Title: "Everybody Is Looking
For Something"
Author: J.J.
Warning:
It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It contain some Japanese words
(the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, some lemon, a bit of
sappiness...
Notes: Inspired by "Tokyo Babylon"
Vol. 1 'Destiny' and by the fact that people are often looking
for something without knowing exactly what they're looking
for.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find
them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it
means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it.
However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you
finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is
really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be
still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra
explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo
Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm
merely using their characters because I love them... especially
Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own
the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me
harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary:
Everything started simply enough with a bet between a teenager and
a child. Right then none of the two knew in what they had involved
themselves or how it would change their lives...
"Why am I walking barefoot
Upon this road with no one around
I close my eyes to this decision
The night's like coffee to my tongue
Like waking up without a sound
I map the words out
Maybe you will say them
Would you help me rise up
Touch my face and watch me try
to breathe again
Would you let me do this
Burn down the final
wall
Overcome me baby
Overcome me baby
Overcome me
baby
Overcome me yeah
All I'm asking is to be alive for
once."
(Vienna Teng - "Momentum")
The place was weird, but the child was too young to notice. There was nothing around, absolutely nothing, except for himself, a Sakura tree and a tall teenager in his black Gakuseifuku.(1)
The Sakura was in full bloom.
The teenager was friendly if a little weird as well, but, as he was the first nice person that the child had met since arriving in Tokyo, his weirdness didn't matter much. He had immediately decided that he liked him. A whole lot. From his first glance the child felt a pull for which he had no name.
The child liked the strange place too, wherever it was. It was peaceful, completely different from Tokyo's normally chaotic yet cold facade. The big city had scared him and had made him feel homesick. This place however... was kind of welcoming. Kind of like home. He liked it. He would tell Hokuto-chan about it once he got back home.
"The Sakura is beautiful," he couldn't help saying. It was so nice to be with someone who was being kind to him... who didn't seem to expect him to behave like a grown up but wasn't treating him like a meaningless child either. The teenager seemed interested in what he said.
"Do you like Sakura blossoms?" he asked curiously in a smooth, well modulated voice, and the child decided he liked his voice a whole lot too.
"Yes!" he chirped enthusiastically. Did they maybe share the same tastes, he wondered. Did they have something in common, something that might explain why he felt close to this teenager he had never met before? Would this something, allow them to become friends? To be together like this again?
The teenager's smile widened at his answer, and with a gesture he motioned at the falling blossoms.
"Did you know there are corpses buried under the Sakura?" he asked in a quite dispassionate tone for such a macabre topic.
"Corpses?" the child asked, not sure if the teenager was being serious or joking. After all, Hokuto-chan too loved to tell him scary stories, and maybe the nice teenager was similar to her more than to him. That thought made him inexplicably sad.
"The Sakura blossoms so beautifully every year because there are corpses buried underneath," the teenager explained in a serious tone, his hand moving to touch the flowers blossoming on one of the tree's branches near him. "The Sakura flowers were originally white, pure white, as the snow," he continued smiling as if amused as he looked at the flowers. "So, do you know why they are now coloured lightly pink?" he asked returning his attention to the child, his tone conspiring as if he were sharing a secret.
The child shook his head, feeling somehow captured by that strange, morbid tale.
"Because they suck the blood of the corpses buried under the tree," the teenager explained cheerfully, as if he wasn't talking of a gruesome matter, but of something fun.
The child's eyes widened at the revelation and tears came to his eyes as he considered the implications of what the teenager said.
"But does this hurt the people under the Sakura?" he couldn't help but ask.
The teenager was startled by his question and his eyes, even if partially obscured by his long fringe, studied the child with a deep, intense gaze for a moment, then he smiled again, a smile that seemed more an amused smirk then anything else, and he bent down, his eyes now at the child's level.
"Let's make a bet," he said, sounding intrigued. "If you and I were to meet again..." But the rest of his words were lost as the wind started to blow, its whistling covering whatever the teenager was saying.
"I'm sorry! I can't hear you because of the wind!" the child exclaimed apologetically.
The teenager's smile stayed and he touched the child's cheek in a gentle caress. His hand was large, strong and yet... warm and nice as he touched him. It felt so nice against his cheek...
"Therefore today... I'll let you go..." the child managed to make out before everything began to fade and he fell into a deep slumber.
'He said there are corpses buried under the Sakura. That's why every year they would bloom ever so beautifully. Who was he, who could say that smiling? Will I see him again? I... I can only wait for him, I... I...'(2)
The teenager sleeping on ground covered by Sakura blossoms was a picture of ethereal beauty. His white Shikifuku, combined with his innocent look gave him a sense of purity, as if he was an angel fallen from the sky for some reason, an angel so beautiful no mortal eyes should be allowed to see him. Sakura petals were falling quietly on him in a slow dance accentuating the beauty of the picture, so many they gave the impression they would end up covering him fully.
Yes, they would bury him, bury him completely and his resting place would become his grave. He would never wake up again, and if he never woke up then he would never spread his white wings and fly, fly away from this place. He would remain here forever. The beautiful child that had grown into a beautiful teenager maybe one or two years younger then him would stay with him forever. And yet he would never be really with him. Not while he was sleeping.
The older, taller teenager frowned, not really pleased with that conclusion, then walked up to the other boy and knelt at his side.
There was no reaction from the sleeping boy who should have been around sixteen or seventeen. His eyes were still closed. His chest moved up and down regularly, but his small, curled form was perfectly still aside from that. Up close he was even prettier; soft porcelain skin begged to be touched; slightly parted rosy lips seemed to have been made to be kissed; a small, cute nose; long, dark eyelashes that, he knew, would shadow eyes of a perfect emerald green should those eyes open again; a round, childish face, framed by fine, dark, ebony hair; a frail neck; not too large shoulders, and slender arms with such perfect, small hands that carried, printed on their back the shape of a reversed star...
He nudged one of the sleeping teenager's hands with the curious look of a child busy poking his new toy.
The skin was soft and warm but the sleeping teenager didn't react to his touch.
He took the small hand into his own. It fit perfectly, as if made to be there. The young boy's fingers seemed to weakly try to close around his hand, as if to return the hold, and he moaned something but showed no other reactions beside this.
The older teenager grinned at that, intrigued, planning to get more than just a moan. He let the hand go and saw it drawn back to its original position next to the other as its owner grimaced, as if in pain, and curled in on himself further.
However he didn't seem to plan to wake up; on the contrary his sleep seemed even deeper now.
The teenager poked one of those soft cheeks, gaining only another moan.
