A/N: The fun…insanity, continues!
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck
Chuck woke slowly, feeling something pressed against him. He moved his hand to figure out what it was, but then he felt what his hand was currently resting on. It was soft, yet firm. There was heat radiating off it, but when he touched it, he shivered. He opened his eyes and saw two blue orbs staring back at him.
"Not that I mind you running your hand over my ass," Sarah began. "But if keep doing that, I'm going to have to attack you… again."
He blinked, and realized she was naked, just like he was, and they were in the bed, together. "I'm sorry?" he replied, shutting his eyes, realizing how tired he was. And then he grinned, because he remembered why he was so tired, and hadn't slept much.
"For what, touching my ass? Or making me have to attack you… again?" Sarah asked.
"Not satisfying you enough that you don't feel the need to attack me," he replied. There was silence, and he opened his eyes. Sarah was barely shaking her head, amusement on her face. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No," Sarah said softly. "But I am seriously considering keeping you."
"Sorry, ma'am, you have no choice. I'm pretty sure you broke me, so you've bought me," he retorted, a grin on his face. That grin disappeared, and his eyes shot open.
"Doesn't feel broken," she said, a saucy smile on her face. She leaned toward him, to kiss him when a scream from somewhere made them jump.
"Think there's a camera in here and someone saw me naked?" Chuck asked.
"No, because she didn't kick the door down and attack you," Sarah said. Chuck gave her a look, and she just shrugged.
}o{
A little bit later there was a pounding on the door. Chuck went over and opened it, surprised to see Jack standing there. "I need to talk to my daughter."
"She's in the shower," Chuck said as Jack moved past him into the room. "Come on in," Chuck said to the empty hallway. He shut the door and turned. After the scream, Sarah had told Chuck to get ready, and then she would. When he asked why he should go first, she said if she did, she'd drag him into the bathroom with her, and that would take even longer. His brain overheated at that point, before he could ask why she couldn't just join him.
"They're gonna arrest me, Charlie," Jack said, pacing back and forth. "They're gonna arrest me, and for once, I didn't do anything."
"Jack, calm down. What are you talking about?" Jack just stared at Chuck. "What?"
"You really don't know?" Jack asked.
"Know what?" Sarah asked as she came out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair. She stopped beside Chuck, and kissed him quickly on the lips. She turned to her father, who had an irritated look on his face. "What?"
"Seriously, how far have you gone in this con?" he asked. Chuck felt Sarah tense, and slipped an arm around her.
"Hey," he said gently. She calmed down. "I don't know what the hell you're implying Jack-"
"Listen, schnook, if she was conning you, you wouldn't even know it," Jack began.
"Dad, knock it the hell off. There is no con," Sarah told him. "I like him. I care about him and, frankly, what you think doesn't matter to me one iota."
"Well, if they find out we're related, you're probably going to jail with me," Jack told her.
"For this con your running?" Sarah asked.
"You two kids really have no clue, do you?" Chuck and Sarah shared a look. "There's been a murder."
}o{
Sarah and Jack began to argue in the corner of the room, while Chuck turned on the TV and sat on the bed, trying to ignore the family fight happening so close to him. Sarah glanced over at him and shook her head.
"Hey, curls, you know you are a part of this," Sarah said.
"Leave the schnook out of it," Jack told her. "I know he's not your boyfriend, and it's all a con."
"You're wrong, he is my boyfriend," Sarah said. Chuck glanced at her, and she held his gaze. "And I don't care what you think, Dad. I like him, a lot, and I care about him. This is real."
"Whatever," Jack huffed. "Listen, I'm more worried about going to jail than your…" He trailed off.
"Love life?" Sarah offered. Jack looked pale.
"I'm confused," Chuck said.
"About what?" Sarah asked.
"So many things," Chuck admitted. "Like, this report on TV."
Sarah's lips trembled. Surely, right now, of all times, he wasn't going to.
"See, there was this man who worked in a Chinese restaurant, who burned himself severely while doing a stir fry. Paramedics say he may never wok again."
Jack did a slow turn toward him. "What the hell was he doing that made him burn himself so badly?" Tears were in Sarah's eyes, trying to hold in the laughter.
"This guy?" Jack asked, turning to Sarah.
"That guy," Sarah said, with a smile and a shoulder bounce, looking perfectly happy.
"Why would the cops make the leap that a con artist killed someone?" Chuck asked.
"Because they're lazy," Jack replied.
"Did you do it?" Chuck asked. Jack stared at him. "I'm not helping anyone who is guilty."
