Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers; I do own Andrew (he's mine!), the plot, the feelings and everything else you don't recognize!
A/N: ah, chapter six! I warn you, strong emotions ahead! Don't read if you're pregnant! Or have asthma! Or…..have heart problems! (because this will definitely kill you!)
Phantom Rogue: next chapter will be slightly happy because… :D it's someone's bday!
PernDragonrider: thanks mate:)
BellaCordelia: well, scroll down and find out why Andrew is being that…Andrewy ;D
zeopurple: between the mother and sun they will be, father and son… it'll take a while of healing and sharing, but at the end, Andrew will have a very special proof for his loyalty and love to his father:) trust me;)
Star Fata: Karone…couldn't interfere all that much, but for what she has done for him, Andrew will return a favor. Whenzaylaandrhinewoulddateandhetriestohurtzaylaguesswhowillhunthimdown? ;evilsmirk; :D
BlackHalliwell: thanks:)
Slytherin-Angel44: soon enough;) ? ;hands chapter;
Quest into Space II: Father and Son
by DarkHonda aka Tal
Chapter 6
I don't know how much time I was sleeping dreamlessly on my yellow bed, inhaling the almost familiar scent of home. Or at least, what I thought home was. It only proved how right I was, how numb I became and how badly I needed to get away from all he represented. From everything.
I was laying on the soft bed, my legs longer than the edges of the bed and the blanket, for that matter. Still surrounded with sleepy haze, I barely noticed their presence; it dawned to me only after I felt her tender strokes of my hair. I brutally shook the sleep haze that took over me and I looked back, straight into her chocolate brown eyes. She smiled a painful smile and I was frozen, 'why is she here?' I asked myself, 'how can she even look at me after all I had said to her? All I did to her?' I wondered painfully, 'how can she smile the slightest of smiles at me, after I made her suffer for thirteen years?'
She was sitting on my bed, stroking my hair and my face quietly, her eyes didn't seem so hurt now, but I could still see I hurt her… I could feel tears prickling their way down my cheeks, she wiped them away and hugged me.
"Remember how I used to tuck you in every night?" she asked and I nodded, while on earth, before my father had resurrected himself, she would tuck me in bed every night, and always stroke my hair until I fell asleep… I sighed at the memories, there were so many of them, but as I was growing older, they became lesser and lesser because I had to share my mum with my brother, but I was fine with that because I knew if Rin has half of what I had at his age, he'll grow up to be a happy young man.
"Please leave," I begged her, "I'm not worthy of you mum, not a half blood like me can deserve a mother like you," I stuttered and mum just hugged me close. It was true, I didn't deserve her as my mum, not after all I had to put her through, I deserved hell and she was a gift from heaven…
"Andrew, stop saying things you don't know the meaning of," she said but I cut her in, "-I'm a half blood, can't you see that?" I asked her and looked into her eyes as I explained, "My hair is Karovan but my eyes are not, my mind is Karovan but my heart… I don't belong anywhere but my home is earth." I whispered and mum hugged my comfortingly, kissing my forehead.
"You belong with us, we're your family, Andrew, no matter what..." she tried to lecture me, but she was so wrong about it, because we weren't a family...they were a family; she, dad, Rin and the new baby, but I wasn't a part of it! I had nothing now that I hurt her, I deserved nothing; not school, not love, not friends, not family… and I was fine with it! I really was! All I needed was to be far away, nothing more.
"It's not real," I stated coldly, a bit surprised from the numbness that so suddenly took over my voice. Suddenly, my voice lacked cheer, happiness, a spark of life, "you say it because I want to leave. Mum I don't deserve a family, I don't deserve you, not after…" I stopped, I couldn't pronounce the words, the 'not after I found out how much I made you go through…13 years of suffering,' I took a long breath. "I'm not helpful to you anymore," I tried to explain her logically why I should be away, "you have dad and Rin to love you, mum," I whispered and stroked her cheek, "you have a family now and I'm not a part of it. You needed me to remind you of Andros and to bring him back, but now you're together again and although I'm happy that you're happy, mum, I'm lonelier than ever."
For the first time, I looked at dad, he was examining one of my Power Rangers in Space posters, I didn't know if he was actually listening to us but I definitely couldn't care less. Not when I heard my mother's reply.
"You're not giving me any chance to prove my love to you, Andrew Zhane?" she asked, wiping away her tears, she looked angry now; a little flush covering her cheeks and her brown eyes alert.
"Do you really think I've tolerated four years on KO-35 without loving you, mum?" I asked her, looking deep into her eyes, demanding answers; 'how can she think that?' I thought bitterly, 'haven't I proved how much I love her, how much she loves me? Haven't I proved how dear she is to me!' I raged but tried to keep it cool and continued, "You told me once that I was the most amazing present Andros ever gave you, and that you swore you'd protect me forever, but you didn't, mum; you couldn't be there all the time. Five years ago you weren't, half a year ago you weren't; mum, yesterday, you weren't."
Her eyes were alarmingly wide, I guess she was too shocked to say anything, she just stared at me speechless, but it was true. Since we got to KO-35, she wasn't there for me, not like she used to, not like I needed her to. In a certain level, she failed me as much as dad, but I could forgive her. I could understand her! But him…?
