Chapter 4: How to Impress the Patriarchs


I met a new patriarch once me and Rhondy arrived at the communal kitchen.

... Well... Patriarch Calic calls it a 'kitchen', but it was just a cooking pot, a food cutting table, which was just a plank of wood that was on the ground, and a food barrel that resided in an underground chamber. This underground chamber could only be accessed by two of the three tunnels that led into it. One of the tunnels spiraled upward, whilst two access tunnels connected outside with two curved passages. It had some intelligent design behind it. Any chef that cooked his meals in the underground kitchen at night would not have his cooking fire telegraph the secret enclave's location. However, all of the enclave's cooking were mainly done at night, since the cooking fire produces smoke. Anyone and everyone would find this enclave in broad daylight otherwise.

And Calic? Let me tell you about Calic, starting with his description! His eyes are a paler yellow color than Zagoon's eye color. His fur coat has two colors of orange and white, and his underside and ears are predominantly white. He likes to wear three red ribbons on his body most of the time, one he wears as a scarf, another as a belt, though he wears no pants, and another tied to the middle of his tail. He's also an incredibly nice yinglet! A well spoken patriarch that professes himself as an inventor, in fact! His newest invention happened to be a soup. I wanted to tell him that soup wasn't exactly a revolutionary thing to invent, but his ecstatic enthusiasm stopped me from hurting his feelings.

I was currently sitting on the floor next to the food cutting table with Rhondy, and it was there that I introduced myself to Calic. We talked with Calic for a few brief minutes. He was quite ecstatic when Rhondy told him that he was going to give me an evaluation. He brought us two bowls of his 'latest invention', or however he wanted to call it.

The soup was... um... Well... How to describe it politely? Uh... Let's just say that the ingredients that went into the soup were things that would have made a human's stomach turn into a pretzel. I saw what looked like half-chewed or half-shredded rats with thorns growing out of their bodies, moldy and/or rotten fruit, vegetables, or grass if you want to be technical, and tubers that were infested with worms that could have been alive before they were boiled. It had a hint of what smelled like swamp water.

Calic smiled proudly as he served his 'invented cuisine' to us. "Here you go, mister new guy Roy. My good and yummy new invention! Enjoy!"

I looked at the bowl blankly.

Calic cocked his head to the side as he stared at me.

He was looking at me expectantly.

I sighed with a defeated exhale. "Do you have a spoon?"

Calic chuckled. "Nah! Zhat's a silly human utensil! Just use your fingers to eat zhe chunky bits, and zhen drink it all up!"

Rhondy stared at me with a raised eyebrow as she picked out a mangled dead rat thing to eat.

This was going to be very unpleasant.

I took what looked like a boiled worm-infested tuber.

I placed it in my mouth.

I gulped.

... Okay.

It is not as bad as it looks or smells.

I think my mental state would be quite thankful if it didn't learn about the ingredients that went into this soup. On the bright side, I found out that the taste buds of yinglets are less sensitive compared to a human. I bet that if I ate this soup as a human, or if any human ate this soup for that matter, then it would probably result in constant retching, and then death from an intestinal disease or something. Fortunately for me, my yinglet stomach can handle slightly rotten foods. What a yinglet's stomach CAN'T handle, however, is bread. Anything too dry, spongy, or water absorbent would make a yinglet upchuck, often following after the consumption of the food item. I can only hope that I don't get a sudden craving for bread sticks from Olive Garden. That would certainly suck.

Calic smiled as he watched me eat his 'invented' soup. "Well? Does it taste so so good?"

I forced another swallow. "Um... I might have gone a different way, to be perfectly honest."

"A different way?" Calic repeated, his eyes narrowing at me in scrutiny. "But you're zhe new guy here! How do you know about inventing foods?"

"Firstly, and wizh all due respect, Patriarch Calic," I began, setting the soup bowl down. I almost didn't want to break this to him. Almost. "You don't invent food. You cook food. And secondly, I can't taste any seasonings in zhis. Adding a little salt and pepper would have improved zhe flavor immensely. Heck, adding small amounts of salt, sugar, and some butter or tallow can make anyzhing taste great!"