"Sleeping beauty, wake up," he said as he poked the sleeping boy's cheek again causing him this time getting the other's head to move a little as well as moan. The teenager stared at the boy, fighting the urge to pout. Poking didn't seem to lead him anywhere. His sleeping beauty didn't seem to plan to wake up anytime soon. The game wasn't progressing fast enough and he hated that. His sleeping beauty...
He grinned as he came up with a new plan.
It always worked in fairy tales so why shouldn't it work right then?
He took hold of the sleeping teenager's shoulder and then, gently, turned him on his back. More moans, some squirming as the boy settled in his new position and then nothing again. His prey's face was still turned toward him, his neck exposed. His right arm, draped on his stomach, gave him an impression of a vulnerability that made him look even tastier. He trailed his fingers lightly over that exposed neck.
It was so soft and delicate...
It would take nothing to break it, to crush it in his hands, cutting off the boy's air supply... but that wasn't what he had in mind. He was planning a more amusing game and it required the boy to be alive and breathing. And awake.(3)
He leaned over the sleeping teenager, resting his weight on his forearms, and then glanced mischievously at the youth's unaware features before bending down further to brush his lips against the other's parted ones.
He hadn't planned to give him a real kiss, just a mere brushing of lips, but when he tried to raise himself he found he couldn't. He had touched those soft lips with his own, he had breathed the air the other boy exhaled, and the boy had done the same with his own and now... now he wanted more. Much more. And what he wanted he always got.
Experimentally he traced with the tip of his tongue those soft lips, causing them to part a little more, and then kissed them again, gently at first, then deeply, enjoying how they parted even more under him, allowing him to savour them more and...
A noise, more like a whimper then a moan, caught his attention, as the movements of the one under him became more marked and he regretfully ended the kiss and raised himself a bit to watch his sleeping beauty wake. The lips he had kissed parted further, the eyes squeezed shut as if fighting to remain closed and the body tensed, squirming a bit in the struggle between wakefulness and sleepiness, then relaxed again with a sigh. The older boy stared at his companion, wondering if now he would finally come awake or not and was rewarded with a delicate fluttering of the boy's eyelashes that slowly turned into a sleepy blinking.
Emerald eyes gazed straight at him and he grinned back, satisfied, like the cat that ate the canary and got away with it, which was exactly what he planned to do.
He didn't grin for long.
As soon as the teenager realized the compromising position he was in, he hurriedly tried to get up, ending up banging his head against the other's.
The younger teen fell back on the ground, rubbing his sore forehead with both his small hands while the older one moved away from him to do the same with his own.
Apparently they both had very tick skulls since neither of them reported serious damage.
"I'm sorry!" the younger boy whimpered realizing he had hurt the other. "Are you all right?" he asked then in a very concerned tone.
"I think I'll live..." the older boy replied, still rubbing his forehead. "What about you? Do you want me to kiss where it hurts and make it better?" he asked with a teasing grin from his sitting place on the Sakura covered ground. The response was quite amusing as the other boy blushed wildly and shook his head, clumsily trying to get up as fast as it could. It wasn't his day, it seemed, as his foot ended up caught in one of the Sakura's roots and he tripped back down and straight into the other teenager's arms. Time seemed to stop and the quite embarrassed younger boy wished the ground would open and swallow him. At least this time he hadn't hurt the other teenager. He babbled apologies trying to get up again, but the other boy wrapped his arms around him, keeping him captive.
"Mine!" he declared, amused, and the younger boy looked at him in confusion, blinking innocently, causing him to laugh, genuinely happy even if he didn't know exactly why. " I've got you! You're mine and mine only!" he repeated as he tightened his hold around the smaller boy who squirmed uneasily in his lap, his white Shikifuku creating an interesting contrast with the black colour of his Gakuseifuku. Black and white. Light and shadow. Ying and Yang. Two sides of a whole.
"Hum..." the younger teen said hesitantly as he blushed even more, nervously licking his lips. They felt not quite bruised but still... strange, as if something had been pressed against them a bit too hard. "I don't think this is a proper position... I mean... I'm in your lap... I mean..." he babbled, unsure.
"Stay," the older boy whispered softly, gently, in the shell of his ear, warm breath tickling against it, nuzzling affectionately against him. "Play with me, just for a while," he requested and he sounded more like a lonely child then he would have liked. The other glanced at him again from under those dark, long eyelashes, still hesitant, then relaxed, leaning into the other's warm and possessive embrace.
It felt nice to be there, so tremendously nice, the nicest thing that had even happened to him and he couldn't explain why, but all of sudden a strange anxiousness hit him and he wrapped his arms tightly around the older boy, as if fearing that the comforting sensations could be ripped away from him at any moment and he would never have them back.
The other tightened his hold as well and they clung to each other, nuzzling slightly, like scared children. There was no one else there besides them. They were alone, so alone that it hurt and they could find comfort only in each other.
The older boy however grew quickly bored with just cuddling and nuzzling and so he started kissing and nipping the younger boy's neck slowly. The smaller teenager pulled away when his brain registered what the other was doing. He stared at his taller companion with wide, green eyes, flushing such a deep shade of red he reminded the other of a cherry and the thought was strangely pleasing for the older boy.
"What... what are you..." the boy stammered unable to put his feelings in words. It hadn't been unpleasant, quite the contrary, it was just... just...
"Loving you," the other responded, then, grinning mischievously, he pulled him close suddenly. This caught the younger boy unprepared, causing him to end back up against the other teenager, mere centimetres away from him, their noses almost brushing one against the other. He tensed while the other's grin widened, then the older boy turned his head slightly and moved closer slowly, deliberately, and, before the younger registered how very close they were, the older boy's lips were pressed against his own in a hungry kiss. The younger teen remained frozen in place, unable to move away but unable to participate either. The other tightened his hold even more, deepening the kiss, turning it into a more heated, more passionate one and yet... yet it still didn't seem enough - on the contrary it made the older boy even more hungry, even more thirsty for his younger captive, as if he was drinking sea water - and he couldn't understand why.
He stared at the younger boy when they parted and he noticed he had flushed a deeper red but that he also looked unhappy, his eyes downcast while he was biting his lower lip as if about to cry.
"What's wrong? Didn't you like it?" he asked, feeling vaguely offended. He knew he was a good kisser, his mother had told him many times; she had personally taught him how to give the best kisses in the world, how could the younger boy not appreciate his ability?
"That's not... loving someone," the boy whimpered, hurt shining in those beautiful, green eyes. The older boy tilted his head and looked at him curiously, wondering what the other could mean.
"Then how do you love someone?" he asked.
The younger boy returned his gaze to him, the hurt in his eyes being replaced with confusion.
