Bilbo Baggins was a bit annoyed and quickly working his way towards full-blown frustration.
Yes, he was 131 years old, the oldest hobbit to ever live, mind you, but he refused to be treated like an invalid. However, the elves, Gandalf, and his Frodo seemed to think he was made of glass.
Why, just last night, Bilbo pretended not to hear a hushed discussion between Frodo and Gandalf. Honestly, they were asking to be overheard; they were mere yards away from him, and he was blind, not deaf, thank you very much.
More importantly, however, was the topic of said discussion. It seemed that Bilbo's health had taken a turn for the worse, such a drastic turn, in fact, that Elrond was no longer sure if he would make it to Valinor.
Which was ... upsetting. No one wanted to hear they were dying, but Bilbo had been dying since he picked up the blasted ring, so he couldn't find it in himself to be as worried as he probably should be.
After convincing Frodo to go and explore the deck and telling the attending elf that, 'yes, he was fine' and 'no, he doesn't need anything,' he was finally left alone to his thoughts.
These thoughts, as they often do, quickly turned to regrets.
Thousand of I should have's and What if's bounced around Bilbo's head.
"What would you do differently?"
Bilbo turned his head and saw a fuzzy shape standing next to him. He didn't recognize the voice. It was female and reminded him of his mother, back when she used to read him to sleep at night.
He answered without thinking, "So many things. Too many to list even if I had three more lifetimes."
He heard a soft bell-like laugh before feeling the unknown female run her hand through his hair, "Three extra lifetimes is a bit much, but maybe you could make do with one. Sleep, little one."
Bilbo drifted into darkness, more at peace than he had been in eighty years.
Bilbo was floating.
Which was...unusual.
Yes, he was very much sure that hobbits shouldn't float.
And yet here he was, floating in darkness. Which, frankly, should have been terrifying to the hobbit, but he was far too comfortable to care.
"What do you wish?"
Bilbo stiffened and looked around, "Who is there? Show yourself!"
There was a moment of silence then, "Speak your regrets, child of spring. Tell me your wishes."
Bilbo snorted. He was very much done with otherworldly beings trying to speak to him; he'd had enough of that with the ring, thank you.
But, even though Bilbo refused to speak, he could not stop unwanted thoughts from bubbling up.
I wish I could have saved them.
I wish I were strong enough to resist the ring.
I wish I had many children to fill my halls.
I wish I could tell Thorin I love him.
The last wish surprised Bilbo, and it came so suddenly that Bilbo was sure he had gone mad. Thorin was gone, and even if he wasn't, Thorin was a king, and Bilbo was a hobbit and-
Bilbo's thoughts were cut off as the voice spoke one last time.
"Granted."
Bilbo felt himself slowly blink awake, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets with sun seeping through his bedroom window. All-in-all, an excellent start to his day.
Except, he had been on a ship to the Undying Lands. And now he was home in Bag End.
Bilbo sprang up quickly, almost launching out of bed before being stopped suddenly as his sheets made themselves known. After untangling his feet and nursing his sore nose(and pride), Bilbo made his way to the mirror to confirm what he had felt the moment he woke up.
And there he stood in his striped nightclothes in front of the mirror, no older than 50.
He wasn't ashamed to admit that he fainted not a moment later.
When Bilbo finally got his bearings about him, he decided to deal with this unprecedented situation in true hobbit fashion.
He made tea and scones, checked the date, and started planning.
And he most certainly did not faint after checking his calendar; he was only resting his eyes. And you would be surprised too if you realized you had 6-months before thirteen crazy dwarves and dear friends came crashing into your smial.
So, of course, the moment Bilbo had finally settled down into his favorite chair with a plate of scones and a lovely cup of tea, a loud bell-like sound resounded through his mind. Bilbo was startled so badly he almost, Valar-forbid, dropped his scone.
It was also at this moment that a blue screen and a string of words appeared before him. Suddenly, a happy voice started to read out the text.
"Hello! I am the Regret System."
Bilbo stared blankly at the text, "W-What?"
"Allow me to explain," For some reason, Bilbo felt like the system was smiling, "I am a System created by the Valar for you at the request of Lady Yavanna."
Bilbo jumped, "Lady Yavanna, what-"
"Yes! The wonderful, beautiful, powerful Lady Yavanna! You see, she was so devastated that her champion was going to die with so many regrets she pulled some strings with the other Valar to get you sent back in time! With me, The Regret System!"
The system paused, and Bilbo had a distinct feeling that it was waiting to be praised, "That's-that's wonderful."
Bilbo was pretty sure he had finally lost his mind. And what was this champion business? The system seemed oblivious to Bilbo's shock and continued.
"You, Mister Bilbo Baggins, were granted four wishes in regards to your four main regrets! These wishes can be found on the 'Status!' page! Just say "Status," and it will appear. I will leave you to explore your new powers now. If you need anything, just call me, The Regret System!"
And with that, the blue screen and text disappeared, leaving Bilbo in a very silent, very still smial. Bilbo sighed before moving to a far cupboard that housed some of his 'stronger' drinks.
He was too sober for this.