Rhondy shook her head. "Zhose are human commodities, Roy. We don't have access to salt, pepper, sugar, butter or tallow."

Calic sighed as he gazed wistfully upwards. "Aye. Only zhose beautiful, smart, and tall creatures have access to such zhings."

Rhondy placed her bowl down and coughed a little. "But Roy is right. It does feel like it's missing somezhing. Somezhing to uh... How to describe it? ..."

"Zest it up?" I added.

Rhondy smiled and nodded at me. "Zest it up, yes!" She then turned to Calic. "I zhink zhis soup can be improved wizh your tasty powder."

Calic smecked his head. "DOH! I am zhe dumbs! I forgot to add some when I was inventing zhis food!" He quickly lifted the cutting table and pulled out a funky smelling jar that had a few holes stabbed on its top. He quickly sprinkled out some of it on mine and Rhondy's soup bowls before he hidden it away under the cutting table again.

Rhondy stirred her bowl with a finger before she continued eating. I noticed that her expression became incredibly happy. I looked back at my soup and saw no physical changes, asides from a slight covering of dust that was being absorbed into the soup's contents. However, the smell was vastly improved. I mimicked Rhondy's finger stirring motion in my own soup bowl before I sampled its contents. I danced happily in my seat as I downed its contents. Wow! Whatever that powder was, it made this dish taste delicious!

Calic smiled as he watched us eat. "So what you say about my invented food now, mister new guy Roy?"

"Mweh~." I replied as I finished my soup and placed an empty bowl onto the cutting table. "Zhat was... oh... oh zhat was stupendous! What is even in zhat powder? Zhat made zhis soup taste so wonderful!"

Calic chuckled again as he patted my shoulder. "Oh you wizh your long, funny and flattery words!" He then shook his head as he shook his hand dismissively at me. "But I can't tell you what is in my tasty powder invention. Not even Rhondy knows how I make it!"

"It's grounded up slugs." Rhondy replied smugly.

I paused before looking at my empty bowl blankly.

Calic hissed as he stared intently at Rhondy. "Oh?! Oh! So does zhat mean you followed me and saw me prepare my tasty powder?!"

Rhondy nodded and gave Calic a smug smile. "Yes I did. You zhought you were so clever, but I followed you and saw you making zhe tasty powder. Very clever. Zhe taste was also a clear giveaway."

Calic then growled to himself and gripped his face in self-absorbed frustration. "Nooo, it was supposed to be my secret invention! I was zhe only yinglet here zhat knows how to make zhe tasty powder, but now zhat secret is not a secret anymore! Nyeh!"

Rhondy giggled at Calic. "Oh don't be so mad, Calic! Your secret is safe wizh me~."

Calic huffed. "I appreciate it, but zhe secret behind zhe creation of my tasty powder is less secret now."

She patted him. "It's very good still! It made zhe soup very tasty because of it! Regardless on zhe secret way zhe tasty powder is created, it's still your best invention, Calic."

Calic turned to Rhondy, paused, and then smiled at her. "... Well uh... Yeah. I mean yeah! It still is, isn't it?!" He replied with an uplifted smile.

I blinked a few times. I finally realized what had been added to my soup. Oh. "Zhe powder was made of slugs?!"

Rhondy and Calic immediately turned to look at me in surprise.

I turned to look back at them.

There was a long pause that hanged in the air.

... I need to think of something, and quick. I pointed at my soup bowl. "Uh... Why not just add a slug as-is in zhe cooking?"

Calic scoffed and shook his head. "You CAN add slugs to cooking, but no. You can smell zhe slugs when zhey are wet, and it's super distracting inventing foods when I constantly smell slugs while I invent it. It's better to dry zhem and grind zhem into powder, and sprinkle it on food after inventing zhe food. Also, my tasty powder is much easier to hide zhan slugs."

"Oh, well zhat makes sense." I replied. I paused. I looked at the cutting table. I looked back at Calic. "So you hide it under zhis plank of wood?"

Calic was about to say something in return. He paused for a few seconds. He then hissed as he scuttled back to the cutting table and retrieved his 'tasty powder'. "Okay, well, uh, no more food inventing for today zhen! I go hide zhis now so bye bye!" He then scampered hurriedly away.

