The big Styrofoam box squeaked as Sharon removed the lid. Its content was covered with ice packs which Sharon carefully took out and put aside. The entire experience of Rainie's fertility treatments felt bizarre to Sharon. Rainie's need for her mother during this process made Sharon feel as if she was taking her daughter's journey in her stead. And everything happened at a breakneck pace that made Sharon fear that she won't be able to keep up.

When Rainie said she needed Sharon's help going through the process of having a child, Sharon thought that her daughter meant attending doctor's appointments with her. What it turned out to be was also handling Rainie's fertility drugs, as well as injecting them to her.

As she was standing in front of the first box with three different medications, Sharon felt incompetent.

"Is this it?" Rainie asked when she walked into the kitchen, where Sharon laid out the different vials and syringes.

Sharon hummed affirmatively and read the instructions that came with the meds.

"So, how does this work?" Rainie asked.

"I need to read this all the way through, but from what I understand, these need to be injected every morning." Sharon pointed towards a group of vials with purple caps. "These need to be injected every night." She lifted an injection pen out of the box. "And these need to be injected after ten days." She motioned towards two bigger vials.

"Yeah, that one goes into the butt muscle," Rainie said.

"I guess the saying 'no pain, no gain' holds here," Sharon replied.

"I let Lauren do this part on her own. I was kind of an ass about it, you know?"

Sharon knew that Rainie had a fear of needles. That was also one of the reasons why she asked Sharon to inject her with the fertility drugs. She was not surprised to hear that Rainie did not take part in the injection process when Lauren went through it.

"I guess karma is a bitch," Rainie said.

"I don't think it has anything to do with that, honey," Sharon said and took her daughter's hand.

Rainie shook her head and wiped a few stray tears that began to roll down her face.

Sharon squeezed Rainie's hand and smiled at her. "I don't think this is going to be an easy process, but Andy and I are with you, so you won't be alone."

Her words brought a smile to Rainie's face, and Sharon was happy about that. In the last three weeks that passed since Rainie said that she wanted to become a parent, many things changed. Rainie started seeing her therapist again, and she began attending a grief support group for LGBTQ. She also started to write a journal, and Sharon thought it was a good idea. She hoped that it would help Rainie process her emotions about her complex situation. There were still nights when Sharon heard her daughter crying herself to sleep, and other nights, Rainie crawled into Sharon and Andy's bed after having a nightmare.

The first OBGYN examination Rainie had undergone was excruciating for Rainie, even though the doctor was incredibly patient and gentle with Rainie, and Sharon was there to hold her daughter's hand. Rainie cried throughout it and was in physical and emotional pain. It hurt Sharon to see her daughter relieving her trauma, but despite the difficulty, Rainie braved on.

"So, when is my first shot?" Rainie's words drew Sharon out of her reverie.

"This evening," Sharon said.

"You'll be gentle, right?" Rainie asked.

"As much as I can, sweetie," Sharon promised. "Now, all of this needs to be refrigerated, so help me clear a spot in the fridge for this."

After they made room in the fridge for all the medications, Sharon lifted a cardboard that came in the box. "Oh, look. It came with a calendar," she said and handed it to Rainie.

"Today is June 3rd, right?" Rainie asked.

Sharon hummed.

"So if I start tonight, the doctor would draw my eggs on – oh."

"What?" Sharon asked.

"June 14th is my anniversary. Lauren and I would have been married for two years." Tears veiled Rainie's eyes.

"We could start next week instead," Sharon offered. "It would put your appointment far enough from your anniversary."

Rainie shook her head, mumbling something about karma.

Sharon didn't believe karma had anything to do with it, and the appointment at the fertility clinic could be pushed a few days, but Rainie insisted on keeping the original date. It appeared that her daughter found it symbolic. Either way, it was clear to Sharon that this would be an emotionally taxing process for everyone involved.

The hours that passed until the evening were agonizing for Sharon. Even though she tried to get some work done, her mind kept shifting back to Rainie. She wanted to support her daughter's decision to have a child, but the timing felt off. Sharon would have preferred that Rainie waited for a few months until her grief was less fresh.

"You're out of it today," Andy said as he pulled her aside in the murder room. "What's going on?"

