Alois was almost tired from all of the playing he did. He and Ciel played pool and had a laugh as they playfully engaged in banter. It was familiar to Alois, making him feel at ease. It was perhaps the most comfortable he'd felt over the past few days. Everything just seemed to fall back into place, while things were still abnormal. Yes, Alois was abnormal.
There was still massive gaps where his memories once were. As he spoke with Ciel, several pieces came back to him, forcing a grin on his face. As Ciel told him a story about them playing with a few of their friends, the blonde was almost completing his sentences for him, recalling how Ciel gloated and smirked as he creamed everyone else. Unfortunately, the others had bet money on the game.
It was the first time Alois had seen the man come so close to smiling all the way. It was a lovely face. With long lashes, a strong jaw, and deep blue eyes, Ciel was very handsome. His slightly muscular physique didn't hurt, either. He was undoubtedly popular with the ladies by his looks alone.
Alois shook his head at these thoughts. They were distracting him from the game. Regardless, he won, but he had a sinking suspicion that the other man let him. Still, he had one free wish from the bluenette that he could cash in at any time. Unfortunately, he hadn't the foggiest idea as to how to utilise it. If he could, he would probably use it to rid himself of his odd fixation on the Watchdog. Alas, it wasn't to be and he was left with no option but to try and ignore it. While it was true that a few of his friends were into men, that was certainly not him! Deep in his heart, however, he knew something was wrong.
"So in the end, you had a good time, too." said Kristopherson as the two sat across from each other in their usual spot.
"Yeah. Sorry the movie sucked." Alois said.
"'Suck' isn't the word I would use. It was 'okay'." the faux-blonde stated. "It just wasn't my thing. Too heterocentric."
"Aren't most movies heterocentric?"
"Unfortunately. It's a total waste."
To that, Alois had to utter a chuckle. Kristopherson was fun to talk about this sort of thing with because he was always so open and honest. There was a time that Alois could remember when the Miles hated himself over it. It was a wonderful improvement that obviously made Kristopherson a much happier person.
"True. I have that problem, too, for some reason."
"It's because you're bi, isn't it?" questioned the wolfman, raising his brow as the other raised his voice.
"What?!" Alois demanded with a red face. It took the other man a moment to understand his mistake. Kristopherson's expression changed drastically as he remembered Alois' lack of memory of Ciel. If Ciel is gone, then perhaps he hadn't discovered that part of himself.
"Oh! Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you with that!" he insisted, but Alois was having none of it.
"What did you mean?! What do you know?!" the menace called out, slamming his hand on the table while his face was flushed.
"Why are you so defensive? You're causing a scene!"
"I'm not!"
It would appear that Kristopherson's suspicions were correct. His stomach sank as he became full of guilt and he sighed. With a hand to his forehead, the wolfman tried to think of a way out of this.
"Okay, look..." he began, still not quite sure of what he was saying. "That was my fuck up just now. I'm sorry. That's something that you need to figure out on your own."
"All of this is stuff I need to figure out on my own.." the menace complained with a scoff. "This is stupid… I'm not gay..."
"'Gay' and 'bisexual' are two different things..."
"I'm not bi, either!"
"Okay, okay..." Kristopherson said, holding up his hands in defeat despite knowing the truth. Still, he didn't like seeing his friend in denial. "I'm sorry."
"You don't seem sorry..."
What the faux-blonde wanted to say was something along the lines of: "That's because I know you married a man!" but he refrained. Indeed, this was something that Alois had to discover on his own. He wasn't sure of where to go from here. Alois was determined to get some sort of resolution out of Kristopherson, and neither of them were sure what.
"I don't get why you're so defensive." the man stated. "There's nothing wrong with it. All you really needed to say was 'no, I'm not', and that's the end of it. Bring it down a notch."
Pausing, it was Alois' turn to ponder. He thought for a moment before finally coming out with: "I'm not saying I'm sorry..." With a scoff, he looked the other way and pouted.
He did not understand what he was feeling. It felt rushed, yet it felt familiar. Perhaps that was why. That said, he was reluctant to accept something so drastic so soon. The mansion, he could accept. Hell, he could accept the fact that Ciel lived with him, too! But what Alois could not accept, however, was something that shook his understanding of his very self. It was wrong. That was the end of it. Nothing else Kristopherson could say to him would change his mind.