Rhondy shook her head. "Roy, you shouldn't tease him like zhat."

"Tease him?" I made my own chuckle this time. "I was just pointing out obvious stuff."

Rhondy booped my snout. "I suggest you stop teasing him, unless you want your evaluation to fail. Did you forget zhat you need to pass my patriarchs' evaluations in order to stay at zhis enclave?"

I rubbed my snout. Oh yeah. I remember her saying that at some point. Honestly, it sometimes feels like there's a fog in my brain when it comes to concentrating on important things. "Hmm... So how would I pass Calic's evaluation? Do I need to invent somezhing? Like a pair of pants I can wear?"

Rhondy shook her head. "Well, since you teased him before he left, you'll have to do a lot to convince him to pass your evaluation. And I zhink pants is not going to cut it."

"Oh..." I suddenly feel like shit. I now believe my chances on becoming a member of this enclave are now lower than ever.

Rhondy sighed and patted my shoulder. "But your next evaluation will wait until later. You said you need to rest now, yes?"

I blinked a few times and nodded. "Yeah. All zhat traveling wore me out a bit." I then yawned. "Is zhere an empty bed and a toozhbrush I can borrow?"

Rhondy giggled and beamed a smile at me. "First spoons, and now toozhbrushes! You are such a silly yinglet! We don't have toozhbrushes, but you can lay in an empty bed of course! Follow me please."

I got up from sitting by the cutting table on the ground and followed after Rhondy again. It then dawned on me that I have to live in a yinglet enclave that has no access to utensils or toothbrushes. I dare not try to think what might pass as their toiletries, if they even have them. But anyway, bed rest was more important to me concurrently. I decided to press a question. "So who's bed am I gonna sleep in anyway? It's not like you were expecting guests to come here."

Rhondy shook her head. "Since Flick and Grabba'lot are bozh training Oggie, you have zhe option to sleep in zheir cots. Zheir huts are located on zhe ozher side of zhe enclave's main foyer area."

I smiled. "Really? And zhey won't mind?"

"Not at all. All of zhe ozher beds are taken up already. You'll have to make your own once you have been properly evaluated by each of zhe patriarchs." Rhondy explained as she guided me past the foyer, past the weapon storage area, and eventually behind the tented areas. I could see six large huts, and no other yinglets in sight. ... Well. Apart from Rhondy, and perhaps myself if I looked at a mirror. And now that I'm thinking about it, I haven't really seen my face yet.

I doubt that these yinglets have access to mirrors. I'd have to compromise with something else. "If you don't have toozhbrushes, zhen can I trouble you wizh a bucket of water instead? I'd like to rinse my mouzh before I sleep." I asked.

Rhondy turned to me before smiling. "Ah? A hygiene-minded yinglet? You certainly are not like any of zhe male yinglets from zhe general populations. You must have been raised by humans, yes?"

... I better not give too many things away about myself. "Most of my life, yes. Until zhat damned wizard showed up ruined my life and everyzhing else afterwards, zhat is." I said grouchily before I yawned again.

Rhondy nodded. "Zhen I'll leave you to your rest." She pointed to one of the six huts. Inside one of the huts was humble in appearance, which was filled with various plants and dead animal remains, as well as a plentiful amount of rusted tools, disheveled trinkets, and some oddities that either hanged on the walls and ceilings, or was piled on the ground. "Zhat is Grabba'lot's hut. Don't touch his stuff or knock anyzhing down, or he'll be very mad at you. As for zhe water, I'll have some ready when you wake up."

I looked at the other huts. "And zhese ozher huts belong to zhe ozher patriarchs? I count six huts. Zhat means one of zhese huts must be yours."

"Correct." Rhondy answered. "But I'm not telling you which of zhe huts are mine."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Really now? Are you keeping somezhing dangerous in your hut, or is it somezhing else?"

Rhondy walked up to me and gave me a stern stare. "Don't go snooping in my hut, Roy. If I find out you snooped in my hut, I will banish you from my enclave." She warned.

I blinked at her and backed away. "Oh! Okay! Fine! I'll uh... I'll stay away, unless you personally invite me in!"

