(for disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 7

"I'm sorry."

The moment she said it, James shook his head. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Natasha would have liked to argue with him on that, but they went around on the same merry-go-round three times already. Trying again was only going to give her an even bigger headache, she was sure.

Sat across from each other on the plane, heading home to the US, Natasha didn't even want to think about how things hadn't worked out in Wakanda. On the upside, it was a strange but pleasant vacation, in which she got to know James even better than she had before. Where she had met not just Shuri but several other new friends, like Okoye and Ayo, who she hoped to have for a very long time. They were very strong women who were quick to assure her that she was too, in all the ways that counted.

Natasha looked to James for confirmation and got it, wanting to believe it was true.

There was no real evidence that she was all that tough. Perhaps physically, she had proven that, no matter how terrified she was right after, but mentally? She couldn't even retrieve her own memories that she wanted so badly to regain. How strong could she really be? All Natasha thought she had proven was that she had a stubborn streak a mile wide. Shuri couldn't tell her she was wrong on that. Neither could James.

It was why she was sorry. They wanted so badly to help her, him in particular, and somehow, by not being able to get better, to fully be the woman he once knew, Natasha felt she had failed him. That didn't seem fair, after all he had done for her.

She looked to him and saw her saviour, not just from a fake marriage and the potential threat her would-be husband posed. It was so much more than that. Though neither James nor his friend Shuri could fully unlock Natasha's memories, she knew for certain that he had unlocked something in her heart.

"Hey," she said, reaching across to touch his hand and regain his attention. "Shuri said there was still a good chance that I'll remember more. I want to, you know that, right?"

"I know," he agreed, nodding his head, one side of his mouth lifting as if he wanted to smile but couldn't quite manage it, eyes fixed on her hand as he took it into his own. "Like I said, it's not your fault. Besides, memories or not, at least you're here. At least we found each other. That's pretty much a miracle all on its own."

When he looked up and met her eyes then, the smile on his lips was real and Natasha returned it easily. They found each other, that really was a miracle, since she didn't even know to look for him. He hadn't exactly told her what happened to tear them apart. There was so much she didn't know and the suggestion from Shuri was that her memories were probably best not forced too much. James certainly didn't seemm eager to tell her everything, which had Natasha convinced some very bad things had happened in her life. She supposed it was to be expected, given the bits and pieces she had seen in dreams and flashes of memories up to now. Sometimes, she wondered if she was better off never remembering at all, just moving forward, with James.

"You don't mind that we're heading to Louisiana before we go home, right?" he asked her then. "It's just that I should catch up with Sam and he has a family thing going on this weekend..."

"It's fine," she assured him, smiling genuinely. "From the way you talk about them, it almost seems like you're part of the family too."

"I guess, in a way." James shrugged. "They have kind of adopted me."

"Maybe they'll adopt me too," she said, only half-joking.

"Could happen. Sam already likes you anyway. Uh, you knew him before, for a while anyway," he said, suddenly turning awkward.

"I figured that part out, from the flashcards."

"Right." James nodded, before turning his attention completely to the window.

Natasha swallowed a sigh and did the same thing. Bringing up Shuri's various attempts to trigger her memories was probably a bad idea, given that none of them worked. Still, one had involved a whole raft of pictures and words, flashing past her eyes in quick succession. A lot of them were people, none of which she fully recognised, except for James, and also Sam, who she recalled meeting at the apartment in Brooklyn, the day she left Damien. Obviously, she had known him before, him and a whole lot of other people that she neither had names or reasons for. Some were vaguely familiar, in that way where you were sure you knew the face from somewhere, but couldn't place where or why. It was frustrating for Natasha, but she could handle it. It was James she was worried about. He said he was fine with her not remembering, and yet, it was clear that wasn't entirely true.

"You know, it's not about me," he said then, so suddenly she was a little startled, more so when she realised he seemed to have practically read her mind. "I mean, the whole thing with your memories. I don't need you to get them back for me. I wanted... I just want you to know everything about yourself and your life, for your sake."

Natasha bit her lip and nodded her head. "I know," she told him, swallowing hard and still unable to say more.

He meant it, she knew that he did. All the things that her so-called husband would say to her, the promises and declarations, she always wondered. There was always a strange uneasy feeling of apprehension with him. From the first moment of running into James, she was comfortable, enough that she told him an awful lot about her life, or rather the life she thought was hers. Even on their second meeting, when her own good sense was telling her she probably shouldn't go for coffee with some random guy she met on the street, something in her told her she had to, that she just couldn't resist.

"No matter what happens, what I do or don't remember," she told him then, finally finding her voice, "I want you to know that I'll never be sorry I ran into you. I probably won't ever be able to explain it, but this, whatever it is between us, it's the one thing in my life that makes sense to me right now."

James didn't get a chance to answer as they were asked to fasten their seatbelts beacause the plane was coming into land. Natasha was almost glad. She wasn't sure what she even wanted James to tell her. She already knew that he loved her, she already knew she could trust him. What more could she really ask for?

If the answer to that was a family, Natasha found she was delivered into one within the hour. Though she didn't remember Sam beyond their brief meeting at James' apartment, she found she liked him a lot, along with his sister and nephews too. The whole Wilson clan were very friendly, very welcoming, and they obviously loved James like one of their own. It didn't take much for them to treat Natasha exactly the same way and she loved them instantly for the efforts they made with her.

"I'm sorry about the whole memory thing that you're going through," said Sarah during a quiet moment in the kitchen when Natasha was helping her with the dishes. "Must be tough."

