A/N: I don't own any of the Criminal Minds characters, plot, etc. all belong to CBS
Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé. "There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." George Sand
Jade POV
My family and I just landed in Canada, and we are groggily deboarding the plane at the break of dawn on Saturday morning, searching for my grandparents happy faces. No matter the hour, they are always happy to see us, eager for my mother to return. Over the last few weeks, in preparation for my vacation, Em and I have been working on my French.
I am conversationally fluent, as is my cultured girlfriend, but I really don't speak it much aside from phone calls with my French Canadian grandparents, so I forgot a bit and my grammar was quite rusty. Em was all too glad to help me practice when I asked, but of course she used the opportunity to teach me several very dirty phrases and whispered them to me over the phone. Phrases I will certainly not be using in the presence of Pépère Claude and Mémé Jaqueline, as they are very conservative and would likely die of embarrassment and shame of hearing me say such things, let alone what would happen after learning that my older, lesbian girlfriend taught them to me.
"Mémé!" My youngest brother shouts, stirring me from my thoughts, when he spots my grandmother waving at us. We rush over to our excited grandparents and are immediately wrapped up in warm hugs and sweet greetings. Luckily we are able to find our baggage quickly and we get into their cars and head to their home by the lake. My parents are with my grandfather while my brothers and I are with my grandmother. I sit in the front seat, dibs due to being the eldest, with the window open to allow the fresh and crisp air to hit my face and help wake me up as we chat in French. Jaqueline asks me about my internship and if it is what I imagined the FBI to be and I try my best to answer her, to tell her it is all I imagined and more. She seems happy and proud of me, smiling warmly before asking my brothers about their schooling and sports.
During the hour long drive from the airport, mémé Jaqueline tells us she has fresh muffins and fruit from their small orchard waiting for us at the house. I hadn't realized I missed breakfast in my rush to the airport this morning, but the mention of fresh baked goodies and homegrown fruit waiting for me had my stomach growling. A glance to the backseat at my brothers and I realized they were feeling the same hunger. Early morning flights are rough that way, and the flight wasn't long enough to warrant a meal. My grandmother is a wonderful baker, simple and delicious, everything tasted better when made by mémé Jaqueline, so I can't wait to get to the house and I find myself wishing she would drive just a bit faster.
As soon as she stops the car, my brothers are out the back doors and rushing onto her porch, leaving their bags behind. Mémé Jaqueline and I share a smile and I roll my eyes, trying to be polite and not reveal the fact I wish I had beat them into the house. I grab my bags as well as some of my brothers things and walk into the house, knowing the muffins will be mostly destroyed by the time I get to them, so I might as well take my time unloading the car.
Sure enough, they ate all but 3 of the muffins and most of the fruit, crumbs littered all over the kitchen. "Boys! She made the food for all of us, not just you pigs! Didn't Mom raise you with any manners at all?" I scold my brothers who sheepishly apologize and start to clean up the mess.
"Sorry Jade, we were starving. Mom and Dad had us rushing out of the house and we didn't eat anything all day." My middle sibling replied, offering me the last bite of the muffin he was holding.
Shaking my head in disappointment, I reply "It is 9 am, you are hardly starving. I'm sure mémé worked hard baking for us and you inhale it in 3 minutes. I won't tell her or Mom about it but don't do it again. Either of you." I scold, as if they are small children rather than 20 and 18 years old.
"Qu'y at il?" Mémé Jaqueline asks, entering the kitchen, having heard our tense conversation and noting my scolding tone, even if she doesn't speak English, she picks up on the gist of it. Especially when she sees most of her muffins are gone already and there are still a mess of crumbs on the table, counter and floor.
"Ce n'est rein, mémé. Mes frères sont des cochons, comme toujours." I tell her with a wry smile.
"Non, ton frères en pleine croissance." She replies, patting their shoulders with a grin of her own.
"Oui! Devenir grosses menaces sans manières." I say, clicking my tongue and finally reaching for a muffin of my own. "Je ne pense pas qu'ils réalisent l'effort de cuisson."
"Jade, cuisineer n'est pas un effort, c'est un cadeau." Mémé replies with a smile, turning to her pantry and pulling out a whole new tray of muffins. Of course she made a double batch, she is no fool, she knows my brothers are ravenous pigs, eating everything in sight. I smile and shake my head as I eat the muffin, moaning slightly at the delicious taste of the sweet baking spices, the light moistness of the muffin. I could eat the entire tray as well, I don't blame my brothers for inhaling them moments ago. "Mieux?" Mémé questions, smirking again and bringing me a mug and offering me her tea kettle.
