AN: Like I promised, I'm back with the first chapter. Enjoy.
Chapter 1: Someone you Loved
At 6:30am her alarm clock started ringing. Kate Beckett got out of her bed and got dressed for work.
'Today is going to be a good day!', she thought when she opened the window and looked out into the scenery of New York, her new aka old hometown.
Kate Beckett might have spent most of her life in New York but it stopped feeling like home a long time ago.
She hadn't been back for years… not since that horrible day that turned her life upside down.
Today was her first day of work. She would teach first graders. Today was the day she would start her life all over again. Today was the day she would start living again… forget about her past, welcome a happier future… finally allow herself to be happy… and loved.
6 years ago her life changed for the worse.
That particular event caused her to leave her hometown and to build massive walls around herself that barely let people in.
6 years ago her parents were murdered and it left her empty, alone and mostly guilty.
One second they were the happy family walking through an alley to get to their favorite restaurant to celebrate her mother's promotion, in the other her parents were lying on the ground fighting for their lives.
Everything happened so fast. They were walking through that alley when two masked men jumped out of nowhere and started attacking them with their knives, seemingly without any reasons.
Johanna Beckett was the first to get attacked and found herself lying on the ground, bleeding out her thoracic and abdominal wounds in front of her husband and her daughter.
Jim Beckett tried to protect her but the two men were stronger than him and rammed their knives into him.
One of the men grabbed Kate by her hair, pulled her to the ground and tried to stab her. Before he could, Johanna Beckett threw herself in between them with the very last willpower she had left.
Kate could still hear her Mom screaming: 'Run Katie, run!'
And that she did, she took the coward way out of this and started running while her Mom distracted their attackers. When one of the masked men saw her running away, he followed her while the other fought with her parents who were fighting for their lives.
Luckily she was a fast runner and knew the streets of New York pretty well so she got rid of their attacker pretty fast.
She called the police and hoped that by any tiny chance her parents would be okay and that they could go back to being a happy family.
Deep down she knew that this would not be happening, that her life was about to change.
That, that was the very last time she'd seen her parents alive.
The police and paramedics arrived rather quickly and found Jim and Johanna Beckett, dead in the alley, holding each other.
When Kate saw them, she tried to run towards her parents, screaming, wanting them to wake up, hoping against all odds that it was just a cruel nightmare that she could wake up from.
2 police officers had to hold her back while she was calling out for her parents.
'I'm so sorry for your loss. We will do everything in our power to find the people who are responsible for this.', the shorter officer said
'Please let your stab wound get checked out by the paramedics over there. We will talk to you later to see how much you remember about your attackers.', the bigger and older officer told her.
Just in that moment she realized that she was bleeding out of her lower abdomen. Somehow that one attacker must have stabbed her when he had pulled her to the ground and she hadn't realized that until now.
Checking herself further she recognized some bruises on her knees and right arm and a rather deep looking cut wound across her right collar bone.
All of a sudden everything started to move in slow-motion and before she could help herself, everything went black.
The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital bed. For a fraction of a second everything seemed fine. She was looking around, hoping to see her parents sitting next to her. That wasn't the case and all of a sudden everything that happened in the past hours came crashing down on her. When she closed her eyes, she could see her Mom throwing herself at that one man who had grabbed her. She could hear her Mom scream out of pain and her Dad breathing heavily. And what had she done? She had run away and had left her parents all alone. She was 19 years old and had just lost both of her parents because she hadn't tried to fight back.
The rational part of her knew if she had stayed there and tried to fight back, she would have been dead as well. But the bigger part of her just wouldn't accept that and blamed herself for the death of her parents.
That's why she couldn't screw this up. For the past 5 years she blamed herself for everything that had happened. She couldn't let herself be happy. She just felt so guilty and all those years she told herself that she didn't deserve happiness and love.
Moving back from California to New York felt like a new beginning, she wanted to restart. To give herself a chance to be happy and to make some friends.
That's why she couldn't screw this up. She just couldn't and she wouldn't.
She was good with kids, well at least with some of them.
And this was it. This was her opportunity to show herself that she deserved better, that she did not have to live her life in denial and constant pain.
Kate got ready to leave her house when her phone started ringing.
