Author's Note: Hello! Sorry for the delay on updating this here! Thank you to all my readers, Favoriters and Followers! I'll post here at least monthly going forward.

Disclaimer: My Duscur is based heavily on South Asia, but it is a fantasy world, with a creative-licensed analog of the customs, cultures, languages and religions. It is not a direct representation of any actual countries / cultures / religions.

Let the shenanigans BEGIN.


"Let's not talk about this again," said Professor Parvati. She left the alcove first to pay.

Dimitri watched her as she paid for their food, frustration mounting inside of him. He thought, just for a moment, maybe he would find something more about his parents. But if she refused to talk about anything…

When Dimitri first witnessed Professor Parvati, he was overwhelmed. Framed by the sky behind her, with that impassive look on her face, she was at once powerful, haunting and beautiful. He thought he'd seen a glimpse of the Goddess.

But the Goddess only watches from above. That is all. Such were the thoughts of Dimitri on that affair, for he had already learned…that no matter how hard someone begged to be saved, She would never so much as offer Her hand. And even if She did, he thought, we lack the means to reach out and grasp it.

So why, for even a moment, did he think otherwise with Parvati? Her detached eyes had just passed over him and then she'd disappeared. She'd vanished like a ghost into the tower as his ears rang with bells and horns.

"She is leaving, Your Highness," Dedue said. "It is dark outside. We should not let her go alone."

He was right. After the professor had paid for their food, she had turned away. She turned her back on them, the way he should have known she would. She didn't wait to see if they were following. She walked on.

Dimitri scoffed inside, sliding out from the table and heading towards the exit. This wasn't a new feeling inside of him. He was always being left behind. He lived in the past, Felix had said, and even Sylvain had said, "Move on." But no one asked if they should move on, as they did it. And no one ever asked if he could. Dimitri's life had ended. He was a dead man in the world.

When Dimitri and Dedue exited the St. Cichol Inn, they found the professor deep in discussion with a man in a mask. Dimitri didn't actually see the man at first because he was dressed in black and red robes, with a black triangular hood sporting a bird-like bill. Then he saw the rope of skulls hanging down across his waist.

A Dark Merchant? Dimitri thought. Why would the professor be involved with…?

"You said you weren't going to be here yet," he heard her saying.

The Dark Merchant had a vivacious tonality, and he sounded much happier to see her than she did him. "I'm just about to return to my trade route. I didn't know you would be here already. I thought I'd see you next rotation. Look. Let's go upstairs. I've got a room. We can talk up there. I have a message I'm sure you're dying to hear."

Parvati gave a sarcastic "Yeaaaaah." She looked over her shoulder at Dimitri and Dedue. It gave the Prince an opening.

The merchant — or rather, the bird beak — turned to Dimitri and Dedue as they approached. He said, "Parboti, get behind me."

She shook her head and intoned a "No no no."

The bird beak pointed at her face. "They with you?"

She nodded. "These are my kids. Well, at least two of them." She looked up at him. "Ekhane thakte bolbo?" she asked.

Ah. He was from Duscur.

Despite the fallen dark, the merchant managed to see the badge latching Dimitri's cape. "A lion," he scoffed. "Tell me, when have you ever seen a lion? They're in Almyra, not Faerghus."

Dedue and Dimitri stiffened. The worst part of it was, the professor was laughing at his expense. Dimitri felt heat rising to his face.

She saw the look on his face and put up a coy smile, saying, "Who knows? You might be looking at a Lion right now."

Dimitri knew she didn't mean that. A pretense at being contrite.

"And what of you?" The beak trained back onto Parvati. "You can't be seen with people from Faerghus. What are people going to say?"

"The same things they always say, Sushant. When has what people said affected me?"

"Don't be stupid. It affects you all the time. Whether or not you want to believe."

She heaved a great sigh. This was clearly a worn out conversation. "Sushant," she said, "go ahead and tell me what you'll say."

"Chandi is calling. You have to go home. Bishnu is already there."

Dedue said, "Bishnu?"

Parvati and the merchant glanced at him. Then Parvati also said, "Bishnu?"

The merchant nodded. Then suddenly the things he was saying no longer made sense. Dimitri felt a spark of irritation. The merchant had switched languages. Dimitri whispered over his shoulder, "Dedue, what are they saying?"

Dedue listened for a moment before he translated. "He is saying Bishnu is God on Earth. A god amongst men. There are reports that he crossed from North Duscur on foot."

"North Duscur?" Dimitri said.