It was only then that he dared to speak, snapping from out of nowhere-
"How dare you say this to your mother?" he snapped, glaring at me with his hazel daggers, it didn't affect me. Not anymore, I was a young man, obviously not a kid anymore; we couldn't solve things by shifts in the megaship. I glared back at him, hating the day I met him, yet loving it all the same. He was a very edgy character to me, he was the man who made my mum happy and I loved him for that, yet he was the one who made me so miserable; he was the one to promise me a better, happy future yet he was the one to ruin it with his bare hands; he was the one to walk me to my karovan school at my first day yet he was the one ignoring me and putting grades before his own son. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't live between the hammer and the anvil, I had enough.
"Well, Andros, let me tell you something," I said coldly, "Once I was perfect; I had the ultimate mum and the ultimate cousins and aunt and uncles, but it died away when the most precious person in the world slowly faded, that's my mum," I explained quietly, "I was sent to a dangerous quest at thirteen, for a man I knew my mum loved. For you." I said even more icily than before, glaring at him, "And you hurt me, you! You were the one to take my childhood innocence; you were the one to kill any hope I ever had to a real family." I concluded quietly, from the corner of my eye I could see mum flinching a bit, but I didn't stop. I couldn't care less now, I wanted everything out, plain and simple. Dad had his back turned on me as he spoke steadily.
"We gave you a family, Andrew," he answered almost as coldly as I was speaking, yet I could feel slight guilt in the pit of my stomach. Obviously his guilt.
"Did you? How did you give me a family when you were never there for me?" I asked, glaring at his back, "Where were you when the karovan 'class mates' as you called them, were hitting me until I was bleeding? Where were you when they called me half blood and skunk? When they cursed my mother…?" I asked as these events were running in front of my eyes, re-living them again as I kept hurting him. "And after every time I stood up to them and defended her, defended myself, after every time I fought them one to three or four I had to come back home. To you. To your endless lectures about how wrong is to fight, and it was okay to lecture me over and over and not to wonder why or how I got in to these troubles; because if you had asked, I'd have told you, because I was dying for it to come out but you never gave me the chance."
"You should have told me," he said sternly, "Andrew…I didn't know, why didn't you tell me?" he asked again, softly this time, but his tone didn't interest me anymore. I didn't care anymore, I felt like am emotion drained machine. It hurt so much that I became completely numb..
"How could I? How could I ruin your perfect family? Your perfect life? How could I put myself as a reason to my mother's unhappiness? You knew how important she is for me!" I yelled and pointed at mum, "You always knew! From day one I told you she was the most important thing in my life! And when I was finally willing to accept someone new, to accept you, all you did was disappoint me, every day since the minute I woke up to the minute went to bed, I tried to live to your expectations. Every day." I spat cruelly, and then whispered, almost wailed it out, "How could you do this to me?"
The tears made my eyes hurt, in the last three days I cried more than anyone could've cried in a lifetime, 'crying is not healing' I realized painfully, 'crying…hurts,' I concluded as I looked at dad's back, still turned, looking stern than ever.
"Andrew…I never knew…" he slowly muttered, but I could hear the lack of stability in his voice, the gentleness that suddenly took over, for a minute I imagined his back trembling, 'Is he…?' I wondered for a brief moment, yet after a second I realized I was just seeing things.
"And why?" I asked, still lashing him with my harsh words, I couldn't stop it. All this rage and shame and guilt and the feeling of deprivation, it all just burst out, and for a second, it even felt good. It felt good expressing my emotion, I felt…clean, in a way.
So I didn't stop, "because you preferred anything else over me! You never showed up to training, which was the only thing that bonded us! You preferred playing with Rin another hour instead of helping me in my homework when you knew the karovan math and physics were something I never met!" I yelled, dad still hasn't turned around, I was already all shaking and couldn't deal with myself, not anymore. This time, I was crying with no control whatsoever on my tears, because this was something that hurt me deeply, because I offered him myself, my love, my willingness to carry on his legacy yet he rejected me every time…
"You abandoned me over and over and over again and you didn't even notice…" I said, whimpering, my eyes burnt from the tears, from my grief on a father who was never there, for a father I used to beg to talk to, until I understood there's a certain level of self respect, a level you can't offer anymore…
"Why didn't you tell me? Andrew, why?" his voice trembled and he turned around, his hazel eyes looked so soft, but were so red…and wet from his tears. His nose was red and so were his cheeks, his face covered with endless tears, streaming down from his eyes, making me cry even harder. Chocking on my words.
"How could I take your attention to mum and Rin? I sacrificed everything I had to make mum happy, everything… how could I take away something I worked so hard to give?" I asked and mum looked at me, crying too. She reached her hands and pulled me to her, hugging me, she kissed my head, and didn't let go of me, her tears staining my shirt.
"I'm sorry, mum," I whispered to her and she nodded and hugged me tightly, trying to comfort me and herself, "I love you so much. Mummy, I never meant to hurt you, I'm so sorry…" I kept muttering to her ears and she only nodded, I hugged her back, letting myself forget, only for a moment, that he was with us. Mum and I stayed there, hugging each other for a pretty long time, dad looking at us, his eyes lifeless almost as in the day I first met him, they weren't hazel anymore, but grey…a dark shade of numb cold grey. Mum held me in her arms until I relaxed and then I slid from her hug and stood up, exiting the Simudeck, intending to make DECA send me to Earth, no matter how; but before I passed the doorstep he grabbed my hand gently.
"Andrew… please, give me another chance…Andrew… please." He begged and I looked at him, as if from thousands light years away, as I replied the only thing I truly felt, before leaving;
"I stopped trusting you long time ago; I will never trust you again."
