"Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things." Keanu Reeves

A/N: I don't own any of the Criminal Minds characters, plot, etc. all belong to CBS

Spencer POV

Around 7pm on Thursday evening, after I finish my dinner and Jade texts me about her cycling class with JJ, I spontaneously decide to head to her apartment. I pick up my bus pass and walk through my apartment, grabbing my cardigan for the late spring chill and double check that I have locked the door before heading to the bus stop. There is a bus that has a stop four blocks from her place that typically arrives within the next five minutes. I think through what I am planning to say to Jade once I arrive, planning the things Jade might respond with, planning every possible outcome of this conversation I had been dreading but knew was coming when our team seemed to notice our relationship progressing.

I care about Jade very much, I think I love her, but I also realize I cannot give this magnificent young woman what she needs in a romantic relationship. That thought is enough to break my heart, but I know we will never be on the same page, will never be compatible in the ways that matter most to her. Not now, not ever, likely. I have never broken up with anyone before. Another first, in this relationship, for me. I have never done so many of the things that I did with Jade. I have never fallen so hard, so fast. I have never gotten so lost in a kiss. I have never showered with a person in a manner that was so sexual and sensual.

Thinking about the past month, I appreciate all of the experiences she has given me, truly, but I don't think she enjoys having to hold my hand the whole time, teach me every step, every move, every detail. It is not fair to her to be so held back by someone so inexperienced and on such a different level of expectations. A relationship does need some give and take, but it shouldn't be based on two people who have completely different wants and desires. Opposites may attract, but in this case it is completely incompatible. The bus stops and I rise, collecting my things, and make my way toward Jade's apartment.

I knock on her door, taking a deep breath, pushing my glasses up my nose. Thirty painstakingly long seconds later, the door creaks open, revealing a smiling, gorgeous and beautiful Jade Bennett standing before me. Still in her workout clothes, she looks radiant and I cannot help but return her smile.

"Spence! What a surprise, babe, come on in!" My girlfriend gushes as she opens the door wide and gestures toward her comfortable couch. "Have a seat, I'm just reheating my dinner. I can make some more if you're hungry too."

"No, Jade, that is alright. I don't need anything, in fact I already had my dinner." I reply, sitting on the edge of the couch, back straight. I don't want to get too comfortable, knowing the difficult conversation I am about to embark on.

A few minutes later the microwave beeps and then Jade sits beside me on the couch with her leftovers and a beer. "Do you want a beer, Spence? There's more in the fridge. Look at me forgetting my manners just because I'm starving." Jade gushes, making to move and fetch me a beer if I were inclined.

"No, no thanks, I don't particularly care for beer and I don't think I'll be here long enough to finish one anyway."

"What? Not here long enough to finish one? I know its a work night but its only 7:30, Spence. You are welcome to stay 'til after dinner." Jade says before taking a few bites of her steaming food.

"I mean, I came here for a specific conversation we need to have. I don't think I will be here too long and I don't want to have your beer while I'm telling you what I need to say." I say, somberly, looking down to my hands folded in my lap.

"Spencer...I don't like this. I don't like your tone. What is wrong Spencer? Is your mom okay?" Jade asks, concern etched on her face, food forgotten on her fork, halfway to her mouth.

"What? Yes, Diana is fine. That isn't it at all. Thank you for asking about my mom. This is not an easy conversation, Jade, but I do think we need to get some things out in the open. Set some things straight. See, I have been enjoying this month we have been together. Immensely. More than I ever expected." I admit, still stalling. My heart is racing, I'm sure she can hear it pounding away. I smooth my hands along my corduroy pants.

"Well that is good, because so have I, Spence. No need to set things straight, we are both having the time of our lives." Jade admits, taking another bite of food.

"Erm, yes, we sure are, now. Can you please allow me to say what I need to?" I erupt, a little more forcefully than I planned. I snap my eyes up, seeing hurt in her golden and green eyes. Shit. I didn't intend for it to be a shouting match. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be that harsh. I have several things I need to say, about us. First, we are on totally opposite ends of the experience bridge and I feel like I am constantly holding you back, by not being on the same end, not even wanting to cross over to your end of the bridge. It isn't anything particular about you, I just am not the type to want those same things. It isn't fair for you to be in a relationship with me, with someone who does not want any of the same things physically as you. Sexually. Next, everyone seems to know about us. When Cruz or anyone else higher up hears that we are together you will never be allowed to be on our team after you finish the Academy. As much as I enjoy our relationship, it is more important for you to be a part of our team. I would rather never kiss you again than never work with you again. You bring us all together, you are the missing piece. Plus, I am sure Rossi will be furious over the double standards of us being together when there is an entire section of our employee handbook just for his escapades. Subsequently, it is completely unfair to expect you to give up the part of a relationship you have expressed as being so important."

