Chapter 24 – A Demon Disguised as a Marionette
*Note: This chapter was released as an April Fools joke for 2019, and is not canon. Feel free to read it as a piece of separate entertainment though.*
Once upon a time on Runeterra, there was a toy made for a Prince. He had many toys (as privileged children do), but the most significant one was a puppet with strings and was made to look like a traditional jester for a King: a royal King with a kingdom that spread further than the eye can see.
I mean, you know, a hard-working King that sits on his throne all day and is fed chickens legs on a bone needs the comic relief to laugh his sweat off when he is not on duty. So it makes sense that the Prince gets the small version of the real thing, because he'll most likely inherit the throne one day. It probably also means that his little royal highness can humour himself instead of playing peekaboo with the Queen. They can have some quality time together, whatever that may involve. You do you is the expression, so they do they.
In truth, no one really knows which prince was gifted a clown as a plaything, but I – a great storyteller with a lot of talent and hubris – have a theory. Jesters are very obsolete. Nowadays, no self-respecting person with authority over a whole nation resorts to the subjugation of an individual who was handpicked to be the ape of the castle. Jarvan III has no harlequin inside his throne room, last time I checked. Swain certainly doesn't have one. Come on, a man like him? It would be highly unprofessional for a prestigious military leader such as himself.
So here's my conjecture: this toy is very old. It's not in a museum for analysis (sadly) but we know that stories about it go back to times of old. Back when Noxus and Demacia did not yet exist; back before the contemporary sex icons of Sarah Fortune, Annie and Urgot existed – even back before Ryze had been reworked seventeen times.
One significant dynasty of the past was the Ruined King who was responsible for the Black Mist over the Shadow Isles when his wife succumbed to her fatal wounds and was resurrected as a deteriorating, ugly zombie. He was mentioned on the previous occasion, remember?
I don't believe that this jester was tied to him in any way though. The history books don't mention the Ruined King having a son, only a very proud and loyal niece that used to command his army before she was backstabbed by a leader of the King's Iron Order. That's a story for another day, but seriously, that's just rude. I would spit on his face and say "Why'd ya do that, huh?"
Instead, I speculate that this puppet had something to do with another tyrant that ruled in an even older time, in the grounds of what would become Noxus. This King was given the name Mordekaiser. You might not have heard of him. A lot of people forget that he even exists. He's only been able to live on after his eventual demise because of some necromantic witchcraft that brought him back to life with just his bones of all things. Although he was defeated once again and his bones and skull were taken to the Blessed Isles, the Ruination inadvertently brought him back to life again and he now continues to grow his empire on the Shadow Isles.
I'm just being informative here. A lot of people want to remove something so abominable from the records of history. You don't want school children learning about a ghostly King that still exists. It would instil unnecessary fear into those poor kids' souls. Oh and also, Mordekaiser was a very flawed and buggy ruler. He thought that he could take on ranged archers and marksman with enchanters and guardians next to them, with just a mace and a ghoulish servant on his side. It was very stupid if you ask me. Why would a man, who was limited by range, think that it would be a wise idea to go towards opponents with range. What a puppet… That's what you get for being cocky.
But I'm getting off topic. The Iron Revenant Mordekaiser, is the best candidate we have based on the evidence that I speak of. There's a very old picture of Mordekaiser in his throne room. Miraculously, it's in colour too. If you do a quick search in your local library, you can see it for yourself.
If you can, have the picture out in front of you, because it'll make this part a lot easier. I'd suggest going to the League of Legends wiki and typing in "Mordekaiser/Skins" into the search engine. Scroll down until you see "King of Clubs Mordekaiser".
