Chapter 5: The Secret Mission


My eyes fluttered open. The ceiling was replaced by the roof of a tent. That is odd. Where did my ceiling go? I could feel that the bed I was in wasn't my own. Even odder. It was getting a bit warm for me to sleep comfortably, so I kicked some of the sheets off my legs. My muscles moved in an unfamiliar way. I brought my hands up to my face to rub my eyes. Yinglet hands greeted me. My yinglet hands. Odder still.

Oh. That's right. I got turned into a yinglet. Thanks to that wizard. I remember now.

You know, come to think of it, the wizard said that he was the one that turned me into a yinglet in the effort to bring me out of my ethereal stone state, or whatever he said. But then again, it was the meteor that he claimed landed on me was what ultimately resulted in my eventual transformation into a yinglet. Of course, everything he told me so far was hearsay from him alone, and I had no other information that I could use as evidence to disprove his claims.

Though the wizard claimed he turned me into a yinglet, it was the meteor that started this whole mess. The wizard was just there to move the plot along. I can't imagine the reason why he'd wanted to save me. ... Well, apart from preventing my ethereal stone body eventually destroying this universe somehow.

Ah well. One step at a time.

I was about to get out of this old-man-smelling bed when a face greeted me. I blinked a few times when I realized who that face belonged to. "... Rh-Rhondy?"

"Don't talk. I want to ask you a few questions." Rhondy said, speaking in a hushed tone.

I got up from the bed I was sleeping in. "Questions?"

She pushed me back into bed. "Don't move. Give me answers to zhings I need to know. Please?"

I blinked a few more times. "... Okay?" Where is this going, I wonder?

She looked deeply into my eyes. "You used to be human once. Correct?"

My eyes widened. "Uh... Um... Patriarch Grabba'lot said I wasn't supposed to tell anyone zhat. How did you find out?"

"Ah ah." I could feel a small poke on my neck. Rhondy leaned into me. "My questions first. Do you know zhe name of zhe wizard zhat abandoned you?"

I suddenly didn't like the atmosphere in this tent. It became really chilly for some reason. "No. I was too mad. I didn't bozher learning his name."

"Did you come from Green Reach, or from Kalleg Darr?" She asked me.

I slowly shook my head. "I don't know what zhose places are."

She leered at me with her next question. "Do you know somebody zhat has zhe name Arrinoka Arisota?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. I wouldn't even know if zhat name belongs to a guy or girl."

She stared at me for several seconds before she sighed. The poking sensation left my neck as she stopped leaning into me. "Alright. I believe you."

I rubbed my neck as I sat up. "What zhe fek was zhat all about?"

"I wanted to be sure you weren't a spy." Rhondy answered.

I blinked my eyes rapidly before I stared at her in surprise. "A spy?!" What?!

She pointed a knife at me. "Make no mistake, Roy. If you had answered any of my questions incorrectly, I would have one less yinglet to deal wizh. I'll let your human brain figure zhat riddle out for itself."

My eyes widened. "Well zhat's knife!" ... I pause and realized what I said. I need my brain to catch up with this conversation. "Uh. I mean. Zhat's nice and everyzhing, but... How did you know I used to be a human?"

She put her knife back into her cloak. "Patriarch Grabba'lot told me. He also told all zhe patriarchs in zhe enclave, except for one."

My ears drooped as I sulked. "... So... zhen... everyone knows I'm a human?"

Rhondy shook her head. "No. Only zhe leaders of zhis secret enclave knows your secret, Roy. Except for Patriarch Mazhink, but we'll tell him about you once he comes back from Arisota's Hold. Some of zhe yinglets here would stab you to deazh if zhey knew what you used to be. Frankly, I find zhis to be a bit unbelievable. Zhat is, until I analyzed your behavior." She then counted her fingers. "You requested a toozhbrush and a spoon, which are human tools humans use. You ability to speak is very eloquent, compared to zhe average male yinglet. And your proficiency in sharpening zhe blades on our spears and knives is of a quality zhat is leagues above zhe average male yinglet."

"... Oh." Honestly, I don't know what else to say. Being the first female yinglet I have ever met, Rhondy happened to be very perceptive.

"Which brings me to my next question. Do you know what zhe wizard used to turn you into a yinglet?" Rhondy asked.