"Spencer Reid, who died and gave you the right to decide what I want and what I deserve?" Jade replies, voice small and cracking. "Who gave you the right to-to-to break up with me?"

"I don't think it is a right thing? It is just a decision I think is fair. It is unfair to you and to me to both try to meet in the middle on this issues we are never going to agree on." I explain, carefully, trying to be clear without being hurtful.

"Issues? Spencer, what issues?" Jade asks, hurt clear in her features, eyes welling with tears that threaten to spill onto her beautiful cheeks.

"Well, primarily, the physical relationship, the sex, the steamy showers. Yes, I did enjoy it, I loved it, I love kissing you, but not nearly to the degree you do. Not enough to partake anywhere near as frequently as you want to. I am not as comfortable with physical and sexual closeness. In this relationship, one of us will always be uncomfortable with the level of physical and sexual activity."

"I am not a sex addict, Spence, I don't need it all the time." She defensively reacts, looking a bit hurt, cheeks flushing red.

"No, but I do not need it. Full stop. Ever." I say, making eye contact, letting the truth show on my face. I place a hand tenderly on her forearm, but she shrugs it off and I bring it back to my lap, folding my fingers together.

"I see." Jade replies, breathing heavily, one tear slipping down her cheek and dripping onto her tank.

"Yes, I am so very sorry, but I don't think we are going the same direction relationship-wise. I offer her a tissue from the box on the end table to my other side, which she graciously accepts, dabbing her eyes.

"Why did you even get into a relationship with me if you aren't interested in it?" She asks, sniffling and taking another tissue.

"I, uh, I don't entirely know. I do feel for you, I care about you deeply. But this is far too intimate, too fast. I am not one for intimacy and sex. I am so sorry if I had mislead you." I reveal, a tear welling in my own eyes. I take a deep breath, trying to be the strong one for us.

"I think, Spence, I think you are worth going slow for. We can take a step back, go slow, if that is what you need." She states, not entirely getting what I said.

"No, Jade, that is not what I need. We need a clean break, return to being coworkers and teammates. Neither you or I are any good at going halfway." I admit.

"But I don't want to loose sitting on the couch, cuddling, kissing until way too late." Jade pleads, eyes red as she looks at me and then down to her couch, reminding me of the good times we shared, the passionate kissing.

"You won't. Not entirely. You are young, beautiful, gorgeous, you will soon find a new person to share that with, someone who wants that as well." I say and finally lose my composure, tears falling down my own face.

We both cry for some time, until her dinner has gotten cold and her beer warm. A mountain of wadded up tissue separating us on her couch. We must look so pitiful, I am certain of it, and certainly glad she does not have a roommate to interrupt us. The mood shifts, we are both exhausted from the crying when we look to each other again.

"Friends?" Jade asks, eyes red and swollen, nose running.

"Friends. Coworkers. Adults who share a love for pancakes topped with fruit." I concede.

"Deal." She offers her hand to me and we shake on it, sharing a brief laugh.

I sit on her couch and we try to chat as she finishes her dinner and beer. After four failed attempts at conversation, I get up and leave, taking one last sweeping look of her apartment. We had some great times here, laughing and talking about anything and everything under the sun.

On the bus ride home, I take out my phone and make two important texts.

To Aaron: "It's over. I ended it. No need to disclose with Cruz, no need to figure out what to spin to Rossi as to why its okay for us and not him."

To Dave: "It's over. She is all yours."

Silent tears stream down my face as I return home and sit, staring out my window all evening and late into the night.

Aaron POV

It is Thursday evening and David and I are finishing up our workout at the sparring ring, heading into the locker room.

"Not bad, tonight, Dave. I managed to beat you 4 of 10 spats, is this a new record for me?" I ask, smiling as we get back to our lockers.

"Hmm, I think it might just be a PR for you, Aaron. Maybe I am starting to get too old to keep up. Maybe you are finally listening to all the tips I've given you these years." He jokes, mouth quirking up into his usual half smile.

We clean off and change into our street clothes and dig our phones out of our gym bags to see if anything important came in while we were sparring in the ring. I had several messages, the last one from Reid. Concerned, I opened it. The young agent hardly ever relies on text messaging to communicate.