"You don't know?" he whispered in an almost hesitant manner, more to himself than to the other.
In reply the older boy shook his head.
"No. Show me," he requested.
The boy blinked, caught by surprise.
"Me?" he asked weakly, fear colouring his voice. "But I never..." he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence, his blush intensifying yet again.
"Don't you want to teach me how?" the older boy asked in an almost pouting manner.
"But I'm not sure I know... I mean, I never..." he babbled anxiously.
"Teach me," the other whispered moving closer to him again, his tone low and sensual.
His captive looked at him hesitantly. It was the first time anyone had treated him like this and he felt completely captivated by the older boy, hypnotised by intense golden eyes and a smooth voice that were fuelling fantasies that were not exactly pure.
"I..."
"Teach me," the older boy insisted.
Nervous green eyes stared at calm golden ones then the younger boy seemed to make a decision. His skin flushed even more as he moved closer. He closed his eyes when his lips gently touched the other's in what was just a delicate brushing. The other tried to move closer still but the younger moved back slightly, still keeping contact and yet not deepening it, and the older boy realized he had never experienced such a gentle kiss. It was a weird feeling, deadly sweetness that left him wishing madly for more. He was surprised to find himself panting when ended the kiss. He stared at the flushed boy, whose gaze was again lowered, studying him attentively and yet totally unable to understand why he had so liked what the other had done.
"More," he requested hungrily, licking his lips as if to taste the remaining flavour of the boy's lips on his. He sounded exactly like a child asking for another slice of cake, and the other seemed to flush even redder, making him wonder what shade he could reach should he be further embarrassed and unconsciously his lips curved upward in a fond smile.
"More," he asked again, hugging the younger boy close, nuzzling affectionately nuzzling the other.
Hesitantly, the younger boy moved his hands away from the older teen's shoulders, then wrapped his arms slowly around the other boy's neck. They stared at each other first, their foreheads touching and their vision blurred due to the proximity. Then the younger moved to kiss him again, still gently, still lovingly, in that maddeningly sweet manner of his, and the older tightened his hold around the younger, refusing to let him go but aware that, should he try to pull him closer, he might cause the younger boy to try to move away again, to try to push him back and cut off the kiss and that was something he absolutely didn't want to happen.
It lasted longer that time, their lips parting slightly giving to the older boy the chance to brush his tongue against the younger one's before the smaller boy pulled away again.
"Don't stop," the older almost whimpered, unable to let the other go. He still couldn't get a handle on that weird feeling the younger boy evoked in him, of that deep hunger no one else had awakened, no matter how hard he tried to rationalize it. It was a totally new experience and he just... couldn't find any explanation for it, for that need that wasn't just physical but... but deeper, a need he hadn't been aware of before, even if probably it had always been curled in a corner of him and that now was screaming full force its existence.
The younger boy leaned against him again, a bit less hesitantly, kissing him a third time, in a marginally deeper manner and they both moaned inside the kiss.
The younger boy's heart was pounding and when the other held him even closer, causing their bodies to push against each other. He moaned again, his hands unconsciously moving to tangle themselves in the older boy's hair gently, not pulling it, but still with a hint of possessiveness that had been foreign to him until then.
It was a bittersweet feeling, to love someone so much, to want someone so much and to know he couldn't have what he loved, what he wanted, what he needed and he couldn't suppress a sob. He buried his head against the older boy's shoulder when the kiss ended, knowing he couldn't have the older boy for himself but unable to let him go. He didn't complain when the other, confused by his reaction, started trailing soothing kisses and gentle caresses or at least he hoped they were soothing kisses and gentle caresses and not merely lust driven acts.
"What's wrong?" the older boy whispered in his ear in a vaguely curious tone, his hand gently petting his hair as he would the fur of a kitten. He seemed to like to pet him.
"I love you," he whimpered against his shoulder, still refusing to look at him. "I love you..."
"Why?" the older boy asked with mild interest. The younger boy turned marginally so that he could see the other boy's face from the corner of his eye.
"Because... because you are you and I am me," was his totally unhelpful reply. The older boy pondered a bit on this.
"I don't know how to love someone," he replied honestly in the end. "I don't think I know how to love or how to hate," he added with a careless shrug. "It's not like I care much about people one way or another. I like you, though. I want you. Isn't this enough?"
The younger boy looked at him, sadness and longing painfully evident in his eyes, then hugged him again, tightly, in an almost hampering his breathing, not answering his question.
The older boy frowned, not understanding the younger boy's behaviour, then dismissed it as unimportant and resumed kissing his neck. However his companion didn't seem as caught up in it, as the older would have liked. He tried kissing him in a slower, gentler manner, hoping to get some response.
"That's how you love someone? Being gentle?" he asked, trying to return the boy's attention to him and, at the same time, trying to discover if he was doing something that the younger was finding unpleasant. "Am I not being gentle enough?" he whispered seductively in the boy's ear before taking the lobe between his lips. The youth moved his head away, freeing his ear from his grasp, then buried his face further against his shoulder, his whole body tense as if he was about to start to cry.
"That's not..." he began in a trembling voice then stopped. The other groaned.
"Then how is it?" he asked, peeling the boy off him enough to catch his face and force him to look straight at him. The other submitted to his will but his eyes were amazingly sad and he didn't know what to do about them. "I know I can give you pleasure, I can give you more pleasure than anyone else," he stated then, firmly believing that he was the only one who could satisfy the younger boy, that he was the only one the younger boy could want. "You only have to tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. You'll love it," he added reassuringly as if that would be enough to solve the problem.
"I..." the boy whimpered trying to turn his eyes away.
"No," the other said firmly in a tone that didn't admit discussion. "You've got to look at me," he ordered as he forced the younger to continue to look at him, his golden eyes meeting pained, frightened green ones again. "What do you want?" he repeated and the other just stared at him. "Tell me," he insisted stubbornly. "Tell me," he asked more gently when he got no response, trying to coax a reply out of the younger boy.
"Don't leave," the other begged in an almost desperate tone and he blinked in surprise at the odd request then laughed.
"I surely don't plan to," he assured. 'Not while I'm having fun at least.' The other boy just gazed at him.
"Don't leave. Don't leave me behind," he asked again in a more firm tone. "I don't want to stay without you," he assured.
The older boy smiled condescendingly at the younger, brushing distractedly the other's hair in an attempt to comb it better and making him even more beautiful, finding that request really cute but not giving it much importance.
"Tell me what you 'want' me to do," he asked again in a coaxing voice pleased by how pretty the boy in his arms looked. Such a pretty thing had to be his and he would do anything to own it. He could always throw it away later, when he would grew bored with it.