I sighed as I shook my head. "I wouldn't know. When I woke up, I was suddenly a yinglet. He said he found a green crystal, and he turned me into what I am now wizh zhat zhing."

"... I see." Rhondy said, scratching her chin in contemplation as she left my bedside.

I got out of Grabba'lot's bed and walked up to Rhondy. "So what is zhis about? Why did you zhink I was a spy? Is zhere somezhing I should know about?"

Rhondy turned to me, stared, and sighed. "Perhaps it's time I told you zhe reason why zhis enclave is here in secret, Roy."

Oh. Good. Some lore behind Rhondy's enclave.

She then began pacing in front of me. "A few years ago, humans from zhe United Tribes of zhe Souzhlands lived unaware of zhe yinglets zhat were living wizhin zheir border. Zhe yinglets sneaked into zhe borders of zhe human tribes in secret, mostly to scavenge zhe battlefields in zhe aftermazh of zheir wars, or zheir garbage mounds. But all zhat changed when we were discovered, and zhey chased us out. But yinglets can be very cunning sometimes, and found ways to sneak back into zheir territories. Zhis back-and-forzh of chasing us out of zheir territories and us sneaking back in became very annoying to zhem, so zhe humans eventually decided to make a pact wizh us. Zhey would allow us to scavenge in zheir territories, but only under zhe condition zhat we stay away from zheir homes or any place of ceremonial or sacred significance, and zhat we do not establish any enclaves wizhin zheir borders.

"But alas, everyzhing changes as time goes on. Bandits and raiders would often ignore any yinglet settlements zhey come across, but would sometimes target zhe ones zhat lie on zhe fringe of zhe more established and more protected enclaves. It was only a monzh ago zhat a string of raids led zhe High Elders to believe zhat zhere was more to zhese attacks zhan zhey first zhought. Zhe High Elders received reports saying zhat zheir fringe enclaves were totally destroyed. Zhe bodies recovered from zhe raids were said to have been flayed." Rhondy explained.

I stared open-mouthed at her in shock. "Flayed? Zhat's when zhe skin is removed from zhe body, right? Zhat sounds very horrible."

Rhondy nodded. "Yes. But zhe High Elders also learned anozher zhing from zhe reports. Zhere were no bodies of female yinglets to be found after zhe end of zhe raids. Some survivors of zhe raids say zhat zhe females were stolen away during zhe attacks. Zhe wize elders quickly realized zhat our females were being abducted, zhough we still do not know why. Zheir testimonies of zhe raids were fantastical in zheir descriptions, but many of zhem share one zhing in common. Zhe bandits wore red clozh. When zhe raids reach zheir ends, zhe bandits would head norzh. Zhe High Elders were quick to suspect zhat zhese bandits are zhe human guardsmen zhat come from zhe Val Salian Passage."

My ears flared up at the mention of that name. I recognize that name. It's where the main setting of the Out-of-Placers webcomic takes place. It's where the main characters of the webcomic reside. Was Viracroix Salia behind this?

Rhondy then sighed. "But I believed zhe Val Salian guardsmen were not zhe root cause of zhe zheft of our females. Zhey are so so far norzh, and we know zhat zhey have a mutual coexistence wizh a frontier enclave living wizhin zheir passage. By a stroke of genius, zhe High Elders decided to have scouts hide around some of zhe few remaining fringe enclaves. Once zhe enclaves were attacked, zhey would follow zhe bandits and discover where zhey were taking our females. Few of zhem failed, but one of zhem trailed zhem back to Arisota's Hold. A female by zhe name of Jeejeeba relayed her message to zhe scout, which was delivered to zhe High Elders. Zhe elders debated on what to do for a time, until I suggested establishing a secret enclave near Arisota's Hold." She the turned to me. "And zhat I would be zhe matriarch of zhat secret enclave. Which is to say, zhis secret enclave." She said, gesturing all around herself.

I blinked a few times. I then reached up to scratch the back of my head. "Um... Wow... Zhat was a lot of info you just unpacked into my head."

She rolled her eyes and hissed at me. "I'm sorry zhat you got into zhe middle of zhis, Roy, but we cannot be distracted from our secret mission. You might be well liked by most of zhe patriarchs here, but you still need to be evaluated by every one of zhe patriarchs. And even zhen, your chances of staying here is small if you only passed one of zheir evaluations."