Sharon didn't know why his words made her so emotional, but she felt tears rising in her eyes. She motioned towards her office and slipped out of the murder room to go there. Andy followed her and shut the blinds.

"What if this is a mistake?" Sharon asked.

Andy's clueless expression told her that she needed to elaborate.

"I know that we promised Rainie that we'd support her decision, but it doesn't feel right," Sharon said.

"If that's what she needs to go through this time, then we should support her," Andy said and took Sharon's hand.

"A child is not a fleeting thing, Andy," Sharon said and pulled her hand out of his. "It's a lifelong responsibility."

"Rainie has money to support a child," Andy replied.

"Money has nothing to do with it. I'm not sure Rainie has the emotional capacity to become a mother right now."

"Our daughter told us clearly what she wanted. Questioning her judgment is not fair to her." Andy narrowed his eyes as he always did when he was upset with Sharon.

"Her judgment is clouded by grief."

"What are you afraid of?" Andy asked, and took Sharon's hand again. This time, she let him.

"What if she gives birth and then realizes that she doesn't want this baby because it cannot fill the void Lauren left? What happens then? Who takes care of that baby? Who takes care of Rainie?"

"Lauren and Rainie tried to have a baby for a year, babe. I'm sure Rainie wants a baby," Andy said.

"Yeah, you know how many people thought they wanted babies and changed their minds after their babies were born?" Tears began streaming down Sharon's face.

Andy pulled her to him. "Rainie is not Jack, or your parents, or Sharon Beck. She will be a good mother."

"I'm not saying that she won't. I'm just not sure this is the right time for her to become a mother."

"Sharon, you taught Rainie how to take control over her body and her life, and you should be proud of her for doing that. I agree it may be a bit rough in the beginning, but that's why she needs our support." Andy took a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently dabbed the tears off Sharon's face.

Sharon wrapped her arms around Andy's neck and pulled him close.

"Listen, this case is under control. Why don't you take the afternoon off, go to the pool, swim a few laps? It will help you clear your head. And after Rainie's injection tonight, you and I will go out for dinner. What do you say?"

"Is this case under control? I haven't been listening." Admitting that she wasn't following on the progress of their case made Sharon blush.

"Yes, and also, Provenza likes it when you let him feel important." Andy's smile made Sharon's heart flutter. After seven years of marriage, he still had that effect on her. "Go on. I'll see you later." Andy pecked her lips.

Sharon's experience taught her that Andy was often better than her at knowing when she needed a break. He could tell easily when she could keep going and when she's had enough. She learned to relinquish her control and let him take the lead. It felt oddly good, and it was also possibly the reason why their marriage worked. It was almost absurd for Sharon to remember how strict she had been with Andy about maintaining her independence when they just started dating. She was happy that fear was not her guide anymore.

That thought accompanied her on the drive home. She was surprised to find the condo empty. Rainie texted her earlier that she was going to the beach, and she was not back yet, so Sharon was happy to spend some time on her own. She didn't feel much like swimming, but she did feel like getting pampered. Opening her laptop, she went into her favorite spa's website and checked for open appointments for either a facial or a massage. Despite it being a busy business, Sharon was lucky to find an available spot for a massage at noon and booked it. She changed from her work clothes into a comfortable dress and flats and went out of the house.

As she unlocked her car door, her phone rang.

"Hi," She said warmly to Andy.

"I just wanted to make sure you made it home alright," he said.

Sharon hummed. "You know, I've been thinking. Maybe we could spend the night at Paragon?"

"That sounds like fun," Andy said. "Book the suite with the hot tub, okay?"

"Sure, if it's available." Sharon giggled.

Paragon was a hotel they both went to when they weren't able to go on vacation but still wanted to spend some time away from home. More often than not, their nights there had been passionate, and Sharon felt like they both needed that. The exciting plan for the night made Sharon feel less anxious about giving Rainie her injection in the evening and provided her something else to think about.

As she drove to the spa, there was nothing on her mind but the image of Andy and her kissing in the hot tub and then spending the night pleasuring each other. She liked that image, and she was going to hang on to it until her fantasies were realized.

-TBC-