"I don't know. There's nothing else I want besides this," the younger boy explained as he hid again his face against the other. The older teen blinked again, confused. No one could wish for so little. What could be the joy in just being with someone else? People were boring. What could be the joy in just being with him? He wasn't someone of whom people should wish the company. No, that boy didn't know what he was talking about and yet... for a moment... his words had made him feel... something warm and very pleasant inside himself that he had never felt before... No, that had been just a fleeting impression; whatever the boy could say wouldn't, couldn't ever matter to him he decided, frowning, not knowing whether to be disappointed or pleased by that.
"Then I'll teach you," he stated firmly and the other turned to look at him in confusion. "I'll teach you to wish for other things besides this. I'll teach you what pleasure is and that that is all that matters," he decided stubbornly. The boy was supposed to be a teenager almost his own age and yet... yet he was still... still pure and innocent... still kind and caring... so far away from him, so cold and uncaring, and he didn't like that. It was time to taint that purity, it was time to shorten that distance. It was time to make the boy fully his. He kissed the boy again, at the beginning trying to mimic their previous kiss, than he gave up and just abandoned himself to passion. It didn't feel as good as before and it was mostly forced and one sided and that somehow made him anxious, as if there was something between them, a barrier he couldn't break. They parted and he watched the boy helplessly, he didn't want anything between them, but he didn't know how to remove whatever was the problem from his way.
The younger boy stared back at him in confusion, then he seemed to come to some understanding and so he shifted on his lap, moving to straddle him. That was better, the older boy thought as he felt the younger boy's legs circling his waist in the same manner the teen's arms were circling his neck and he wrapped his arms around that lithe form, keeping them as close as possible, their forehead resting one against the other. The younger boy looked at him hesitantly, not really sure what he should do, then, timidly, he tried to reach for him. The older boy reached back immediately and their kiss this time was a mix of love and passion, possessiveness and need and they dragged it on as long as possible. That was good, that was what he was looking for, that was more like what he wanted, and he was sure the younger boy should have wanted it to be like that as well.
He let himself fall back, dragging the boy with him and then rolled them, so he was over his smaller partner, kissing, touching, caressing, tasting, but now it was no longer exactly how he wanted it.
"Touch me," he told the other, more like a order than an invitation.
"What?" the boy stammered. From the moment he had been dragged to the ground and pushed on his back the younger teen hadn't moved, allowing the other to use his body but not really participating just clinging to him, trembling slightly as if scared. The older boy smiled at him mischievously again.
"Help me to remove my jacket," he said.
"WHAT!" the younger boy exclaimed reaching a new shade of red.
"Please," the other purred, stroking his body against the smaller one causing them both to moan in pleasure. The younger boy tried to babble something nervously and failed when the older nuzzled like an affectionate kitten against him repeating please over and over in an insistent manner. Then he seemed to turn even redder as he gave up the fight and his arms untangled from the older boy's shoulders, his small hands moving to undo the other teen's Gakuseifuku's buttons shakily and with great difficulty. Once he got what he wanted the older boy stopped nuzzling insistently and looked at him with a half fond, half amused gaze, absently trailing his right hand over the smaller body under him, sometimes gently, just a kind caress, sometimes more distractedly, as if to pet a mildly amusing puppy, sometimes in a quite teasing manner, studying each reaction he could get from the other boy, enjoying each intake of breath, each moan, each sigh, each flinch, each wriggle, each squirm and each whimper. When the last button was undone the edges of his jacket fell open, revealing his white shirt under it. The younger boy glanced at him uneasily, as if fearing he had done something wrong. He grinned, then carelessly removed his jacket and discarded it unceremoniously on the ground as the other looked elsewhere in embarrassment.
"Don't turn away. Not when it's getting interesting..." the older told to the younger as he gently forced the other to look at him again. Such a shy boy who was embarrassed by the mere fact he had removed his jacket... he thought, amused and delighted at the same time. He wanted to embarrass him more, to tease him more, to have him moan in pleasure and cling to him in need. He wanted... He wanted him. To own him. To posses him. In every way possible. His. The boy had to be his.
"You can undo my shirt's buttons now. Please," he said then, the last word added as an afterthought; really the sentence sounded more like a order than a request.
"I can't..." the boy whispered helplessly, uneasiness, embarrassment and fear mixing inside him as he turned his gaze away from him panting anxiously. The other grinned innocently.
"You're so cute," he commented, taking one of the boy's hand into his and nuzzling his face against it causing the boy to look back at him. "Don't worry. I won't hurt you," he added for good measure, staring at those charming, nervous, green eyes. They widened in fright.
"My hand..." he half whispered, half whimpered. The other looked at him curiously.
"What about it?" he asked, not really seeing what was wrong with it.
"The gloves... I'm not wearing them... Obaachan... the gloves... my hands..." he babbled, then snatched back his hand, and hid it with the other against himself, curling on his side and starting to tremble, his eyes dilated as if in shock. The older boy stared at him, confused. What about the gloves? And had he noticed only now he wasn't wearing them?
"Who cares about the gloves? They don't make a difference to me and you wouldn't enjoy this as much wearing them," he reasoned. The boy didn't seem to listen him.
"No one can see my hands. They're... a monstrosity... cursed... a shame... not show... never show... so sorry..."
The older boy frowned then, uncaring of the other's attempts to stop him, he grabbed one of those small hands into his, took it to his mouth and kissed its back delicately.
"They're not a monstrosity. They're pretty. They're mine. There's no shame in this," he stated in a gentle tone. The younger boy looked at him, such a desperate gaze, and for a while the older boy spent the time just murmuring soothing words to him, caressing his hair and kissing his hand, until the younger teen uncurled his smaller form and reached out for him again, wrapping his body back around him, hiding against him, because, right then, the older teenager was the only thing that mattered to the younger one. The other teen continued to murmur soothing words and to trail gentle caresses as he worked to free the boy from the upper part of his Shikifuku. The younger boy didn't offer his help but he didn't really resist either, obediently submitting to the other's will as long as he was allowed to be next to him, as long as the other was willing to comfort him.