A library works too however: you just need to find a copy of "Mordekaiser's Dark History" written and published by ME! Look for my pen-name "Eccentric Rose". It's a biography of sorts with splashes of comedy and action. I'm gonna do some shameless self-promotion here. Please buy the book. It's only $4.99 (Note: It may be a bit more expensive in other countries, because exporting books has a tax attached to it, but it's still rather cheap), and well worth putting on your shelf. Actually, I think the Amazon Kindle Edition might be even cheaper, because no paper is involved. You don't get the satisfaction of that oddly satisfying smell of brand new paper, but I guess it's better for trees.
Anyway, enough of that. You can see Mordekaiser at the top, sitting on his throne in regal gold robes. Next to him is his Queen, with very odd looking red and white dress.
There are two other people in the room who aren't really important. A pretty boy is standing very close to the shot. He could've been a knight who's in his formal attire for when he's in the palace and not in the open plains. He also looks like the kind of person who would have sexual relations with someone who is far too old for him.
Another guy has a red hat and jacket on with a bunch of playing cards. He seems insignificant and probably did card tricks for birthday parties.
This is what's important though: there's a proper jester in the room, crouching just below the Queen. He has a long nose, red eyes and a long red blade. It's evident that Mordekaiser clearly needed a clown to raise his spirits, as I explained above. The guy went through a lot of tribulations during his time. What if then, Mordekaiser and his Queen had some fun copulation in bed and made a Prince? There's no photographic evidence of Mordekaiser having a son, but I swear I could've heard somewhere that he was born at the beginning of the fourth month. Mordekaiser isn't a virgin. Who would've guessed? But I digress.
If Mordekaiser had a harlequin doing belly sliding, there's every reason to believe that his son might have got a puppet of a joker too, because father and son are likely to be entertained by similar things. It would probably explain the purpose of the dude with the red outfit and cards: to entertain the child with card tricks.
And that's my theory: the marionette puppet was made for Mordekaiser's son. I'm a genius: that's obvious and self-explanatory, but I like flattering myself. I know you guys think I'm wonderful too.
Now I hear you asking, "Why am I talking about a generic string puppet? What's so significant about it?" Well… let's just say that it's no joke.
How do you reconcile something so out of the ordinary? When something defies your expectations and walks in a completely opposite direction, you feel perplexed and are unable to recover from the shock it delivers.
Again we have an event without a specified time etched into paper, but at some point the puppet was cursed with dark magic. I dunno how. Historians haven't figured that out yet. It came to life and now takes glee and schadenfreude in tormenting poor souls, with toys, tricks and illusions. From the jester's perspective, everything about murdering someone is funny. But to everyone else, it's not. There are endless reports of people witnessing it just coming out of nowhere and backstabbing someone in their immediate vicinity after they've had a fright from a jack-in-the-box that also just seemed to come out of thin air. Some cases even account for two harlequins committing a murder together. You could dispute if these are real or not, but I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
It has evaded authority and capture for as long as anyone can remember and is still at out there, pulling pranks that extend to loss of life. Each death is a joke that the joker can laugh at. Do not enthral its attention. Seriously, it's a bad idea, an even worse idea that taking Aftershock and building mana regeneration on Garen. Don't say I didn't warn you.
And that's my exposition. There's more stuff below, but I hope I did you good and maintained your attention.
Please buy my book.
OH! I forgot to mention. If you purchase my book, every copy comes with a code which you can use on your League of Legends client to unlock something really nice. This may include: DJ Sona, Sweeper Alistar and Striker Lucian + a Pink Chroma for Both, Dunkmaster Ivern and all the Chromas, three different Ward Skins, 7 Gemstones, a Vi figurine with the price of shipping covered, a Fizz onesie with the price of shipping included, 2000RP, PROJECT: Jhin, all the Champions unlocked, Blood Moon Diana, Twisted Fate, Talon and Zilean, or an exclusive emote of Teemo getting sliced in half. These are the standard things you can get. However, there are three extremely rare things that could be distributed. Riot gave me special allowance to do this. There's a chance, a very small chance, but still a chance that you get: Black Alistar, King Rammus, OR Star Guardian Urgot - an exclusive skin, which you can ONLY get by purchasing my book. I had to write a formal letter to Riot, convincing them to slay the meme.