"Mieux" I reply, accepting the mug as she pours some steaming herbal tea, likely grown on the land here as well, and taking a sip as my parents and grandfather finally enter the house.
"Bienvenue à la maison!" Mémé calls out, wrapping my mother in a very tight hug, then they pull back and kiss each cheek twice.
I pick a second muffin and head out onto the back porch, where the sun is warming up, with my tea and allow my mom and grandmother to catch up. I can hear my brothers over in the orchard, likely snacking on more fruit and climbing the trees from the sounds of their shouts. Smiling, I stretch out in the deck chair and allow the sun to warm me and I close my eyes. I allow my mind to wander, listening to the sounds I can hear, the birds singing, the light breeze blowing through the orchard, fluttering the leaves slightly, and just barely in the distance I can make out the lapping of the tiny wavelets along the shore of the lake. I could certainly get used to life here. I do not for one second miss the sounds of the city, the blaring horns, screeching tires, shouting passersby and who knows what else at all hours. I suppose this is what a vacation is for, unplugging and unwinding from the hustle and bustle of a busy city life.
After lunch, my brothers and I head down to the lake and get the kayaks out of the boathouse and head out for some fun recreation. We spend the afternoon paddling around, exploring the large lake, spotting some turtles sunning themselves, a family of ducks enjoying the lake as well, and of course, a splash war commences, we try to soak each other without capsizing ourselves. The day is warm enough, but it is still a Canadian lake, the water is barely above 40 degrees, we would freeze if we attempted to swim in this lake. The splashing is refreshing of course, with the sun drying us quickly.
French Translations:
Pépère = grandfather, in a familiar sense, like Pap, pappy or gramps
Mémé = granmother, in a familiar sense, like Gram or Granny
Qu'y at il = what is it/ what is the problem
Ce n'est rein, mémé. Mes frères sont des cochons, comme toujours. = It's nothing, Gram. My brothers are pigs, like always.
Non, ton frères en pleine croissance. = No, your brothers are growing boys.
Oui! Devenir grosses menaces sans manières. = Yes! Growing into fat menaces lacking manners.
Je ne pense pas qu'ils réalisent l'effort de cuisson.= I don't think they realize the effort of baking.
Jade, cuisineer n'est pas un effort, c'est un cadeau. = Jade, baking is not an effort, it is a gift.
Mieux = Better
Bienvenue à la maison = Welcome home
Much of our stay at our grandparents house was like that first day. I would call or text Em after breakfast and before bed each day, updating her on what we did and sharing how impressed my grandparents are with my French. Much better than my brothers, according to mémé , which made Em proud. My dad and grandfather spent much of the time fishing in the lake or working on repairing the fence along the western edge of the property, it was destroyed in a bad storm this spring and pépère is getting too old, his hands and his knees too arthritic to mend the fences on his own. I'm not entirely sure what my mom and grandmother were doing most of the time, other than sitting on the back porch, talking and drinking tea or wine, depending on the time of day. The last full day we were to be in Canada was a rainy and cold day, however, so we couldn't spend the time outside.
Luckily mémé had plans for Mom and I, we spent the day baking in the kitchen. The boys all were hidden somewhere until the muffins, pies and cookies were all done in the oven and ready to be enjoyed. Everything mémé makes tastes so good, but she doesn't follow a single recipe, it is all from memory. I can't bake like that on my own, it never tastes right, it must be all the love and decades of baking practice she has to get it just right. Too soon we are heading on a plane for the next part of our vacation, to Cape Cod.
Just after sunset that evening, we were checking into our bed and breakfast on the Cape, ready to crash. Something about travel really wipes a person out, even if you spend most of the time sitting. My brothers and I fought over which bedroom we were taking, cranky and tired from the flight, until our parents stepped in and chose for us. I might be interning with the FBI, but it appears I am not above a squabble with my younger brothers. Especially if I missed out on my mid-afternoon latte and can feel the effects of caffeine withdrawal working on my body, the headache pricking behind my temples. I head into my room, dump my bags at the foot of the bed and flop down face first onto the mattress.
I'm not sure how long I laid like that, but I must have fell asleep because I was jolted awake by my phone buzzing in my hip pocket. Digging it out and looking bleary-eyed at the screen I see it is Em, for our evening call. Rubbing my eyes and clearing my throat, I slide my finger across the screen, answering the call.
"Hi," I answer, more groggily than I hoped, cheeks flushing slightly, embarrassed by how sleepy I sound.