The taller teen buried his head against the smaller boy's chest as he managed to expose it, kissing, lapping, nipping and caressing naked skin that no one else had touched, fighting to control his hunger for the boy and to keep his touches gentle so as not to scare him, only please him, soon causing the youth to forget his distress in the face of pleasurable feelings the older boy was causing him to have, and that he had never savoured before. The older boy enjoyed the sight of the smaller moaning and squirming under him as he explored his body then he moaned as well when one of the younger boy's hand tangled in his hair, keeping him close, while the other went to stroke his back. He raised himself a bit, ignoring the timid complaint of his companion, and caught the other's hands in his own, guiding them back to his own shirt, as if to exhort the boy to free him from it. The boy didn't resist and, with a bit of help from his side, the embarrassed teenager managed to unlatch all the button. Once done the older boy immediately sent his shirt and undershirt to join his jacket on the ground. The other boy's blush returned full force as he caught sight of his naked chest, and the older boy grinned.
"Do you think I'm sexy?" he asked teasingly and the other seemed to flush further. "I think you are," he stated without waiting for the other's reply, catching the other's hand and resting it against his chest.
"Touch me," he ordered. "Don't be afraid. I don't bite..." he said more gently at his shy companion. "I don't bite... unless you ask me to," he added, grinning. The younger boy tried to pull his hand back at first, but the older didn't let it go and so, once he realized insisting was a waste of time, the shy teenager slid his hand hesitantly over the other's chest. The older boy's chest was larger than his and so were his shoulders, giving an impression of strength and power that his smaller body would never manage. It might have been threatening, but at that moment it felt reassuring. The other wouldn't let any harm come to him. He froze as the older boy resumed touching and kissing him, and it was only after the other's request that he continued his shy exploration of the other's body. Touches and kisses and the way their bodies rubbed against each other were building something inside him, something he never felt before, and, slowly, he lost track of their actions and started concentrating only on sensations. He didn't really realize when the other boy undressed or when he finished undressing him, so that the only part of his body still covered were his arms, still in his Shikifuku's sleeves. He arched into the other's touch, making the oddest noises of pleasure not even aware he was doing them, trying to hold the older boy as close as possible, but still careful to keep his hold around him not too tight.
He became aware of things again when he felt a sharp pain as the other penetrated him, and he immediately bit his lower lip, suppressing a scream of pain and turning it into a mere hiss as his whole body tensed in reaction.
The older boy hissed as well, realizing exactly why, when having sex with a man, it was smart to use lubricant. He had been an idiot not to think of it, but, since all his previous experiences with sex had been with a woman, namely his mother, he just... didn't bother to consider it important, believing it was something tough boys like him didn't need. He swore to himself he would not make this mistake twice.
He looked down at his younger partner as he caught his breath. Actually they were both fighting to control their breathing but the younger boy was also biting his lower lip hard, trying to suppress his pain. The youth hadn't screamed as he was taken but he looked pretty miserable and, considering how naively he had behaved before, maybe he had no idea about what they had been doing or that it would hurt. It was probably his first time and his small body was likely not used to this. Yet he wasn't crying even if his eyes were more lucid then they should be and his body was trembling slightly as he clung tightly to him, looking silently at him in a desperate request for help and the older boy realized that maybe he should have also bothered to prepare the younger boy and to go in a little more... gently. He just... hadn't bothered to think, had wanted the other and had taken what he wanted. Besides, despite her frail look, his mother had always favoured roughness to kindness.
He leaned his forehead against the other youth's, caressing his ebony hair gently, soothingly, as he waited for them both to adjust to their situation.
"Sorry," he also said in a sympathetic tone. "I should have been more delicate, but it's supposed to stop hurting soon..." The younger boy just looked at him, unshed tears shining in his eyes. "Hold on to me, okay? It'll get better and I won't leave," he added trying to sound reassuring. The smaller teen forced his tense muscles to move and wrapped his arms and legs more securely around the other teenager, sniffling slightly, while the other murmured reassuring nonsense.
After a while the older boy tried to move again. The younger boy tensed and made a small, whimpering sound of pain as he clung to him tighter. He didn't look like he was enjoying this much. According to what the older boy knew about sex with males, it was all a matter of finding the right spot... and maybe it would help if he was slow and gentle. After all, that the boy wasn't his mother and apparently he liked different things.
For a while the whole matter remained awkward and messy, causing the younger boy only pain, then the older boy finally got the hang of it and they both started enjoying the act. It was really too bad that soon after they both started to really like it, it ended, leaving them panting, drowsy, covered in sweat and slightly sore as they clung to each other on the Sakura covered ground. More petals kept falling on them, so many they were almost creating a blanket over them. Golden eyes stared silently at green, lucid ones for a while, and then the older boy grinned satisfied while the younger smiled timidly before nuzzling closer to the other, burying his face against the older boy's chest in such a loving, affectionate manner that the older boy's grin widened even further. Was it this what one felt when loved, loved unconditionally, without being asked for anything in return?
It was... nice... warm and sweet and definitely good. Absently, he pet his companion, as if to praise him for his performance.
"Sorry about not having been very... delicate in the beginning," he said in a not really apologetic tone, more a polite act that anything else. The other boy squirmed closer to him.
"I don't care. As long as I'm with you I don't care," he answered affectionately, dismissing the pain he had felt and that still lingered in him as unimportant, and the other frowned not really understanding how the boy could be so forgiving. He caressed the boy's back gently, enjoying the smoothness of his skin and felt him moaning and squirming even closer.
"I love you," the younger boy whispered sleepily, yet in his voice was clearly audible the depths of his feelings and their absolute honesty. "My life has no sense without you. If we can't be together, if this is just a dream, I don't want to wake up ever again," he stated before slipping back into sleep. The older boy yawned, tempted to follow his example when the younger boy's words echoed back in his mind.
'My life has no sense without you. If we can't be together, if that's just a dream, I don't want to wake up ever again. I don't want to wake up ever again... I don't want to... I...'
"Hey," he said immediately, calling the younger boy and shaking his shoulder rudely. The youth didn't answer. The older boy sat up immediately and shook roughly the younger body in his arms. No reaction. The teen was still breathing but except for that... he could have been dead.
He called.
He shook him even more violently.
He even hit him, but he never got an answer.
The boy wouldn't wake up ever again. He wouldn't wake up. He wouldn't...
Sakurazuka Seishiro sat up panting. It didn't take him long to realize it had been only a stupid bad dream. He trailed his hand thought his hair as his mind went back to it. It was nothing important really.
So he had dreamt he was a teenager again and had wonderful, hot sex. Well, it wasn't the first time he had a wet dream and he hoped it wouldn't be the last. He was still young enough to have certain fantasies.
So he had quite enjoyed it. Well, sweet dreams were made for this.
So his 'bed partner' had been Subaru-kun. Well, he would never deny the boy was damn attractive with and without a Shikifuku. Especially without a Shikifuku.
So there was a bit of truth in it, since Subaru-kun was asleep, even if the technical term was 'within'. Well, it wasn't like he cared for the boy. He had purposely broke his arm and his heart in hope to get a reaction from him and if that was Subaru-kun's reply... well, who cared?
