Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers; I do own Andrew (he's mine!), the plot, the feelings and everything else you don't recognize!
A/N: Here's chapter four:) Sorry it took a while, I was having a little problem, but as you can see- it's solved!
Now, this chapter contains strong emotions, it's not the highest it would get in this story but it's already a bit… strong, so you have been warned! Think of it as a way to the big Uh-oh Andrew is going to have… I hope you'd like it, it's not easy..
Oh, and.. about that thing I asked you, you know, if you guys cried? I asked because you cried reading that chapter and I was crying writing it…
PernDragonrider: Thanks mate, I'm trying to do my best, I put all of my heart and emotion writing Quest into Space II, I do woner whether to go for Quest into Space III…
zeopurple: there ya go:) thanks for reviewing!
DizneeDol: thanks, here ya go ;hands chapter;
Phanotm Rogue: I decided to leave Andros for…next chapter. Not mad, are you? ;PussInTheBootsLook;
Slytherin-Angel44: I think this sadness is a part of growing up, only in this case, Andrew is hurt… thanks for your review:)
GinaStar: thank you very much! I mostly write Andrew when I'm upset; I rather channel the fury to him. And I guess part of Andrew is a part of me too… so I can understand him more than anyone else.
BlackHalliwell: thanks! ;D
the power of love: somehow your nick always get screwed by So I decide to use space instead of those underlines! And to our business, thank you:)
Star Fata: Andrew is strong, don't worry. Thanks for the review:)
SweetSas: well, lately I'm bitter and I think Andrew-like most of the time… I guess when school starts (Sunday :C) I'll go for the others too…. ;D love you!
Quest into Space II: Father and Son
by DarkHonda aka Tal
Chapter 4
My father was standing in the purplish living room and it was obvious he was furious with me. I was alarmed in an instant he never had this look before, he never was that angry with me, not even when I sent that boy Rhine to the hospital. I stepped back immediately wishing it's only my imagination that positioned him right there in front of me. But he wasn't. He wasn't a creation of my imagination; he was standing there, dressed with a red T-shirt and his favorite jeans, his hair in half a ponytail and his eyes glared at me, threatened me. For a minute there, I felt like he was my worst enemy and I was scared. I was scared because I didn't know what he was thinking, 'will he hit me?' I wondered. Mum has never laid a hand on me and until now neither did he, but what if he will? His stern expression was something I hated to see; I despised seeing the coldness and distance that lay there, as if I wasn't his son.
And again, I was almost paralyzed with fear, so I did the only thing I knew- I ran to Karone and Zhane's yard and jumped over a few fences to the street and ran for it. I couldn't deal with him, not yet, not when I don't know what to feel, I was so confused and so hurt. I loved him! I loved my dad, I was sure in that, but he hurt me, he hurt me real bad… he promised me a lifetime of happiness, of support, but somehow he took it all away with a blink of an eye. And I couldn't demand it back.
So I just kept running, away from my uncle and aunt's house, away from my fear, away from the hurt…away from him. I wanted home, but where was home? Was it on Earth? The red room with the yellow bed and thousands of memories or the empty one, the one with the white walls, with my guitar and elite karovan computer, the one that held my present? Which was home, or was I lonely in both? I reached the Karovan national park and stopped for a moment, closing my eyes and breathing in the air.
Suddenly the sound of hurried steps echoed somewhere behind me, I turned around to face my father, again. I was about to run away further but he jumped on me, crushing me to the rough grass, I landed on my face and he glued me to the ground strong enough that it hurt, but before I could make any move of counter strike, I heard three words, "DECA, teleport two."
We appeared on the floor of the bridge after a millisecond of shimmering red sparkles. When we crashed on the floor I quickly shoved him off of me and stood up, glaring at him, noticing we weren't alone; Uncle Zhane, Aunt Karone and Mum were standing in front of us, all serious and stern. I felt so tiny next to them, so unimportant, I just wanted out, out of their family, out of their lives. I looked at them, now surrounding me, each standing in a different 'you're in big trouble' pose, not that it made me any different, but still.
"I don't want to be here," I said quietly, "let me go, I don't want you or need you near me!" my jaw clenched in pain, as my mum looked softly at me. 'As if I am a baby,' I mused, but I wasn't I wasn't a baby and surely not her baby. Not anymore. I was a hurtful young man, bitter and insecure. They were the ones to forge the metal wall around me, they forged my loneliness and sadness and now they want me to open up? How? How can I after they failed me repeatedly? I wondered painfully, I wanted far away, from KO-35, from the pain of not being noticed….from them.