"I don't know that it is, not for me," said Natasha, watching the guys outside, running around like lunatics with Sarah's two boys and having the best time. "Mostly, I feel sorry for James. I don't know what I've lost. He does."

"Doesn't seem to bother him too much." Sarah shrugged, handing off the last dish to Natasha to dry and letting the water out of the sink. "You know he loves you no matter what. Any fool could see it."

Natasha smiled. "The craziest part is, I'm pretty sure I love him too. I've known him maybe six weeks, at least as far as I remember, but I just... I love him."

She looked at Sarah and found she was smiling right back at her. "You try telling him that? It's probably all he wants to hear right now."

Looking back out of the window, Natasha noticed that while Sam was still running around with his nephews, James had given up on the chase, standing over by the railing and looking out over the water. It was getting late, the sun beginning to set in the distance, making him not much more than a silhouette as she stared out at him.

In a split second, she made her decision, shoving the final dish onto the counter and hurrying outside, wiping her hands on her jeans as she went. Striding quickly down the dock, she joined James there, bracing her hands on the railing next to his own.

"Hey."

"Hey," he replied in kind, just a little startled to see her apparently. "I was just..." he gestured vaguely towards the skyline.

"It's beautiful," she agreed, following his gaze to the reds, oranges, and purples streaking across the sky, as the sun seemed to descended closer and closer to the water beneath. "James, I... I wanted to say thank you, for everything you've done for me. For everything you're still doing. It means a lot."

She watched his face as she spoke, saw his eyes fall shut and a pained expression form there.

"I'm not looking for gratitude," he assured her.

Natasha was sure she already knew that, but had to take a deep breath before she could push forward with what she really wanted to say. "What are you looking for?"

She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question already, but she needed him to say it. Needed to be so sure if she was going to take a leap.

Turning towards her, James looked down into her eyes, seemingly struggling a few moments to find the words.

"What am I looking for?" he echoed, shaking his head slightly. "I don't know. You already know that I love you. As long as I've known you, I've loved you," he confirmed without pause, "but I know that it's different for you. Of course, it's different, and the last thing I want to do is push you into anything or-"

"You're not," she told him fast, "or you wouldn't be. What I mean is, I... I love you too, James. I don't remember our past or anything that could make it make sense, but it's still true. I love you," she repeated, watching his face in the waning light, hoping she hadn't just made matters worse.

Her answer came in the most beautiful way possible, as James' hand came up to cup her cheek and he urged her forward into his arms. She went willingly, tilting her head up, welcoming his kiss.

It wasn't like the last time in the park, when she had jumped in with both feet, even though she was sure that she shouldn't. She had acted on impulse then and she hadn't been ready for the consequences. This time was planned. This time, she was sure. They both knew where they stood and they both wanted this more than anything.

As he kissed her, she kissed back, his arms tightening around her and hers around him. They got lost in the moment, kissing, crying, whispering words of love and devotion. Natasha felt her mind begin to scramble and didn't care at all, suddenly hearing clearly the words James spoke, in between the thumping of her heart and the buzz of elation in her head.

"Natalia, lyubov moya..."

It was like a lightning strike in her brain, her eyes flying open as she reeled back, a flood of pictures, sounds, fragments of what could only be memories overwhelming her. She saw James, felt his arms around her, heard him say the very same thing he just had, the name that used to be her own and Russian words that she understood so well. Then later, when things were different, when they were both weapons of war, wielded by others, to commit the worst of crimes. Later still, when he was gone, but she was saved. A team, a family, heroes. Battles and wars, and an ending that she recalled all too well, and yet, she was here. She was back, and amazingly, so were all her memories.

"Natasha? Natasha, what's happening?!"

Bucky didn't know what to think when she had pulled away from him, her face contorted, her hands flying to her head as she fell to her knees before him. In a panic, he dropped to the dock alongside her, trying to hold onto her, calling her name, in the hopes he could break through the trance that seemed to have taken her over.

It probably took just a minute or two, but it felt like an hour, until she finally looked at him through seemingly clear eyes. Though they were full up with tears, there was a strange kind of smile playing at her lips.

"Privet, milii moi."

Bucky didn't know what to say or do. Between that familiar phrase he had heard so often from Nat, what felt like a million years ago, and the clarity he could see so plainly in her eyes, it was clear she was back. All her memories, everything, it was all there, somehow.

"You remember," he said, a statement not a question, because he was just so sure.

"Some things I wish I didn't," she admitted, leaning into him, her forehead pressing against his own as he gripped onto her hands to steady her. "The things I've done, the things we did to each other..."

"It's okay," he promised her. "It's okay, we can get past that. We've made it this far," he reminded her, finding there was laughter in his own voice that he couldn't quite control.

He was just so glad to have her back, all of her, because as much as he tried to tell himself it didn't matter, that he could love her anyway, and he did, this was better. This was his Natalia, all of her, for better or worse, and they were together. It was all that mattered.

Pushing herself closer, she wrapped her arms around him and he held her tight, promising her everything, sure that if they had managed to get this far, that anything was possible, absolutely anything.

Holding on just as tightly as she could, Natasha let his words wash over her, comforting and steadying. Opening her eyes, over James' shoulder, she saw the sun finally set into the ocean, the world falling into darkness. Still, she found a smile, because as much as it looked like an ending, she knew better. This was a whole new beginning for the two of them. The start of something she wouldn't want to miss a second of, not for all the world.

Epilogue to follow early next week :)


Translations:
Natalia, lyubov moya - Natalia, my love
Privet, milii moi - Hello, my dear