Chapter 5: Ex Deus Machina

She was standing on the threshold of her lab at Area 51. She had just finished sorting everything into transport boxes, she had written the different project names on the boxes to facilitate their storage at the SGC. A tear came to the corner of her eye and she quickly brushed it away, displaying the military stoicism she had learned to display over the decades. Her heart was in her throat. A sound of metal made her turn around, two soldiers were walking towards her with a storage cart.

"Colonel Carter." The military saluted her as they stood at attention.

"At ease Sergeant, everything is there, thank you." She replied, pointing to the pile of boxes in the office. "I will precede you to the SGC. Good work gentlemen. " Then, she took leave of her subordinates. As she walked up the corridor to the Area 51 elevator, she clenched her fists in her pockets, containing the waves of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. At the Area 51 airbase a military plane was waiting for her, a plane that would take her back to the SGC. Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter had rejoined the SG1 team under the command of Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell, General Landry and Major General O'Neill. As the elevator doors closed on her, Samantha Carter allowed herself a second to relax, her shoulders hunched, her eyes closed, barely holding back the tears that threatened to spill over. She knew she was doing what her duty demanded. She had remained a military woman, she had wished she hadn't given up her career, she had thought it was possible, that Jack would no longer be her commanding officer, that it would be enough. And she was wrong...

WASHINGTON D.C. - JACK O'NEILL'S PENTHOUSE - TWO DAYS EARLIER

"Sam, you have to go back. I know it, you know it. They need you. Damn it! Sam, without you, Earth would have been destroyed years ago. If it wasn't for you, Teal'c, Daniel and I, we probably would have..." This discussion they had had many times since she had returned from the mission on Kallana. And the more the hours went by, the more the tone rose between the two soldiers. The more Samantha got annoyed and remained entrenched in her positions. Because she knew that if she gave even a moment's doubt, she would have to join the SGC and leave. She knew it. And even though the fate of the universe was at stake, she couldn't give up. She felt that for the first time in a decade, they had finally found some happiness and she couldn't give up. But she knew that her stubbornness was only spoiling this newfound happiness.

"Stop!" Her scream had cut Jack off in mid-sentence. She looked at him and all she could see was what she would give up by giving in. He had been storming around for fifteen minutes, wearing his uniform pants, his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up over his forearms, pacing back and forth, barefoot on the carpet. And she couldn't give that up. She couldn't. "I sacrificed everything for this program Jack. Everything. I gave up custody of Cassandra when we found her on her planet! Because this program needed me and I couldn't take care of a child. We lost Daniel I don't know how many times. You and Teal'c have been hurt too many times to count. Then this program took my father and Janet from me. I gave up everything, them and a little bit of myself every day. I know what duty commands. I KNOW. But I can't Jack. I just can't. And if you ask me one more time... Jack I can't give up on this. I can't give up on us. And I won't, I don't... I can't go back on the mission. I was scared Jack. On that ship, seeing that huge doorway rise into space, I was afraid... Afraid for you. For us. I know what you want me to do but I can't." She stepped forward until she was only a breath away from him. "If you want me to leave...join the SGC, go back under your chain of command...order me." She knew he wouldn't. What they had finally found, this harmony together. He wouldn't give that up. She was certain of that. She had never been so sure that he would not back down. But she wasn't so sure anymore when Jack's face closed, when he took a step away, pushing her away with his attitude. "You can't do this, Jack. You can't do this to us."

"I am doing what needs to be done Carter. It is my duty, our duty. To serve and protect. Have you forgotten that?" The tone of his voice, his posture, everything took her back to the time when they hid what they felt. A single tear rolled down Samantha's cheek as she looked at him frozen and cold. She knew she wouldn't change his mind. That he was and would remain Major General O'Neill, the man who made the tough decisions. The man who could push her away at any time. For the good of the nation. Her hand slowly rose to her temple, she closed her eyes for a second, recomposing an impassive attitude. When she greeted him all trace of emotion had deserted her face, she was as cold as he was. Then only, she greeted him.

"At your orders, General."

CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN BASE, COLORADO - SGC CORRIDORS - 11:46 AM

"Whoa, Sam, hey, come on, let me, let me give you a hand.." As if nothing had changed. As if she had never left. Daniel smiled at her and took the devil out of her hands as she walked the narrow corridors of the SGC.

"Thank you. So, uh, General Landry briefed me on the circumstances surrounding our mystery Jaffa." She had not been otherwise pleased. She tried not to let anything of the pain she was feeling show. It would have been easier to pretend that everything was fine if she could have been sent away. On another planet than the one where Jack O'Neill lived.

"Yeah, I think I've got something on that." Daniel handed her a newspaper and she took it back, trying to focus on what was going on and not what had happened. Daniel had never been very perceptive about the feelings of the two military men he had been with for nine years. She knew he probably wouldn't notice. It was Teal'c she should be wary of, the Jaffa was very good at reading her. She wondered if Teal'c didn't know what was going on between her and Jack.

"Farrow - Marshall?" She knew this company very well, it was a subcontractor to the military. Area 51 would supply them with study items or contract them for construction. She remembered seeing their names in several of her files, or in Jack's.

"Yeah, you, uh, familiar with them?"

"They're an aeronautics firm headquartered in Bethesda. The Department of Defense is their biggest client." Informed Daniel while guiding him towards his laboratory.

"Yeah, turns out that their plant in Virginia employed about eight hundred residents of Edison until it closed down six months ago. Now, it's located just outside of town and about a mile and a half from where our dead Jaffa turned up."

"Really ? Ah...pardon the mess. I'm still unpacking." And among her boxes, somewhere in this laboratory, were the memories of a relationship that had only been a parenthesis, a parenthesis from which the Ori had torn her away. A parenthesis that had closed two days earlier, with a military coldness.

