Cearbhail:
Wow, this chapter gets pretty deep. Hey, guys. The semester is almost over, and my brain has never been stronger. Anyway, hope you guys like what I do with the chapter. It's time to take out your quills and paper because I'm throwing in some knowledge today.
Oh...and enjoy. ^^
Diary of Shadows,
Today is the 11th of Mid Year. The dream I had of dad still haunt me. It's been three days since I woke up with my memories of who I really was, but that does not make it any easier for me to suddenly come to terms that my father is really Neloth. Sure, in the dream I clearly saw Mother trying to kill Father in some duel to claim me. But did that really justify his reasons for sending me away? To have Mjoll and Brand-Shei watch over me? I don't really know, so I try to put it out my mind. To be honest, I loved living in Riften, made some of the best friends of my life…and in the life or death situation that nearly killed me, I seemingly unlocked my magicka that was being held dormant inside me since I was five.
Training has become something else entirely now. While training with ash, Mother is also seeking to improve my finesse. She claims that I won't survive on brute magicka strength as I have for so long. She compares me to a mammoth in a collectable glass shop. With every step I take, I shatter all the dishes around me. I need to be subtle with my magicka, if not just to survive a war. I'm ok with this. I can't wait to become more finesse with my magicka usage.
And since I cannot use Ash yet, I cannot make a bond with any ash constructions. Only once I learn the Ash element will I be able to move onto my newest summon.
Veselle Tenvanni. Yes, I'm keeping the name in honor of my true father: Brand-Shei Tenvanni.
…
"Precision is key." Mother called from the second story. She paced back and forth while looking down at me. "You have a lot of magicka, but squander it aimlessly. How much of it do you waste on a single opponent?" I shrugged at her question. It's not like I ever asked myself the question. I just did what I needed to do and had Kyuu back me up. "The only way for you to improve further is to start honing your magicka. You must focus. And to do this…we will use an older method of control."
She hopped from the second floor down to face me. "You understand that if you agree to this that you will be begging me for it to end, do you not?"
I shrugged. "I think I can handle it."
Her eyes turned even redder as she shook her head. "No, daughter…I do not believe you can."
With a snap of her fingers, the gravity around me became so powerful that I was crumbling to my knees. She started snapping her fingers, to which floating candles started to approach. "Light the candles." She said it so simply that I couldn't believe this was for real.
I tried to lift up my arms, but they felt so heavy that it taxed me just to do it. When I managed to lift my arms up, I called my Fire to me. Fire started gathering in my fist, but just as fast as the fire gathered it flowed down to the floor like it was a liquid. When I tried to launch my Flames spell, the fire sputtered maybe an inch before falling to the floor as a smoke. This gravity continued to pull down on me, and it was making my head spin. My magicka felt like it was pushing all the way down to my feet. This was not good. This was like nothing I've ever been put through.
I looked up at Mother. She stood there, using only a slight bit of magicka to hold me down. So…this was a Telvanni Lord. I had only seen moments of Father's true abilities as a Lord, but never so much. I still felt like I was only witnessing a small portion of Mother's true strength, but if she could hold me down like this without any effort, there was no way I could ever stand up to her.
"Daughter, you're just throwing your magicka around. There is no will behind it, no direction." She said gently to me. "Your will must be sharp, your direction clear. You need to visualize your fire as sharp as a blade, as solid as a sword. Do this, and you might hit a target. To stand to the pressure of the world, you must be as strong as stone, as immoveable as Nirn herself."
So, that's what she was trying to teach me. So, pretty much martial arts then? I could do that. I started spreading my feet shoulder-width apart. Once I had a good standing I managed to push myself up into a horse stance. I took a deep breath as I raised my hands into a ready stance. The gravity pushing against me was lessening on the impact now that I had a good stance.
I closed my eyes and let the world around me come to a still. When Mjoll taught me how to fight, she told me that I might have to punch through someone's armor one day and that just throwing an elbow or a fist randomly would get me nowhere. I had to focus on where my punch would land, how far I would have to throw that punch through my opponent to get the desired effect, and to realize that my fists were harder than any steel. With enough willpower, I could punch through anything. She demonstrated by blowing up a wall with her pinky finger. I could never to that though. But I could punch through a beam of wood. That was something to me.