"The part of Duscur not controlled by Kleiman," Dedue explained. "The half in the north."

"I know what it is," Dimitri snapped. "But — it's all ocean between the South and the North. The Narrow Strait. What do you mean he crossed from North Duscur on foot?"

"He says he walked on water. Walked on seas like they were dunes."

Dimitri blinked. Then he said, "So now why is the professor screaming?"

"Because they are talking about her marriage."

"The professor is married?"

"No. And she is trying not to be."

Dimitri frowned. "And what does this have to do with — "

"Hey-ey-ey cham-cha!" the merchant called out to Dedue.

Parvati yelped at him. "Sushant!"

"Stop telling him things that are not his business!" the merchant said, pointing.

Parvati pushed down his pointing hand and frantically whispered something to him. Sushant squawked, "What!" The bird beak moved comedically back and forth between Dimitri and Parvati. He had just found out who Dimitri was.

Dimitri crossed his arms smugly and stepped forward. He was formally entering the conversation. The Dark Merchant took a step back. He was shorter than Dimitri, and if Dimitri plucked off his pointy hat, he would be even shorter.

"So you're the prince?" Sushant asked Dimitri.

"Yes."

"Of Faerghus?"

"Yes."

Sushant looked at Parvati. "Then this is even more not his business!" he said. He jerked a finger to the ground for emphasis.

Parvati put her hands on his arms to calm him. Then she said, "Listen. This prince. He knows we are not at fault."

"Oh, does he?"

She nodded. "He even tried to stop it."

"How?"

Parvati blinked. Then she looked at the prince.

Dimitri flushed. "I was — not successful."

"Clearly," Sushant said.

"But he saved me from his brethren," Dedue inserted.

"Oh, did he now?"

"He has the scars on his back."

Both Parvati and the merchant went silent, taking that in.

Then Sushant said, "Prove it to me. Strip."

Dedue and Parvati started. Parvati said, "Sushant!"

Dimitri could feel the flush in his cheeks. He did want to hear those words, but not from a man…

Sushant pointed to the inn behind them. "I have a room, Parboti! Don't you want to check?"

The professor slapped his arm. "I am not going to have a student strip for me at the St. Cichol Inn!" she rasped.

Sushant rubbed his arm.

"In any case," stated Parvati, breathing hard, "you can go tell Bishnu no thanks."

Sushant glowered. "Do not make light of this."

She scoffed. "We needed saving five years ago. The Savior God came too late."

"Parboti, the Gods come down when they are needed."

"Then I'll tell my God when He is needed. Until then, tell Bishnu to stay away."

Dimitri looked at Dedue. "What does that mean?"

Dedue said, "I'll tell you later."

Dimitri glared at him, betrayed.

Parvati said, "Sushant, go home!"

"And what do I say to them? 'Hold on, everyone! Call off the wedding! The bride isn't coming. Oops!'"

"Look, Sushant, just don't say anything! Pretend you didn't see me!"

Sushant crossed his arms. "You think I'll go to Chandi and outlive a lie?"

Parvati made a noise of frustration and shook him by the shoulders. His pointy hat-mask shook like a Leceister bobblehead until the professor ran out of steam. "Look, Sushant, just…pay her my respects."

Sushant got quiet right then. Dimitri didn't know he knew the meaning of quiet. He was impressed.

Then Sushant said, "A lot of people will be disappointed."

The professor looked at Dimitri and Dedue. "A lot of people already are."


When Professor Parvati got back to the mountain road, she looked up at how far they had to go and declared to them, "I'm not going to make it."

Dimitri followed her gaze. The mountain from Saleh Mach to the monastery was steep. As such, the road built into its face had to zigzag up in a series of switchbacks to make it even possible for carts and caravans to make it up to the summit. It would take multiple miles of zigzagging to get less than half a mile up the mountain.

In a series of sixteen switchbacks, to be exact.

This is what Parvati was looking at as she put her hands on her hips and cursed Aelfric. "I'm just a frail math professor," she complained. "Who expects me to go up and down something like this? Guy didn't even show up!"

"We can rent horses," supplied Dedue.

"I don't know how to ride a horse," said the professor.

The students exchanged a glance. "Then how did you get up the first time?" asked Dimitri.

"I was in a carriage, being escorted by the Imperial Army's Fifth Division."

