Uncertainty Principle
Chapter 1: Under the Radar
A/N: I've been holding off on posting this because I don't want it to turn into yet another unfinished story, but I also don't want to waste time working on it if no one is interested in reading it, so I thought I'd post this now and see what people think. There's about ten chapters written so far. I'll probably be slow to update so I have time to finish as I do.
xXx
September 1, 1975
Remus sighs, trailing behind his friends as the train bumps along the track toward Hogwarts. Year five was just ahead of them and Remus was feeling somewhat bitter at not being able to enjoy it, the impending full moon hanging over his head. At least his friends would be there with him, unlike the years before.
Remus huffs. "Hey, come on." he calls out to his friends. They stop and turn back as he gestures to a carriage door. "Everywhere else is full." he turns and knocks on the door, gaining the attention of the only occupant as he opens it. "Hey Hermione, do you mind, everywhere else is full?" he asks, half stepping into the carriage.
The young girl shakes her head, saying nothing as she turns back to her book. Remus leads them in, sitting across from Her. James sits next to him, Peter taking the end. It takes him a moment to realize that Sirius hasn't taken a seat and he turns to find said boy standing in the still open doorway, staring at Hermione dumbfounded. Hermione seems to feel his eyes on her as well, and looks up from her book, first at Remus then at Sirius. Sirius doesn't react to her gaze and she looks back at Remus.
"Is he alright?" she asks.
Remus shrugs, looking wholly unamused. He turns back to his friend. "Pads." Remus snaps lightly, startling Sirius out of his reverie. He looks back at him. "What are you doing?"
"Huh?" Sirius questions dumbly.
"You look like you've seen The Bloody Baron naked." Sirius grimaces at the image. "Sit down." Sirius sits almost daintily, halfway down the bench, a seat between him and Hermione. They all stare at him for a moment until Sirius speaks up.
"Anyway, you were talking about your new broom." he gestures to James to continue. Taking that as her opportunity to stop feigning interest, Hermione turns back to her book and continues to read in silence as they talk around her. The entire train ride, Sirius keeps stealing looks at Hermione, a fact that does not go unnoticed by Remus or James for that matter.
"So, what's with you and the Ramsey girl?" James asks, Remus rolls his eyes as he removes his shirt, folding it neatly and putting it away in the bureau along with his shoes, socks and wand. James is anything but subtle and Sirius has never been known to talk when pushed.
For a split second, Sirius looks like the proverbial deer in headlights, his eyes wide, mouth working as he tries to figure out how to reply. "What are you talking about?" he finally replies.
"Seriously?" Remus questions unimpressed. He makes himself comfortable in the circle his friends have made on the floor, absently counting down the minutes until the moon rises fully in the sky. "You acted pretty strange this morning on the train."
"I did?" he asks, clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning.
"I mean, only if you consider standing in the doorway staring at her strange." Peter replies.
Discomfort clearly growing, Sirius shrugs. "She just took me by surprise."
"Never seen you speechless around a bird before." James teases.
"Especially one I didn't even realize you knew existed." Remus adds.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius snaps, suddenly defensive.
Speechless, James, Remus and Peter share a look.
Slowly, Remus replies; "That you've never once acknowledged her in the five years we've been in school together."
"How would you know?" Sirius snaps again.
They're all taken back and before Remus can reply, James says; "Because we're very rarely apart."
Sirius doesn't seem to have an answer for that, unable to dispute it. Eventually they have to forget the conversation, the full moon rising and more important things coming to the forefront.
xXx
September 15, 1975
"Ever since the first night he's been acting weird." James mutters, leaning in so only Remus and Peter will hear him. They all cut their eyes to the boy sitting at the other end of the sofa, text book open in his lap, but his attention is fully on the young curly haired witch across the common room.