As disappointing as it was, Kristopherson had no option but to go with it. Even if he knew that it would make Alois happier, he knew that this was something that had to be learned on one's own. Forcing something will only make the initial repulsion stronger.
"You don't have to." Kristopherson replied. "Like I said, that was out of line. I shouldn't have said that. I have to wonder, though, how is living with Ciel?"
"Fine, but that doesn't mean I want to shag him." the menace stated. "He's hard to read. Does he always look sad?"
"No. Usually it's just slightly grumpy." the other answered. "Ciel has a severe case of resting bitch face, but he never looks sad. He's worried, I bet. He also has to figure out how to talk to you again. He's probably lonely."
"How can he be lonely when I'm right here?"
"Can't tell you." spoke Kristopherson with a slight smile and a subtle glint in his eye. Resting his elbow on the table and his chin in his palm, he continued. "'Spoilers' and all that."
"Is that a Doctor Who reference?" questioned the menace, narrowing his eyes while raising a brow.
"Yep. Good eye. You told me that that's Ciel's favourite episode once. Then you went on to tell me how much Ciel hates Steven Moffat."
"Huh, so that's how I knew that… I didn't think I was really into that show. Moffat is rubbish, though."
"Terrible." the wolfman nodded.
"I remember ranting."
The conversation carried on for a while longer before the two decided to part ways. Alois was almost hesitant to go to his next class, as he was certain that he wasn't going to pass any of them with the amount of absences he's had this semester. He's been gone for weeks at a time. Just how much of that is permissible, despite being deemed "medical leave"? Regardless, the blonde went anyway, trudging through it all. He hadn't the faintest idea what the lecture was supposed to be about, as he hadn't seen what led up to it. Even with his memory erased, he knew the difference.
With a heavy sigh, the man walked through the front door of the mansion. He put down his things in his room, but he still felt heavy. This strange feeling loomed over him, adding on to his current perpetual state of unease. His anxiousness hadn't vanished since he first woke up in the infirmary. It was only lessened at times when he felt safe. Right now, however, he couldn't shake this irrational sense of dread.
He hoped that walking around might help him work out some stress. Perhaps he would find Ciel and they would talk some more. It was with Ciel that he felt calmer. Yes, that is what he would do. He searched the manor for Ciel, knowing the general direction just from his sixth sense. With logical thinking, he assumed that the Watchdog would be in either the office or the master suite, like usual.
Since the office was closer and the suite was slightly intimidating, the menace decided that this is where he would start. Sure enough, as he drew closer, the bluenette's signature drew stronger, causing his tongue to tingle for reason's unknown to him. He had not yet discovered the seal on his person, but that was a discovery for another time. For now, Alois was focusing on the sound of voices from the room.
Light filtered from a crack in the door into the empty hallway. The door was ajar just enough for Alois to hear things clearly and even peek in if he wished to. When he did, he realised who the second signature he picked up belonged to. It was a lesser-demon named August. He recognised her primarily from the fact that he saw her and Ciel sparring at headquarters, but also had memories of her being a foe at some point as well. Memories of how she came to their side were vivid, yet at the same time, vague, as he wasn't personally there for her conversion, but rather in another part of the castle. He remembered being afraid and enraged as he felt hopeless, but the burning desire to find something drove him forward, nonetheless. Sadly, the memory of that force was gone now as well.
He didn't know what August's relationship with Ciel was or why she was there. All he knew was that Ciel seemed tense and uneasy as the woman stood before him very closely. The Watchdog's expression, however, seemed very cross.
"Master, please remember that I serve you." the woman said. "You gave me my name, so if there is something you desire, I will give it to you."
"I am not your 'master'." Ciel growled, his brow furrowing. "I will never be your master. The fact that I suggested your name is meaningless. I was merely giving you personhood, the ability to think freely. Furthermore, I do not 'desire' anything. Get out."
"Everyone is aware of your sadness." August replied. "How can I help to ease your suffering?"
"Leave."
"That doesn't seem right..."
"Leave!"
"Master," began the lesser-demon, "surely I can provide you temporary release at the very least… Help you forget, just for a little while..." She took a step closer and placed her hand on the man's chest, causing his visible eye to widen and his body to stiffen. "I can replace what you have lost-"
Alois flinched at the sound of an open hand smacking into the side of the August's face. The back of the Watchdog's hand stung, but not as much as the woman's cheek as she fell to the ground. Quickly, she sat up and looked up at the man with a confused expression, only for it to be replaced with fear as she was stared at with an eye that burned with malice. Ciel's hand turned into a fist that clenched tightly at his side.