Dedue and Dimitri exchanged a glance. What Dedue was taking away from this was that the professor was someone who had been escorted by the Fifth Division of the Imperial Army's. What Dimitri was remembering was…

On the day he and the Blaiddyd retinue were supposed to be entering the Garreg Mach Monastery, another retinue was traveling down the mountain. Because of the narrow nature of this road, traveling caravans and armies were required to reserve a time for one-way access to this road. But someone somewhere did not get the memo, because an Imperial foot-soldier army met ninety-eight horseback Faerghusi on a two-lane slope of the mountain.

Cue awkward stand-off.

Said stand-off went from awkward to bizarre in ten seconds.

The Faerghusi response — with no room for input from Dimitri — was to play the Faerghusi national anthem, loudly. And without pause.

It was unexplainably coordinated. No one knew who had the idea first, and no one knew why, but somehow, within ten seconds, every soldier of the Blaiddyd battalion had their horns out.

The Imperial soldiers were polite. Under orders of their second-in-command, they chose to oblige the Blaiddyd battalion. The foot-soldiers started moving single-file down the mountain, making space for the Faerghusi to proceed up the switchbacks.

The soldiers from Faerghus, on the other hand… Skilled in the art of sword and lance, they wielded their brass instruments right into the faces of the Imperial soldiers. Whether or not these Faerghusi soldiers had ever wanted to learn how to play this horn, they blew their hearts into these notes. They played with the bombastic audacity of knowing that their audience would have no idea if they were playing it wrong.

Decades later, this moment would be voted as the one, most annoying, most passive aggressive martial maneuver ever recorded in Fódlan military history.

Needless to say, the Prince was humiliated.

"It's all right," said Parvati. "I'll just go back and make Sushant pay for a room for me. Though…I know what he's gonna say when I get there." She started mimicking him. "Of course you don't know how to ride a horse. Why would you know something useful like that? Dhuttori!" The rest of Sushant's extensive list of imagined complaints came out in Bangala, and by the end, Dedue was laughing quietly.

Dimitri smiled. He had rarely seen Dedue laugh. The Prince himself wasn't known for his sense of humor, so he was no good at making anybody laugh, but the professor coaxed a few laughs out of Dedue already and they hadn't even known her for a full day.

The Prince said, "You know, Professor… A former teacher of mine, Gustave, used to make me train by carrying rock-filled barrels and boulders up a mountain. I could carry you up, Professor. We'll call it — some advance training."

From behind the professor, Dedue was shaking his head.

Parvati said, "Pfft. I don't believe you."

And in this way, she ensured this would happen. Dedue facepalmed.

"Oh my Gods! Put me down! What are you doing?"

"I will show you, Professor. I will make you believe!" The Prince picked up the professor in an awkward princess carry, and tossed her slightly up in the air to readjust his grip. He then said, "I enjoy a challenge, so not only will I carry you up, I will do it in one trip, without putting you down. I will show you Blaiddyd strength!"

Dedue facepalmed again, adding his other hand to his first one on his head.

"This is — completely unnecessary!"

"Your Highness, please put her down."

"My legs are working perfectly fine! I can walk!"

"Your Highness, this is going to take almost an hour."

"Prince Dimitri, I demand that you put me down this instant!"

"Your Highness, it is harder to go up than down."

The Prince tossed the professor slightly higher in the air, making her scream, and grinned smugly when she quieted. He started up the switchbacks. His vassal sighed in defeat and followed along.

They were a quarter of the way up the switchbacks by the time the professor relented and relaxed in his arms. She said, "Dedue, is he always like this?"

Dedue said yes.

They went up one more switchback when Professor Parvati said, "Oww. My hair."

Dedue had to pull her braid out from where it had caught on Dimitri's belt.

They were halfway up when Professor Parvati said, "You don't have to do this. You've proved your point. Most people can't even manage to get halfway."

Prince Dimitri said, "I can do this."

Dedue added, "Your Highness, this is not a task of strength. This is endurance."

"I can do this, Dedue!"

The Prince was, however, feeling it in his thighs. He couldn't talk anymore. He had to focus on his breathing, and he wasn't sure his knees would stay locked in the correct place. He was also feeling it in his lower back. He was just glad it wasn't as cold as Faerghus dawn, where the very air he breathed felt like it was cutting through the insides of his nose and his throat and behind his eyes.

Parvati marveled at how far they had come. The crown of mountains around them were pitch black silhouettes, but the rising moon managed to put a silver outline to the road they were on. Saleh Mach glittered like Fhirdiad. Dimitri couldn't see all of this. He just kept moving forward.