I'm not sure if Flick really likes me though. "And what about you? Zagoon said you had zhe final say-so, or whatever it is." I replied.

Rhondy nodded. "Yes. However, all yinglets in my enclave needs to pull zheir weight. I don't appreciate any slackers slacking off, and my patriarchs and I are quite like-minded in zhat respect. If you fail each evaluation, you'll be kicked out of zhis enclave. But if you can prove to be useful to me, to my patriarchs, to my yinglets, zhen you can help us retrieve zhe females stolen from us, and perhaps become part of our flock."

I stared at Rhondy for a long time. I wasn't aware that I had walked myself into an extra-national affair! Did that dumb wizard know about this?! I eventually breathed in an exasperated inhale before I exhaled my next sentence. "Holy fekkin' shit, what in zhe world did I just walk into?"

Rhondy furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Weren't you listening to me?"

"I was, yes, but... I didn't expect to get entangled into somezhing so serious!" I explained.

"Zhink of it like zhis zhen." Rhondy said as she patted my shoulder and smiled. "After you complete zhe patriarchs' evaluations, you'll have a place in my enclave. You will be greatly rewarded as you help us get our females back, while we will secretly benefit from your human knowledge. So so simple, yes?"

I sighed. "Right. My human knowledge. I guess staying here and working wizh you guys would be better zhan surviving by myself in zhe wilderness. Zhat, and I don't know how to be a yinglet, or know how yinglet culture works."

She leaned into me. "So~? Will you be staying wizh us?"

I shrugged. "If I pass zhe evaluations, zhen I might as well."

She giggled happily as she reached her arms around me and hugged. "Oh splendid! Splendid splendid splendid! Zhank you so so much, Roy!"

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!

Shut up, ying-brain! This is no time to get excited!

She broke off from the hug. "Oh! And before I forget, I have gotten some water for you." She quickly went to the exit of Grabba'lot's tent and picked up a bowl sitting just outside. She then returned to me with the bowl in her hands. "You wanted some water, yes? Here it is."

"Zhank you." I replied as I took the bowl from her.

Once I looked at the surface of the water in the bowl, I saw the reflection of my new face for the first time. My fur was an ungodly yellow color, looking like the colors of a banana peel, the inside of a pineapple, or the kernals on an ear of corn. My pupils were just slits affixed on wide eyes the size of dinner plates, and were snowy white. I'm pretty sure that my sclera and my irises were the same color. Opening my mouth, I could see twelve little teeth, and an obscenely large shelltooth that jutted out from the top of my mouth, bucking out of my maw and constantly pointing downward. My little tongue slithered like a damp worm in my jaw. The days of being able to pronounce 'th' frictives are now forever behind me. Oddly, the hair on the top of my head was now a darker, almost dirty blond color, while my chest fur was more like a pale and creamy buttermilk coloration.

Rhondy stared at me as I inspected myself using the bowl of water's reflection. "... I take it you haven't been a yinglet for very long?"

A depressed sigh answered her as I lowered the bowl. "I woke up as a yinglet zhis morning. I knew about yinglets, but I have never met any in my life. Before Grabba'lot, Flick and Oggie followed me to zhis enclave, zhat is."

"Oh wow. So you had little time to adjust into what you've become, huh?" Rhondy said, blinking at me.

I looked at Rhondy. I nodded. It was just one simple nod, but it was very telling, and it was all that I needed to convey to her.

Rhondy sighed. "Ah. Um. Well... It just means you have to learn a lot about being a yinglet zhen." She patted my shoulder again. "I'll be in zhe armory area wizh zhe ozher patriarchs. We can begin your next evaluation when you're done wizh your water."

I nodded and made a small smile. "Zhank you, Rhondy."

She nodded back before she left me alone. I paused before looking back at my reflection. As I gaze upon this unfamiliar face staring back at me, it gave me pause to reflect on myself. Turning into a yinglet was probably the most unexpected thing to happen to me, but the transformation stunted me at the same time. I now have the strength of a child, the bones in my limbs are brittle as hell, and now I feel like I have caffeine running through my blood all the time. On the other hand, that wizard did point me in the right direction and helped me find this enclave in the first place. I was now in the safety of superior numbers.