"He didn't even act this strange after he showed up on your front lawn over the summer." Peter replies, still finding it rather strange that Sirius hadn't, seemingly, shown much emotion on the subject. James agrees with him. As emotionally stunted as Sirius could be, it didn't sit right with him that being beaten bloody and near death and having to flee his family hadn't prompted any more emotion than a few weeks of quiet solitude before he was back to "normal".
"Has he ever told you how he even got there in the first place?" Remus asks absently. James shakes his head.
"No, mum thinks it was the night bus, but aside from asking the attendant there's no way to check. She says it doesn't matter, just that he's safe now." he explains. They all can agree on that.
Sirius suddenly closes his book, setting it on the coffee table and getting up, making a beeline for Hermione at the far table. She's by herself as usual, her books and supplies spread out around her. They watch as he stops next to the table, drawing her attention. She looks up at him clearly surprised but he says something that has her shrugging and nodding. Remus is fairly certain she says 'sure'. Sirius says something else and she slowly sets her quill down before standing and following him out through the portrait hole.
"It's just getting more and more strange." James says.
Peter perks up, turning to his friends. "Maybe they had a thing, secretly, and it ended badly."
They hear a snort near the fireplace and turn to find Lily and Marlene, Marlene stifling laughter. "What's so funny?" James questions.
"Do you really think if Sirius got lucky with the ice queen he would keep it to himself?" Marlene asks.
Lily huffs. "I thought we agreed not to call her that anymore."
Marlene rolls her eyes. "What else should I call her?"
"Her name." James replies matter of fact. "Do people really call her the ice queen?"
"Sure do." Marlene looks smug for some reason. It occurs to Remus that she might have been the one to start the nickname. As nice as Marlene could be, it was hard to forget she could be equally as mean. "I mean really, what else do you call a girl who has no friends, seems completely unapproachable and doesn't seem to be affected by anything?"
"Again I say, by her name." James insists. Remus can see he's beginning to get annoyed. He may not have known Hermione very well, or at all for that matter, but he was nothing if not loyal. Hermione had never hurt anyone to his knowledge, had never gone out of her way to be cruel, so in James' mind she was good people.
A few minutes later the portrait opens and Hermione comes back in, Sirius right behind her. He looks over at her as she reclaims her seat before moving back to his own seat. They all stare at him as he settles back in and it's only as he moves to pick up his book that he seems to notice.
"What?" he asks.
"I didn't know you were friends with Hermione." Lily tells him.
Sirius shrugs. "Yeah, I mean… sure." he mutters.
"Very convincing." Marlene replies amused.
Sirius huffs, snapping his book closed and grabbing his bag off the floor. "Who's trying to convince you?" he snaps, getting up and heading up to the dorm.
James turns a glare on Marlene, who huffs and rolls her eyes. "Whatever." she says, turning back to her homework.
xXx
Remus finds Sirius after dinner in the astronomy tower. He's sitting on the edge of the overlook, staring up at the stars and fiddling with the thin metal plate medallion he's worn for years.
"Hey." he says softly, drawing Sirius' attention. Sirius looks over at him.
"Hey." he replies, moving his feet so Remus can sit across from him. "What are you doing up here?"
"Looking for you. What are you doing here?"
"Looking at my star." he explains.
They sit quietly for a bit, staring up at the sky. Remus knows better than anyone that pushing Sirius to talk won't work. Growing up in a home that encouraged him to keep his abundant emotions under wraps and express everything only through anger or not at all, he wasn't the type to talk about how he was feeling. He was certainly not the type of person who would admit there was anything wrong with him either.
Eventually Remus stretches his foot out, tapping his trainer against Sirius' boot. "So, you wanna tell me what's going on with you?"
Sirius huffs. "Not really." he replies, looking out on the grounds. Remus shrugs, leaning back against the wall. He knew it was a long shot. So, it surprises him when Sirius sighs. "Do you remember when I started wearing this?" he asks, dropping the medallion against his chest.
