Thanks to all of you for your patience during the process since Chapter 7 – I tried not to make you wait too long! Thanks to Prettycrazy, Regina-sp, NikNik4, DameJules, Monker, and mainer2121 for your reviews – they are very much appreciated.
A special thanks to RevSue for previewing the chapter and helping me work my way through to the resolution on this chapter! Your feedback and opinions are greatly appreciated!
Please note that the song briefly alluded to here is "Listen to your Heart" by DHT.
This chapter contains adult themes – please consider yourself warned.
Ok, having said all of that – read, review and enjoy!
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Chapter 9: Resolutions
Back in time
Clarisse had started to turn to go back to the castle when she decided to go back to the greenhouse. Perhaps if she went there, she would gain some understanding of what had just happened. She had no idea how, but wanted to at least try.
As she stood in the doorway, looking at her roses through the moonlight, she got the feeling that something had happened in here tonight. She couldn't put her finger exactly on what it was, but because it involved two of the most important and closest people to her, she decided she had to find out. She inhaled one last time the sweet scent of the roses and had turned to leave when something caught her eye.
She bent down and picked up the shiny objects she had seen reflected in the moonlight. As she brought them up closer to her to examine what they were, her heart skipped a beat. They were buttons…and not just any buttons, they were the ones that earlier that day had occupied Charlotte's blouse. She remembered Charlotte holding her shirt together as she came out. At first she had thought it was just a nervous tendency or something similar, but now she knew; whatever had happened in here tonight had caused Charlotte to lose buttons off of her blouse. Raising her head high and putting a look of determination on her face – she vowed to speak with Charlotte tomorrow morning to find out exactly what the hell had happened to cause her to practically lose her shirt.
She had had a restless night of sleep and woke early. She decided to go see Mia and that they would spend some time together alone…or as alone as they were ever allowed to be…just to bond and have girl talk before her wedding day. After that, she planned on talking to Charlotte.
What was supposed to be a relaxing day had quickly turned into a nightmare. Mia had been out all night with Nicholas and it was all over the morning news. Charlotte had been occupied, as had Clarisse, doing damage control and trying to see if Mia and Andrew were going to patch things up and if the wedding was still going to occur. Due to all the drama, she had not really had an opportunity to speak with Charlotte all day. She had finally gone into the kitchen late that night to have some tea – hoping that would calm her. She shook her head as she realized this was the second night in a row that she had found herself in the kitchen – it was beginning to be a habit. She could only hope that she was not serenaded by the maids again – she certainly did not need THAT tonight. As she sat at the table pondering the events of the last 24 hours, she looked up as she heard a noise. It was Charlotte.
"Oh, your majesty – I thought you would have retired by now."
Clarisse looked at her with an odd look which caused Charlotte to wonder what was bothering her.
"Besides this whole Mia and Nicholas mess, is everything alright your Majesty?"
Clarisse looked directly at her with such an intense gaze that Charlotte began to feel very uncomfortable. She finally spoke, "Did you get all of your business taken care of?"
"Excuse me, your majesty? I'm not sure what you're referring to."
Clarisse didn't let up – still staring intently, "The personal business you had to attend to yesterday evening. Did you get it all taken care of?"
Charlotte felt the weight of her lie. She had hated lying to the Queen, but she couldn't think of any other valid reason to leave her alone during such a difficult time.
"Umm, yes, yes I did."
Clarisse smiled at her and gestured toward the table. "Why don't you sit down and have some tea with me and tell me about it? You know I feel very close to you, Charlotte and things that affect you – well they affect me as well. So I want you to tell me so I can be assured everything is alright for you."
"Thank you, your majesty, but I really have some things that I must attend to." Charlotte was trying anything to get out of that kitchen.
The smile never left her face, but her tone changed ever so slightly…enough that Charlotte knew she was not getting to leave. "I insist, Charlotte. Please sit down."
She looked at her with resignation and sighed, "As you wish, your majesty."
Clarisse poured the tea and handed a cup to Charlotte. As she took the cup, Clarisse noticed that her hands were visibly shaking. "Charlotte, are you alright – you're shaking like a leaf."