I looked at the floating candles. All I had to do was light them and this test would be over. I took aim at the first one, visualizing how I would have to throw out my fist. Fire would have to roll off my fist over to the target, and the fire would have to hit the wick to set it ablaze. A beam of fire would be preferable than just a wave of it. A wave of fire would just disperse and fall to the ground. A beam would be stronger, more able to resist the pull. So, I launched my fist out with a kiai that I screamed. The Fire inside me responded and flew up to my fist, blasting out of it when I struck my punch.
The fire exploded as soon as it left my palm, which threw me back a bit. The Fire exploded everywhere and then sank to the floor as the previous fires did before. I guess I hadn't focused enough then. I closed my eyes and brought my fist back in. I took a few deep breaths as I centered myself. Neloth taught me that my Fire was my will. I just really wanted to have it hit what I wanted it to hit. He taught me how to keep it from burning my clothes because I willed it not to. It wouldn't be any harder than that.
Thinking about what I did wrong, I think I realized my mistake. I threw a punch and then launched fire from that punch. That fire was nothing special, just attached to a punch. It wasn't any more part of that punch than a regular Flames spell. I had to focus on both aspects: the punch and the attack. The Firebolt spell Neloth taught me was about collecting Fire into my palm and launching it out. I had to will it to launch; I had to will it to become stronger. So…that's what I needed to do then. The punch, the focus, the effort, the visualization. I can see now why Mother used this training method against me. This is how I learned.
I took a few deeper breaths as I visualized my body as a network of magicka and fire. I brought my fist in front of me, fully extended. I stretched my fingers out and willed my fire to gather at my fingertips, physically pushing with all my focus. I visualized and felt my Fire magicka push to my fingers. I willed the fire to gather into tiny orbs around my arm. I felt the crackle of Fire magicka and opened my eyes. Hovering around my arms were tiny collected dots of Fire magicka. They glowed warmly like tiny suns. I willed more energy into them and I saw the orbs grow brighter, a little larger. I willed them to compact, to get smaller. And the orbs did so. And as they did so, I felt the weight of them increase. They were not falling for the gravity spell anymore. And neither was I.
I was so focused on my task that I had forgotten I was surrounded by a gravity spell. To be honest, I was covered in so much Fire magicka that I could have levitated if I wanted to. I looked up at my Mother as she nodded her head in appreciation. "You still have to light the candles." She said.
I willed one of my orbs to my middle finger. The orb was slow to move, but it eventually got there. I put my full concentration on that one orb. When I flicked my finger, I wanted the orb to launch over to the first candle. It had to travel quickly so it had to launch with enough will and effort to escape the gravitational pull. I mentally put a trigger on my finger for that orb. When I twitched my finger, actually flicking my wrist as well, the orb took off like an arrow. It slammed right through the air like a shooting star, slamming into the wick of the candle. The wick exploded into a tiny light. A steady fire started glowing on it. I had lit my first candle.
"Do all at once." She replied.
I studied the rest of the candles. Nine of them…one for each finger. She had planned this from the start. So, I repeated the process. I created small orbs of fire magicka just as powerful as my last one to each of my fingers. When I had all ten summoned, I spent my concentration on each orb as I connected a mental trigger and a pathway to follow. I realized shortly that as I went from finger to finger, I was still maintaining a small bit of concentration of each other trigger in my mind, as well as the pathway for each orb of magicka. By the time I got to orb 9, my mental ability to focus was strained to its max. I almost lost it altogether, but I managed to hold it together. When I had all nine figured out, I flicked all ten of my fingers.
The orbs took off like shooting stars that danced around the room. Each orb hit its wick, and the candles hovered above me, glowing lightly. As soon as all the candles were lit, my Mother nodded her head. "See what you can accomplish with a little focus and intention. You don't need to throw your magicka around needlessly. Less is more when applied correctly." She let the spell around me drop. "Do you perhaps wonder why I had you run this drill today?"
I nodded my head. "I thought it was a little odd, but I guess you want me to be stronger, more precise…like a real Telvanni mage?"
She shook her head. "While those things are nice, and it warms my heart to see my daughter follow in my footsteps as a mage, the true reason for this training is to prepare you for Ash. Ash is a special element, Veselle." Veselle? She actually used my name! She hardly ever uses my name.
