We worked three more cases before Strauss called a meeting with me.
I went in expecting her to ask how I thought it was going with the team, but it ended up taking a dark turn when she asked me to help her end Hotch's career. It shocked me how easily she thought I would accept what she was asking.

I didn't quite understand what she had against Hotch. Sure, he could be tough and not a great mood to have around, but I had never seen him be anything but respectful to Strauss and what she asked of him, no matter how ridiculous what she asked was.
I assumed she wanted him gone for the sole reason of removing a threat. She was trying to climb the ladder to director, and it seemed she thought Hotch wanted the same thing.
I think he was quite content with where he was, but I also didn't know him as well or as long as the others.
She was asking me because I was new; I wasn't a part of their family. I don't doubt she had picked up on some tension between Hotch and I, whether it be her witnessing an exchange between us or hearing about it through the grapevine. She probably thought I would be more than happy to ruin his career to make mine easier.

I left her office as soon as she dismissed me, not being able to wait to get out of there.
I returned to my desk and started on some paperwork, but I couldn't concentrate. I felt terrible about being asked what I just was and not telling Hotch about it.

I would have told him about it straight away if I thought he would believe me, but I suspected it would just be another thing that he could use as an excuse not to trust me. He would think I was trying to make something up to gain his trust.
It was a ridiculous thought.

When I joined the BAU, I didn't expect to get swept up in a politics. I thought I would study and catch murderers, rapist, kidnappers, etcetera and build a relationship with the team, and be content with the job.

Politics.

While I couldn't stop thinking about it, I knew I would never do that to Hotch. Was he a dick to me? Yes. Did he make me rethink my career choice? Almost every day.

Did the team need him? Absolutely.
Did he deserve to lose his career? Absolutely not.

He was great at his job and leading his team. He assembled some of the best minds and made them all work together almost perfectly.
He made the perfect team.

I startled slightly when Garcia ran to my desk, calling out my name. She laughed at me when she saw me jump and then apologised. She said the team was having a night out. Just drinks in a bar, no need to go home and change into something nice or anything.
I tried to decline her offer. After Strauss' bomb, the last thing I wanted to do was sit at a table with Hotch. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible right now.

That chance diminished however, when JJ and Morgan both joined Garcia and the three of them went on to nag me until I gave in. Morgan and Garcia high-fived and JJ just smiled at me. She looked excited.

When I walked into the bar beside JJ, I saw the majority of the team already here, although Hotch wasn't with them. I felt a bit better now that he wasn't here; maybe he wasn't coming.
My hopes dropped when we went to the bar and saw him there. JJ ordered a drink for me and herself, and Hotch told the bartender to add those onto his order. He met my eyes and I thanked him quietly, a small smile to be as polite as possible, and then I looked away.

We grabbed our drinks and I carried an extra to help Hotch, and I set the bourbon down for Reid as I sat beside him. He thanked me with a smile which I returned.
He seemed almost normal again.

I realised that Haley wasn't here again. I wondered if she was mad at Hotch again over something concerning the job. It seemed like she always was.

All night I tried my best to block out anything of interest that Hotch said. While I knew that I wasn't going to tell Strauss anything, I still felt guilty hearing about it.

I was shocked when Hotch announced to the team that he was on a two-week suspension following the outcome of our last case. The whole team voiced how ridiculous it was, and Hotch made a point that she was going to do whatever it took to get rid of him.

I almost physically recoiled when he said that. I stared at my drink, the guilt filling me more and more.
I left soon after that, just needing to get away from him.


For two weeks I thought about Strauss, and now I had made my decision.

The majority of the team hadn't arrived yet when I came in this morning. Hotch was back from his suspension today and Rossi was here, but the others weren't.
I made my way up to his office and entered, knocking on the open door. I saw that Strauss was in there. I froze for half a second when I saw her but snapped back when Hotch greeted me by name. I looked at him and took a breath.

I held the letter out and waited for him to take it from my hand, "My letter of resignation, effective immediately."

"…I think that's a mistake." He looked suspicious. He had obviously noticed the silent exchange between Strauss and I when I entered. Out the corner of my eye, I saw her shift on the couch; he must have seen that too.

I explained my plan for the State Department and that Garcia already tried to talk me out of it, and I saw him glance to Strauss.

On my way out, I stopped and turned back, "But sir, it's good to see you back," I glanced towards Strauss, "The team needs you."
I apologised for the interruption and left quickly. Thankfully there wasn't anything of value on my desk, so I just took the two small personal pieces and put them in my bag as I walked past.
I was hoping to be gone before the others arrived.

It felt terrible quitting the job I worked so hard for, but it was nothing compared to how I felt when Strauss lay her task on me. I suppose she thought I would be as conniving as my mother. I made it a mission my whole life to be the exact opposite of my mother.

My morals were far too respectable to do something like that to someone, whether they were an arsehole or not.

I received a few calls from JJ and Garcia and one from Morgan but left them all unanswered. I didn't want them to ask what was going on. I didn't want to have to lie about it to them, but there was also no way I was telling them.

When I heard a knock on my door this evening, I didn't expect to see Hotch through the peephole.

I sighed to myself and opened the door. I let him in when he asked, reluctantly.
At first I couldn't believe he put in for a transfer but then I remembered what he said at the bar two weeks ago. If he knew Strauss was trying to get rid of him, maybe he just had enough of fighting her over it.

When I asked why he was really here, that's when he turned and confronted me about Strauss. It felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders as he explained what he thought Strauss did, and he was exactly right.