She huffed. "Even if I did, my hut holds very dangerous items zhat can kill and hurt dumb yinglets. Stay away, and you won't have to worry about being exiled. Or dying. Or worse."

I slowly backed into Grabba'lot's hut. "Um. Okay! I'll just catch some sleep soon zhen!"

"Good yinglet. I'll be back wizh your water when you wake up." Rhondy nodded at me before she grabbed at some strings, untying them to let some cloth down, covering the only entrance into Grabba'lot's hut.

I sighed before I turned around and inspected the insides of Grabba'lot's hut. Even when I no longer could see the sky, I guessed that it must be about midday. But once I saw the cot hanging between two chairs with their legs nailed to the floor, I could feel my eyes droop. I feel like I had been awake for about sixteen or eighteen hours, even though I had only been awake for about four or five hours.

Oh wait. I remember a little thing about yinglets and their sleeping habits. A yinglet typically has a sleep period that lasts an hour or so. A lazy and non-active yinglet tends to have three sleep periods in a single day, where as very energetic yinglets can have as many as seven sleep periods in a day, usually averaging four or five hours of being awake and one hour of being asleep in their wake-sleep cycles. Due to this, yinglets don't fall into being categorized as nocturnal, diurnal, or crepuscular animals. What was the name for the sleeping behavior that don't fall in those categories? Cramiscular or something? ... Wait, no. I remember now. It's cathemeral. Yeah, that sounds right. Buh. I'm tired.

I crawled into Grabba'lot's cot, paying no mind to the old yinglet smell it might have had. Having my own bed would have been nice. Before long, I relaxed my eyes more and slowly drifted into sleep. Ah well. At least the bliss that comes from rest would put me at ease.


"And you are certain of zhis?!" Rhondy asked Grabba'lot in a yell.

Grabba'lot gestured at Rhondy to calm down. "Now now! Not so loudly!" He then leaned into Rhondy's ear. "Zhe less zhe yinglets in our enclave know about zhis, zhe better."

Rhondy took in a breath and exhaled a sigh. "Zhen zhis has became more complicated zhan I zhought. I zhank you for bringing zhis to light, Grabba'lot."

Zagoon growled. "You're right about zhis becoming complicated. Arisota's Hold has become more difficult to infiltrate, due to our attempts to slip past zhe wall on many ozher occasions. Zhe elders furzher souzh from zhe united tribes are still waiting for our confirmation."

Flick grunted. "You forget, Zagoon. Roy is a liability. We cannot have him remain in our enclave. It is supposed to be a secret from all humans. He would jeopardize our mission here."

Calic stared at the ground in bewilderment. "Wow! I didn't know why he was so smart until now! He used to be-"

Rhondy clamped Calic's mouth shut. "Not anozher word! We don't repeat what we say here! We don't tell zhis to anyone!" She warned.

Zagoon turned to Flick. "Didn't you tail behind Oggie and Grabba'lot when zhey went out for zheir apprentice training or whatever zhey were doing?"

Flick shook his head. "No. I was training Oggie how to sneak. Grabby caught us while we were sneaking up on some grass skippers. He heard our grass whistle signals and told us to follow after Roy."

"Mm." Zagoon replied.

"Should we tell Mazhink about zhis when he returns?" Flick asked Rhondy.

"No." Rhondy replied. "I need to ask Roy some questions when he wakes up. We inform Mazhink after I get my answers from Roy."

"You mean interrogate him?" Zagoon asked. "You could have me do zhat instead."

"I appreciate zhe offer, Zagoon, but I can do zhis by myself." Rhondy affirmed.

Zagoon paused before he gave his answer. "Mm."

"Please be gentle wizh him, Rhondy! I have lots of questions I want to ask him too!" Calic urged.

"Zhat's up to him, Calic. Zhis meeting is adjourned." Rhondy finished.

After the council between the four patriarchs and matriarch had ended, they all went their separate ways. Rhondy took out a hidden knife as she was heading straight for Grabba'lot's hut. Oh she would most certainly have questions for Roy.


A/N: Dumb yinglets have a shorter lifespan than smart yinglets. This is a trend that extends to all sentient life that have both dumb and smart members of their respective species.