No sleep was to be had by either Ciel or Alois that night. Ciel had his usual problem. He locked himself in his room with his laptop and stayed up working, coming out occasionally only to get materials. Once again, he was trying to distract himself from his problems. Meanwhile, Alois was simply torn over what he had witnessed that afternoon and what had been said. There was no way that he could ignore it. Ciel had something in his heart that was heavy and could not be ignored. Alois could not deny that they shared the lack of parents in common, but what else was there? Perhaps more than Alois knew, or at the very least, could remember.
Laying on his back with his arms comfortably behind his head, Alois stared up at the ceiling in the room he knew wasn't his. He knew what happened to himself. That part had not been erased, but he wondered if Ciel had met a similar fate at one point in his life. Many scenarios came to mind, but none of them felt right, nor did he wish to dwell on them for very long. It was too much for him to bear, although from the looks of things, Ciel was in pain right now as well. As much as the bluenette avoids Alois, the blonde knew that he did have an impact on him. He felt as though he could ease Ciel's suffering if he were simply allowed to talk to him. Surely, the Watchdog couldn't lie around and mope forever.
Dissatisfied with merely thinking, Alois decided to do, instead. There was no chance of him sleeping, anyway, and there was much to uncover. Thus, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed before standing. He didn't bother locking the door on his way out, as there was nothing of value to him in this room in the first place. Still wearing his pyjamas, he made his way down the hall in search of answers, or someone willing to supply them.
Unfortunately, if there was a place to look, he couldn't think of it. As embarrassing as it was, for a detective, he was having a hard time investigating. If no one was willing to cooperate and give him a lead, this was going to take far longer. With the massive holes in his memory he had, it could take years before he was restored to his former glory. Right now, the majority of his life in the twenty-first century was gone, leaving him in an almost perpetual state of unease. What's worse, is that while he had therapists and friends, he still felt completely alone in the endeavor.
Everyone was walking on eggshells to hide things from him. Where they bad? Where they harmful? Is there something he shouldn't know? He hated being treated like he was fragile, and that's what was happening, he felt. At the same time, everyone kept their distance. How was he supposed to do this when he could hardly remember the day he was struck with the spell? How was he supposed to fix everything on his own? Why did he have to? Even if he did, Alois couldn't see any guarantee that everything would be alright. In fact, with the way things were going, his relationships could be damaged forever.
Thoughts like these made his throat constrict and his eyes watery. At first, losing his memory didn't make him sad, but now the man was bordering on hopeless. Alois didn't want to be alone, especially when he was in need of help. As he walked, his pace began to slow as he had no destination to head toward. Eventually, he just stopped in the hallway with his head down and shoulders drooped. The blonde couldn't focus on searching at the moment. Instead, his focused turned to not allowing his tears to fall. Honestly, he felt stupid getting worked up like this by his own thoughts.
Sensing a presence behind him, he tried to wipe it away quickly, but that just made it worse. His eyes wouldn't stop releasing tears and he couldn't stop sniffling.
"Shit..." he swore under his breath as he sensed the bluenette getting closer.
Alois didn't know that Ciel had lingered for a moment before deciding to approach him. Ciel almost decided to turn around and take another route, but he couldn't walk away from the menace. Not like this. If there was one thing that motivated Ciel into doing things, it was the risk of Alois crying. Even if the blonde didn't remember him, it was unacceptable and there was no way that Ciel would be able to forgive himself if he left the man be.
"J-Alois?" Ciel quickly corrected himself as he drew closer.
"Yeah?" the blonde answered. It was a struggle to keep his voice sounding normal, and he kept his back turned in a vain attempt to conceal his predicament.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine..." Alois answered with false certainty. "Just fine."
Unfortunately for him, the Watchdog didn't believe that for a single moment. Taking a moment to pause and think, Ciel wondered how he was going to fix this. He didn't know what was appropriate, while he knew what he wanted to do. His first instinct was one that he had to stop and give serious thought about before doing it, running the risk of his gesture coming too late.
"Now, I know that you may not remember, but you can't lie to me." Ciel finally said, walking toward the other and stopping when he was at the man's side. Leaning forward, he turned his head so that he could peek at the menace's face. "I still know your tells."