"I…I sense you're upset with me, your majesty. I haven't felt this nervous in your presence since my first day at the palace."
Clarisse thought for a moment before responding. "I'm afraid I am somewhat upset. I fear you have lied to me and I'm unsure as to why you felt that necessary. I'm not sure what you were doing yesterday evening but I don't believe you went off to take care of personal business."
Charlotte was speechless – she wanted to tell her the truth, but couldn't find the words to explain what had happened last night. Clarisse watched her internal struggle and finally decided to end the suspense. She reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out the buttons and laid them on the table in front of Charlotte. She watched as Charlotte's eyes got even wider than before and her jaw visibly dropped.
"Would you care to explain to me what personal business you had in my greenhouse that required you to lose these?" She had delivered the words with a calm that she was definitely not feeling. She had thought that Charlotte would completely lose it now, but when she looked back up from the buttons to the face of the young woman, she saw something completely different. There were still tears in her eyes, but there was something else there, too – a look of resolve. She watched Charlotte get up from her chair and come to stand by her and then in a totally unexpected move, she knelt before Clarisse, bowed her head and spoke quietly but firmly, "I was doing my duty to my country and to you, your Majesty."
Clarisse was now the one in shock. She looked back to Charlotte who had not moved from her position. Clarisse finally found words, "Your duty to your country and to me? I fail to see how being in the greenhouse with my head of security involves duty."
She never moved, but again spoke quietly. "He needed you that night, your majesty. He needed to deal with his emotions towards you. He didn't realize it, but that was what he needed. As I knew you were both too proud to go to each other, I went in your place. It was my duty to you. And, with all due respect, your majesty, if there is not reconciliation between you two; it will ultimately affect your ability to rule, which is where my duty to country comes in."
Clarisse didn't know what to say. However ill-advised Charlotte had been, her intentions were honorable and she had been following what she believed to be her duty. Clarisse reached down and touched her on the shoulder. "Please come and sit down. Let's talk about this as two women – two friends would."
Charlotte rose and sat down beside her.
"Please, Charlotte – tell me what happened."
Charlotte thought for a moment about how much to tell the Queen. "I found Joseph in the greenhouse – he was in quite a state. He looked absolutely miserable. He told me to leave, but I refused. I told him I was there because it was my duty. He didn't believe me at first but I guess the look on my face convinced him. He asked if anyone knew I was there; and, I believe, he was really asking if you knew. I assured him you were not aware of my presence there. We talked for a few moments longer and I walked over to him. I touched him on the face as I had seen you do many times before."
Clarisse hadn't realized that she had been that obvious with her affection and apparently had shown it often. Yet another crack in her Queen armor…
Charlotte continued, "I think that action made something inside of him snap. We struggled a bit and that was how I lost the buttons to my blouse." She had decided that a half truth was better than the whole truth. There was no reason for the Queen to know the full extent of what had happened.
"Oh my God – he didn't hurt you did he?" Clarisse was mortified that she might have been hurt because of her.
"No, your Majesty." She was actually getting good at the half truths now – even if she still wasn't entirely comfortable with them.
"Thank goodness." The relief was evident in her voice. "But why were you two sitting on the ground for so long? I could see that through the windows."
Charlotte swallowed hard – she wasn't sure at this point how much Clarisse had seen. She decided to be honest at this point and hope that when they were sitting was the first point at which Clarisse could really tell what was happening.
"After we struggled a bit, he told me that while he appreciated the offer I was making, he couldn't go through with it and then he just broke down and cried. I must admit your Majesty, I had never seen Joseph like that before – I felt so sorry for him and for you – I just sat on the ground next to him and held him while he cried."
Clarisse waited quietly for her to continue.
"So when I sensed he had finally settled down, he talked about how his retirement might help him get a fresh start, but I told him that he loved you and that I knew you loved him, and that you just didn't know how to show it right now. He told me he was going to try to go on without you. I told him I didn't think that would work and he just smiled sadly and said he didn't either but he had to try."