By the time he was three quarters up the switchbacks, he was dramatically slowing. It was his right foot's back tendon that noticed it most: these last switchbacks, was there an increase in the incline? Did they truly make the last set of switchbacks steeper than the rest? This was tougher than he anticipated. His thighs were screaming, and his shoulders and arms ached from being in one position too long. He didn't think it would be appropriate to throw the professor over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes though, so he didn't say anything.

"Your Highness," Dedue said, noting Dimitri was struggling. He offered to take the professor from here.

"Or — I could walk," reminded Parvati. "I'm not injured, remember? This is completely unnecessary. And I am sufficiently rested. This does not need to happen."

Dimitri was too tired to say no, but when Dedue started moving closer to take her, Dimitri started moving in the opposite direction and emitted angry grunts.

Dedue was right. This was a test of endurance. Even though he'd trained with things much heavier, he certainly allowed himself to set his weights down regularly. But now, he didn't dare stop for even a second. If his legs stopped now, he feared they would not start moving again.

Professor Parvati was looking at him. "Looks like I can't stop you, so I guess I'll get out of the way."

Dimitri scoffed and said, "You…just…figured…out?"

Parvati grinned. "Come on! You got this far! You can do the rest! Dedue! Push him!"

Dimitri chuckled as Dedue leant his strength. He felt Dedue's hands land on his back and push him forward. The task was lighter with the help of a friend.

Then Professor Parvati said, "Three more switchbacks! By the Gods, if you do make it to the top, Prince Dimitri, you will be a god amongst men."

That did something for Dimitri. He came to a stop.

Parvati looked alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"We're going to do it, Professor. Hold onto me." It was a command.

Parvati linked her hands behind his neck, witnessing his resolve. She grinned. "We're almost there, Prince Dimitri."

He nodded. "We are."

She hoisted herself up. It was a huge relief to his arms. Dimitri focused his second wind on driving his legs.

"Keep going, Your Highness," Dedue said, smiling when they started to see the outer wall of the marketplace. The guards from two switchbacks up had spotted them.

"I can't believe you're doing it," Parvati added. "I can't wait to tell Manuela. And Hanneman. They're going to be like, 'Wow!'"

Dimitri chuckled. Through the searing pain. That was a mistake. It made things worse, but he didn't care. He was sensing victory, jubilant.

As he went on, the professor got louder and louder. The two guards from the gate, overhearing, came to the edge and looked down over them as Dimitri passed underneath in the second to last switchback.

"You're doing it! You're doing it! Let's go, Dimitri! Go go go! Aaaaah ha ha haa!" said the professor.

The guards, quickly gathering what was happening, started raising their pikes and bouncing up and down as they were hollering, "Almost there! Almost there! One more corner, Your Highness! One more corner!"

When Dimitri turned the final corner, with only the road to the gate to go, there were more guards at the gate. "What's going on?" he heard them say. One of the guards was pointing and explaining. Within seconds, they also joined into a seamless cheerleading battalion. "You can do it! You can do it! A hundred feet! You can do it!"

Dimitri picked up his stride. One foot in front of the other.

At fifty feet, he could hear himself breathing.

At forty, there was Parvati's glowing eyes and beaming face as she pointed him forward.

At thirty, Dedue's strong, warm, solid hands pushing from behind him.

At twenty, he almost dropped the professor. She had gone completely hysterical, bouncing in his arms in excitement.

"Oh my Gods! Oh my Gods! Ten! Nine! Eight!" Some more squeals. "You are almost there! Three! Oh my Gods, Dimitri!"

She was all squeals when she jumped out of his arms. Dimitri had brought her right to the gate of the marketplace, where they were enclosed by a circle of Monastery guards.

"I…did it," said Prince Dimitri, falling to his knees. All of the exhaustion came to hit him in one collective blow. He landed with his hands in the gravel, dizzy.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Parvati's boots hopping as she exclaimed to whoever would hear it. "Did you see that? Did you see?" she asked, violently shaking some random guard by the shoulders.

Dedue kneeled beside Dimitri. "Your Highness."

"I'm fine," said Dimitri, turning to smile.

"You did it, Dimitri! You did it!" he heard Parvati squealing. He looked up now, to see Parvati's ecstatic form framed against the sky. She threw her arms out like wings. "Prince Dimitri, a god amongst men!"

His heart exploded.


Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed that! Be on the lookout for more shenanigans; Claude and Hilda are coming up next!

Find this story on AO3 (archiveofourown dot org) to see a meme made by DragonCat1991 for The Lion and The Lotus.