"Oh yeah?" questioned the blonde, turning his head away despite trying to carry on his facade. "Like what?"
"Like not showing your face." the Watchdog informed. "No one expecting you to be alright. It's okay." He didn't receive an answer right away, so Ciel took it upon himself to keep things going.
"You're going through a rough time. It's perfectly alright to be upset and uneasy." Ciel said. Pausing, he pressed his lips into a thin line as he hesitated on the next part. "And… I want to say that I'm sorry..."
"For what?"
"This afternoon… At the cemetery… And for recently in general, really." the bluenette sighed, prompting the other to turn his head and glance in his direction out of curiosity. "I wasn't in the best of mental states at the time. I was upset and I said things that were insensitive. I was so caught up in my own nonsense that I wasn't thinking about how you might feel."
"I wasn't… I wasn't upset." Alois stated.
"But you are now." the Watchdog replied. "Are you scared?"
"I think that's kind of obvious by now."
"I'm sorry..."
"You don't need to say that…" Alois said with a sniffle. His head turned so that he was facing the other a little more, now. "It's not you're fault… I'm just… I can't remember hardly anything and it's all important… It's scary..." No matter how he tried to fight it, his tears fell anew, forcing him to look down to hide his face.
"I don't have anyone to tell me anything." he continued. "Nobody will. I can't find anything on my own, either. I'm just kind of a shitty detective, I guess… I know that it's probably better for me to figure it out, and I can. I've remembered a few things with the hints I've found. I just- I just need more..."
It pained the Watchdog to see his unwitting spouse struggle not to cry in front of him. "I'm sorry..." he replied, putting a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "I do need to say it. I've left you to fend for yourself this whole time… I shouldn't have done that… I'm sorry..."
On impulse, he pulled Alois into an embrace in an effort to comfort him only to realise his actions far too late. His force of habit could have cost him greatly. Carefully, Ciel made sure to keep his hands high enough on the other's back to not be suspect, but his heartrate was threatening to blow his cover. What he didn't see was the blonde's reaction, as Alois' chin was resting on his shoulder, allowing him to see behind him.
Alois was surprised, raising his eyebrows and widening his eyes, only to relax them again. The gesture was welcome, satisfying a craving that the menace didn't know he had. It was comforting and made him feel safer. Most notably, however, it made him feel like he was important- like he was wanted here. In a way, it was a relief.
He was surprised by how comfortable he was being held by the other man, or any man in general. It was so comfortable, that the man had trouble not closing his eyes and simply enjoying it, hoping that Ciel wouldn't notice. His heart sped up just a tad, leaving him conflicted, but for the most part, this was a pleasant experience. There was one thing in particular, however, that deeply concerned Alois. Among Alois' possessions was a coat that was slightly too big for him. It was an important object, as it's scent was soothing to him. Where the man's problem lied was with the fact that Ciel shared the same smell! That made things more than "a bit" awkward, seeing as though the coat was used as a security blanket by the menace on more than one occasion over the past few days. Now Alois was no longer crying, but his face was flushed as he became aware of just how suspect the situation was.
"You better appreciate this." Ciel said, bringing the other man's train of thought to a screeching halt. "I'm not usually a hugger."
"I-It's fine." stuttered the menace, failing to keep his facade up. "It's helping, a bit…"
"Good..." the Watchdog bashfully stated. Clearing his throat, he pulled away, believing himself to be overstaying his welcome. Still, he kept a firm, but reassuring grip on the other's shoulders. "Now, if there's anything you need, I want you to tell me, alright?"
"Alright..." Alois replied. Part of him was disappointed at the contact ending, but didn't like that he felt that way. It was too sudden and too strong. Furthermore, he had no idea where it was coming from, causing him to be concerned about himself. Still, he had to utilize this moment the most he could before it passed.
"Uhm, could we… y'know… talk?" he questioned, trying to keep himself on track.
"Of course." Ciel told him. "Do you have something you want to talk about?"
"Well… The thing is, I really don't know much about you..." the menace began. "I was wondering if… if you would maybe tell me about yourself? We're supposed to be friends, and it will be difficult sharing the same house, otherwise..."