"Hi to you too, Princess. Did I wake you? Isn't it only 10pm there?" Em asks over the phone, concern entering my girlfriends tone.
"Yes to both. I, uh, I flopped onto the bed the instant I entered my room at the bed and breakfast and must have fell asleep. How are you? How was work?" I ask, waking up somewhat.
"Sorry to wake you, Princess. I'll keep it short then. My day was good, busy as hell. Clyde is still riding my ass about taking a day off to visit you and the BAU. I actually just got home not too long ago, myself. I had to file a bunch of bullshit paperwork and sit through some international briefings. Nothing important, of course. Just part of the bureaucracy." Em replies with a sigh, I can hear the exhaustion weighing heavily on her.
"I hope you can at least sleep in tomorrow. Isn't it your day off, Em?" I ask, stifling a yawn. Even after the impromptu nap I am still quite exhausted.
"Yes, it will be my day off and I plan to spend 100% of it in my bed." Em laughs before yawning herself.
"Now you are the one to sound tired. I'll let you get some rest and I won't even bother you until tomorrow evening."
"Goodnight, Princess. I love you."
"Sweet dreams, Em." I say, hanging up the phone and rumaging through my bag for my pj's to take into the shower before I can get some proper rest. At least I know the bed is comfortable here, if I was able to fall asleep without realizing it.
Our six days on Cape Cod were wonderful, sunny and magnificent. We did the typical beach things, laying out in the sun, wading into the surf, drinking ice cold beer and lemonade, and eating juicy watermelon while we relaxed on our beach blankets. My youngest brother was not very diligent about applying sunscreen and burnt pretty badly on our first day on the beach, and has been relegated to wearing t-shirts and his ball cap on the beach all day. Which he whines about non-stop. Was I ever so whiny? Or is it just because he is the youngest sibling, the metaphorical baby of the family? I'm inclined to think it is the second possibility, honestly.
One day, we went on a little excursion to catch some crabs in order to have fresh crab for dinner that night. I had never caught crabs before and was unsure if it would be any fun, but it actually was a great time. We had a good day bonding and chatting. I may be growing up and developing my own life, but I am still able to have a wonderful life with my parents, and, surprisingly, with my brothers. Then, cleaning and steaming the crabs for dinner that night, that was a whole other ordeal, but we managed to get through it to enjoy a delicious family meal together.
Today, our last full day of vacation, we are heading out for a whale watching charter. Our parents woke us at 6:00am. I put on some clothes that I won't mind getting splashed and soaked by breaching whales and tie my hair back in a loose braid, manage to grab a large coffee and danish, and we were rushing to the car by 7:00am to make it in time for the charter boat launch. Again, my youngest brother is whining the whole time about being not only sunburnt and peeling, but exhausted as well. Don't we know it is his vacation? And he should be sleeping at this hour? We make it on the charter just in time and head out to sea as the sun is rising, casting golden rays on the small waves. I stand on deck, leaning against the railing and watch the sunrise as we head to the area where the whales are known to feed during the midsummer.
As we approach, I notice the largest creature I have ever seen in my life surface, exhaling briney air from its blowhole as it glides alongside the charter boat. Our boat, per the captain and charter leaders, is 85 feet long and I would say this whale is about half as long itself, maybe. I turn and get my brothers and my parents attention, calling them to me. I point down, where the whale is keeping pace with the boat, just cruising beneath the surface. I snap a few pictures before the whale dives deep, out of view.
A few minutes later, about a quarter mile ahead of our boat, a large humpback whale leaps clear from the ocean, landing backfirst, belly up, creating a large splash that catches everyone's attention. The charter leader explains why the whales leap like that, and why only some species of whales leap and breach in that fashion. As we near the feeding areas, the charter slows to a crawl, to help protect whales from colliding with the boat. The particular boat we are on does not have any external propellers, to further protect the whales and other marine life from injury.
Over the next hour and a half our boat floats along the feeding grounds, seeing several whales breach, splash and display their tail flukes as they feed in the rich waters. I am certainly glad I wore my jean jacket as the sea breeze was constant and the splashes frequent enough that it was almost chilly, even in the full sun of a July day. We cruised back to shore and my family and I went into the cabin to sample the buffet provided. I had a wonderful latte and some finger sandwiches as I listen to my brothers chat excitedly about the whales we just saw and their magnificent displays. My youngest brother seems to entirely forget his earlier complaints of being exhausted as he seems so excited and happy to be on the tour.
That evening, as I am packing my bags and making sure there is room for the few souvenirs I purchased, I send a few pics to Em of the whales breaching and a candid photo of my family smiling and having a great time. It is almost an hour later before she replies with a photo of her own, a selfie on her balcony, holding her trademark glass of red wine.
