We were on our way to Portland, Oregon this week. Male and female victims between 25-30 with no consistency in their murders.
It was sadistic but lacked a sexual nature.
Working victimology with JJ at the local station seemed like a good idea; at least it would keep me away from Hotch for now.
I woke alone early yesterday morning – he had gone into his own room sometime during my slumber. We sat across from each other while eating breakfast and drinking coffee with the team. I avoided looking at him even when I could feel his eyes on me. Every time I looked at him now, I was reminded of Haley.
Victimology got old quickly as we went over the case too many times to count. I had developed a headache.
We did find it odd that there were not defensive wounds, but also discovered that the emails were faked to their families.
When the guys got back, we traded information and then presented the profile.
I excused myself for coffee soon after and sat down alone in the break room for a second, popping two Tylenol to ease the headache that didn't seem to be going away on its own. I looked up quickly when Hotch came in. He stood at the door for a few seconds just watching me. He saw the Tylenol beside me and closed the door behind him, "Are you okay?"
I nodded quickly, "Yeah, just a headache."
"Okay, then do you want to tell me why you won't meet my eyes?"
I sighed and shook my head, "Can we do this after the case, please?" I looked up to him again but still didn't meet his eyes. It was like he was a whole different person now than he was prior to Milwaukee. He didn't seem to hate me at all, or maybe he just felt guilty.
He nodded, poured two coffees, and told me to join them when I was ready. I followed a step behind him back to the team.
Answering calls after the press conference seemed to counter the Tylenol. Each call that was a dud drove me further into the ground. When I received the call with a howling dog in the background and the description of the possible victim, I knew this may have been our guy. I took the woman's details and reported back to the team.
We found him on a riverbank. Morgan went in to search further along the bank and I stayed to help the local cops out with the current body, who looked an awful lot like the guy in question in my tip earlier. It suited the M.O. and there were no defensive wounds.
I asked the lead detective to gather files on all other recent drownings and get them to my team.
Morgan returned and we walked away from the swarm of cops to call the team. I put it on speaker and we told them about the dumpsite.
"It occurred to me when we got stuck in the elevator and Morgan freaked out"
"You got stuck in an elevator?" I looked at Morgan with an amused grin.
Morgan shook his head at me and spoke to Reid, "I freaked?"
Reid shared his idea on anxiety disorders and it all seemed to click together in my mind. It made complete sense now – the way the victims were killed, why there were no defensive wounds.
I attended a laundromat with Reid, finding a flyer advertising anxiety disorder therapy, and then we met Morgan at a café and found the same one. Noticing the date from the year prior on this flyer, we realised how many more bodies may be around that we missed.
When we returned to the station, I found the lead detective and told him to get every cop he could spare back to the trail to search for more bodies. Morgan and I went along with them with Hotch's permission.
8 graves, 12 bodies were found along the trail.
When we returned to the station again, I was leaving almost immediately with JJ after Garcia found the unsub's identity. We needed to talk to his family as soon as possible.
Observing the way the mother spoke with her daughter at the door, we could tell immediately that she had an impatient personality. I left JJ to entertain her daughter while I spoke to Mrs Howard.
When Hotch let me know that the building was demolished, I pushed her to tell me where her husband would be. She was getting irritated with me, but I kept her calm and got her to release the information.
On the plane, I sat across from JJ as she slept. I sat with my eyes closed, although still awake. I heard Morgan asking Hotch if he was okay.
Reid had let JJ and I know that the end of this case was tough on Hotch.
He admitted to Morgan that Haley wouldn't be coming back and that was why he was out-of-sorts. Morgan just apologised to him, not having anything else to say to that.
The next evening, I left work at five. I got home and showered, and then I began cooking dinner for myself.
I heard a knock on the door and went down the hall, checking the peephole. I felt déjà vu from the Milwaukee case as I sighed and opened the door. He didn't ask to come inside, he just walked past me.
I followed him in and went back to the kitchen to attend to the chicken. He sat at the counter island silently and watched me.
"What are you doing here?"
"It's after the case," He said in an obvious tone, "Look Emily, you are clearly upset about last weekend. I'm sorry for putting you in that position."
I shook my head, "I slept with a married man…"
He looked at me for a second before he spoke, his words careful, "Haley was having an affair, for over a year I now know. So technically yes, I am married…but we are separated. You didn't do anything immoral."
I snickered, "You've been "separated" for what? A week? What's to say in another week, you won't work it out? Then I'm left here feeling guilty as all hell because you're married.
"I'm not mad at you, I'm upset with myself for not thinking about it first."
"Well…I didn't give you much of a chance," He shrugged his shoulders, "I know it was a one-time thing. I'm not hoping for a friends-with-benefits arrangement; I'm not asking you for anything else. I just want you to know that you didn't do anything wrong. Haley and I are over for good, and I wouldn't have slept with you if I thought there were any chance that the situation would change."
I smiled and looked down, nodding. "Well," I wasn't sure where the words came from but they left my mouth before I could catch them, "It doesn't have to be a one-time thing…I'm just a call away if you ever…need anything."
He raised his eyebrows. I felt awkward and embarrassed now. I closed my eyes and shook my head, looking down and laughing to myself quietly, "Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know why that came out."
"It's okay." He assured quietly.
