I'm baaaack.

THE HATERS: OMG TO ARMS!

That's okay, haters. Even if I do suck as badly as you say, that doesn't stop me from loving you. Because, really, I'm getting particularly strong hints that you guys don't read the notes (actually, if that were the case, you wouldn't be reading this right now, so why am I bothering to address you?...but it's worth a shot) and don't realize what the hell this is all about. I'm going to repeat myself, this time in eye-catching underlined caps:

I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THESE STORIES. IN THE LAST CHAPTER, ONLY THE COMMENTS IN BOLD WERE ADDED BY ME. THE ENTIRE STORY ITSELF (GRAMMAR AND SPELLING MISTAKES AND ALL) WERE WRITTEN BY ANOTHER AUTHOR. I WAS MERELY SATIRIZING IT.

There, hopefully you'll read that.

I can understand why you'd think I'm pathetic by mocking his stories (it just means that we have different senses of humor. That's cool. I can live with that), but flaming me for plagrizing and making spelling mistakes is just ignorant on your part. I have NEVER, EVER claimed authorship of these stories. NEVER. And, if you bothered to check, you would realize that the spelling mistakes are deliberate. Why, in the last chapter, the spelling mistakes were made by the original author himself!

So, who loses at life now?

Oh, yes. I do remember. The original author, gleefully running amok on adultfanfiction-dot-net, has now amassed quite a repetoire of smutty fics. This one caught my attention for its sheer awfulness. So, I'm going to post it here, so everyone can see for themselves exactly what it is I'm "mocking." This is un-related to The Legend of Zelda, but I think it definately merits your readership. Just so you might consider what I'm all about. Once again, cue the giant disclaimer so that the ignorant haters will read it:

I DID NOT WRITE THIS CHAPTER. NONE OF IT WAS WRITTEN BY ME. I TAKE ABSOLUTELY ZERO CREDIT FOR IT.

This is the pure, unadulterated work of the author everyone so vehemently defends.


You are 18 and ready for college, your sister is 16 and she is ready for high school but the thing is that she is late, you are annoyed because as many girls are, everything is all about appearances.

As a boy, appearances are not as important to you as you have known many girls when you were in high school and sometimes the most beautiful are also the meanest girls.

You don't know why it is so but as a boy, all you have ever wanted was a girl to like you for the way you are, not for the look. Besides from the pimples on your teenage face you would have more worries if you were worried about appearances. Being 18 you are now expected to be taking more responsibility and even act more like an adult in some occasions.

"Hey sis…bus is coming!" You yell out.

"Just a minute!" your sister says.

Minutes later, you have missed the bus.

"Dam…this is your fault!" you shout out to your sister in frustration.

"It's not my fault that my hair took a while to get into place after brushing it, I don't want to come to my first day of high school with my hair all messed up."

Your sister replies.

No matter how you try to say it to her, the fact remains that you and your sister now have to walk to high school and college.

The rain pours down hard as you and your sister now have to walk in the rain and through the bush to where you need to go for college and where she needs to go for high school, it has been two weeks since your family had moved into this country area and you have become aware of where you are going. The bush however looks different when it's raining compared to when it was dry last week.

As the rain pours down, you realise that you need to fins some shelter, but you don't tryst the houses because as new people in a country town, you simply don't trust strangers because you know well that you and even your 16 year old sister are vulnerable to some predators who you wish not to know but you are aware of their existence.

"Here sis, we can shelter under this tree as the rain goes past." You call out to your sister.

"Coming big bro." she says.

Your sister follows you under the tree where you are standing and she hugs you close, suddenly your hair stands at the back of your head.

"Why are you hugging me?" You ask.

Your sister looks up at you with her eyes glowing wide with emotion.

"Why not, we are brother and sister. We always hugged when we were younger." She replies.

You can't help but feel your face glow red with embarrassment but then your feel your sister's breasts against your chest that are covered by the layers of jumpers and skivvy you and your sister are wearing. In these cold times of the year you are mostly dressed for the winter where you have to travel to college and brave the rain and even the frosty snow when the morning temperature is below 0 degrees Celsius.

Suddenly you then realise that even at age 16, your sister is becoming more mature. She's almost grown into a young woman.

Then as you start to warm into your sister's hug, you suddenly back yourself away. Afraid that your 18 year old mind might interpret this differently. You knew that a hug is never more than a friendship or a sibling thing but there was a time you used to be so open to hugs. But since that time you had a crush on a girl that you had knew for many years, you tried to hug her in a friendship way but she and her friends took it a bit differently and they tore you away from her, claiming you were trying to sexually harass her. Since then you had never given anybody a hug from the fear of being called a pervert or and jerk.

Your sister looks at you as you break the hug.