"How so?" I asked as I started to sit down in seiza. It was class time again. Time to learn something new.
"Each grain of ash…every grain of sand and obsidian we manipulate…we have to focus on. Ash is a difficult element because you must view every particle of ash as a part of you. You must become the ash and let the ash become part of you. For you to learn this element, you must have complete focus of every little detail of your spell. But once you understand what you're dealing with, it will be your strongest element. You must combine your passion of Fire with the creativity of Air, with the stability of Earth. You must be all three to command Ash. So…today we will learn about Air and Earth magicka." She nodded to me. "Follow me to the training circle."
"Mom…I haven't even learned Frost yet, how can I learn Air and Earth?" I asked her as I followed her out of the room into the circular room set up with blazing candles that formed a pentagram.
She scoffed at the idea. "Frost can only be obtained by emotional damage, Veselle. Air is created through creativity and ingenuity. Earth can be learned by being emotionally stable and physically strong. Fire is passion, Earth is stability, Air is ingenuity, Water is flexibility, Frost is coldness, and Shock is inner balance. Ash is survival. All these elements can be learned, but only if you can be everything. You do not need to know one before learning another. You learn them as you progress and grow as a mage. It is hard to use them all at the same time since people have trouble being passionate while also being cold. You are all about passion, Veselle. You wear your emotions on your sleeves; you express yourself openly. Can you be like that while closing yourself off from others? Can you be as cold as ice while burning like the sun? Can you be both? Hardly. But you can be both, one at a time. As long as you understand what it means to suffer, you can understand Frost. Until such a time comes, Ash will be your trump card."
I nodded. I think I understood. So, each element that people learned are formed based on their own personality and mental clarity. That made a great amount of sense, really.
"To make this even more confusing for you, there are different varieties for each element. The density, the intensity, the combination factors. Fire comes in sparks, waves… invisible, blue, yellow, orange, white. Not to mention you can combine different elements to form entirely new spells. Adding real passion to your fire, and forcefulness, the power of Earth, will turn your magicka into lava. These combination are not just limited to Destruction either. Did you know that you can Conjure your little friends with weapons and spells of your choosing? They share your magicka, so they share your spell flexibility as well."
I nodded to that last one. "Kyuu does that all the time. He says he only grows as I do. He only learns spells that I unlock."
"Your Kyuu is helping you to achieve the most you can if he only limits himself to what you know. Either that or he's completely useless without a master." She shook her head. "As an Aedra, I would not be surprised if that were the case, however. Those spirits are generally peaceful but strong. They tend to reflect their owners than have their own lives and personalities. Alone they are robotic and await instruction. For Kyuu to have the personality he does, he probably has to reflect how you want him to be."
Kyuu was the way he was because I wanted him to be it? If that was true, then Kyuu was nothing but a puppet that I summoned. That saddened me a little. I had hoped that Kyuu was truly my friend, but if he was just an extension of me…was he truly my friend or a teddy bear that walked and talked? Of course, Kyuu acted differently than me all the time, so that couldn't be completely true. He had free will, even shared it with me when he tried to kidnap me. Unless he was following Neloth's orders, then he would just be an extension of Neloth. That made me even sadder.
Mother saw my growing frown and shook her head. "It's not in the manner you may believe it is. Your creatures have their own desires, wishes, but their power and how they use their power is reflected from you. If you use Destruction to fight rather than defend, your creatures will as well. Or perhaps the opposite to create a balance. Their nature is reflective of what is needed at the moment. Their abilities are reflected of what you know, what they know, and how fast you both grow." She nodded me to join her in the set of circles she had set up for Gwen. "Join me in here and we'll expand your knowledge of the elements. When you leave this circle, you will meditate on what you have learned. You will be smarter, stronger, and more in tune with the world as it is."
I walked into the circle, clutching my staff in my hands as I did so. With a flick of her finger, my staff was torn from my hands and cast out the circle. "You will not need that. It is a tool to limit your progress. Here, we wish to explore what you can learn. Water and Air today."
"What about Frost?" I wanted to know more about Frost. I had that one Frost spell imprinted in my head, but I wasn't able to create it yet. There was something I was missing.