"Oh, sure." A blush appeared on the bluenette's face as he really wasn't good at this sort of thing. Introductions were not his strong suit, as he had a tendency to get straight to the point. Dwelling on small parts was a challenge, even though that's almost exactly what he needed to do.
"Well… Why don't you walk with me?" he interrupted himself, putting an arm on the other's back and leading him. "We're kind of in the middle of things. Then again, it's three in the morning and no one should be up."
"And yet here we are." jested the menace in return as he followed. Even though they hadn't made much progress, the conversation had cheered him up a bit. "So… Phantomhive, huh?"
"Yes, I was born into the family." the bluenette stated. "I became the family head when I was ten."
"Ten?"
"There was an accident. Or really, an assassination. I survived, but I was sold to a cult for a bit. That's where I met Sebastian."
"Sorry..." Alois apologised. His voice was sincere, and he was, as he knew that the topic was somewhat heavy. He was especially concerned, given the other man's behaviour in the cemetery that afternoon.
"It's alright. It's stuff that you'll need to know." Ciel replied. "Better to get it out of the way sooner than later. Especially since it was my reputation that caused all of this."
"What reputation?"
"I'm… Not exactly seen in the best of light by quite a few supernaturals. In fact, they think I'm a monster. I was only doing my job, but understandably, I got the reputation of being somewhat of a boogeyman from taking people away."
"Is that why the old woman called you a 'brute'?"
"Yes…" lamented the bluenette. "That is the case… From what we could gather, she didn't like me associating with a well-respected and important figure in Gehenna, so she decided to remove me from your memory."
"How come you're a monster and I'm not, though? We both work for H.E.L.L.S.I.N.G; don't we?"
"I've been here longer, and have had more missions where I had to take people away. The head of the Phantomhive family is known for their position as 'The Queen's Guard Dog', so they started calling me 'The Watchdog'. There's ballads about me and everything."
"Cool." smiled the menace. "Not that… It was inspiration to erase my memory for a crazy old lady- that you're that famous."
"I get you." Ciel said with a sad half-smile of his own. "Anything else you need to know right now?"
"I dunno..." Alois answered, trying to think. Really, he couldn't think of anything specific, nor did he really want to pry. Ciel made these horrible events seem so casual. It was like it didn't bother him, but from the bluenette's expression alone, Alois could tell that it did. "I can't think of anything..."
"Well, tell me if you come up with any questions." the bluenette replied. "I'll probably be in the office most of the night."
"Okay..." With that, the bluenette patted Alois' shoulder affectionately and turned to walk off. Before he could, however, he was interrupted as a thought occurred to the menace. "Hey, uhm… Ciel?"
"Yes?"
"Can we… Y'know… Hang out sometime?" he asked before clarifying. "So I can get to know you."
To this, the Watchdog smiled at him softly, but it didn't compare to the brightness of the one in Alois' picture. It was dull in comparison; still clouded with melancholy. Yet, it was genuine. It was a start, at the very least.
"I'd like that. Let me see what kind of work I need done and I'll tell you when I'm free." Ciel answered before pausing to think. "Well… I am right now, but I don't know what we would do this late..."
"I don't know, either..."
"Well… We could play pool or watch a movie… Something like that?"
"I don't think I've played pool in a while."
"Oh? Do I get something if I win?"
"Fat chance." Alois snickered. "I don't know what I have that you could possibly want."
Curiously, the Watchdog didn't reply. Instead, he thought. What did he want from the menace that the other man had to give?
"A favour." Ciel said. "I could owe you one favour to be cashed in at any time if you win and vice versa." Naturally, Alois found this most agreeable.
"Alright." the blonde said. "You're on. But I don't intend to lose."
"Intention and success are two different things."
A/N: The song that played on loop for this chapter was "All I Ask" by Adele. Why this is relevent information to you? I don't know. But there it is.
I had something else to say, but I forgot what it was. Double drat.
They took Psycho-Pass off of Netflix and I'm sad...
I started watching Gankutsuou, however. Well, started again. Originally, I got to episode four and then forgot about it. I feel like kuro fans would enjoy this, somehow...
Ah... What else...
Everytime I get to these A/Ns, I start doing something else at the same time, so I'm always monstrously distracted.
Until the next chapter, my duckies~!
