing. He took off his aviator shades. "Listen, Royford. Please understand that I had no control of the fate that had befallen you. I remedied your stasis, but it came at the cost of your own humanity. Even though I prevented the destruction of this universe, I still apologize for doing this to you."

I turned to him. I was about to say something snarky, but the solemness in his grey-blue eyes caught me off-guard.

The wizard gestured to himself. "Resent me all you want, but it doesn't escape the fact that your life was ruined by the convergence of multiple universes phasing past each other. Their interaction with each other resulted in the creation of an unreal asteroid, which was responsible for knocking you out of your universe's existence. I'm not the antagonist in your story."

Okay, I don't need this. "Your pity means nozhing to me. I've decided zhat you're my antagonist, and zhat's zhat." I replied, crossing my long and thin arms. "Whatever normalcy I had was taken from me, and it's all zhanks to you."

The wizard sighed. "But I just told you that a meteor... You know what? Forget it. I was gonna suggest following me to a place you can call your new home, but you're being a little bitch about this. You're on your own!" He then turned and began waving goodbye.

... Uh. Okay, maybe I need a little help getting my bearings.

I turned and rushed toward the wizard. "Wah?! Hey! Hold on! I don't know where zhe fek I am! You brought me here!" I tripped over my feet, which made me fall face-first into the ground. Thank goodness the grass was there to break my fall.

The wizard stopped in his tracks. "... Oh. That's right. You may have read about this world, but I forgot that you're new to this world too." The wizard turned around. He saw that I had tumbled. He blinked. He reached down, proffering a hand to me. "Uh... Do you need help getting back up?"

I smacked the hand away. It was a pitiful smack. It was more like a... smek. I was completely taken aback by my new arm strength. I was reminded how weak yinglets were, and that only made me worried about my newfound existence as one. I picked myself off of the ground shakily.

The wizard paused again before retracting his hand. "Right. Yes. Well. Considering your current position, it would do you well to act cordial in my presence if you are to receive any assistance from here on out. However, considering your current behavior, and the condition of the unreality that affected your human body, this assistance may be limited."

An idea formed in my head. "If you can't turn me back into a human, how about somezhing else? I'd prefer somezhing zhat's a little stronger zhan a human. Like, for example, could you turn me into a dragon instead? Could you turn me into a dragon, please?" I asked.

The wizard shook his hands, urgently gesturing his decline to my request. "No way! That is asking a bit much! Due to your previous condition, I feel that if I tried to transform you into something else, the unreality contained in your human body might leak out. I'm sorry, but you must remain a yinglet for the sake of this universe's existence."

I sighed. Oh well. I gave it a shot. And then the thought hit me. I looked up at the wizard. "Wait. If you claim to be omniscient, wouldn't you have predicted zhis conversation? And if so, couldn't you have prepared, like, a spell to turn me into somezhing ozher zhan a yinglet if you knew I wouldn't want to turn into one?"

The wizard groaned disdainfully. "I didn't say I was omniscient."

"YOU JUST DID A MINUTE AGO!" I shouted.

The wizard shook his head. "No, I said I was practically omnipotent. Huge difference."

"Zhen WHY did you turn me into a yinglet?!" I loudly asked.

The wizard paused for a bit and sighed. "... Okay, fine, I'll tell you. I'm nearing the end of my checklist of things I needed to fix, and you're the latest. That green crystal thing I found happened to be the easiest solution to stopping your anomalous human body from destroying this reality. Honestly, it was either that, or dumping you into a black hole outside of this universe."

I blinked a few times.

He reached into his robe and pulled out a scroll of parchment and checked it. "Once I ensure that your ethereal stoned human body won't cause any complications to this universe, I'll have to track down... A box of balloons that summons cannibal clowns. A song that travels through the vacuum of space that causes stuck song syndrome. A knife that turns objects into cakes when cutting them. A conceptual idea that uses abstract thought to create imaginary friends, which can affect the physical world. And last on my list is... Oh, hoo boy... stopping Facebook, Disney, Nestle, Tencent, and Google from merging into a single corporation and prevent them from enslaving humanity."

I blinked a few more times. "... Are you serious?"

"Not to worry. This merging won't happen in your universe." The wizard grimaced as he looked at his scroll with pained scrutiny. "Eh... But to be frank, I think it'd be much easier to mass-scatter the planet instead. To go through all that effort to stop the merge would take the patience of a saint." He said before he tucked away his scroll. "Ah well. At least I have my work cut out for me. After this, I'm gonna hit on all the serving girls at the bars in Tahiti."

"Sooo... What? Are you gonna take me wizh you now?" I asked. I was a little piqued about his mentioning of Tahiti.

"Hm?" The wizard looked up at me. "Oh. Yeah. Uh, you're not coming with me."

"Why not?" I asked, annoyed by his answer.

"I'm still working to fix the unreality that's affecting five universes. If I don't fix them, then they will either affect other universes, or self-destruct." The wizard patted my head. "Don't worry though. I'll be sure to check up on you after two weeks." He then pointed at a nearby hill. "If you go up that hill and head towards the sun for about half an hour, you'll find civilization."

I turned to look at the grass-covered hill. It was perfectly ordinary, as far as hills go. I sighed as I walked toward it. "I guess I won't be going to Tahiti."

The wizard chuckled. "Oh that would be a bad idea, Royford. If one of the bartender ladies saw you, she'd scream her throat out."

I turned to the wizard to give him a stern look. "My name is Roy, you dumb wizard."

He shook his head. "That's your nickname. I don't call people by their nicknames."

I sighed and began walking away again. "Zhen I don't care about learning your name."

The wizard paused as I created more distance between me and him. "Ah. Um. Okay then. Meet you in two weeks!" He shouted, waving a hand high above his head at me.

I didn't wave back at the wizard. I was too mad at him to say a proper goodbye. Though I did feel bad about snapping at him earlier, it didn't excuse the fact that I had been removed from my home while I was sleeping. I don't know if what the wizard said was true, yet I felt that whatever evidence he might have used to prove his claims would matter little to convince me. In my mind, he was there when I had emerged from my sleep, so I logically assumed that he was the one responsible for turning me into a yinglet. Meteors or not, he was conveniently close, and I used him as an excuse to express my frustration regarding my new body, and being spirited away from my home in the most unexpected manner. Fekkin' meteors. Fekkin' wizards. Fekkin' yinglets.

I feel as though this was going to be a particularly long day.


A/N: And so, it begins.