She shook her head at the idea. "I know you're wondering if Frost is a form of water. I will tell you it is not. Frost is an entirely different element in this case. Water element is formed from fluidity and flexibility of one's behavior and actions. To go with the flow, as some would say. It is the element of the traveler. The one that explores the world to see it as it is. Then you have Air. Mostly monks achieve this element. They accept the world for what it is, neither trying to affect it or change it. The Graybeards in Skyrim and the Winddrakes in Elsweyr are good examples of air elementals. Air is very much like Water in the way of flexibility but it has a more spiritual sense to it."
Mother closed her eyes for a second. Wind started gathering around us at a slow speed but then started speeding up until I could see a hurricane surrounding us. "Wind can be created in a Destruction sense, but it is slow to gather to attack with. The best examples of Wind magicka are the Ward and Shield spells we produce."
I nodded. "Ok…so…how would I attack with Wind?"
She stuck out her hand. Wind seemed to impact me. "There are intensities you can produce with Air, different strategies. Feeling defensive?" As she questioned me I felt the air underneath me pick me up into the air. I was suddenly tossed around the training circle, but before I could crash into the ground another gust of wind would catch me and toss me in another direction. Then the air around me started spinning me around in circles. She let me stay like that for a few seconds before letting me fall onto the ground. I felt so sick that I could barely stand up. "Feel like dominating someone?" Right as she said it, I felt air blast into my ears. My ears started ringing, and if that wasn't enough, my sense of balance went right out the window. I fell onto my side, the room spinning around me. "Feel like killing someone?" I felt all the air in my lungs fly out of my mouth. I tried to breathe in but no air came in. I was suffocating! I was going to die.
Mother dropped her hand and everything went away: the spinning room, the ringing ears, and my inability to breathe. I took a few deep breaths as I lied on the ground. "Wow…" I breathed as I looked up at her. "When do I learn that?"
She smirked. "It takes years of focus to achieve that with Air magicka. Someone of your intensity could perhaps create a hurricane to throw at someone, perhaps toss them around a room. Why not combine your Fire and your Air magicka?" She suggested as she brought her two hands together. A small spark of Fire suddenly erupted into a wave of fire that was flying right towards me. I jumped out of the way, but with a wave of her hands, the Fire suddenly came alive and started following me. Just as it would have fallen on top of me, the fire died out. "When you use your Fire alone, it only travels one way. Air, you can control. When you combine Air with Fire, you can control your fire. This is one reason why we learn to combine our magicka. Learn to summon both. Be passionate and creative. Learn to be fierce and flexible. You learn these, and then you learn how to control yourself. You learn to control yourself, and then you will become a Telvanni Lord."
I sat there as I looked up at my Mother. I suddenly had the urge to admit to Gwen that she was right the whole time. My Mother was a better Telvanni Lord than Neloth was. She deserved to have me here. I needed to be learning from her. She knew how to get through to me, while Neloth didn't. She was the teacher I really needed. I smiled and nodded as I pushed myself up onto my feet. "Ok, how do we start?" I felt excited. I mean, I've learned a lot while being here, mostly about necromancy. And I wasn't too happy about learning that, but this…this excited me. Layers upon layers of magicka theory. I could learn so much just today about what I was truly capable of.
"First, you must focus on becoming like the wind, in order to summon Air." She said as she paced around me. "You must become the air you breathe. You must be here, and not here. You must be everywhere."
Ok…that sounded weird, but ok. So, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. That's one way to start getting into this mindset. As I tried to visualize Air, I started thinking about my aching body. My feet weren't too happy with me. Kyuu wasn't too happy with me either. Last time I saw him, he jumped on top of me and pretty much tried to kidnap me. Then I watched him blow up. How did mom do that? Did she use some sort of Air magicka to get him to blow up like that? Did Anari use Air magicka to do that pulsy zappy thing that…
I felt a sudden impact on my head which made me jump back. When I opened my eyes, Mother stood there with a smirk on her face. "Don't space out."
I rubbed the sore spot on my forehead. "I thought the point of the exercise was to let go."
"It is, but you still must focus on not focusing." She replied, trying to hide a glint of humor in her voice while telling me to focus on not focusing.
"Sounds confusing and annoying."
