Soda Machines and Rings.

It was a hot day on the Rohirrim plains thought Legolas as he and the others tracked the trail of the Uruk-Hai. The Betty Crocker labels strewn in a very even path were all the evidence of their passing…along with the flaming torches, decapitated bodies, and 20 mile wide neon sign which, coincidentally, pointed to the Uruks exact location with a very large arrow. The sign also gave the life functions of said Uruks. Hey, you gotta' know. The two suns…scratch… the sun shone brightly down, making the heat overly oppressive. The waving grass smoked, making the remaining fellowship, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas, slightly high. Gimli fell into a ravine twice because of his altered condition. He fell for 15 seconds until making a solid thump at the bottom, leaving a pleasant Gimli angel in the dust. This wasted time as the other two trekked down the very deep ravine to recover Gimli and pull him from his artistic talent, the ability to lie in dirt.

Legolas sweated, if that's what elves do. I don't think they do. In that case, Legolas panted, sticking his tongue out to lose excess heat. Aragorn and Gimli, being non-elves, sweated. Eww.

Legolas, deciding that his wearing of 62 pounds of insulated clothing was a bad idea, removed his sweatshirt and threw it behind him in a disco style dance move. The large hot ball of wool hit Gimli in the face, oppressing him until he fell into the ravine again, which Legolas and Aragorn had to fish him out of.

"Legolas," Aragorn sweated, "Do you have any liquids which I can process?"

"Negative," Legolas panted, "I haven't had the chance to fill up my magic canteen recently. A shame."

"Hey," Aragorn shaded his eyes, looking out over the plains. "There's a boxlike object up there. What could it be?"

In due course, the trio made it to the said box object, (don't you love my story of adjectives) and examined it. A large sign on the front said, "Cola!" And a few buttons ran down the side.

"Hey!" Legolas exploded. "A soda machine! I'm parched!" Legolas fished around in his quiver, pulling out two dollars. "It says $1.25 a soda. I'm getting one!"

Legolas inserted a dollar, waiting for it to be processed. The sign stated one dollar had been entered. Legolas than timidly entered the next dollar, watching as the machine took it in. It returned presently, crinkled up.

Legolas grabbed it irritatedly, smoothing it, and then put it into the machine. Seconds passed. Then a loud whirring sound was hurd. The dollar slot spit out 20 pieces of a dollar, rejecting the cash. "Hey!" Legolas cried, grabbing the drifting pieces. "It ate and spit up my dollar!" Aragorn snickered in the background as Legolas put on a sad puppy dog face. He looked at the sign, which stated $0.00. "Wait!" Legolas cried again, punching the machine. "I put in a dollar before, and now it's not even stated!"

Gimli let out a retarded laugh. "Hehehehehe."

Legolas, Irritated, put in another two dollars. They were taken, and registered. "I want a misty mountain mist." Legolas muttered pushing the Misty Mountain Mist button. (Why did I capitalize misty mountain mist the second time, not the first time, and then not when I just stated it again? The world is a confusing place.) A whirring sound was heard, and then nothing happened. Legolas irritatedly pushed the button again. He looked down to see it was stuck in place. "Fine…Fiery Dr. Doom." Legolas pushed the button and waited. Nothing happened. (Crickets in background)

Legolas looked down to see that button was pushed in. He was about to push another button when all the buttons pushed in automatically at the same time on their own account. Legolas, confused, tried to understand what was happening in his feeble elven mind. "Hey, where's my soda!" He looked up to see that the register price was $0.00. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Legolas inserted more cash, and the buttons unpressed themselves. He rapidly pushed Misty Mountain Mist, and a rumbling sound was heard in the machine. The soda shot of the bottom directly into Legolas's stomach, winding him. It simultaneously exploded, leaving a very wet and embarrassing mark. Legolas fell over, clutching his stomach. Aragorn, disgusted, walked away. Gimli stared at Legolas, mouth agape.
Legolas inched to his feet, crying, and inserted more cash. He pushed the soda button, and stood away from the machine warily. Nothing happened. Then a voice was heard. "Haha, you're on Candid Camera."

"Oh, thank goodness." Legolas sighed.

"…NOT!"

"WHAT!" Legolas ran up to machine and kicked it. The machine simply shot out another soda, blowing this one up on Legolas's shoulder. "Ow."

Legolas walked up to the machine and pushed the money return button. An electrical shock jarred him, and he let go quickly. "WHY ME?"

Legolas, still to retarded to assimilate the problem, put in two more dollars. He looked at the receipt sign. "$56.00…what?" The machine shot out soda after soda. The first one hit Legolas in the stomach, making him double over. The next hit his face, jarring him. The next two hit both arms, then four went to his groin. A couple more knocked him off his feet, and more went into his head. Then, 10 shots pelted Legolas, who had started to stand, but felt better in the fetal position. All the sodas exploded on contact, leaving Legolas a wet shivering mess. He groaned.

Gimli walked up to the machine and looked at it. "I have shiny quarter for you machine." Gimli pulled out a golden loop and looked at it.

Legolas looked from the ground. "Hey, is that…the one ring? GIMLI! What are you doing with that, what does Frodo…

Meanwhile…

Frodo pulled out his chain. "Hey, this is a quarter."

Present…

Gimli put the ring into the machine. A loud purring noise was heard, a soda plopped down. Gimli took it and threw it into the grass, where it exploded, and then ran away. Legolas stood up, stared at the machine, and followed the others.