"Miserable wretch!" he roared, his booming voice seeming to shake the walls. "You know nothing! No one could ever replace what I have lost… No one! Especially not a mindless woman who sees herself as nothing but a doll for another person's use! What makes you think that you could possibly compare to one whose valor and dignity surpasses that of the strongest and fairest of beings?! Get out. Get out and don't come back!"
"I can read what you desire, master. I cannot be the one you seek, but I can hel-" she did not get to finish what she had to say as the Watchdog grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and lifted her into the air. Witnessing this, Alois burst through the door in order to come to her aim.
"Ciel!" he called out, causing the Watchdog's attention to divert. He hadn't sensed the other at all. His abilities in regards to sixth sense were dull in comparison to the menace's, and he had simply been so distracted by the matter at hand that he could not register the other. Still, Ciel's expression softened considerably despite being scolded.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" the blonde demanded. "Put her down!"
Without a moment's hesitation, the Watchdog headed the other's instructions and released August, causing her to fall to the floor. He then turned his back to Alois with folded arms while the menace helped the woman too her feet. In that moment, the two men exchanged no words, as Alois was busy escorting her quickly out of the room.
"Are you alright?" he asked, still holding onto August's hand as he shut the door.
"I'm perfectly fine..." she answered. "I misjudged the situation."
"As if that gives him the right to put his hands on you!" Alois said. "I'm going to give him a talking to..."
"That won't be necessary. While I don't understand the emotions of others, I can see that talking will not resolve this, although I'm not certain what will."
"Do you want me to walk you to the door?"
"No need. I will leave and return to my duties." August stated, slipping her wrist out of the blonde's grasp before offering him a slight bow. "Goodbye."
With that, she walked off in an odd sort of manner, leaving Alois alone to ponder what had just occurred. He was furious at Ciel, yes, but perplexed at the same time by August's behaviour. There was no time for him to dwell on this, however. Right now, he had to get to the bottom of Ciel's actions and scold him if necessary. When he grabbed the doorhandle to the office again, however, it wouldn't budge.
"Very mature, Ciel!" he called from his side. "Unlock the goddamn door!"
"Why should I?" the bluenette replied as he sat down in his desk. While speaking, he matched the other man's volume as to be heard. "You're just going to yell at me for something you don't understand."
"Open the door so I can understand!" Alois instructed while rattling the handle. "I can't do it if we don't talk! Don't think I won't break it down!"
"If you break it, you're replacing it."
Recoiling at the reality of the hollowness of his own threat, Alois grumbled. It was true that he had broken down a door once to get to Kristopherson once before, causing Ciel to pay to replace it- Wait. Yes! This was true! The blonde remembered it!
When they were in school, he broke down a door in the boys' bathroom and Ciel had to replace it. Sebastian had to go to the headmaster's office to sort it out, and Ciel sat with him! Another memory was retrieved.
"I'm not a kid anymore!" Alois protested. "I can pay for my own doors! You and Sebastian don't need to go down to the headmaster's office for me anymore!"
There was a moment of silence. Then there was a soft click before the door opened with the bluenette standing in the doorway. His eye was wide and his brows were raised as he stared directly at the menace in astonishment. This was perhaps the first time Alois had seen a completely genuine expression on the man's face since waking up.
"You can remember?" Ciel said softly. It was mostly to himself, but the menace answered anyway, reaching up to pinch the Watchdog's cheek in order to snap him out of his trance.
"Yes, I can. I can remember things when something comes up that reminds me." the menace smugly stated. "Though, to return to the matter at hand, what the fuck it your problem? Slappin' girls around and locking doors… You've got problems, mate."
"Ninety-nine, to be exact." the bluenette said, swatting the other's hand away. "And you are all of them."
"Then let's talk about them." Alois said, forcing his way into the room. "Let's start with you keeping your hands to yourself."
"Tell that to her, first." huffed the other, shutting the door before crossing his arms. "She came in here and started talking to me about my mood lately. Then she came onto me. Of course, she didn't take the hint when I said I wasn't interested."
"So that's why you hit her?"
"Yes, after she put her hand on me."