(...)

"Hey, wait up!" When Cameron removed the SGC logo from Daniel's sleeve and affixed the SG1 logo to it, Samantha's heart broke once again. This symbolic gesture tore another piece of her heart out. She had left SG1 to be happy and live. She had been sent back to SG1 because Earth couldn't live without her, and she had never been so unhappy. So when Cameron presented her with the SG1 logo, waiting for her assent, she closed her eyes, nodded slightly, faking an emotion she was far from feeling. When Cameron squeezed her arm and smiled, she saw that he was fully happy, relieved to have the team back together. She knew what they all owed to Cameron Mitchelll, but Samantha couldn't resign herself to being back in this base. Not yet, it was too soon.

"All right, that's better." As Cameron left the briefing room, Samantha exchanged a look with Daniel. She faked a smile that was only a facade. The team was back together. But it would never be the original SG1, and maybe that was for the best. She couldn't allow herself to think about Jack O'Neill. He had made his decision. She had to accept it and focus. Let the sacrifice of their relationship not be in vain.

N.I.D. SURVEILLANCE TRUCK - USA

"How've you been?" Samantha had always liked Agent Malcolm Barrett. Although the NID wasn't always reliable, he seemed to have a code of honor and rules.

"Pretty good. You?" It was so strange to be on a mission on Earth watching a Goa'uld Grandmaster from a surveillance van. It was a far cry from the usual day-to-day life of SG1. But being on Earth was good. She had been able to warn Cassandra not to go to class, in case the infamous Ba'al bomb was in the city where Cassie was studying.

"Yeah, pretty good...can't complain. What's new ?" Oh nothing much, SG1 was saving the Earth instead of the universe. Jack had ended their relationship. Teal'c was watching her out of the corner of his eye, Mitchellll was so excited to get the team back together. Business as usual, she inwardly quipped.

"Uh, let's see...I was leading R&D for a while there." Stay on a neutral topic, don't say too much. Perfect.

"Well, I never figured you the type to settle for a desk job!" Why was a woman constantly asked why she left the field? A man wasn't questioned as much or his choices questioned.

"I needed something with more flexible hours. Janet's adopted daughter, Cassie, was going through a hard time." Which was partly true. Cassie had had a very difficult time, and the team had taken turns with her for months. She had tried to forget herself in parties and alcohol, but it had only been a phase. A phase where Jack had been a great help by playing the role of the father Cassandra had never had.

"Oh, i see." Men... Yet she felt the need to say more, to justify herself. As if being an adoptive mother figure shouldn't have held her career back.

"Spent some time on the Prometheus, away on deep space reconnaissance. Ooo. Helped stop a dangerous new enemy from gaining a foothold in the galaxy."

"Yes, I heard about that...How's Pete?" A question she hadn't expected. Peter. There were only so many ways to break the news.

"We broke up."

"Really? Uh...I mean, I'm sorry to hear that." She had noticed the gleam of interest in Barrett's eye but hoped she was wrong.

"Oh, it was the best thing for both of us." She had recently learned that Pete was engaged. Mark had told her the news with a lot of caution, seeming to think that Samantha might regret leaving the policeman a few weeks before their wedding. But the news didn't make her feel cold or hot. She wanted Peter to be happy. As she had been when Mark had made the announcement. Of course, nobody knew about her and Jack. No one knew.

"So, you're single again?" She hadn't been wrong, it was definitely interest she saw in his eyes. If Jack had been there, he would have laughed at her. Wasn't he the one who had said that her beauty and intellect made her the most desired woman in the Galaxy wherever SG1 set foot? Jack. She sighed. She looked down, embarrassed. She couldn't admit it. This wasn't over. Not for her.

"Not exactly."

WASHINGTON D.C. - OFFICE OF GENERAL JACK O'NEILL - 11:45 PM

"General?" Jack straightened up, taking his eyes off the file he was reading so intently that he hadn't heard his subordinate enter his office.

"Hoswald?" A glance at her watch told her that it was well past the time the young woman was supposed to finish her shift. "Sorry, I lost track of time. Go home Hoswald, and tomorrow don't come until 2:00. The meeting with the Pentagon about Baa'l will be held later than planned. That will give you time to play with Clara for a while." At the mention of her daughter, the military woman's face lit up. She thanked him with a warm smile. She was about to say goodbye when she hesitated, "Is there a problem Lieutenant?"

"It's just that... Well... You didn't ask me to arrange for Colonel Carter to travel from the SGC to Washington for the weekend so..." Obviously his subordinate was walking on eggshells and even if the mention of Samantha tightened his heart, the thoughtfulness of the young woman touched him. Jack knew she suspected something, after all Sam's trips between Area 51 and D.C. were mostly done in military planes shuttling between the research area and the government headquarters. Hoswald was the one who organized his comings and goings in all discretion. But let's be clear. Once Samantha was no longer in his sphere of command. It was no longer the same now that she had joined the SGC.

"Colonel Carter will remain at the SGC from now on. Thank you for your concern Lieutenant. Now go home and give your daughter a hug, she's safe now that this bomb has been shipped into space."

"Thank you, General. Good evening."

When he heard the door to his office close, Jack allowed himself to release the tension in his body by throwing a furious punch on the flat of his desk. He closed his eyes for a second, allowing himself a minute to fully feel the rage and pain. When he opened his eyes again, his face had regained its customary mask of impassivity. He picked up the report that had been lying on his desk since the entrance to Hoswald and resumed reading it. When he put the file back on his desk, his fingers brushed the signature at the bottom of the page.

"Good job Sam."