A/N I was inspired watching Fisher King Part II and the conversation between Garcia and Reid
Warnings for some language and innuendo. I own nothing. This is a one shot hope you all like it
Friedrich Nietzsche said "What does not kill me makes me stronger." Twilight of the Idols 1888
Chapter 1
Lily St John sat back on her heels breathing hard and wiped her mouth with the tissue she held. She hated this part of pregnancy. She always thought morning sickness meant she would be sick in the mornings. It wasn't working out like that for her. She was sick all day long everyday. She was 10 weeks along and her doctor told her the morning sickness should go away soon. He also told her she could be one of those women that are sick for their entire pregnancy. She prayed everyday she wasn't one of those women.
Spencer Reid stood in the doorway of the bathroom, a concerned look in his eyes. "Are you ok honey?"
Lily got shakily to her feet and said, "I am so tired of worshiping the porcelain god." She went to the sink and took a swallow of water from the glass she kept there. Swishing it around in her mouth a minute, then spat it out in the sink. She did the same with the mouthwash and turned to Spencer.
"I'm alright baby, just bone tired. Some bride I am going to make in a couple of weeks. I hope I make it through the ceremony without projectile vomiting on the guests."
Spencer winced but said nothing. Part of pregnancy was the dreaded mood swings and Lily tended to become very sarcastic at times.
He was very concerned about how hard this pregnancy was on her. He worked hard to not show her how much her recent kidnapping still weighed on his mind. He felt guilty that someone who hated him so much had taken her to torture and punish him.
He had gone back to work 2 weeks ago and was on his best behavior. Hotch had not been happy with him for going off after Lily with out back up and he told Spencer if he ever pulled a stunt like that again he would put him in front of the Review Board which could result in suspension or reassignment. As it was Hotch had had to call in some big favors to keep him away from OPR after the kidnapping. Especially with all the media coverage, JJ was brilliant at getting past the press only what she wanted them to know. Spencer liked his job. He did not want to risk losing it. He didn't want to push Hotch any further than he had already.
He smiled at her and held out his hand. She took it and walked back to bed with him. She curled up next to him and was asleep in seconds. He continued to rub her back long after the change in her breathing told him that she was deeply asleep. He wished he could sleep as easily. He no longer had terrible nightmares but he worried constantly if his child would inherit his freakish IQ. He wouldn't wish his childhood on anyone, or his awkward adulthood for the matter. Then there was autism. Spencer feared that more than anything. He had been lucky in that he was high functioning, but maybe his child wouldn't be if he or she had the disease. And finally he was terrified of passing on his mother's paranoid schizophrenia. He desperately wished for fate, destiny, God, whatever to be kind and to give his child all of the qualities he loved about Lily. It was a long time before he joined his beloved Lily in sleep.
Early the next morning Spencer walked into the bull pen at Quantico. They were between cases and he had mountains of paperwork to catch up. After staring at the same page for 30 minutes he sighed in frustration and tossed aside the file he had been trying to finish. He got up and went to the break room for his famous coffee laced sugar fix. This was not good; he hadn't needed caffeine since the dread days of his nightmares. He paced up and down for a minute and then found himself walking toward Garcia's office. He knocked hesitantly and opened the door when he heard her cheerful "come in but only if you leave your negative vibes behind." He smiled and walked into the room.
Hey Reid your in the office early."
"I couldn't sleep and I have a lot of paper work to catch up." He leaned against the desk his smile gone.
Garcia must have seen something in his eyes because to bit off a smart remark about how if he had some much work why then was he in her office doing nothing.
She said, "What's wrong sweet thing? You look like you lost your best friend. Is something wrong with Lily?"
"No, he said it isn't Lily she's suffering horribly from constant morning sickness, but otherwise she is fine."
'Is something wrong with the baby?"
"No, yes, I don't know" he signed and pushed his hair back behind his ear.