Clarisse didn't know what to do or say. Finally, she reached over and put her hand over Charlotte's and spoke, "Well Charlotte, I appreciate you telling me all of this and I appreciate what you were willing to do for both Joseph and myself, however misguided it may have been. I feel I must speak with Joseph about this as it was not right for him to take his anger against me out on you – even if you were willing to be the recipient."
Charlotte perked up at this, "Please, your majesty – don't mention this to him. He was so very angry and upset that night and he is still hurting so much. He and I have worked out what happened between us and have agreed to never speak of it again. If I may speak freely, your majesty?"
"Of course, Charlotte."
"Please…if you are going to speak to him, let it be to tell him that you listened to your heart and that you want nothing more than to be with him. Everything else will work itself out your majesty. Please consider my request." Charlotte then lowered her head once again waiting for the answer that she knew would come.
"I'm sorry, Charlotte. I just can't do that. Just as you have your duty, I have mine. I will honor your request and not speak about this to him as I have no desire to bring any more hurt to either of you. Joseph is a proud man and I'm afraid that he will not be interested in hearing anything I have to say on the matter of a relationship between the two of us." The words had been spoken with resignation and a heavy heart.
Charlotte rose and looked at her friend – her Queen. In a bold move, she reached out and touched her shoulder, squeezing it slightly she offered, "Listen to your heart. He loves you and no matter how much pain there is right now, I truly believe that even the smallest gesture from you to offer hope – real hope – to him that there can be a relationship between the two of you will be readily received. You owe that to yourself – you owe that to him."
Before Clarisse could respond, Charlotte picked the buttons up off the table and walked out of the kitchen leaving Clarisse alone with her thoughts.
As she walked back to her suite that night, she passed by Mia's room and heard music coming from behind the doors. She knocked quietly unsure if she was still awake. Mia came to the door – she looked as bad as Clarisse felt. "Come in Grandma"
They sat on the couch in front of the fireplace – neither saying a word. Just staring into the flames and listening to the music. Clarisse heard the piano and the words of the song Mia had chosen to listen to:
"Listen to your heart – when he's calling for you. Listen to your heart…there's nothing else you can do. I don't know where you're going and I don't know why…but listen to your heart before…he says goodbye."
Clarisse thought it ironic that Mia was sad because she was getting married tomorrow and Clarisse was sad, because she would never get to marry the one man she truly loved. What a cruel twist of fate. She leaned over and kissed Mia on the cheek giving her a hug and left for her own room without saying a word.
Present time
Clarisse looked at Joseph and made a decision. Although she had promised Charlotte she would not ask him about it, that was when she thought Joseph was leaving for good. But things had turned out quite differently and she felt it was time they cleared the air.
"So, would you like to tell me what happened that night?" She asked quietly as they both still stood staring at the greenhouse.
"Would it matter if I said no?" He offered.
She was slightly taken off guard by his response. She turned to look directly at him and used her hand to turn his face towards her. Leaving her hand on his cheek, she replied, "While I would respect your wishes, I must tell you that I think it's important that whatever happened that night be dealt with out in the open so we can move forward. It's important to me Joseph."
His hand covered the one that was on his cheek and he looked directly into her eyes, "It seems a lifetime ago now, Clarisse. We have each other now and that is the most important thing in the world to me. I don't want to let what one night of anger did ruin anything between us. Can you understand that?"
She withdrew her hand, "What I understand is that you were angry with me and you took it out on poor, innocent Charlotte!"
He took a couple of deep breaths, he had tried to do it the easy way…but with Clarisse, it was never easy.
"Well, your understanding is partially correct. I was angry with you but there is nothing poor or innocent about Charlotte. She knew exactly what she was doing when she sought me out that night AND she knew whom she was doing it for – which was you, my dear."
Their voices were starting to rise somewhat, "Oh, so now this whole episode is entirely my fault?"
Joseph had to bite his tongue to keep from answering the obvious yes. He tried to be a little more diplomatic, however. "Clarisse, it was a terrible set of circumstances that had everyone distraught and not thinking clearly. It was a terrible mistake and one that I wished had never happened, but it did and I can't change that. Charlotte and I have found a way to make peace with it, all I'm asking is that you try and do the same."