"Why are you turning away big bro? We used to hug many times when we were younger." She says.

You look into your sisters eyes, you are not quite sure of what to say. Should you say that things are different since you are more older and wiser and even more sexually active. Should you say to her that there are some examples of people, generally males around 16 to 25 that commit these crimes of sexual assault even against their siblings and that you are afraid of being ladled like them from a simple hug?

Confusing thoughts go through your head. When is something a friendship and when is something a relationship, when is something only shared between siblings and when is something only shared between lovers? These days some people think that a hug is something only between close friends and sometimes some people think of a hug as something special between two lovers because of the body contact. You don't know who's to believe, there are so many cases of women suing young men all because someone thinking they are doing something sick but you are actually doing something quite innocent.

When you talked to your dad about these things, he is more confused than you are because back in his days there was no such thing as sexual harassment, there was no such thing as homosexuality back when he was growing up, you feel like you are in a mine field and you are not sure of where to steep from the fear of making a mistake.

"I…I don't know…" is all that you can say to your sister.

"Is it because I'm ugly?" she asks.

"No, it is not that." You try to calm her down.

"All I want is just a hug brother…like what we used to have…I don't understand why you are always afraid of giving me a hug brother but ever since we have grown into teenagers, I feel more isolated from you, I don't know what to ask you as you are always turning away from me. I HATE YOU!" Your sister yells at you as she runs off into the woods into the rain.

"Sis…NO…" You try to say but she is already gone.

"Dam…why dose she have to be so emotional?" You ask yourself.

More importantly you try to ask yourself why are you so afraid to tell her…but then you understand why, if you try to tell her the reason why you are afraid to hug your sister, you pass the fear onto her and then she will lose everything that is so special about her, her free spirit and her innocence. You love your sister too much to hurt her but the more you try not to tell her, the more you make her emotionally confused.

"Perhaps it is time to tell her…" A voice inside you says.

As you take a step out of the shelter of the tree, you hear a yell ahead of you.

"HHHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP MMMMMMEEEEEEEE!"

Your awareness wakes as you realise the screaming voice you heard.

You run towards the voice praying that a rapist or something is not attacking your sister, or something like a wolf or a bear.

As you reach the open path, you see your sister in the middle of muddy ground up to her hips in mud.

"Help me brother, I'm sinking. This is like quicksand but it's muddier." She shouts out to you.

"Hang on Sis, I will think of a way to save you." You cry out towards her.

Your eyes search franticly around for something like an over hanging branch or a rope or vine to use to drag her out. You have a look at the muddy ground that your sister is sinking in and you realise that she is sinking into a mud hole, that is much more deadlier than quicksand.

Then you look at how far she is away from you, 10 meters out and nothing for her to grab onto. There is no way you could ever reach out to her without risking yourself to sink in the mud with her too.

Suddenly a crazy thought went though your mind, its crazy but worth a shot.

"Sis…you have to throw me your jumper and shirt." You tell your sister.

"Why would you want me to take off my clothes, my track pants are too deep."

"Just do it, I will tie my clothes together and you throw me yours so I can tie them together and throw them over to you so it will be like a rope. Then I can pull you out."

You take off your jumper and skivvy and you tie the long sleeve arms to join them together, you then take off your pants to tie them tightly together. You don't care of your sister sees you in your boxer shorts, what is important now is saving her life.

"Here is my jumper and skivvy bro." Your sister says as she throws her stuff to you.

You tie them together along with your clothes and now they can stretch far enough to rescue your sister.

You throw the long pile of tied clothes over the mud to reach your sister.

"Hurry sis, grab on." You yell out to her.

Your sister who is now up to her chest in the mud grabs onto the long clothes tied together like pieces of rope. As she pulls on it, the mud reachers her bra and you can't help but notice how beautiful your sister looks in the mud. But then you shake these thoughts from your mind and you pull her in.

As you pull, your sister makes slow progress.

"Hurry brother, the mud is sucking me down to my shoulders."

You pull harder but suddenly the slippery mud makes you lose your footing on the hard dry ground.

"NOOOOO!" you scream.

SPLASH

You are now hip deep in the mud along with your sister.

"Sister, grab my hands." You say as your arms reach out to her.

Your sister gabs your hands and you pull her up to your level in the mud. The good thing is that you have delayed her submission to the mud but the bad thing is that now you are now stuck in the mud with her, there is no way for you or your sister to escape.

You look at your sister as you could see the fear and terror deep in her eyes as you realise that you are now sinking with her.

"I'm sorry Sis…it seems like we are going to die here." You cry.

Tears fall from your eyes but your sister then touches her hands next to your face.

"It is not your fault big brother, you tried to save me and that is all that matters. I love you brother." Your sister cries as she leans her mud-coated body towards you.