As my family is waiting in the lounge after we got through security, to board our plane back to DC, my phone buzzes, I am getting a call from Prentiss. I step away, so I can hear her and talk in some semblance of privacy in the crowded airport.
"Hi, Em! I wasn't expecting to hear from you until I got home this evening." I gush, smiling into my phone.
"I know, but I have something extremely important to tell you." Em answers, voice grave and serious, not at all like her usual demeanor.
My smile fades and I take a deep breath, what is going on? "Uh, what is it, Em? What is going on? Are you okay?" I ask in a rush.
"Everything is okay. Well, its not okay, shit, that is the point. I had this planned better in my head. Things are going so well between us, too well, it doesn't seem real. I have to end this, Jade. It is not fair to either of us. We are too far apart. Our ages, our distance, our careers, everything is too far apart."
"What? Are you kidding me, Em? What do you mean, too far apart? I thought you liked that I was with the BAU, it gave us a link."
"It is getting to me, I constantly feel bad, not being there for you. Our jobs keep us from having a normal schedule. You are young, so very young, it isn't fair that I have to keep you tied down and not even getting to enjoy being together."
"But, Em, that isn't important to me, spending time together is not the reason I'm with you. I'm with you because of who you are as a person. How you can calm me down with a few words, how just hearing your voice soothes me, makes me feel content." I protest, heart cleaving in two, tears starting to form and I struggle to fight them back, keep them from falling.
"Seeing the team so happy for us, at Rossi's that is what sealed the deal for me. They love us both so much, they want so much for us, that it isn't fair to us, to the team, to anyone involved. It is too hard to only have one weekend here, a stolen night there, I can't do that. Not to you. You deserve so much. Do not make this harder than it already is, Jade. It's over. I'm done. I can't. You deserve someone that can be by your side and support you. Just like I deserve the same. We tried, but it can't work. I'm done." Prentiss re-iterates, almost sounding irritated and annoyed.
"I-I don't get it. We are happy, we are making it work. You aren't that much older than I am. We compliment each other. Where is this coming from? You never mentioned any of these concerns to me. In fact, you were the one to reassure me over the age difference." I counter, struggling to keep my composure, keep my tears from falling, keep my voice to a reasonable decibel in the airport.
"I didn't think it would effect me this much. But I was perhaps lying to myself, trying to convince myself as much as I was convincing you. Like I said, it's over. I'm done. I'm sorry, Jade. Good luck with the BAU." Em says, disconnecting the phone, her voice breaking as if she were crying as hard as I wanted to be able to. If I weren't in public.
I cry the entire flight home, staring out the oval window, watching the land pass in a blur through my tears. I avoid my parents careful eyes and questions. When we land I manage to collect my luggage, shrugging from my moms hand on my shoulder, getting into my car and driving home practically on autopilot. I fumble with my key in the lock and numbly toss my bags on the floor as I flop onto the couch, crying harder now. I don't think I dozed off for more than a few minutes, exhausted from crying so hard. Any time I closed my eyes, something comes to mind that reminds me of Em and it starts another crying jag. Everything reminds me of the woman I love so deeply. Have we even said those words? Or were we too afraid of making it real, to say what we feel? To put it out there, to make us vulnerable? Turns out words don't need to be shared for the pain to be real.
AN: I apologize if the first few parts were hard to read, also I am not 100% on my French translations, as it has been about a decade since I regularly used conversational French. I did try to look it up to double check, but we all know how unreliable online translations are. Feel free to correct me, I am definitely willing to learn/relearn proper French!
Pépère = grandfather, in a familiar sense, like Pap, pappy or gramps
Mémé = granmother, in a familiar sense, like Gram or Granny
Qu'y at il = what is it/ what is the problem
Ce n'est rein, mémé. Mes frères sont des cochons, comme toujours. = It's nothing, Gram. My brothers are pigs, like always.
Non, ton frères en pleine croissance. = No, your brothers are growing boys.
Oui! Devenir grosses menaces sans manières. = Yes! Growing into fat menaces lacking manners.
Je ne pense pas qu'ils réalisent l'effort de cuisson.= I don't think they realize the effort of baking.
Jade, cuisineer n'est pas un effort, c'est un cadeau. = Jade, baking is not an effort, it is a gift.
Mieux = Better
Bienvenue à la maison = Welcome home
On n'est point toujours une bête pour l'avoir été quelquefois. "Being a fool sometimes does not make one a fool all the time" Denis Diderot