"It is for the first ten years you try." She replied, stepping back. "Just remember, let go. Let it go, let it go..."
I covered my ears and hissed at her. "No! I've heard that song too many times already."
Mother chuckled to herself as she stepped away from me. I decided to keep my eyes open as I started breathing the air around me. I stayed like that for a few minutes, just breathing in and out. I focused on the air coming in and out. After a few minutes, my eyes started to relax and my eyes drooped. It was then that I could feel the way the slight breeze brushed against my skin, the way the dust danced in circles. Always moving, never settling. I was suddenly aware of all the open space, of how air could be everywhere and in any form. It was then that I realized that magicka was just like that. It could be anything, anything I wanted. I was not limited in any sense. Magicka was raw intention. And I wanted it to form Air.
There was a sudden shift in my body. That warm feeling I had when I used my Fire disappeared. It was replaced with this light bubbly feeling, this always changing flowing feeling of everything. I had achieved self-mastery for creativity. No wonder monks live like this their whole lives. I would. My body started to move on its own without my guidance. My hands lifted up into the air, my feet barely touching as they skimmed the ground. I knew this style of martial arts, Sai Ki, the meditative martial art the Winddrakes mastered so long ago. And I was now learning it. When my hand moved left, I felt a small breeze move with it. I don't think I created the breeze, I think my body moved with the wind. Interesting.
Mother nodded happily at me. "Well done, Veselle. You handled that transition well. Now, will Air to strike me."
I don't know how I was going to do that. I mean, I'm one with the air so…my body cannot move itself. Why should it? It's so calm and relaxed, why should I change its current course? I had to fight with myself as I came to terms with that. Should I change the way I think about my body and its relationship with the air that surrounded it? Should I turn the air around me into a weapon? I started visualizing the air around me gathering into a wind. I suddenly realized that the wind around me wasn't the wind she wanted me to use. It was my magicka, the force inside me; not the force outside me.
So, when I started thinking internally, I could feel the Air that filled me now. It was the Air as an extension of me. I could use this Air because it was me. It was not the air outside me that I could not command. This Air could be commanded, could be manipulated. So, I did. I struck my hand out, doing the same thing I did with the Fire magicka I did earlier. I willed it to fly out of my palm like a spinning cyclone. And it did. I watched as Air magicka, almost pure white, materialized outside my outstretched arm. It spun around me, twisting my robes as it flowed off my arm into my palm. Once it reached there, the air blasted off into a spinning beam of wind. It soared over to Mother, covering her instantly. Mother stood there, using one hand to cut her way through the torrent of Air.
I held it for a second before the Air inside me naturally died off. My spell had run its course and that was that. When it was over, my Mother nodded to me, even clapped with her one useful hand against the one that she couldn't use anymore. "Well done, Veselle. You've done in one day what it takes many years to accomplish. I wonder if you'll take to Water so easily."
"Isn't it just like Air?"
She scoffed. "You'd think, but no. It takes emotional flexibility, not mental. A bigger difference than you would think possible. That is how Water and Frost are related. Water is the flexibility of your emotions, your ability to come to terms with your emotional self, to allow yourself to be flexible. Frost is your inability to be flexible with your emotions. Frozen in a constant cold self. Fire is passion. Your emotions control you. Water is flexibility. You come to terms and master your emotions."
I nodded. Ah…so it won't be so easy for me then. "How do we do that?"
"I cannot say. I could put you through a series of tests, but if you fail, you'll unlock Frost, not Water." She shrugged. "Pain and endurance. You either master your emotional body, or you lock it away. Those who unlock Water rarely unlock Frost. And those who unlock Frost rarely unlock Water. It's a difficult relationship, the two have." She waved me to follow her. "Come. We must teach you Earth now. When you unlock Earth, you will begin to figure out what Ash is really about."
Cearbhail:
How did you guys like my interpretation of the magicka system? I will explain more about it as Veselle learns more, but I think I did a great job explaining how the magicka within us forms depending on different variables. I wish the Elder Scroll universe was more like this when it came to learning magicka in the game system, but then you'd have to create a character using a personality quiz, use skill points to unlock different intensities. Honestly, it would take a lot of work just to figure out how to make it all work and by then the entire thing would be confusing and stupid. Works in books just fine, but in games it would be a wreck.