"Al right you came in here for a reason. What is it?"
I am so happy Lily's pregnant. I have thought in the last couple of years what it would be like to be a dad. Would I be good at it or would I be like my own father and walk out of a life I hated. I had gotten to the point where I thought I would be a good dad because I wanted to be the opposite of my father. And there is so much I see on the job of moms and dads hurting and killing their kids. I don't want to be like that. Then after Lily told me I was going to get my wish. I was going to be a father! I was elated for a moment and then I started to think what happens if my child is autistic or schizophrenic or a genius. Do I have the right to bring a child into the world with those challenges only to suffer as I did?
So, Garcia said "what do you want to do. Do you want to push Lily for an abortion?"
"God, no I don't want that. I am already in love with my child. I can't destroy it. Lily would hate me for even suggesting such a thing."
Then I see only one alternative, you have to see this through. Look, Spencer all of the terrible things that happened to you as a child have made you who you are. You are a kind and gentle man. You are the youngest member ever of this FBI unit and you help people every day. You are also one of the bravest people I have ever met. So use that bravery now. And who knows what 20 years will bring, you probably know better than me the progress medical science is bringing to treatment of autism and schizophrenia. And think of the kind of support you can be to this child if indeed he or she inherits any of these challenges.
"Thanks Garcia I knew all of that intellectually but I guess sometimes you have to hear it from someone else. I'll still worry but it'll be bearable now."
"Don't mention it sweet thing. Now get out of here so I can get back to my plans for world domination."
Spencer laughed and headed back to the huge pile of work on his desk.
Several hours later Spencer walked into the apartment and was greeted by his fiancé. She smiled and said. "You left early this morning are everything alright?"
"No, but I think it will be. Will you sit with me I want to talk?"
"Okay baby. " She went to the couch and sat down next to him.
"Here it comes, she thought, he is finally ready to tell me what has been bothering him. Be supportive and strong Lily."
I know you know I have been worried these last few weeks. First I want to say thank you for not pushing me. I have been really worried about this child.
"Why Spencer, the doctors all say the baby is right on schedule and doing great."
"I know I am worried about all the terrible things he or she can inherit from me."
Lily knew where this was going. She said "like what Spencer your gentleness?"
"No, like my freakish intellect."
"How about your kindness?" she said.
"Or the autism?"
"Or your beautiful eyes women can drown in?"
"What about paranoid schizophrenia?"
"How about your delicate hands that can hold a gun, then come home and hold my hair while I lose the entire contents of my stomach for the millionth time."
Spencer smiled a little as she hoped that he would.
Honey here's the thing; you are putting way to much stock in genetics. There are many other factors in how a child turns out as adult. Personally, I believe more in nurture than nature. I am not going to be afraid of what might happen. After what happened to me 6 weeks ago I decided to live life to the fullest and not let them limitations put on me by myself or others dictate how my life turns out. I want to do the same for our child.
Spencer said "how did I get such a smart girlfriend?"
She laughed and said "you're just lucky I guess."
He had been looking at her and he said, "You look much better this afternoon. How do you feel?"
"I am actually I think maybe my morning sickness is ending."
"Mine too," he said and pulled her down for a kiss.
After a moment he said. "I have eyes you can drown in?"
"Well, yeah you have this whole lost puppy thing going on it's very sexy."
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. You've met some of my girlfriend's right? They all say to me, damn girl does he have a brother?"
"They don't say that. Do they?"
"Oh, yeah."
Lily kissed him again moving down to nuzzle his neck. I've missed you these last weeks.
Spencer whispered in her ear his hot breath sending her blood pressure soaring and her heart pounding.
"Why don't I tell you what else my hands can do?"
"Spencer." she managed to say.
"Hmmm"
"Don't tell, show."
And he did.
A/N Just a little piece of fluff I came up while bored this weekend. I still want to do a longer sequel to Hell hath no fury. Still working on an idea. Please review.
