Chapter 3: Can she get any stupider?

"Dear diary," Kagome said in a shrill voice, sounding as if a banshee were saying these words. "The stupid dead priestess isn't dead yet. I don't understand how Inuyasha can love it! I mean, I'm everything she's not! I'm pretty, thin, not stinky, loved by everybody, and I'm intelagentent."

"Kagome, it's intelligent, not intelagentent!" Sango corrected.

"hwo asked your opinion?" she asked.

Sango slapped herself, remembering that it was useless to try to correct her (A/N: did you notice Kagome's mistake?).

Before Inuyasha could say anything mean to Kagome, the spirit of Shippo said:

"YOU DAMN HO, YOU KILLED ME!" he screamed. "YOU'RE A SMELLY PIRATE WHORE! GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND!"

Shippo vanished, leaving Kagome in tears.

"Isn't he the cutest thang? The words he said really made me happy!" She said through sobs. "He really captured my personality!" She yelled.

"He sure did." Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango said in unison.

The next day...

Kikyou walked down a path, her Shindimachu at her side.

'Naraku.' She thought. 'What is he doing in Kaede's village?' her Shindimachu carried her off to the village.

Kaede's village

"You didn't come to my birthday party!" Naraku cried. "I spent all day crying! I even had to send the clown back!" He sobbed.

"That's because nobody likes YOU!" Kagome said.

"Oh no you di-in't sista!" Naraku exclaimed. "You wanna fight?"

"Bring it on, beeyatch!" Kagome said.

Naraku and Kagome started to brawl. Naraku charged Kagome and tackled her down. He then slapped her across the face multiple times. When Kagome got up, she bitch-slapped Naraku. They continued this for half an hour until an arrow whizzed past their heads.

"Kinky-hoe!" Kagome said. Kikyou paid no attention to Kagome's remark.

"Naraku, why are you here?" Kikyou asked.

"Because nobody came to my birthday party!" Naraku yelled.

"Naraku, you have lived for a long time... now your life ends here!" Kikyou yelled.

"You'll miss! Let me!" Kagome shrieked. She boody bumped Kikyou so her arrow missed and almost hit Inuyasha.

Kagome readied the bow and arrow and let go.

It hit something, but it wasn't Naraku, it was Inuyasha's arm.

"You bitch!" Inuyasha yelled.

"Ha ha, my arrow actually hit something." Kagome said.

As everyone argued, no one noticed that Naraku had disappeared.

"Naraku has escaped." Kikyou said.

"This is all your fault!" Kagome yelled.

Instead of arguing, Kikyou was about to bandage Inuyasha's arm, but Kagome pushed him out of the way.

"I can do it!" Kagome yelled.

"No you can't!" Inuyasha said in a cold voice.

"SIT BOY!" The banshee screamed.

Inuyasha was plunged into the ground.

"Why I outta—" Inuyasha began before Kagome yelled sit again.

"I need a bath!" Kagome said.

"Yes, you do." Miroku said, hiding his nose.

"OKAY! SANGO, LET'S TAKE A BATH!" Kagome yelled.

"No!" Sango said in a disgusted voice.

"Fine, more water for me!" Kagome said in a sassy voice.

When Kagome got into the springs, it was clear. When she came out, it was brown.

"What a relaxing bath!" She said. "Now to sleep!"

As she leaned her misshapen body against a tree, it immediately fell over because of her weight.

"I hate her acne and wart infested face!" Sango said.

"Where's Kikyou?" Inuyasha asked.

"Maybe this note will explain." Miroku suggested.

The note read: If you ever want to see Kikyou again, you, Inuyasha must bring the following to my slumber party: Sesshomaru, Kouga, Rin, Jaken, Yourself, Sango, Miroku, Hakkaku, Ginta, and Ayame! Absolutely NO Kagome!

--Naraku

"Fuck" Inuyasha thought.