"Chuck, my dad doesn't kill, he hates guns," Sarah told him.
"Good, he has that in common with me, and Batman… at least comic Batman. Movies Batman… eh." Sarah gave him a look and he cleared his throat. "I'm really not sure what your worry is, if you're innocent."
"Because I'm running a con!" Jack insisted.
"Aren't all these retreats a con?" Chuck offered. Sarah giggled. "I mean, they have one idea, take a bunch of words, and make it sound a certain way. Hell, Jeffster's entire corporation is built on a con of them being famous rock stars."
"They're really big in Germany," Jack pointed out.
"So is David Hasselhoff," Chuck countered. Sarah blinked. He had a point. "Why don't we go down and see what's going on?" There was a knock on the door.
"Police!" came the gruff voice from outside.
Chuck got up and opened it. There stood a man, big, burly, and a sour expression on his face. He was accompanied by a dark-haired woman, who had her own expression that Chuck had to call Give me a reason and I'll break you."
"Detectives Casey and Rizzo," the man said. Chuck just stood there. "Aren't you going to invite us in?"
"No," Chuck replied. "I don't know you're really who you say you are." Casey and Rizzo shared a look, sighed, and showed him their badges. "Thank you," Chuck chirped. "How can we help you?"
"Why weren't you downstairs?" Casey asked. "Only three people were unaccounted for, and now we find them here?"
"Well," Chuck began. "My girlfriend and I-"
"Girlfriend?" Casey asked, giving Chuck a look.
"That would be me," Sarah said, walking up beside him and putting her arm around him. "We were in the midst of enjoying ourselves, when we heard the scream. We didn't hear gunshots or anything, so we thought we'd shower before joining the others."
"I see," Rizzo said. She eyed Chuck up and down. "When you say enjoying ourselves…"
"Sex," Sarah replied. "Great sex. Amazing sex."
"Stop," Rizzo, Casey, and Jack all said at once.
"So why is he here?" Casey asked, pointing at Jack.
"That's Sarah's father," Chuck replied. He heard Sarah snort, and saw the looks of disgust on Casey's and Rizzo's face. "Wait, that sounded horrible. While Sarah was in the shower, he came over here, to check on Sarah."
"Really?" Casey asked. "Or did he come over here, because he was the killer and needed an alibi?"
"And why do you think he is the killer?" Chuck asked.
"Because he's a con man," Casey said. "We've already spoken to his partner downstairs."
"Dammit Daphne," Jack muttered.
"So, you admit it?" Rizzo asked.
"No, he admitted nothing," Chuck replied. "And why would you think a con man would kill? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"Because Manoosh figured it out, and tried to blackmail Jack," Casey began.
"Well, that's the dumbest theory ever," Chuck said. Casey and Rizzo gave him a look. "I mean, Jack did everything above board. These conferences are all a con to some degree." Rizzo pressed her lips together, having to agree. "Besides, Jack already has the money, has done nothing to lose it. If anyone would be likely to murder in that scenario, it would be Lester."
"Why not Jeff?" Casey asked.
"That would require Jeff to not be high," Chuck replied.
"He could be aggressive when he's high," Rizzo countered.
"No, he's a very mellow idiot," Sarah replied. "A perv, but an idiot."
"Oh," Rizzo said, completely understanding.
"But it's not Lester," Chuck continued.
"Why not?" Casey asked.
"Because Lester isn't capable of violence," Chuck said. "He's… a sleaze, he's inappropriate, but murder? No."
"I still have to question him," Casey told them.
"Let me go with you," Chuck offered.
"Why do you care?" Casey asked. "Why should I trust you?"
"Because he's the only one in the whole damn company besides my daughter that has one lick of sense," Jack offered. "He can help you."
Rizzo and Casey shared a look and shrugged. "You don't speak to them directly," Casey warned. Chuck nodded. Casey turned to Zondra. "Question her, alone."
"Why?" Zondra asked.
"Because I want to know what she knows," Casey said.
"Then you should question Chuck, because he taught me a lot of what I now know," Sarah replied.
Jack made a choking sound.
A/N: Maybe I should tone this down…..Come on back as my homage to crazy, insane comedies continues next time.
"You want to make a cake, here?" the cook asked.
"Yeah, if that's okay," Chuck replied. "Listen, I won't screw up your salt or butter, but if I do, you can have those detectives arrest me for a salt and buttery."
"Get out," Sarah told him.
"It's not your kitchen," Chuck retorted, grinning at her. The cook was trying not to laugh.