"DEC. teleport me to KO-35 surface," I commanded, totally ignoring my parents and uncles' presence.
"I'm sorry Andrew Zhane," she delicately said, "request denied." And with that I could feel the blood rising to my head again, 'who are they to lock me on the megaship? Who are they to order me around to do their biddings!" the rebel teen inside of me slowly took over. My fury was slowly growing, as I noticed that even now they don't truly care for me; Aunt Karone and Uncle Zhane eyed me eerily, mum was looking at me, almost caressing me with her eyes and dad…. Was dad, he never said anything and his expression was unreadable. No one attempted a conversation, and as the silence grew longer, I got angrier, until it just…burst out.
"What do you want!" I screamed, "Why the hell have you brought me here? I want to be away!" Mum paled for a minute, her hand was resting on her large belly, I noticed it and so did dad and I swear that if the look in his eyes could kill, I'd be dead a few times now. I glared at him and turned my back on them, but a few seconds later a gentle hand was resting on my shoulder.
"Could you guys leave Andrew and me for a few moments?" I heard mum's voice, that in spite of everything I felt all the twirled emotions and blinding anger, all the shame and grudge that I've been keeping for years inside, almost fading, because she was there, because she noticed, because finally she remembered that I, too, was her son. I watched as my Aunt and Uncle quickly walked out of the bridge and how dad glanced at her for a silent moment before leaving.
I turned to face her, looking at the soft expression that decorated her face, she hugged me, crushing my face on her shoulder. I wasn't crying anymore, I was way past that stage, I was just standing there, numb, I didn't know what to think, what to feel! Because they hurt me, both of them, and no matter how much I tried to hide it and act like I wasn't hurt, I was hurt. Vulnerable. Weak. Eventually, I was weak, weak because of them.
Mum's hug slowly faded, and I was scared again, she looked at me now, as if scanning my mood or my expression; I could see her warm chocolate eyes slowly losing from their warmth, slowly…fading, as she opened her mouth to speak. I knew what she wanted to say, I knew she thought I was all screwed up, and that she only wanted to hear my version of the story, but I wasn't going to tell her. It was hard enough saying it in his face, but re-live it? I couldn't… not when I still haven't completely realized the guts it took to tell him all that in his face, not when I knew I held much worse things inside…
"Andrew, I want you to tell me why you are like this," she commanded softly and brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I sighed and turned my back on her, 'what should I do?' I wondered, 'to tell the truth and get into trouble or to lie and live with this…burden for the rest of my life?' and I immediately knew the answer; I couldn't live with these mixed emotions in my stomach anymore, I couldn't live with the pretence and fake happiness, for the first time in a long period of time, I was ready to be me again, my old self, that was intact with his emotions because it was the least I owed to myself. Because if this is the end, I better finish it with the truth on my lips and even though I never wanted to make her unhappy, even though I sentenced myself forever of silence, the burden was just too enormous.
"Stop pretending it didn't happen," I told her quietly, referring to whatever dad might have told her, "It did happen. I did say those things to dad and trying to lock me up in the megaship won't ever change it. Won't ever change how I feel, and how you used me and abandoned me," I said even quieter, looking at one of the bridge's screens, yet she put her hand on my shoulder and I was forced to face her again, to see how her brown eyes becoming broken, and there was nothing worse than knowing it's my fault.
"Andrew…" she begged, "please, baby, tell me what's wrong, I can feel it, I can feel you're hurting," her voice trembled and it sprung tears in my eyes but I had to hold on, I had to swallow the tears, no matter what. I slowly forced down that lump in my throat and clenched my jaw, I took a deep breath before answering her.
"You have no right telling me what to do," I said quietly and looked into her eyes, "when you are a foul liar," I completed the sentence and anger and pain flooded her eyes and she slapped me. Her slap on my left cheek didn't hurt as much as the look in her eyes did, her tears that betrayed her anger and show how hurt she was from me, but I had to, I had to hurt her. I was only protecting her from every hideous emotion I had inside.
"I am your mother, Andrew," she hissed, clearly hurt, "whether you like it or not," she added and I looked at her. 'yes, she is my mother,' I thought, 'and no other son has ever loved his mother as much as I love you," I told her in my mind, knowing I would never forgive myself for doing this to her.