I just hope that I can find a toothbrush and some pants during my stay here. That, or find a way to make those things for myself.


-BOOTING CHAT CLIENT: ThaumBabble-

-ROOM IS POPULATED! CURRENT USER LIST: Hat_B0ner, Dirty_Snackums11, Dr33my_Ra1nor, Dyrew0rk_0blivi0n, Dum6_ WindBreaker.-

-CONNECTING TO ROOM...-

Dirty_Snackums11: the prodigal grand magus returns at last! did you fix the problem?

Hat_B0ner: Not quite. I missed the deadline. tbh, fixing everything is going to take me a lot longer than I thought. The largest anomaly is stable, but he is uh...

Dirty_Snackums11: is currently waiting for the rest of the damage report.

Hat_B0ner: What did we say about roleplaying in the chat?

Hat_B0ner: Anyway, the biggest anomaly turned into a native species of yinglet in the universe he was knocked into, following after the collision event. It would have caused the destruction of that universe had I not stepped in.

Dr33my_Ra1nor: The fek is a yinglet?

Dyrew0rk_0blivi0n: A new sapient species. We don't have a database on them yet. They look like horrible little stilt weasels that have lanky limbs, with a preference for clams.

Dirty_Snackums11: wow HB, this is sounding like a doozy. Did you at least collect it and dump it outside of the universe?

Hat_B0ner: Well, I discovered a crystal capable of locking the anomaly's more dangerous elements.

Dirty_Snackums11: why did you do that? ? ? you could have dumped it outside of the universe and into a black hole instead!

Dum6_WindBreaker: HB, did the unreal meteor leak its anomalous properties on this yinglet?

Hat_B0ner: Yes. The individual, whom I have discovered is named Royford, has absorbed too much anomalous essence. So much so that I deemed him too dangerous to return back to his home universe, or to cure effectively. At least his transformation stopped his anomalous nature. Or locked it entirely, I should say. Should he remain in his previous form, he would have destroyed the universe he had crossed into. He is awake and active, but is now a yinglet, and is no longer dangerous.

Dirty_Snackums11: these crystals sound dangerous. are they anomalies?

Hat_B0ner: No, they naturally formed in the universe they originate from. That or they are metaphysically synergetic to this universe. As I was saying, Royford's original body contained condensed anomalous essence. Turning him back into a human would be too dangerous, and the physical laws of his universe might undo his transformation and make him dangerous again should he return.

Dr33my_Ra1nor: So the yinglet has basically been isekai'd into another universe? With no chance of returning himself to normal? And it turned him into a stilt weasel? I kind of feel bad for the guy.

Hat_B0ner: I don't. He accused me of being his enemy, and he threatened to bite me.

Dyrew0rk_0blivi0n: If I was turned into a yinglet, I'd probably be pretty pissed too.

Dirty_Snackums11: so you just found a quick workaround to the biggest anomaly you ever discovered? sounds to me like you're getting lazy on us, old man.

Hat_B0ner: Ey! I'm working on a time limit here! It was either waste a bunch of my hours dumping a rapidly-warming body made of ethereal stone into a black hole outside of the universe the anomaly landed inside of, or turn the anomaly into a yinglet using the resources that was already available in the universe I was in. And besides that, Royford's previous form was made up of ethereal stone. You can't physically touch ethereal objects! And even then, we don't have ethereal gloves that can withstand the type of heat his body was putting out anyway!

Dirty_Snackums11: ah. ok.

Dr33my_Ra1nor: And considering your infraction with that possessed weasel in the past, the Council would probably revoke your title of Grand Magus if they learned of this.

Hat_B0ner: That, and he was being a little jerk to me. I kept telling him that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be alive. Not to mention that I had to activate the PDDF to make sure things remain canon.

Hat_B0ner: Also, don't ever talk about that incident.

Dirty_Snackums11: oh dammit. not the pddf. that shit is expensive to activate, you know.

Dr33my_Ra1nor: Royford must have absorbed a serious amount of anomalous essence to make you activate that, HB.

Dyrew0rk_0blivi0n: At least his anomalous nature is contained. Are there other anomalies you need to find and fix?

Hat_B0ner: Yes. Hang on. I'm getting my list.

