Chapter 9: Lean on me
The 30 minute walk back home had been a blur for her. After breaking down right outside of Castle's apartment building, she finally got herself to calm down again. Her sobs had decreased and only silent tears were running down her cheeks now as she strolled through the streets of New York.
She got closer to Espo's house, debating whether she should talk to him. If she went home, she would probably drown her sorrows and the memories that rushed back to her in a bottle of Tequila. And she had somehow promised him that she would not do such a thing again and would always call him first, no matter what time it was. He had promised her he would always be there for her and help her.
So she made her way to Espo's apartment building and knocked on his door. She could hear some laughter from the inside and right as she turned around to leave, an out-of-breath Espo opened the door for her.
"Kate? Are you okay?", he asked noticing her red, swollen eyes. He immediately pulled her into a brotherly hug and held her tight to his body to provide her some comfort. Kate wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned her head against his shoulder. They stayed like this for quite some time until Kate saw some movement from the living room and quickly pulled away.
"I'm sorry, you are … not alone. I'll just go...", she was about the leave when the person who was moving around in the living room mere seconds ago just appeared at the door.
"Kate?", the familiar voice of her fellow colleague asked her. "What happened, girl?"
Kate refused to look at Lanie, knowing that if she did, she would not know what to tell her... that she would probably burst into tears. The only person that knew about her tragic loss and what she had been through was Espo and she wanted it to stay that way for some longer. She did not want Lanie to think she was an emotional wreck.
Lanie did not know Kate that well but she knew that Espo and Kate were close and that Kate would never have acted this way if it wasn't for something big. So she gave Espo a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and disappeared into the living room. After a short moment she returned, with her jacket draped around her forearm.
"I'll leave you to it", she smiled, hugged Espo and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek, making him blush, and got ready to leave.
"You dont need to leave. I shouldn't have come. I.. This was irrational. I'll just go and you can continue - ", Lanie stopped her right there, "Girl, right now you need him more than I do. I can see that something happened and that you need your best friend right now. So don't feel sorry!", she pulled Kate into a quick hug and whispered into her ear: "If you ever need some female opinion on things, I'll be here for you. No matter what." She smiled and left.
"Come in. Kate, what happened?"
Taking a seat on Espo's couch, slowly pulling her knees towards her chest, she told Espo what had happened. How she agreed to have a playdate with Lanie's first grader, who happened to be the kid of her favorite author. And how she ended up staying for dinner and a movie… how little Alexis fell asleep during the movie, leaving Castle and her in an awkward situation. She told him how she had agreed on staying for a glass of wine to get to know each other and how much she liked him. How they somehow ended up closer to each other and how sparks were flying between them when he touched her.
A small smile spread across Kate's face thinking of Castle. She knew she was slowly falling for him and would probably get her heart crushed.
She continued to tell him about what happened next… about how she bolted as soon as Castle started to ask about her family.
"Javi, I don't know why I ran away. One moment we were fine and getting even closer to each other and the next, I just ran. He tried to stop me but I wouldn't let him. Everything that happened 6 years ago came rushing back into my mind. I should be able to talk about it but the only one I can talk to, without breaking down, is you. He must be so confused now. You should have seen his worried expression, Javi. He was nothing but caring and nice all the time. I did not want this to happen... I messed up..."
"You had to witness all of this. Of course it would leave an emotional scar on you, Kate, even after all these years. A scar doesn't vanish. You needed to get out of it and you did what you thought was the right thing. But you should talk to him."
"How can I even look at him, Javi? He must think I'm damaged goods... he probably doesn't even want to see me anymore or want me near Alexis...it shouldn't even matter... Page Six probably isn't lying about him", she rested her head against her knees and sighed. Espo pulled her into a hug again.
" Kate, according to your story, he sounds like a caring man. You of all people know that you should know not to judge a book by its cover. You are the one that taught me to give people chances instead of listening to the rumors. "Don't you think you deserve a chance at love?"
"This... This isn't love... I might like him a little more than I should and I might have enjoyed his company. Castle seems like a pretty loveable, caring and great guy but he's got a reputation after all. What if it's all been an act tonight?", she sighed. "It shouldn't even matter, I messed up, Javi. There is no way that he wants to be around me again after I just left without giving him any explanation at all... And even if, by any means, he wants to talk to me again... How do I explain it to him? I cant..."