"I told you," I shook my head, "I hate politics." I looked away then, feeling angry now. Mostly angry with Strauss, but a little bit with Hotch too for having the nerve to show up here.

"Come to Milwaukee." He tried again.

The next thing I knew, I was on the plane with him flying over to Milwaukee. How I let him win that one, I wasn't sure. Maybe it was because I still felt bad; I still felt like I betrayed him.


One case following Milwaukee and Rossi called a team night at his place for dinner, drinks, and board games.
I had never been a part of a night that Rossi had called and after hearing the others talk around our desks, it seems they hadn't either.

Rossi wasn't the most social person outside of work. He liked to keep to himself, as did I and Hotch.

We all showed up, bar Hotch. Rossi then decided to explain what tonight was about before Hotch arrived.
"Before coming to Milwaukee, Hotch found out Haley was having an affair…and by the time he got home, she, Jack, and their things were gone. So tonight is for him. I want him to know we're here."

It broke my heart hearing it. I suddenly had a very intense dislike of Haley. How you could do that to someone who worked his arse off to help the world and provide for his family, I couldn't understand.
Although I knew it must have been hard for her to be home with Jack all the time, I also knew she had her sister and parents to help, as JJ had explained to me when I first asked questions about it.

Hotch arrived almost immediately after he shared the news, and we were all at a loss for words when he came in, which made it blatantly obvious that Rossi had just filled us in. He rolled his eyes, poured a drink, drank it all quickly, poured another, and then sat down with us.

We talked about the previous case, and then Garcia spoke to me directly as the others fell silent, "What happened before Milwaukee? Why did you resign?"

I hesitated and looked at Hotch. He nodded, giving me permission to tell the truth if I wanted to. I sighed and sat back, "Strauss called a meeting with me and told me that if I wanted to stay in the team, I needed to help her fire Hotch. She was calling me like three times a day on the cases where Hotch was suspended trying to get me to comply. So I resigned."

They didn't really seem all that surprised. "Thank you." Hotch spoke then. It was the first time he had actually outright thanked me. I looked at him and saw his appreciative smile.

"Always."

"As loyal as you can get, this one." Morgan complimented.

I snickered, "Yeah, but now she'll be on my arse too."

Following dinner, we played through three board games. Hotch seemed more interested in the abundance of alcohol. He never struck me as a heavy drinker, but I suppose when your wife took your kid and left, you needed something to distract you. He had moved to my side sometime throughout the night without anyone really noticing, including me. By the end of the night, he was far worse off than the rest of us.

Rossi offered for us to stay over if we wanted, and soon JJ, Garcia, and Reid went to bed when they had decided they drank too much. Rossi soon followed, and then Morgan.

"Hey, enough. Bedtime." I smiled at Hotch as he drained his glass again.

He turned and looked at me for a few seconds before he smirked, "Together?"

"Excuse me?" I looked at him pointedly. He just looked back at me, glancing down to my lips. I was suddenly aware of how close we were standing. I took half a step back, but he caught my arm before I got any further. "Okay, I've noticed the way you've been watching me tonight, and I can't say I haven't thought about it…but you're my boss, and you're drunk." I shook my head.

"I'm not your boss tonight, and I'm not as wasted as you think." He just stood holding my arm, and I sighed as I gave in. In the morning, we would just blame it on the alcohol and never speak of it again. He needed to feel better and I could help him with that. I looked at his lips now and saw them curve into another smirk. I closed my eyes as he kissed me. He started gentle, hesitantly. It took me a second to reciprocate, and then he deepened the kiss, pressing my body in the back of the couch. I sighed into him. He was a great kisser. He lifted me to sit on the back of the couch while we made out for a short while, and then he pulled back, "Upstairs."

I smiled and jumped down from the couch. I grabbed my phone and made my way to the staircase, him a few steps behind me.

Three bedroom doors remained open, unoccupied. I went to the one furthest from the others. I could be quiet, but I was verging on drunk and I wasn't sure how loud I got when I had been drinking this much. He closed the door behind him and his lips were attached to mine almost immediately. He made quick work on removing my clothes, only breaking the kiss to lift my shirt over my head. He lay me on the bed.

He was gentle, sweet, not as animalistic as I expected when we started kissing downstairs.

"Birth control?"

"IUD." I moaned as I answered him. His fingers were dipping inside my entrance, but never fully entering.

After one round, we lay in simple conversation for a while before we went a second round, which surprised me slightly. Although he was only 42, I didn't expect the stamina for two rounds within fifteen minutes of each other. I heard him fall into sleep soon afterwards.
I thought about what happened tonight and closed my eyes. It was better than I could have imagined, and it would be hard for me not to think about it again…or crave it for that matter. He was amazing at that.

I was sure we would both regret this in the morning. Sleeping with your boss or subordinate was the exact thing Strauss needed to send us off.
I hoped the team hadn't heard anything because then there wouldn't be any chance of this information getting out. I also just hoped they didn't hear for the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness it would cause.

I sighed and rolled on my side to try and get to sleep. I felt Hotch wrap himself around my body in his sleep, his arm resting over my waist. I closed my eyes again and tried to ignore it.

My eyes popped open suddenly when I realised that I didn't even know if he and Haley were officially over. What if they were just taking a break, or it was just a heat-of-the-moment thing for Haley to leave. What if next week, they were back together?

I just slept with a married man.

The guilt filled me now.