Thanks to all of you for your reviews and reactions to the last Chapter. I'm glad I could shake things up a bit! LOL I wanted to get an update out, but please note that you won't find all the resolution you're looking for just yet, but I want to make sure I do it right so that takes some time and some explaining to get things back to normal for our favorite couple. This chapter is sort of Clarisse's POV from the moment Joseph walked out.
I'm sure all of you are probably aware, but I wanted to make reference to the fact that the dialogue in the scene between Charlotte and Clarisse after Joseph walks out is not my imagination but rather from a deleted scene in the movie. I just added my own thoughts and sentiments to help explain events that are to follow. Personally, I wish Garry Marshall had gotten his way and put that scene is as I loved the side of the Queen we didn't get to see too often - but that's Hollywood, right!
Ok, enough rambling - read on and please, as always, your reviews are appreciated!
Chapter 8: Losing it.
Present time
Time had seemed to stand still for Joseph. He had no idea what Clarisse knew and what she didn't. His logic told him that, because of her reaction, obviously she knew something. However, she had asked him to marry him only 2 days later, so whatever she knew, she must have been able to get past it. For the first time in his life, he was at an absolute loss as to what to say next. In retrospect, he thought he should have spoken to Charlotte at some point in the last few days to see if the Queen had spoken to her about any of this, but everything had gone by in such a whirlwind since that night that he really hadn't had the opportunity. In addition, they had both agreed when they got back in the palace that night that they wouldn't speak of it again. So he waited…
Clarisse, also, was battling with herself. She thought she had dealt with this and that she would be able to put it behind her. She had spoken to Charlotte the next night after it happened. She thought back to the day she had broken Joseph's heart.
Back in time:
He had stepped into her arms as she was dancing to one of the musical selections for the reception. God she loved being in his arms…throughout her entire life she had never felt safer than when she was there, surrounded by his warmth and strength. She decided to enjoy it for as long as it lasted because she knew in her heart that, once she told him she had to put him off once again for duty to her country, he would be hurt. But she had decided a couple of nights ago, after the fiasco with Mia at the garden party, that she had to focus on her granddaughter and ensuring that she had all the help she needed in ruling the country. She remembered her words to Mia,
"You can't afford to lose it. Other people lose it…we're supposed to find it!"
They had been harsh words, but words she felt had been necessary to remind Mia that there was a responsibility that came with the crown – she didn't get the privilege of behaving however she felt or following whims, she had to behave in a manner becoming a queen.
So Clarisse had laid her head on his shoulder to enjoy whatever time she had left before the wall came between them once again. His voice had cut in as the music was starting to end, "Have you been thinking about us?"
Quietly she had responded, "Yes, I have." She inwardly reminded herself that she "…couldn't afford to lose it…" she had a duty to fulfill.
"I see" came the resigned response. The look on his face almost broke her heart right then and there. "If you'll excuse me." He turned to walk away; and, then…she lost it… she had ran after him like some young girl in primary school and grabbed his hand. Perhaps if she could explain...maybe if he listened to what she had to say…he would understand…he would stay…
She heard the words coming out of her mouth – even though the Queen in her was chiding her telling her she was losing it – being foolish and emotional, but she ignored that side of herself and barreled on. "You had to know what I was going to say…Mia needs me now – more than ever before. It's the monarchy – I mean as Queen, it's my responsibility. You know how it is."
He didn't back down and she could see the hurt and perhaps something a little more in his eyes, but she wasn't sure what it was. "You were never just my Queen, Clarisse. You were the someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."
She started to interrupt but his words cut her off.
"But…if you prefer that I see you first and foremost as my Queen…I shall oblige.
Her heart had dropped into her stomach – that was it…she had lost him. The Queen had won and Clarisse had lost. She made one last attempt to bring him back as she reached up and cupped her hand to his cheek as she had done during special moments through their life together.
"Joseph"
She had thought he was leaning into her hand, but she was wrong. He simply had made a small bow and gazing one last time into the windows to her soul, he simply said, "Your majesty." And with that he turned and was gone.
She had stood there for a moment staring after him…hoping he would come back, but there was only the breeze rustling the lace in the doorway. She walked over to turn off the music – she was not interested in making musical selections for dancing – she was not interested in dancing…nor was she interested in selecting a place setting. She was lost in her thoughts when she had heard Charlotte approach.
"Your Majesty – may I have Princess Mia come join you now to go over the wedding meal?"
Never any privacy – never any peace, "No…I…I. Princess Mia doesn't need to be…not now Charlotte." She was trying to be polite, but her patience was wearing thin. She heard Charlotte asking her something about dinner. How could she be concerned about food when the man she loved had just walked out?
"NO! I just want a second for myself." There, it had happened, she had absolutely lost it. She was now yelling at probably the only person, besides Joseph, who knew and understood her for who she really was – not just as the Queen. She took a deep breath.
"Charlotte…I'm sorry. I'll just get something to eat from the kitchen later."
She looked up at Charlotte standing at the top of the stairs and pled with her silently for understanding. Charlotte seemed to understand what was going on – she didn't know how, unless she had been listening to her and Joseph's conversation, but she had a look in her eyes. A look of understanding and one of loyalty – a deep seated loyalty that gave Clarisse a good feeling knowing that Charlotte would always be by her and would always do her duty to her country and Queen. Yes, Charlotte understood. And, just as if she had been reading her mind, Charlotte spoke.
"I understand your Majesty." And with that, she bowed and backed out of the room leaving Clarisse gazing at the door wishing for Joseph's return.