"Just tell him what you told me. He does not need to know about all of this now, give it some time, see where it goes and when the time is right you will be ready to tell him."
"You really think so, Javi?", she looked up at him and smiled. Esposito always knew how to cheer her up again.
"Don't worry about it. If it's meant to be, it will work out. But don't close off your heart because you've decided to believe the tabloids. From what I've heard from you, he seems like a honorable guy. And you deserve to finally be happy, Kate."
They stayed like this for quite some time until Kate felt her eyes starting to feel heavy. Javi lead her towards his guest room. He had refused to let her go home in this emotional state. He told her that she should wake him up if she needed him, knowing that thinking about her parents again could cause her nightmares to return. Kate had been battling nightmares for quite some time after her parents were murdered. In her nightmares she could not run away and had to witness how her parents were bleeding out right in front of her while she was battling to stay alive on her own.
The weekend passed by quickly and she mostly spent her time at home, trying to stay distracted. Espo would call at least twice a day to check up on her. Rick and her had not exchanged phone numbers, neither did he know where she lived, so there was no way for him to contact her. She was thinking about going to the loft and apologizing to him, but every time she chickened out, not knowing how he would react or if he would even care.
She had seen his worried and confused expressions and she was pretty sure that there was something between them. But something inside of her was pulling her back, not allowing her to open up to him, not allowing her to find happiness.
Was it the fear that he would end up being a playboy after all or was it the fear that he wouldn't and that she could have finally found someone she was willing to open up to one day, not leaving one foot out of the door? She did not know which thought was even more frightening.
Richard Castle had been worried about Kate all weekend. He could see himself slowly falling for her and had thought that Kate had at least liked him a bit otherwise she would not have spend the evening with him after Alexis had fallen asleep.
He wasn't bad at reading women but Kate was a tough nut to crack. He could still not explain to himself why she had run off that quickly. She had been near tears and he had felt his heart breaking for her. All he knew was that his question about her father had triggered it all. And if he could go back in time, he would do it in an instant. But his curious writer-self wanted to know even more about her. He was pretty sure that something bad must have happened to her father to have triggered such a reaction. Rick wanted to know more but knew at the same time that this would overwhelm her. Babysteps…
He arrived earlier at school to pick up Alexis so he had some time to talk to Kate. He needed to know that they were fine. He would not give up on her that easily. She had been the first woman in years, who wasn't after his money or wanted to get more famous through him. She was real and she liked Alexis.
As he was about to turn the corner to get into the right corridor leading to Kate's classroom, as a Hispanic man approached him. He stopped right in front of him, causing Castle to stop walking. The man was staring at him, scrutizing him from the top to bottom.
"Can I help you, Sir?", Castle asked carefully, feeling kind of intimated by the stern look the man was giving him.
"You must be Richard Castle, the writer?"
"And you are?" He just got a stern look in return.
"Bro, I'm not here to be friends with you. Kate seems to like you and I hope, for your sake, that you are serious about all of this. Kate's been through a lot and she deserves some happiness. So if you are just here to play, you can cut the crap and leave right away."
'This must be that Espo-guy, Kate had been talking about', he smiled, he truly was as protective as a big brother. As frightened as he was by this little warning, he was happy that Kate had someone like him who looked out for her.
"Espo, is it? Don't worry, I truly care about her and I would love to get to know her some more. I can promise you I'm not the person that I get portrayed as.", he assured Esposito.
"Good, she is like a sister to me. And if you ever hurt her…"
Castle knew exactly what he was implying. Espo patted Castle's shoulder and moved back to his classroom. What an awkward encounter!
Castle arrived in front of Kate's classroom, took a deep breath and knocked slowly. He could see her leaning over some paperwork. He would never get bored of this view. She was enchanting.
Kate looked up and froze.
He put his hands into the pockets of his jeans, looking like an insecure, nervous little boy.
"Kate, Hi... Can we talk?"
AN: As you can see this is an Espo-heavy chapter, but I hope it's satisfying! I felt like it was needed, especially because he is the only one who knows about Kate's past.
Obviously there's gonna be some Caskett next chapter.
But what will Kate do? Will she let Rick talk to her or will she bolt again? Hmmm...
See ya next week!