"Huh..." Alois pondered, replaying the scene in his mind again. It seemed to add up, but he wasn't certain. "What was all of that stuff you said about, though?"
"About what? Her lacking a sense of self?" questioned Ciel. "That's just how lesser-demons are. They're insanely loyal to the person who named them, which just happened to be me on accident. They don't really do much else but follow orders, wait for orders, and try to make their masters happy."
"Oh, that's not what I meant, but that's interesting… So sleeping with you was supposed to make you happy?"
"It was a poor attempt. Sex is pointless if it isn't with someone you care about."
"Oh, so you're a romantic, huh?" the blonde mischievously grinned, causing the other man to blush. "What? It suits you, weirdly."
"I haven't gotten any complaints thus far." the Watchdog stated, only to pause and shake his head. "Weren't we talking about your memories and slapping people?"
Despite the attempt to set things back on track, the man's words struck a chord with the menace, causing his face to heat up. He recalled his conversation with their mutual friend, Kristopherson, earlier that day with embarrassment. Alois did not want to see this man as a sexual being, and yet the conversation somehow miraculously landed on the subject. It made him feel anxious in a way that he did not like. Thus, the invitation to continue the conversation on a different topic was welcome.
"Well, yeah." he answered. "Don't slap people and continue to attack them."
"Even if they put their hands on me first?"
"Okay, a slap to stun them, but don't like, beat the shit out of them or anything."
"I wasn't going to..." Ciel replied, only to receive a questionable look from his partner. "What? I wasn't."
"You picked her up by the neck and you weren't going to rough her up?"
"Scare, maybe. Maim, no."
"You're so unbelievable..." the menace shook, putting a hand to his forehead. "I feel like you've always been like this, thought..."
"I have."
"I'm trying to remember other times, but it's sort of overwhelming. Did you do this a lot?"
"No, but pretty regularly."
"Oh my fucking god..." With a sigh, Alois regained his composure. "Let's just move onto the 'memory' thing."
"That's what I wanted from the start." Ciel stated, taking a seat on one of the sofas. With one arm over the back of the seat and one leg crossed over the other, he made himself comfortable. "You can remember things if something triggers it, yes?"
"Most people can." the blonde answered. "But this is like, the shit isn't there to begin with and then poof! It's there. I actually remembered a lot while talking to you last night."
"So in order to regain your memory, you need to be in situations that were similar to the one in the memory, or talk about things that are in reference to things you might know."
"That's kinda what I was trying to do since the beginning, but everybody was like: 'nooo, if we do that, it'll overwhelm you, nooo~!'"
"There is weight to that. Some things are best to be discovered yourself." the other man stated. "Smaller things should be alright though, especially since they might lead to bigger things."
"Tell me some shit, then." the blonde said, taking a seat next to the bluenette and leaning toward him.
The bluenette's cheeks regained their prior pink hue as the other got closer to him, prompting him to fold his arms so his body was not open. It was times like this that made it difficult for Ciel to behave in a casual manner. Ordinarily, he would have pulled Alois closer so that he was sitting right up against him like always, but he had to refrain. While the blonde didn't remember, Ciel was fully aware of how he felt about the menace. Alois was beautiful as always, but the Watchdog had no choice but to keep it to himself.
"Well," he began, pausing to clear his throat, "like what?"
"Anything. Everything. Whatever you can." bluntly replied the blonde. "I'm tired of bumbling about with holes in my head, so I'm open to most things."
"There's a lot, so it's kind of hard to find a place to start."
"Just say whatever comes to mind first."
"Well..." Ciel began, "See that desk over there? It wasn't always there..."
A/N: This chapter was not supposed to be nearly this long, but this is how things turned out. It's 3,529 words, which is why it took so long. Normal chapters are about 1,000 for comparison.
Lately I've been thinking I draw Ciel a little muscley, lately... I was thinking it throughout this chapter because it talks about them finding each other attractive a couple times. I feel like shapeshifting was involved when it comes to Ciel's muscles... Wanted to look like a big bad, probably, but ended up a big soft...
Also, summer classes start tomorrow, so I have to like, get up and do things. It sucks, I know.
Anyways, I dunno how this is gonna effect the update schedule. You can be sure that I'll be updating as often as I can, though. Just a heads' up.
Give me strength... I might die...
Until the next chapter, my duckies~!