"I am also only a call away if you need anything appropriate…like someone to watch Jack or someone to talk to." I felt weird offering that to him; he hadn't only started to accept me into the team since Milwaukee.
"I know that you're the unit chief and you feel like you can't speak with the team…but I've seen you naked…so there's not much else you should feel the need to keep from me." He just laughed lightly and stood. "What's different?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. He seemed confused about the question. "Before Milwaukee…you hated me. Now it's like you're a different person."
"Before Milwaukee I thought Strauss put you on our team to take me down. I was right. But you didn't help her, and I am grateful for that. You proved to me that you are loyal and that I can trust you."
"Would you like to stay for dinner?" It felt rude not to offer but I hoped he declined; I didn't need to embarrass myself any further tonight.
"Thank you for the offer, but I'm going to pick up Jack for the night. I just wanted to stop here first and make sure you could look me in the eye again."
I made the point to meet his eyes now, "Enjoy your night." He let himself out and I sat down where he was second ago and dropped my head into my hands.
All of five minutes ago I offered to be my boss' booty call. I wasn't that kind of person, usually. I didn't just sleep around like that.
For some reason, Hotch was different.
Following the case with the murders of families committed by adoptive brothers, I went home lonely and upset. I was happy that Carrie had family to take her in, but I had already talked myself into taking her in if her family couldn't, and now I wished that I could have.
JJ's words on the plane were a comfort. They made me think about kids. I wanted them of course, but she made me think about when. I was 34 – if I wanted them, I'd need to start soon, whether with a partner that I didn't yet have or with a donor.
My phone rang on the kitchen counter and I contemplated ignoring it, but with this job, you didn't ignore calls. I went to the phone and it was Hotch. I took a breath and answered the call. "Hey. Is there another case?"
"No case, everything is fine. I was calling to see how you were. I know that the situation with Carrie upset you."
"It didn't upset me per say. I'm fine, Hotch. I'm glad she has family to take her in. Thanks for checking." I expected this to be it, but he was just quiet for a few seconds. "Hotch?" I questioned.
"Were you serious when you said it didn't need to be a one-time thing?" I was shocked at how bluntly he put it, although he seemed nervous to ask. I was at a loss for words.
"Never mind, forget I asked. Enjoy your night."
"Wait, Hotch," I waited to see if I caught him before he hung up, and then when I still heard him on the other end, I continued, "Do you want me over there or you over here?"
"I'll come to you." He hung up then. Clearly he didn't have Jack tonight even after I heard him asking Haley over the phone.
I put my phone down and ran upstairs. I cleared my room up and made my bed up neatly. I moved my clothes hamper into the closet and closed the door, and then I went back downstairs. I put the cleaned dishes in their places and placed the Afghan back over the couch, folded neatly.
I looked around to make sure the house was in a respectable state. I went back upstairs and jumped in the shower, keeping my hair dry. I took as little time as possible. I dried myself and moisturised, and then I went through to my closet. I stared at the draw that contained my lingerie and made a split decision. I took out a red and black two piece that left very little to the imagination, and then threw a shirt and leggings over the top.
I sprayed a small amount of perfume into my hair and went back downstairs when I heard the knock on the door. I was lucky I was out of the shower and dressed.
I let him in and locked the door up behind him. I followed him through and offered him a beer, to which he accepted. I grabbed two and broke them open, handing him one and sipping the other as I sat beside him on the couch.
"Are you okay?" I asked after a few long moments of silence.
He nodded and looked at me, "Yes. This isn't to do with the case…it's just to do with…well…you. You're addictive."
I couldn't stop the small smile from appearing on my lips at the compliment. "And you and Haley are still done?"
He rolled his eyes, "Yes. Please, do not mention her."
"See? You feel guilty!"
"No, I'm just mad at her because she wouldn't let me see Jack tonight."
I looked down and lowered my voice to a soft tone, "I'm sorry."
"I know a way you can help," He tilted his head, "But you can tell me to leave. I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."
I could see how sincerely he meant that. He would leave in a second if I told him to. I smiled and put my beer on the table. I knew how bad of an idea this was; that didn't stop me. I took his beer from his hand and placed it down too, and then I threw a leg over his to straddle him. I didn't kiss him straight away; I gave myself a second to look into his eyes. A bad move on my part as I felt the butterflies in my stomach.
That wasn't okay.
I bit my lip and he groaned quietly; clearly that turned him on. I smiled and rolled my hips over him before leaning down and kissing him. He ran one hand through my hair as the other sat on my lower back, dangerously close to my arse. It dropped straight to cup my arse as I rolled my hips again. I could already feel the bulge forming.
He bit my lip and tugged lightly before pulling my hair to part from me.
"Not on the couch." He shook his head as I rolled my hips a third time.
I just smiled and got up. He stood and followed me upstairs. He turned the lights out at the staircase. I wondered if he planned on staying the night. That probably wasn't a good idea either.
When we got to the bedroom, he kissed me again and began to undress me. "Jesus." He breathed when he looked me up and down as I lay on the bed in front of him in my lingerie. I smiled and lifted my legs to wrap around him, pulling him to move over me.
I wondered if he was having the same thought as me that we shouldn't be doing this, and he was just ignoring it too.
Although considering he was newly separated, I guess he just needed a distraction; something to make him feel good.
