Chapter Six
Jude stared in horror as Tommy made his way out of the room, she had been complaining that he never opened up about how he felt. Now that he had, she half wished he would have kept it to himself. The pain that flooded his eyes when he spoke broke Jude even further, left her feeling completely and utterly helpless. Aidan sighed as he drifted off to sleep, a sigh that shot love and heartbreak into Jude. Lucy had told her that horrible day at the doctors office Aidan would be her comfort. He was, just hearing him let out a small sigh as he slept made her feel alive. How one person could feel alive and broken at the same time puzzled her.
Tommy walked off towards his and Jude's bedroom, opening up emotionally had always been his downfall. Years and years of family life trouble had taught him to only depend on himself, he had shelled himself away from emotional hurt by closing himself off, shielding his heart. When he met Jude, she was the opposite, she wore her heart, she spoke her mind, everyone knew what Jude was feeling when she was feeling it. In song, in speech, or even in posture she always spoke her mind. Some of her outspokenness had spread on to him, there were day's Tommy let a room full of passer-byes know what he was thinking. Jude had showed him how.
When he found out he was dying his first instinct had been to run and hide. Pull down his cover and protect himself from falling apart. Jude on the other hand had cried, she cried and cried. He cried with her, but never in tears, he cried inside. Now he felt hot tears prick the back of his eyelids, a feeling that rushed through his veins. Pictures on the walls, pictures on shelves, pictures he stored in his heart swept his and Jude's house. Reminders of what his life used to be, what his life would have been.
Life was not fair, that was true, Tommy collapsed on top of his bed as one tear gently made it's way down his cheek. Every thought about life, love and death danced around in his head. Some laughing, some crying, even some mocking. Running his hand over his eyes Tommy's shoulders shook from the pressure welling up within his heart. Fear and loss pooled his gut, slicing into him.
Jude quickly and carefully placed Aidan back into his carrier, strapping him in she kissed his forehead before bolting down the hall. Tommy and her needed to talk, they needed to get some things out into the open so they could find a way to deal with his cancer. Drawing in a deep breath Jude summoned the courage to enter her bedroom. Stepping foot inside the doorway she paused.
"Tommy?"
Tommy's back was turned to Jude, but his shoulders gave way to his turmoil. Sniffing away tears he used the back of his hand to clear away the traces.
"Tommy?" Jude asked in a tone full of worry, "What's wrong?"
"Just thinking," Came his hoarse response.
"Thinking about what sweetheart?"
Shaking Tommy's head dropped lower as a sob escaped his lips, filling the room, filling Jude. Jude's body froze as the cry slammed into her, she had never seen her husband this way before. He never cried, never in front of her.
"Baby, talk to me," Her steps were small and silent as she made her way over to Tommy.
"I'm scared," Tommy's eye sought out Jude's as she stopped in front of him, "I'm scared," He repeated in a whisper.
"I know you are," Jude's hands slipped into Tommy's, "I'm scared too."
"I don't want to die Jude, I-I don't know how to handle this," His eyes blurred as tears pushed their way out, "How do I leave you? How do I leave Aidan? You guys will move on and I'll be dead."
Shaking her head roughly Jude took a seat next to Tommy, wrapping her arm around his back she let her head rest on his shoulder. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She couldn't cry in front of him, right now he needed her to be strong, he needed her.
"I'll never move on, Aidan will never move on," Kissing his shoulder Jude continued, "You may be gone but you'll always be in my heart, I can't stand the thought of losing you Tommy. You're everything to me, you always have been, I'm scared too."
"I wanted him so badly, I love him so much. The thought of him never knowing me is too much," Tommy chocked the words out as another wave of tears fell out, his shoulders started to shake again, "God! This isn't fair."
Using his free hand Tommy wiped away each tear as they fell single file down his cheeks. Jude's head on his shoulder was a welcome comfort, she always was. He only wished he never had to walk away from her, he wished there was a way for him to never have to say goodbye to everyone he loved. Death was knocking on his door, calling his name, he felt it every day that he lived. Pain was breaking him, a once strong man. Once a man who felt like he ruled the world, now felt crushed and defeated.
"We'll get through this," Jude started, "Me and you, we'll find a way to make this time special, together."
Nodding Tommy surrendered himself to his wife as she wrapped both her arms tightly around him. He felt tears fall on to his shoulder, tears that were not his, but those of his wife. As she began to cry he cried as well.
"I love you," Tommy whispered.
"I love you too," Jude answered back.
Tommy's grip on Jude's hand tightened as they both sat there in their bedroom, holding one another, loving one another. Thinking of all they had, and all they were going to lose. Emotions ran high as they felt the resolves and shields crumble away, bringing forth in a weeping fashion, a bond only husband and wife could hold.
Jude's tears mixed with Tommy's as Tommy's cries blended with Jude's, bringing them together. As one.