"It's over. I ended it. No need to disclose with Cruz, no need to figure out what to spin to Rossi as to why its okay for us and not him." I sigh and pinch my nose. This cannot be good. He was really warming up to her and shining brightly for the first time since he met Maeve.

I hear Dave chuckle before tucking his phone into his hip pocket and picking up his bag. I can only guess it has something to do with the text I just read. I weigh my options and decide to let Dave handle this on his own, for now. But I will give Reid a call on the way home.

"Any plans for tonight?" I ask as we walk through the gym and out to the parking lot.

"No. Other than taking a long hot shower and melting into my bed, I don't think I can handle anything else at this point tonight Aaron. You?" Dave asks me, his eyes searching me, assessing if I know or guess anything about his own text messages.

"Hopefully I will get home in time to help Jack bathe and get tucked into bed. Then I plan to do the same as you. Shower and melt into my mattress until the alarm rings. My paperwork can wait until tomorrow."

"Have a wonderful night and tell Jack his Uncle Davy misses him." David replies as we approach our vehicles in the dimly lit lot.

"Of course. See you in the morning, Dave." I reply, opening the door to my new Subaru and toss my bag into the back seat.

Once I am on the freeway I do indeed give Spencer a call.

"Are you alright kid?" I ask, my voice as soft and caring as if I were speaking with Jack.

"Define alright, Hotch." A soft, rough voice replies, clearly he has been crying.

"Will you need to take some time off? Do you want me to have Jade stay behind on the next few cases? Do you need to talk about it?" I ask, contemplating turning off the freeway and heading to Spencer's apartment.

"No need for any of that. I am the one to end it, before we get too attached. She wanted more than I could give her without crossing lines I am not comfortable with. Uh. Physical and intimate lines, Sir."

"Okay, Reid. I am still here if you need to talk." I offer, feeling so bad for Reid. He is such a sensitive and caring young man. Always putting the needs of others before his own, even to the detriment of his own needs.

"I am still okay and I know how to reach you if it ever changes and I do need you." His voice breaks and I hear him sniffle on the other end of the line.

"Get some good rest tonight, Reid. See you in the morning." I reply softly and full of caring, ending the call.

Jade POV

As Reid leaves, I lock the door, then turn and lean against it, sobbing and crying in earnest now that he is truly gone. We only dated for several weeks but I really do like Spencer, maybe even love him. Despite being on totally different ends of sexual experience than I am, he is charming and cute. And the worlds most tender kisser. At least he should be good at going back to normal. Keeping the calm and going on like normal coworkers. He was so good at hiding his emotions while we were together.

Maybe I should call Tommy, see if he's up and if he has half an ounce to share.

Or maybe not. Destructive behavior is not becoming of an intern at the mother-loving FBI. Reaching back into my pocket for my phone anyway, but I decide to call JJ. JJ can immediately tell I am distressed by the way I said hello. She, Garcia, Blake and Prentiss are drinking wine at a bar a few blocks from my place, they loudly invite me to join.

I decide to go. I swiftly change into a comfortable outfit, distressed jeans I have to cuff up, a loose v-neck tee which I tuck in to show off my studded belt. I slip on my faded red Chuck Taylor All-Stars and grab my favorite denim jacket to ward the cool air this evening. I arrive, sitting at the table to find a glass of my favorite wine already waiting courtesy of JJ. After I gulp down half of the delicious wine, I say hello, which makes JJ and Garcia chuckle, Prentiss looks impressed and raises an eyebrow and Blake just reaches over and pats my hand.

I dive right into the story. How Spencer showed up, out of the blue, and insisted on talking about it before we got 'too involved'. How he seems to think we are better off apart rather than coming to a compromise on all the issues.

Prentiss said "let me guess, he's a virgin and doesn't want you to feel like you are pressuring him into intimacy he isn't ready for or even into? So he broke up with you in order to save you from being bored and tied down?"

I huff a rough laugh, "Basically. You really are a star profiler" I reply, looking at her and realize she is as gorgeous in person as she was over the video call. Her black hair shines in the dim lighting and her smile is genuine and beautiful.

Prentiss pours me another glass of wine and clinks hers to it, raising a toast. We share lots of heavy eye contact. She is stunning. I temporarily forget our friends surrounding us as I stare at her, see her evaluate me and it feels like she is just as impressed and infatuated.