Espo... why the hell was he calling? Espo and her go way back, they got through high school and university together and they were each others metaphorical anchors. No matter what, she could always count on Espo to have her back, especially after her parents were killed.
'Kate Beckett'
'Yo, Beckett. My car won't start... Could you pick me up on your way to work?'
'Sure thing, Javi. Meet you in 10. Only you would have such luck on your first day of work, huh?', she said while she tried to suppress a laugh.
'Yeah yeah, just laugh at the poor guy who's car won't start', he exclaimed, feigning hurt and annoyance in his voice. 'See you in 10, Beckett', he said and hung up.
Luckily Espo lived on her way to the school. About 10 minutes later she arrived at his building. Just as she was about to call him, he came running out of his building while trying to put some papers into his shoulder bag.
'Thanks for taking this poor guy to school, chica', he joked as he got into the passenger seat, still fighting with his bag.
'Ah be honest, Espo. Your car is working just fine but you are too scared to get to school by yourself. Don't worry, I'll protect you from all those evil kids who will probably be half as tall as you.', she said jokingly.
'Funny, Beckett. Someone is in a good mood today!', he said and smiled at her. 'I'm happy that you are trying to get your happiness back. We're going to have a wonderful day today, Kate. You are going to do amazing and the kids are going to love you. So, don't sorry!'
Kate just smiled at him. Espo was her best friend and they joked around as often as possible. But he could also sense when she was having second thoughts or was doubting herself. And at this very moment she was doubting herself. She wasn't sure if she could make it. All she wanted to do, was to turn around and drive back home. The fear of failure and the self-doubt were overwhelming.
'Thanks Espo. I want to believe you and I'm pretty determined to get through my fears and my guilt and to start new. But there is still that part of me that keeps telling me that I don't deserve any happiness because I left my parents to die.', she whispered.
'Kate, we've been through this. What happened wasn't your fault and you did everything you could do at this moment. Your parents wanted you to survive, they loved you and they didn't want you to get hurt. Those men were stronger than you. If you hadn't run away, you would have been dead… Your parents protected you and you did everything right. Don't feel guilty about this. I, for my part, am happy to have my best friend sitting beside me, breathing. Alive.'
'Espo, deep down I know that you are right but I can't stop feeling guilty. I know that I have built up these walls around myself to protect myself and I also know that they have to come down so that I can finally find my happiness. Right now, I feel so damaged. I have felt that way all these years. And if it wasn't for you and your support, I don't know what I would have done.', she smiled at him as she drove onto the parking area in front of their new workplace.
'No matter what, I'll always have your back, Kate. I'll protect you and I'll support you, every day.' They got out of the car and walked towards the school. Kate couldn't be any happier to have such a great friend as Espo. He had seen her at her worst and hadn't given up on her.
'And on the bright side: You might find some kid's single parent and fall in love with him and have some little Baby Katies running around very soon.', he exclaimed and grinned like a Cheshire cat.
'Espo, stop!', she laughed. This was typical Espo. 'I don't want to disappoint you but this will most likely not happen. We're not living in a fairytale. But we should focus on you instead on me. We should find you some Single Mom or some Single collegue.'
They both started laughing. Both of their past relationships hadn't been that successful. While Espo had jumped from one woman to another, Kate tried to make some relationships work.
But her past relationships never worked out. Her walls and her issues always kept it that way, she had to keep her distance because either way they would end up abandoning her.
Once she started dating a guy named Josh Davidson, a future heart surgeon.
They had hit it off immediately and she could even picture a future with him but 6 months into their relationship he decided to take up an offer in South Africa without even speaking to her about it.
After that she dated a FBI-Agent called Will Sorensen. He promised her so much but at the end he left her for a job offer in Boston.
From that moment on, she decided to never get her hopes up again.
AN: This is it. The first chapter yayy. I hope you liked it. Like I said, I like some Angst and Hurt/Comfort and I wanted Kate to go through some stuff which she obviously did. I loved Kate and Espo's friendship on the show, so I just had to add Espo in the very first chapter.
Please review it and tell me your opinion so far. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this little story. Next Chapter you'll meet Rick and his little Alexis and maybe Kate will meet them too? Hmmm, that's for me to know and for you to find out xx