"You sent me into space after my own father, you made me like him and then, you let him fill your entire world. You let him to become your everything, and you forgot about me," I muttered almost incoherently, but I knew she heard me, I looked in her eyes again, they were closed with pain and I wanted to die for doing this to her. But you have to understand, I couldn't hold it inside anymore, the SPD Academy was only a trigger that let it all out and I had to be emptied! Because every day that passed and I carried it around with me, I felt heavier and heavier, until I thought I would explode! So I sighed again, painfully than ever. "Let me go to the Academy, Ashley Hammond of Earth," I begged, "Let me go, you won't miss me and you won't have to worry about me disgracing your husband's name.." I pleaded and she cried, the tears washing her face and all I wanted to do was to hug her, but how could I? How could I hug her when I was the one causing her to cry?
"Andrew" she stuttered weakly, "Do you really hate me that much?"
"I love you as much as you love me," I told her honestly, looking into her eyes directly. I wasn't lying, I loved her more than anything in the universe, she was everything to me, "but you forgot me, mum, you forgot KO-35 was new to me, you forgot about me being called 'filthy half blood skunk'," my voice was unsteady remembering those bad memories of karovan kids torturing me in school and on my way home just because I was a little different, just because my hair was dual colored and my mum an earthling. "You had Andros and nothing else mattered, I was thrilled that you were happy, are happy, but I can't lie anymore; you forgot me and there were too many times I had to deal with everything alone." I answered and she bit her trembling lip, tears still streaming on her face, "I once loved you more than you love me, a long time ago; I went to a quest for you, to find the man you longed to see again, the man that brought death to me, to my innocence. I put all my hopes on him, mum, everything but he failed me and you weren't there with me," I couldn't control my tears anymore and they slowly made their way on my cheeks, burning their course. "Together you broke my heart, you killed every glint of childish happiness in me, and not even for a minute you thought about it," I muttered, "Mum I gave up willingly about everything, for you, so you would be happy with the man you love, please, mum, let me go…" I begged again, my face dripping of tears, I knew I was a mess but I didn't care anymore, and mum…
She was just standing there, shocked, I knew I had to stop, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop the wave of emotions that wanted out, out of my mind, out of my heart…out of my soul!
She was crying, and my heart broke watching her but I kept going, it was wrong but I had to.. I had to come clean, I needed her to know, to accept my suffering. I needed her to let me go away, to the one place I was welcome, to Earth with my uncles and aunt.
"I always wanted to be a ranger, mum, it's my destiny, I can feel it. I know I disappointed you and Andros with my grades, I know I hurt you." I confessed almost silently, "I'm sorry mum, but I can't contain this anymore, I can't pretend I'm happy, not when the one thing I truly want lies in the only place I want to be." I begged, "You have to understand, mum, I know my presence at home is ruining your perfect family and I don't want to hurt you anymore. You're everything I have, I don't want you to be ashamed of me, I'll just disappear from your life and you would never see me again." I told her honestly, I knew I was disgracing her and my dad, but if they just give me a chance I'll go away and never burden their lives, I just needed the chance. I deserved the chance.
"I gave up my life so you could be happy, mum, I gave you everything I could; I gave you dad, I gave you health and I gave you KO-35. Please, just this once, give Earth to me. It's my home mum, with my uncles; it's where I truly belong."
I looked at mum now, she trembled terribly, crying and sniffling, I wanted to hug her so much but I couldn't because it's my entire fault. All of it, and I should've kept quiet, I knew I should've but something inside of me wouldn't let me. I watched painfully, sadly, as mum ran out of the bridge crying, one hand on her mouth and the other on her belly.
I was crying myself, I couldn't grasp the amount of guts I needed to say those things, and I was already regretting, but a part of me was relieved, because finally, I wasn't alone in this. I sighed painfully as I turned to the Simudeck, I wanted to sleep, to escape to a dreamless redemption, but I couldn't sleep in her room. Not after I shredded her world apart, not after I took off the pretence mask; so after a few quick steps I was in the old Simudeck, I slightly pushed a few buttons and in front of me appeared my old room; the room with the red walls and yellow bed, the room that every inch of it was covered with a Power Rangers item, whether it was a poster, an action figure or some cards, the importance of the Power Rangers in my eyes as a kid and even at that time, at 17, was never in question. Power Ranger was all I ever wanted to be and all I could have ever become.
I stumbled on my bed, inhaling the sweet, familiar scent. I finally felt at ease, at home, but I knew I still needed a home. Any home. Right now, I felt it was Earth but in the future… who knows? Right now I needed a home far away from KO-35. Far from them. I could feel their love for me somewhere inside of me, but I could never admit it, because no matter how much they did love me, at the end they deserted me and they made me feel so unwelcome, that I knew they can't really love me.
I was lying on my abdomen, my face sunk in the pillow and I wanted to disappear.
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A/N: too sad? Too crappy? What do you think?