Remus thought about it. Did he? It had been so long that Remus questioned whether or not Sirius had always worn it. The medallion was cheap though, a simple pressed steel circle with the Canis Major constellation cut into it, so he knew better than to think his parents had given it to him. "It was after Christmas, first year right?" he asks. Sirius nods. "But… not right after?"
He nods again. "Yeah, I got it a couple weeks after we got back," he explains.
"Where did you get it?" Remus questions.
Sirius looks away, his eyes tracing the horizon where the sun was setting. "From Hermione."
Confusion plays bluntly across his face. "I didn't even know you guys were close enough for that." he's not ashamed to admit there's a little hurt in his voice. How can he not be? The Marauders are the closest anyone could be. There was very little if anything they didn't know about each other, so to find out that he's been close enough to someone for four years to accept such personal gifts, is surprising.
"We aren't." Sirius replies, finally looking back at him. "It's the weirdest thing," he explains. "We were on the train back from Christmas break. You and James and Peter went off to find the trolley and I decided to stay behind. I was…" he hesitates, fists clenching and unclenching in his lap. "My parents were pretty angry about my sorting and I kept poking and prodding at them the whole break until they finally snapped. First time they ever beat me. Before that it was just slaps, pinches, stuff like that. This little kitten slipped through the open door and Hermione walked by looking for him. I don't remember exactly how but she saw the bruises I was trying to hide." he takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I'll never forget the look on her face. This girl who avoided everyone, who kept to herself, she… she looked so angry. She turned and stormed away without saying anything else and then a few weeks later she found me on my way back from the library. Gave me this." he taps on the medallion with a finger, before dropping his hand on his knee in a movement that speaks of exhaustion. "I thought… I thought it was a pity gift at first. But then I let my ego convince me it was because she liked me. First girl to give me a gift, I let myself be over the moon. She ignored me afterward. Nothing changed, so eventually I let it go. I kept wearing it though. I don't know if there's some bigger reason, but I really like it. It's cool."
"Why is it affecting you all of a sudden?" Remus asks, almost afraid to say anything.
Sirius takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "My mother had every intention of killing me that day. I can't… I can't even tell you everything she did to me." he explains, struggling to speak. He won't look Remus in the eye, instead staring down at his hands in his lap. "I thought I was going to die and all I could think about was how much I wished I could see you guys again." There are tears now, Remus can smell them. He can also hear the strain in Sirius' voice. "I don't know why I grabbed it. I was in so much pain and I just reached up and grabbed the necklace. Next thing I know I'm in the Potter's front yard."
"It's a portkey?" Remus can't help himself, it's the only thing that makes sense.
Sirius nods. "I'd be dead right now if she hadn't given me this." he sighs. "I was struggling all summer trying to figure out how to thank her, but no one knows anything about her. I must have written to all of our classmates trying to figure out where she was, but no one could tell me where she lives or even where she's from."
Remus stops to think about it, realizing quickly that he can't answer any of those questions either. Of all of them, he probably talked to her the most. Studying with her on occasion and being partnered up in class once or twice. And yet he knew nothing more about her than the little habits he witnessed when he was around her.
"So you were thanking her earlier?" Remus asks. Sirius nods. "Did she tell you anything? You know, like how a first year managed to make a port key?"
"No, nothing. And her response was weird too, like she was uncomfortable with me acknowledging that she saved my life." he takes a deep breath. "There's something about her mate. Maybe I just feel like this because of what she did for me, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since I realized how I escaped."
"That's completely understandable, Pads." Remus tells him. "And I'll be honest… I really want to know more about her too. I mean she saved my best friend, she's done things that no one our age should be able to do."
"How is she not top of the class?" Sirius asks.
"She's clearly dumbing herself down."
"It's like she doesn't want to be noticed." Sirius says. "Do you think she's in some kind of trouble?"
Remus shrugs. "It's possible. I can't imagine Dumbledore or McGonagall wouldn't help her if they could though."
Sirius hums in agreement. Silence falls between them again and they stare up at the sky, too many thoughts between them to notice the sun setting fully.