If that doesn't convince you to go online right now and order it, I don't know what will.
Thank you for listening, and now I'll let the 'story' continue.
Ruby Rose skipped merrily down the street without a care in the world. It was Halloween and it was also her birthday as it just so happens. Whilst most people would be over the moon about trick-or-treating, ghosts, monsters and candy, Ruby had nothing in her mind other than her birthday. She was typically very presumptuous about what she expected from her friends and family. This year she took all the candy from Dr. Oobleck's offerings. When she went out trick-or-treating with Team JNPR, she expected them to give her their candy that they got. and later that evening, when Ruby and her teammates were going out to a Halloween party at midnight, she said as innocently as she could that she had imagined they would buy her costume for her.
In the end though, Yang decided that her younger sister had crossed the line. She went outside and found an old dustbin. Yang then promptly punched two holes through the sides and bottom for Ruby to put her arms through. She presented it to Ruby with a smug grin on her face. 'Here you go little sis!' she said.
Ruby had stared at it with dismay and disappointment in her eyes.
'Well, aren't you going to try it on?' Yang jeered.
With no other option and nothing else to go as, Ruby reluctantly stepped into the bin and pulled it up so that she could put her arms through the holes.
'Oh, and the finishing touch!' said Yang as she took a piece of A4 paper off the table with the word "Trash" written on it in big letters and stuck it to the front of the bin with sticky tape. 'Doesn't it look good on her?'
'It truly does.' Weiss agreed mockingly.
'I kind of wish I was the one wearing it.' said Blake with a grin of mirth on her face.
Ruby groaned as they made their way to the party. she avoided making eye contact with other kids and kept her head low with the bin lid over her face.
Once they were there insides the sports hall, she couldn't engage in the dancing because of how bulky her "costume" was. Everyone laughed at her. Even team JNPR could not suppress their sniggers.
Humiliated, Ruby went outside to the back of the building and closed the door behind her. Ironically, this was where all other bins were. She wasn't going to sob, but the comments and way that she was being treated transcended the boundaries of something that everyone – including herself – could laugh at. Like when you're travelling as a group and one of you trips and falls into a puddle in front of everyone else. You can all laugh it off because it's just a fleeting moment of embarrassment that's funny in retrospect. This was more than just brief shame.
She tore off the label on her front, scrunched it up into a ball and threw it as hard as she could towards the road.
Ruby sat down awkwardly on the step to the hall and sighed. 'Maybe I can pretend went outside to get some fresh air.' she thought to herself, because she didn't want to go back inside.
A laugh came from around the corner of the building in front of her.
Ruby attempted to jump to her feet, alertly as usual, but she lost her balance inside the bin and fell over. She cried out she as rolled like a log down a hill towards the corner where the laugh had come from.
She eventually came to a stop, but it wasn't from a lack of momentum. something had caught the bin, as though there was an object in the way. Ruby was facing upwards in this position and strained her neck over the bin to see what had stopped her, but she couldn't see anything.
The person that had laughed did it again. It was much closer this time and ruby could hear it much more distinctly. Ruby felt like it was coming from above, as though the person was standing directly over her, but there was clearly nobody there. Whoever found this funny though was clearly a mischief maker. Only those kind of people would laugh with so much eeriness.
Ruby attempted to get up, but before she could, she felt the bin being kicked hard and she was sent rolling back into the bins outside the sports hall. They fell over and made a colossal noise that reverberated through the nearby streets. The music playing inside the party would be too loud for anyone to hear anything though.
The sound of clanging metal rung through Ruby's head and the smell of all the trash made her queasy.
The voice laughed for a third time.
She still had no idea whose voice it was. 'Who's there?!' she demanded.
'Why so serious?' said the voice slowly.
Ruby growled.
'Here we go!' said the voice.