Hat_B0ner: A box of balloons that summons cannibal clowns. A song that travels through the vacuum of space that causes stuck song syndrome. A knife that turns objects into cakes when cutting them. A conceptual idea that uses abstract thought to create imaginary friends, which can affect the physical world. And stopping Facebook, Disney, Nestle, Tencent, and Google from merging into a single corporation and prevent them from enslaving humanity.

Dirty_Snackums11: blow up the planet of that last one! cripes!

Dr33my_Ra1nor: Can you bring me the cake one? Please? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

Dyrew0rk_0blivi0n: Cannibal Clowns? Really?

Hat_B0ner: Yeah, I'm not exactly looking forward to the last one either, DS.

Dyrew0rk_0blivi0n: So what did you do with the Royfon guy?

Hat_B0ner: Royford. Royford is his name.

Hat_B0ner: Anyway, I pointed him in the direction of civilization. I needed to take a rest after I found him and turned him. This job is very tiring.

Dum6_WindBreaker: So how long are you planning to leave him by himself in that other universe?

Hat_B0ner: At least two weeks. After some R&R, I'll check up on him and get back to work.

Dum6_WindBreaker: Saving up on those vacation days again, I see.

Dirty_Snackums11: wait. so did the meteor turn him into a yinglet, or did the crystal do it?

Hat_B0ner: I couldn't get a look at his body. He was emitting too much light and radiation that I would have been blinded, had I looked at him directly.

Dirty_Snackums11: so the meteor led up to his yinglet transformation?

Hat_B0ner: It was the start that led to his transformation, but not the cause.

Dirty_Snackums11: since he was made of ethereal stone, that would have meant that you didn't have many options on how to dispose of him then. damn.

Hat_B0ner: Yeah.

Dirty_Snackums11: so yeah! the multi-dimensional meteor turned him into a yinglet! you were just there to facilitate in preventing the doomsday of that universe is all! no biggie!

Hat_B0ner: That

Hat_B0ner: is not how it happened.

Hat_B0ner: I stopped him from destroying the universe

Hat_B0ner: by turning him into a yinglet.

Hat_B0ner: By the Dimensions of Torment, I really need an assistant to help me. Things would go way easier.

Dr33my_Ra1nor: *cough cough*possessed-weasel-incident*cough cough

Hat_B0ner: DR.

Dyrew0rks_0blivi0n: DR's right tho. We can't help you out of your bind. Find your own assistant or quit the job and leave your mess for someone else to mop up. It'd be bad business for us to stick our necks out for you, especially if we ended up getting fired or worse for the effort. You're on your own.

Hat_B0ner: And my artifact forging operations?

Dyrew0rks_0blivi0n: Using anomalies for the creation of artifacts is forbidden and you know damn well of that fact. We'll continue like normal, but we can't be around you if you end up getting caught. Once you get caught, we're severing all ties. Am I clear?

Hat_B0ner: Yes

Hat_B0ner: I

Hat_B0ner: but

Hat_B0ner: look I

Hat_B0ner: I just

Dirty_Snackums11: i think you broke him, d0.

Dum6_WindBreaker: He's probably still pissed about losing the opportunity over getting his hands on that strong anomalous essence. He could have used it to make an exponential energy generator! That'd be pretty neat!

Dr33my_Ra1nor: Let's patent it and call it an EEG! D0, are you with me on this?

Dyrew0rks_0blivi0n: DR, DW, I make sure the Council doesn't meddle into our affairs. I don't care about patents. And besides, that would be classified as a forbidden artifact.

Dyrew0rks_0blivi0n: HB, spit it out already.

Hat_B0ner: I just need more time! I just need to figure out a way to collect the anomalous essence from Royford without triggering the anomalous properties!

Dyrew0rks_0blivi0n: Even if we're all Grand Magi here, we can't just offer assistance to you at the drop of a hat. Especially after the weasel incident. Figure it out by yourself. I'm sorry I can't provide further assistance. Meeting adjourned.

Dyrew0rks_0blivi0n LEFT CHAT.

Dum6_WindBreaker LEFT CHAT.

Dr33my_Ra1nor LEFT CHAT.

Dirty_Snackums11 LEFT CHAT.

YOU LEFT CHAT.


The wizard slumped forward on his computer desk. "Damn. This is going to eat into my vacation time. A whole damn bunch of it too."


A/N: Pardon the lore dump.