Present time
Of course, thinking back now, she had no idea how much Charlotte understood and to what lengths she had been willing to go to for the relationship with Clarisse and Joseph. She looked over at Joseph. He had alternated between staring at her and at the greenhouse. To his credit, he hadn't said anything. He was just waiting…just as he always had done for her – simply waited. He was an extremely patient man - every time – except that night. That night – he…had lost it.
Back in time
She hadn't seen Joseph for the rest of the day. It was probably just as well – she wouldn't have known what to say to him. Lionel had been following her around like a puppy since Joseph wasn't around – that boy had a lot to learn about being a guard to royalty. She had snapped at him several times throughout the course of the afternoon – she thought he may turn out to be alright, but he was never going to be Joseph.
Joseph…just thinking his name caused her heart to hurt. She decided that it was probably best that she lay low and stay in her office the rest of the day – that way, her only interaction would be with Charlotte. She didn't think her heart could break anymore, but when she saw the envelope lying on her desk, she felt like it was now bursting into a million tiny pieces. She looked up at Charlotte, "Did he bring this himself?"
Charlotte thought her heart was going to break as well seeing her Majesty in such pain. "No, your Majesty. He has been in his room throughout the afternoon. It is my understanding that he asked one of the security staff to bring it to your office."
"I see. Could I please have a moment, Charlotte?" The tears were threatening now. He couldn't even bring himself to give her this letter himself.
Charlotte nodded and began to move towards the door. "If there's anything you need, I'll be right outside."
"Thank you. I…I don't know what I'd do without you, Charlotte." Charlotte smiled a sad smile and then closed the doors.
The tears flowed freely now as Clarisse read Joseph's letter…if one could call it that. It was more of a memo – drafted from an employee to his supervisor. There was no personal touch, no emotion – only facts. It indicated that, after Mia was crowned Queen, he would not only be resigning his commission as head of security and her personal body guard, but that he also would not be staying at the palace as originally planned as a security consultant. So that was it…after all these years, he was leaving her. A lifetime of pent up emotions came freely now. She was crying so hard her body was shaking – she couldn't seem to control it.
Outside the doors, Charlotte heard the sobbing and her heart broke – for her Queen – for her friend. She wanted to go in and comfort her, but she knew the Queen would never allow it – she would be embarrassed that she had lost it and then walls would go up between her and Charlotte. So Charlotte cried along with her for several minutes until a thought came to her. There was something she could do to try and make this better. Yes – there was something she would do. She found Shades and asked him to relieve Lionel so the Queen could have some privacy and discretion when she finally emerged from her private office. She knew it was getting dark and the Queen would be leaving the office soon. Charlotte left instructions that he should let the Queen know she had to leave to attend some personal business and that she would check on her later. Shades simply nodded and Charlotte had gone off to find Joseph.
The Queen had finally composed herself and decided she would go to her room to freshen up, have some tea and then go for a walk. Yes, walking always made her feel better. She also decided she could have some privacy time. She would convince Lionel (as he was relieving Shades again for the evening shift) that she was going to meet Joseph and that he would be her escort. She knew there was no way Joseph would be anywhere near her tonight, but she could only pray that Lionel didn't know that and would agree to let her walk alone tonight.
Fortunately his youth and inexperience had been to her advantage that evening and he had agreed to wait for her at the entrance to the gardens so she could meet with Joseph (he had heard from the other security staff that they sometimes liked to spend time alone, so he thought he was doing them both a big favor). After her tea, she left Lionel standing at the gate to the gardens and she finally had a moment to herself. She had just walked around for quite a while trying to clear her head. A lifetime of pain – first being married to a man she didn't love, then losing him and her son in such a short time span; and, finally, not being able to spend the time she had left with the only man she ever truly loved. She knew that no walk in one evening time span was going to heal that pain. She decided to go to the greenhouse. She would tend to her roses – that always brought her some sense of peace. Yes – that was what she would do – spend some time with her flowers – that would make her feel a little better – even if it wasn't going to solve any of her problems.
She had just rounded the hedge and started to make her way to the greenhouse when she caught sight of what she believed to be shadows moving in the greenhouse. The walls were of a strong plexiglass that was tinted green to provide some protection for the flowers from the harsh sun but still allow the light in. It worked the same with the moonlight and tonight there was a full moon. She stopped abruptly – now doubting her decision to leave her security far behind. She tried to move closer to see what was going on but didn't want to be too close as she wanted an opportunity to hide behind the hedge should the need arise.
Time seemed to stand still as she tried to determine what the shadows were doing and who they were. She didn't think they were thieves as there were many more valuable possessions in the palace other than her flowers, but she had no idea why anyone would want to be in there at this time of night.
She noticed the occupants, who had been sitting for a while now, had gotten up and were starting to come out the door. She stepped close to the hedge so she would be hidden mostly from view. She had almost fainted when she saw Charlotte and Joseph emerging from the door. Her hand had flown to her mouth to stifle any sound that might come out. She saw Joseph look around a bit, but he hadn't seen her and then he put his hand on Charlotte's back and they walked quickly to the secret tunnel to get back inside the castle.
She wasn't sure what emotions she was experiencing at that moment. There were so many and they were all coming so quickly. They ranged from disbelief, to shock, to anger, to betrayal. "What the hell were those two doing in there? She couldn't be certain, but it had looked like Charlotte was holding her blouse in a manner that made it seem like she had to hold it that way to keep it from falling off. She vacillated between anger and desolation as she realized how much her life had just changed in the matter of one day – a 12 hour period.
Oh yes, she thought to herself…I am definitely losing it.
With that she turned to go find Lionel and make her way back to the castle.