So it could have been a prophetic dream. He was an Onmyouji, he had spiritual power and he could have them. It could be true that Subaru-kun would never wake up again but that wasn't something that mattered to him, did it? Did it, he asked again to himself in mild annoyance when his mind didn't provide an answer fast enough. No, of course he didn't care if Subaru-kun wouldn't wake up ever again. He didn't care, he didn't care, he didn't care...
He rudely ordered his mind to shut up and stretched his arm toward the bedside table to retrieve a Mild Seven and his lighter.(4)
Shortly after he was staring at the smoke rising artistically from the tip of his cigarette as nicotine filed his lungs, trying to order thoughts that at the moment seemed as impalpable as the smoke itself.
It wasn't the same to stare at things with just one eye and he was grateful his injury had healed enough to allow him to remove those annoying, itching bandages at least. He tried to not mind it much. He knew he would get used to it soon.
Yet... he had no regrets.
He always did what he wanted. That time too. No one was allowed to touch what was rightfully his, and it had been just that which had pushed him to do such a foolish thing, hadn't it?
Subaru-kun was his and that woman wasn't allowed to harm him.
He saw the boy again as he had seen him in his dream, sleeping innocently in a bed of Sakura petals, his lithe body wrapped in his white Shikifuku; an ethereal, impalpable image of beauty and purity.
Something he owned. Something he owned and yet couldn't touch.
The boy was out of his reach now. Trapped inside himself he couldn't be touched by Seishiro, no matter what, and that was...
He took a deep drag from his cigarette, filling his lungs with nicotine, then exhaled slowly forcing himself to ignore that weird feeling of being abandoned and left behind. Subaru-kun didn't matter to him.
Subaru-kun might never wake up, never wake up...
'I love you. My life has no sense without you. If we can't be together, if this is just a dream, I don't want to wake up ever again.'
Stupid, romantic words his dream had made up or... or a prophecy as well?
No, that wouldn't make sense, why should he... not after what he did... and it wasn't like he cared...
He didn't care. He was firmly sure of that. He just wasn't capable of caring for another.
However... he couldn't return to sleep. And a walk wouldn't hurt him. And if, during it, he happened to check on the well being of his prey... well, who cared?
Soon Seishiro was quietly entering Subaru-kun's bedroom. The boy's flat was on the last floor of the building and the fact that Seishiro got in the boy's room from the window... well the balcony's door actually, reminded him of those childish tales his mother was so fond of, in which the prince climbed the tower to save the princess from her cruel kidnappers or from some monster.
However he was forced to admit that what he was doing that night wasn't nearly as difficult and exciting as what those princes did in those tales. He had got inside with no troubles at all.
For all their talks about feelings and caring the Sumeragi, Seishiro decided, didn't give a damn about their KaChou. They had left the boy alone, unguarded and defenceless again, as they had the first time he and Subaru-kun met. That pitiful Kekkai they had set up didn't count. It couldn't possibly stop him from getting inside and they had to know it, not to mention it wasn't really nice to leave the boy alone in the state he was. Subaru-kun seemed to be the only one capable of truly caring about others in the whole family. Maybe Hokuto-chan too, but not to the same extent as her brother. Only his Subaru-kun was capable of feeling so much, of caring so much.
Only his Subaru-kun who was now laying in his bed, as still as death, his eyes closed as if he was asleep.(5) Seishiro knew he wasn't. He felt a sense of déjà vu as he studied the boy's sleeping form, now clad in white pyjamas and not in white Shikifuku. He stared at the beautiful yet paler than usual face, at those features thinner than he remembered. Subaru-kun had never eaten properly but in this state he was doing even worse. The arm that Seishiro had broken while they were in his Maboroshi had been taken care of and now was laying on the cover, all wrapped in bandages.(6) They would have done better plastering it, Seishiro mused. It should still hurt even if, in that state, Subaru-kun couldn't be aware of it. He wondered if they had given him painkillers anyway, or had they left him without since in his condition the boy was unaware of physical pain. He sat on the bed and gently stroked Subaru-kun's fine, dark hair. It was soft, as soft as he remembered, as soft as it had been in his dream. His hand trailed down to touch a smooth cheek. He poked it, getting no reaction at all, not even a moan.
A doll, that was what Subaru-kun was right then, a beautiful doll. Seishiro might try to play with it but it would never play back.
They were together again but, with Subaru-kun in that state, there wasn't much difference from being alone.
His hand trailed lower, on Subaru-kun's neck, as it had done so many times. So easy to crush that neck in his hands. Even easier to kiss it.
No one was guarding the boy. He might undress him, take him and turn into reality what had happened in his dream. And yet... it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be the same since Subaru-kun wouldn't be aware of any of it and having him like that... would give him no satisfaction at all.
No, he couldn't have Subaru-kun like that.
But he couldn't wake Subaru-kun either.
Surely the Sumeragi had tried already all that was humanly possible to wake him up, and going within someone was their speciality. If they hadn't managed to wake Subaru-kun up, what could he do that they hadn't tried already?
Oh well, he told himself grinning, actually there was something he could do they surely hadn't tried.
It was childish, really, but it had worked in his dream... and anyway it was a good excuse for what he was about to do. Not that he needed excuses, he reminded himself grinning even more widely.
"Time to wake up, sleeping beauty," he whispered as he bent down on the boy and then kissed him, slowly, gently but fully because, why in the world should he merely brush his lips against Subaru-kun's when he knew perfectly well that he wanted to do much more than just that?
Subaru-kun was his, after all, and no one would be able to stop him from taking what was his. Not even Subaru-kun.
He didn't really expect Subaru-kun to wake up, but he wasn't really shocked when he felt the boy's lips parting and his body squirming minutely under him.
He raised himself a bit and smiled gently as he stared at Subaru-kun as the boy slowly came awake exactly as he had done in his dream.
So maybe it had been prophetic. Not that it mattered that much.
However the real Subaru-kun proved himself to be different from the one from the dream when, instead than trying to sit up when he saw Seishiro, he tried to scramble away, releasing a pained hiss when he attempted to use his injured arm, backing up against the wall, trapped between it and Seishiro. Seishiro didn't mind. He had expected this even if what he saw in Subaru-kun's eyes wasn't exactly what he had supposed he would see. He had believed there would have been fear in them; instead he saw only pain. And it wasn't of the physical type. He smiled amiably at him anyway.
"Good evening, Subaru-kun," he said smoothly as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't stepped on the boy's feelings and body like they were nothing. Well, his tone was a tad different than he had used with the boy previously. A bit less kind and a bit more sensual. It wasn't a courtesy visit after all.