She was angry now, "Well, perhaps, that's because you and Charlotte know exactly what happened that night; and I have been left in the dark. Which, as you may recall, is not a place I like to be. So I ask you again, my husband, what happened that night?" She had all but stomped her foot to emphasize her point.
He took her by the hand and led her into the greenhouse. When they were inside, he shut the door and turned to face her.
"Fine, I'll tell you what happened. I came here looking for some peace. I had never been as angry at you…at our situation, as I was that night. Please understand Clarisse, you had broken my heart into a million pieces and then when you didn't even comment on my resignation letter or come to see me to try to change my mind…it shattered even further." He stopped to take a few deep breaths before continuing on.
"I have loved you for so long and wanted you so badly. Do you know hard it was to always have you at arms length when we were dancing, but to never really be able to touch you and hold you like I wanted to? To know that I couldn't compete with what held you away from me? Another man, that I could compete with…but your sense of duty? I couldn't even come close…and that, my dear, frustrated the hell out of me."
She started to come closer to him, but he stopped her. "No. You wanted to hear the truth about that night…and so you shall." She could see the pain in his face as he was reliving the events of that day in his mind and it made her wish she had left well enough alone…but that had never really been her style.
"So, Charlotte came. I told her to leave and even threatened her saying that I couldn't be responsible for my actions. She refused. She told me she was there to take your place and then she touched me on the cheek as you do and that was it – my resolve broke and I let my years of pent up frustration out on her.
Joseph came towards her – he took her by the shoulders and moved her back against the wall. "I pinned her against the wall and I began kissing her like this." He found her neck and began placing forceful kisses down her neckline towards her collarbone. Then he whispered in her ear, "Then I began unbuttoning her blouse, but I grew impatient and that's when I ripped it." He undid the buttons at the top of her dress until he had free access to what laid beneath the material, but didn't go so far as to rip it. He then put his hands on her breasts and began kissing her on the neck again. Clarisse was breathing shallow breaths – not so much from fear but from arousal. She freed her arms to bring them around Joseph's neck but he grabbed them and pinned them above her head. "That's not what happened, my darling."
Her words were no more than a whisper, "I should hope not. Please tell me you didn't kiss her like you just kissed me."
He didn't release his hold, but his expression softened, "No, Clarisse. I was angry then – I'm not now. I'm being much gentler with you. Everything happened very quickly that night. I never kissed her on the lips and we did not have sex. In my haze of anger that night, I imagined only you…when I was touching her – I was touching you. Shortly after ripping her blouse, I heard Charlotte crying and realized that she couldn't go through with it and neither could I. And then I broke. Charlotte comforted me after that, but only as a friend would comfort another friend."
He stopped to compose his thoughts before continuing. He continued to hold Clarisse, her arms still above her head, their bodies touching – his breath creating small shivers down her body, though she felt anything but cold right now.
"Charlotte, however misguided, was acting out of a sense of duty. I, however, was angry. While I may have had good reason to be, that doesn't excuse my actions and I'm sorry. I feel as though I betrayed you that night – even though I didn't go through with it. I have never wanted to touch or be with anyone the way that I want to be with you. When I thought that was no longer even a remote possibility, I considered the substitute that was offered to me. But even in all that pain, I ultimately realized that in doing so, I was hurting Charlotte and you – and I could not bear the thought of that – even to relieve my suffering for a short time. As he spoke the words, he brought his hands slowly down her arms caressing them as they descended until they moved down her sides – his thumbs grazing over her breasts causing a sharp intake of breath from Clarisse.
She looked into his eyes as they were still only standing inches apart. "I, too, am sorry Joseph for all the pain I caused you. You are the most important person in my life and I seem to have caused you more pain than anyone else in my life and that's not right."
She pushed him back just a few inches and lowered the top part of her dress. Reaching her arms around his waist, she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Make love to me Joseph."
"What? Here – now?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
She moved back and pulled him to her – pinning herself against the wall again. "Yes, my love. Here and now."