After a few glasses of wine, some tears and some good friends bestowing good advice, I must admit, I feel better. Blake tells me about how important good communication is with a partner and how when a couple is no longer on the same page, maybe not even the same chapter, it is better for all involved to close the book and walk away.

Prentiss offers to find me a hot guy to hook up with, to get Reid out of my head...since he didn't get in anywhere else. A flirty wink at that comment, but I turn that offer down. I tell her, "I am not interested in a hook up or rebound. Especially with some random guy found at a wine bar."

Garcia tells me several funny and touching stories about how it was a bit awkward with Kevin at first but now they are in a good place and its almost like they never dated and were always just friends.

JJ just lets me get it all out and offers to take me to the gym tomorrow with Morgan to work on some boxing or sparring to get any frustration out and clear my mind. I politely accept all the advice and the offer for some sparring.

"I do need to get into the ring, especially with August fast approaching, but I don't want Morgan to think he has to get Spencer out of my head. We are adults, friends, coworkers" I explain, carefully.

"Of course. I won't mention that part of it and I'm sure he won't pry too much unless you bring it up." JJ replies, picking up her phone, likely to text Morgan right now.

A short time later, I excuse myself, sling my jacket across the back of my chair and turn to go to the bathroom, Prentiss offers to come with.

"How long have you been a lesbian?" She asks as we get to the little hallway separating the bathrooms from the bar.

"I haven't?" I answer, honestly, and continue "I am bi, since like birth." We share a laugh, grinning and looking into each others eyes.

"Oh. Is that the real reason he broke up with you? Homophobia? Fear he won't be enough? Fear he will not be able to compare to a woman?" She laughs at the last one and I roll my eyes.

"Honestly, I hadn't even got around to bringing it up. He hadn't been interested in exploring what was between my legs so I never brought up that I don't care what is between my partners legs. Uh. How could you tell? I don't look gay do I?" I ask, looking at her gorgeous face, her soft features, fixed on me, reading me.

She chuckles and looks down at my Chuck Taylor All-Stars peeking out from my distressed cuffed jeans. Then looks pointedly to my denim jacket slung across my seat at our table adorned with a few pins.

"Oh fine, I might be a walking bi stereotype outside of work." I say as I hastily untuck my shirt from my pants.

"The day we met on the video call you were wearing a blazer." Prentiss reminds me, her hand going to my cheek tenderly, eyes dipping to stare at my mouth.

"I was at work, Prentiss" I admit, looking at her full mouth as well.

Subtly she steps closer to me. My breath catches and I press against the wall, excited, heart racing. I haven't felt this excited in months.

Emily bends her head down and kisses me softly, her lips barely grazing mine. I look up, placing my hand on the base of her neck, pulling her back and our lips meet again. We continue to kiss in the hallway outside bathroom. It heats up, my lips parting to allow her soft and warm tongue access. Minutes later, breathless, I break away and say I really do need to pee. Prentiss apologizes and we go to the bathroom, exchange phone numbers.

Returning to our table, we both drink more wine. We fall into easy conversation, chatting about anything and everything and I don't even realize I haven't thought about Spencer in the last hour.

Blake asks some questions that might be more pointed than expected, looking between Prentiss and I, which Emily daftly handles with a quick joke. Perhaps Blake is concerned there is more to this story than I told them, as she shares a very special relationship with Spence as well. I assure her that Spencer was the one who brought it up, but I am mature enough to respect his decision.

Too soon we end the night in much better spirits than I started. Prentiss offers to split a cab ride with me "since my hotel is just down the block from your apartment". No one reacts to the offer, and we slide into the back seat of the cab together. As soon as the cab pulls away, Emily pulls me close, for more kissing. Her soft and warm lips mesmerize me and it is very wonderful to have affection reciprocated enthusiastically. Every move shared and mirrored by her, and no question of if it is improper to kiss another willing adult. The cab stops too soon and I get out wishing I didn't have to let her go.

"Keep in touch. I wish you didn't have to leave in the morning." I tell her, slightly breathless and flushed.

"Oh, Jade, I will definitely be in touch, darling. Any time I am in the states, you are the first to know." Emily answers, looking me over one more time, "You are gorgeous."

"I was thinking the same thing, Em. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." I admit, blushing a bit and biting my lip for being so bold.

"Have a good night, Jade. Good luck at work tomorrow. Remember, you are all adults." Emily advises.

"Thanks, have a safe trip back across the pond." I practically float back into my apartment as the cab pulls away and the woman of my dreams rides off into the darkness.

"Self-realization is liberation. Liberation is self-realization." Frederick Lenz