"Sei... Seishiro-san?" the boy babbled hesitantly and Seishiro was sure that Subaru-kun wanted to cry. Only the boy didn't allow himself that luxury and simply stared at him, green eyes filled with never-ending pain. Yes, there was lot of pain, but no fear and no hate in them and that confused Seishiro.
"Aren't you afraid of me, Subaru-kun?" he asked, trailing his hand through Subaru-kun's hair slowly with an infuriating kindness that only seemed to sadden the boy more. And Subaru-kun was truly beautiful when he was that desperate but Seishiro hadn't come there to just watch him being sad. He wanted to get something from the boy, even if he didn't exactly know what. But Subaru-kun was merely staring at him without replying, biting his lower lip, his gaze so intense Seishiro had the impression he could drown in it. Was the boy too looking for something? "Subaru-kun, say something. It's kind of boring if you just stare at me," he complained, still smiling charmingly at him. "Or are you thinking of how sexy I am at this hour?" he asked teasingly, moving closer to the boy so that they were only almost a breath away. Subaru-kun didn't reply, not even with a blush.
For a while they just stared at each other as a long silence stretched between them. Seishiro grew quickly bored of it and, assuming that the boy would never bother to reply to him, contented himself with taking Subaru-kun's right hand carefully into his, mindful of the injured state of his arm and drawing it to his lips to kiss it, pleased to find the boy wasn't wearing those stupid gloves. Soft, he mused as he let his lips wander on it, the boy's skin was so soft and that small hand so beautiful and delicate that he...
"I love you," the boy said quietly all of sudden and Seishiro blinked, completely caught on surprise, not really sure if he had heard it right or if it had just been an echo of the dream he had before.
"Come again?" he asked staring at Subaru-kun with an honest expression of surprise.
"I love you," Subaru-kun repeated. There was a hint of embarrassment in his voice, in the manner he was keeping his head slightly lowered, but it was mostly obscured by pain. There was no hope in his voice; it sounded like the last confession of a man who was about to die, and Seishiro couldn't understand why the boy had told him that. He smiled carelessly anyway.
"Is this your way to try to persuade me to not kill you?" he asked in an amused tone even if in truth he didn't feel amused at all, just confused, but he had learned long ago to never show his weakness to anyone and Subaru-kun wasn't an exception.
Subaru-kun shook his head.
"Just... just something I wanted to tell you before dying," he explained in the same quiet tone, laced with pain but very determined, he had used before, and Seishiro knew the boy couldn't be lying because Subaru-kun just didn't know the art of it. The boy was prepared to die by his hands, and he really wanted him only to know it before killing him. Yet Seishiro couldn't figure out why. Unless...
"Do you think it'll matter to me?" he asked then, feeling slightly annoyed, tightening painfully his hold on Subaru-kun's hand. Subaru-kun shouldn't dare to think his words might affect him. The boy suppressed a whimper, but he didn't cry out, as he hadn't when he had broken his arm, and simply turned his head away.(7) Seishiro thought he would cry, but still Subaru-kun didn't let tears fall. Seishiro wondered why.
"No. It matters to me only. I'm sorry. It was an egoistic thing to say," Subaru-kun replied calmly. Seishiro sighed, deciding that sometimes Subaru-kun's behaviour was beyond his comprehension. What was he hoping to get from telling him something that he knew wouldn't affect him?
"I don't love you, Subaru-kun. I don't hate you either. I just... don't care," he reminded him, repeating to the boy what he had told him in his Maboroshi that day.
"I know..." Subaru-kun said simply, turning to look at him.
"So why do you love me?" Seishiro asked, feeling slightly frustrated. Why should he love him? Why should he care? Who would care for a person that had hurt him?
"Because you are you and I am me," the boy answered quietly in an absolutely firm tone.
In his dream Subaru-kun had said the same. It was a really unhelpful answer and yet... it was somehow total and definitive, as if to imply Subaru-kun had been born to simply love him no matter what. Seishiro placed his hand on Subaru-kun's cheek gently, stroking the boy's smooth skin with his thumb but at the same time making sure the boy wouldn't be able to turn his eyes away from him.
"You know, tonight, in a dream I had before coming here, you told me that. You told me that and then we had sex. Quite good sex by the way," he commented, and he was amused to notice how this managed to embarrass Subaru-kun, even if not at much as he wanted since he didn't get him to blush. The boy tried to turn his face away, but Seishiro held him firmly, stopping him from doing so. "But it was just sex, Subaru-kun, not love," he continued in a patient tone, as if he was explaining something to a not very bright child. "You're just the equivalent of an object to me, an object I own. I'll admit you're a beautiful object, maybe my favourite possession, but you're just that. Nothing more. I might kill you and feel nothing or... or I might steal you and keep you captive for the rest of your life, using you as a sex toy and still not care at all about you," he offered sounding as though the two options made no difference to him. "So, what are you going to do about it, Subaru-kun? Would you like me to kill you? Or would you like me to kidnap you? Strip you from your family and your title, never let you free to go where you want, to do what you want, letting me fuck you without ever caring for you?" he asked not really expecting Subaru-kun to take it into consideration. No one wanted to die, but Subaru-kun had been trained by the Sumeragi to keep up the pride of his family. Death should be preferable to him than being the Sakurazukamori's slave. And yet...
"But would you let me stay with you then? Will you?" the boy asked immediately, without even pausing to think, as if that was all that mattered to him, to be with him, not that to do so he would lose his freedom, his family and his honour, all for a man who didn't care about him.
Such a foolish thing to want and yet so Subaru-kun-like...
'What do you want?'
'Don't leave.'
'I surely don't plan to.'
'Don't leave. Don't leave me behind. I don't want to stay without you.'
'Tell me what you 'want' me to do.'
'I don't know. There's nothing else I want besides this...'
Silly, naïve, innocent, beautiful Subaru-kun... The only one in the world capable of a love so pure and disinterested for such a dark creature as himself...
"Yes, I'll let you stay with me," he agreed. "But I'll kill you if you'll try to escape afterward," he informed him in a very firm tone, looking serious for once.
"Then it's okay," Subaru-kun answered and Seishiro just stared at him before bending down a little and kissing him, catching him completely by surprise. Subaru-kun didn't answer the kiss, too stunned for it, but he didn't pull back either, and when they parted Seishiro was amused to notice Subaru-kun was finally blushing his normal shade of dark red, his green eyes open wide and his lips still slightly parted. Subaru-kun was tremendously cute when he flushed like that.