Ruby felt something grab hold of her right hand. She instinctively tried to pull it away but couldn't do so with her arm in the bin.
The invisible hand pulled her up to her feet, disoriented.
It popped out of nowhere: a noisy jack-in-the-box. The head popped out of the box, right in front of Ruby's face and gave her a true fright.
She fell backwards and was greeted by the terrifying smile of a harlequin. Its mask was unbelievable disturbing, with blue eyes, a long nose and long white teeth. The outfit it wore was a comical red and black with stuffed chequered trousers.
'The joke's on you!' it said.
'Get away from me!' Ruby yelled. She wriggled in the bin but couldn't regain control of her body. Ruby closed her eyes so that she did not have to look at its frightening mask. When she opened them though after a few seconds to see what it was doing – gone.
'Now you see me, now you don't!' said the jester.
'What do you want from me?!'
'How about a magic trick?' it asked.
Ruby hesitated. She knew it was the worst decision she could make to play along with its game, but she had no other choice.
'What kind of magic trick?'
The jester laughed again. 'This will be fun!' it said.
With nothing holding her down anymore, Ruby managed to get herself to her feet.
'Look… behind you.' said the jester.
Ruby turned around and saw nothing.
'Just a little bit closer!'
She gingerly put one foot in front of another.
'March, march, march, march!' it said insistently.
She ran forward frantically. All of a sudden the clown literally appeared right in front of her. Ruby ran into it and fell backwards again. It didn't budge even slightly.
This time she landed on something sharp that went through the bin and into her back. The pain was agonising and it all happened in less than a second. Before she could hit the floor, she felt something fly into the left side of her head and it knocked her to the ground. Every time Ruby fell she would roll away and never stay still. The smell was bad enough, but the constant spinning also made her want to vomit.
The jester then reappeared and caught the bin with its foot. It picked ruby off the floor and made her stand upright. She looked straight forward and saw the jester also standing in front of her. There were two of them. The sight of its demonic face was engrained into her mind.
'For my next trick, I'll make you disappear!'
'No, no, please!' Ruby panicked. 'Let me go! Let me go!'
The jester took out a dagger and raised it high, readying it to strike it through Ruby's face. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as the punch line came down.
The jester shattered, right in front of ruby's eyes like glass.
Ruby opened her eyes and stared at the shards on the floor. 'Huh?' she said.
Suddenly, laughter filled the outside.
Neo stepped out from behind the corner the jester had come from, holding a picket sign that said "Haha! Fooled you!" She was smiling gleefully.
'Up here, Red!' said an unpleasantly familiar voice.
Ruby looked up to see Torchwick and Emerald on the rooftop in fits of laughter. Torchwick was holding a camera.
'What is this?!' Ruby yelled angrily.
'You just got pranked!' said a muffled voice from behind her. It was the jester, but it didn't have the voice it just had. It let go of ruby and reached for its head.
Ruby watched in horror as she saw it take its own head off to reveal Mercury in a jester's costume. He carried a wicked grin on his countenance, tossed the head to the side and slapped his knees in delight.
'Oh this is the best Halloween prank ever!' said Torchwick. 'And we recorded it too!'
'It would certainly be embarrassing for you Ruby if we happened to give your friends a copy of this hilarious footage we have.' Emerald ridiculed.
'Don't you dare!' Ruby shouted with her fists clenched.
Torchwick reviewed the recording for emerald to see. They both laughed hysterically. 'Well, it's time we left! Come on everyone, let's leave little Red in her trash can!'
'No! give that to me!' Ruby screamed. She stumbled forwards, but instantly lost her footing, for the umpteenth time.
They all scampered away. Neo held up a sign which said 'See you later' before disappearing back round the corner.
Before Ruby had gotten back into a standing position, they had gone. All that remained was Ruby, stripped of her dignity. She stood there in utter shock. Ten seconds passed before she fainted and rolled into the road.
The end.
wtb sloof lirpa