"I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into, Subaru-kun," Seishiro stated with a grin. Subaru-kun stared at him, blinking in utter confusion, then he seemed to recover as he lowered his head a bit in embarrassment, peering at him from under his long eyelashes, but there was an odd sort of quiet in him as well, a quiet that hadn't been there before and that softened his pain.
"I don't think I know either," Subaru-kun admitted as he looked down but there was a small smile on his lips, tinged with some lingering pain and yet deadly sweet. "But... only you are special to me, and I want to be with you," he added in such a low tone Seishiro barely heard it. Probably it wasn't even meant to be heard.
Seishiro didn't bother to think about the implication of it as he quickly pulled the covers away from Subaru-kun's body. The boy gasped and flushed some more in embarrassment as he unconsciously curled in on himself. Seishiro grinned mischievously at him and then picked him up into his arms, delicately, mindful of Subaru-kun's broken arm. He hadn't missed all those tiny little signs that the boy hadn't been able to hide and that clearly indicated that his arm still hurt, despite Subaru-kun's efforts to bear it stoically. The boy needed a painkiller and, at least, a better bandage. Since he was going to keep the boy he would make sure he was always in his best condition, at least until he got bored with him. Once the boy was in his arms Seishiro noticed he weighed almost nothing and also made a mental note to make sure to feed him abundantly in coming days. A too thin lover wasn't exactly appealing.
"It's time to leave your old life, Subaru-kun," he announced, grinning down at the boy.
Subaru squirmed uneasily, blushing even more in embarrassment. Not only was Seishiro-san carrying him in his arms but also Subaru was wearing only thin pyjamas and this, combined with the way Seishiro-san was looking at him, made him feel almost as if he was naked under his gaze and he wrapped his arms shyly around himself in a pitiful attempt to cover his form.
"Subaru-kun... you should wrap your arms around my neck now," Seishiro suggested in a purring tone as he saw him doing so, truly enjoying the sight of Subaru-kun's increasing embarrassment as he gave him a nervous glance that seemed to say the boy had no idea whether to take him seriously or not. It was kind of similar to old times, and yet different. He didn't have to fake kindness, and whatever consideration he offered the boy that night had a practical purpose.
"Do it, Subaru-kun," he ordered in a still sensual voice, curious to see if the boy would obey the Sakurazukamori, and let him carry him away from what had been his world until then. Subaru-kun just looked at him anxiously, then, hesitantly, did as Seishiro requested, nestling close to him and tentatively nuzzling against him as he rested his head on the man's shoulder. Such an innocent affection was almost touching, Seishiro thought as he kissed the boy's forehead causing the boy's blush to deepen, but winning a tiny smile from him as well.
His.
All his.
Fully in his hands.
He would own Subaru-kun in all ways possible and never again share him with a single soul, and that gave him a strong sense of satisfaction, as if he had finally found what he was looking for. Pleased, he walked away, carrying with him his most precious possession.
"Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused."
(Eurythmics - "Sweet Dreams")
JJ's Notes:
1. I know, I know, Seishiro's Gakuseifuku in the 'Tokyo Babylon' OAV is grey and in the 'Tokyo Babylon' manga it seems lighter then black. I kept it black because it contrast nicely with Subaru's white Shikifuku and in the 'X' manga and anime it was black.
2. This scene and the previous came from 'Tokyo Babylon' Vol. 1. I only added a couple of quotes to Subaru's thoughts in the end.
3. In 'Tokyo Babylon' Vol. 4 'Save B' Seishiro let his hands wander on Subaru's neck while the boy was asleep.
4. Seishiro is a 'Mild Seven' smoker.
5. Okay, so in 'Tokyo Babylon' Subaru's eyes are always showed open while he is within but Mitsuki could keep them closed so I assume Subaru could have kept them close at times.
6. Yes in 'Tokyo Babylon' Subaru's broken arm is only wrapped in bandages, not plastered. I've no idea if that is a CLAMP's error or Subaru's type of fracture couldn't be plastered. It healed just fine anyway so I guess it doesn't matter.
7. When Seishiro had broken Subaru's arm and beaten him up Subaru hadn't cried out (differently from Kamui who did so quite loudly when Fuma hit him).
JJ's Extra Notes:
The idea for this born from 'Tokyo
Babylon' Vol. 1 'Destiny', especially from the scene of
Subaru sleeping in his Shikifuku while Sakura blossoms fall on
him.
It was a pain to never mention who was who in the first part.
I hope it was obvious they were a seventeen Subaru and an eighteen
Seishiro. Their names are never mentioned because well... to them
they're unnecessary and because right then they aren't Sumeragi
Subaru and Sakurazuka Seishiro but just two teenagers who want each
other.
No, they aren't both teenager just because it was cute to
see them 'interacting' while they were at that age. Seishiro
is about to turn eighteen because that's the age in which he started
to want Subaru (Seishiro is born in November. I assume their meeting
was before November but after February so Subaru was already nine
while Seishiro still had to turn eighteen). Subaru is seventeen
because, even if he liked Seishiro right from the beginning he became
aware of the meaning of his liking at that age (I assume their second
meeting didn't happen on January the 1st so I consider the
'Tokyo Babylon' storyline moving on the last half of 1990 and
the first half of 1991. Since Subaru is born in February the 19th
1974 by the end of 'Tokyo Babylon' he should have been
seventeen.).
When Seishiro asked Subaru to show him how you love
someone and Subaru answered kissing him I wasn't trying to say that
love equal sex. That was Seishiro's dream. His vision influenced
it.
Also I know that Subaru forgived pretty quickly Seishiro but
the man hadn't killed yet his sister and Subaru is a forgiving person
in love.
And no, I've not idea if you can get out from 'within'
with just a kiss but since it's your choice to go within it might be
your choice to wake up as well.
I know, in the end Subaru is more
quiet than in 'Tokyo Babylon' but I assumed that, after what
had happened to him part of his normal behaviour would be lost due to
his desperation.
Is Seishiro in love with Subaru in this fic? If
you could ask him he would simply say he wants to own him. Of course
that's just Seishiro's interpretation of his feelings... you can pick
another one...
Dictionary:
-chan:
Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with
a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or
"Mrs."
Gakuseifuku: Student Uniform
KaChou:
Family Head
Kekkai: Shield
Maboroshi:
Illusion
Obaachan: "Grandmother" or "Old
Woman"
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin
and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and
changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of
astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical
way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji:
"Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician,
sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of
Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakura:
"Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"
Sakurazukamori:
"Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin
who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Shikifuku:
Ceremonial Robe
Don't grumble silently,
please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your
comments!