Suddenly your eyes widen as your sister places her pink lips onto yours.

Then your close your eyes as she deepens the kiss on your own lips. This was the first time you have ever been kissed, even with all the girls you have had a crush on, your first kiss is coming from your sister. Your mind spins as you don't know what to do, but as you realise what sort of position you and your sister are in, you then understand why your sister is kissing you.

Your sister has always been a romantic with all the chick movies she has watched, having your first kiss is meant to be something special.

Now as your eyes start to open, you can see the mud rising all around you as the mud crushes you and your sister's bodies together in the mud hole that is rising up your chests.

As you break the kiss, you look down to see your sister's breasts concealed by her bra now being enveloped by the mud again, this time your strong hard chest is being squished into them as they are now sucked under the mud.

Your heart beats faster and faster as you can feel the mud sucking you and your sister deeper and deeper into the mud, soon the mud will be over your head and you realise that you and your sister are doomed.

"I…I…I love you sis." You whisper to her.

"I love you too brother, you know…you are a great kisser, if I were to die now, the highlight of my life will be my kiss with you, because you are my first just now."

You look at your sister and then understand why she kissed you, even though you are her brother, she feels nothing wrong for just kissing you as you and her are going to die, she just wants to die with her memories of having her first kiss with you.

It makes no sense but somehow you understand her as you feel the same way too, all the time you have had many girls you have made great friends with but none of them have ever been in a romantic relationship with you. The only girl who has been close to you has been your sister.

You know you can't have sex with her but it dose not hide how you feel about her. Without your sister then you would not have known how to communicate with girls.

You then begin to feel thankful that your sister cares so much abut you.

"Thanks sis…that means a lot, you know if we were to survive this then you would have made a lucky boy very happy one day." You say to her.

As the mud creeps over your shoulders, you see the walls of the mud hole begin to develop around you as you and your sister are being sucked deeper and deeper down to your deaths.

"Looks like this is the end bro…even now that I know we are going to die…I'm happy anyway because you are here with me." you sister cries with tears flowing out of her eyes.

She then hugs your strong body closer to her as she shows her emotions for you. Pouring out her heart to you and showing you how much you mean to her.

You hug her back, you don't care if it is your sister that you feel her bare skin against your own. It gives you a soft and warm feeling inside you, not sexual but still an enjoyable loving feeling to have.

Then with all the things you have feared about since you were accused of sexual harassing your female friend two years ago, you realise that you have done nothing wrong at all, a hug is not always sexual, it can be a friendly thing to have between friends or even between siblings who care about each other.

The mud walls are getting higher and higher around you and your sister. Both of you and your sister's heads are now sucked under the mud and now all you see of the outside world is then hole above you that is slowly closing over your head.

"I love you brother, I'm sorry that we missed the buss and now we are going to die here all because of me." Your sister cries.

"There is nothing to be sorry about sis…I love you too no matter what." You tell her.

Then as the mud walls begin to close around you and your sister, you press your lips onto your sister as you give her your final kiss.

"Ugh…" your sister gasps as the mud falls into the hole covering over you and her together.

You hold her body as you and your sister breathe in each other's mouths both saving each other's air as you both are being sucked deeper down into the darkness of the mud hole.

The mud presses your body closer and tighter, you realise that there is not much time left in your life as the mud around you slowly crushes you and your sister to death.

But then suddenly as you push your sister higher, you feel yourself stop and you feel your bare feet hit hard ground.

Then you come up with a plan, you know that it is the end for you but perhaps there is a chance that you can save your sister that is hanging onto life with the air in your kisses.

You then gather all the remaining energy within your body that is being crushed under the thick crushing mud around you.

In seconds, you break your kiss on your sister and up use your arms to push her body above the surface and as you push her up, you free your sister's body from the mud as she slips above the muddy surface and you use your hands to slide her to dry ground.

But then the mud caves in on you more as there is a gap where your sister used to be and now as life passes before your eyes, the mud crushes you to death. The last images in your mind were of your sister, praying that she is safe and she would be able to live her life without you.

Your soul leaves your body and rises above the mud, as you look down you see your sister on dry land gasping for air but then she wakes up.

"Bro…brother…NNNOOOOOO!" she screams as she sees your hands slide down in the mud.

She slides her bare and slender body across the mud and pull your arms up, she also grabs onto some dry mud that had just developed and pulls your arms above the surface of the mud.

Time stops for your soul as you see your loving sister pull your limp body from the mud.

"Brother…brother…please come back to me…please!" you sister cries as she puts her hands on your chest and begins to pump her hands on top of your rib cage to try and re-start your heart.

Suddenly you feel your soul begin to be pulled back towards your limp body as your sister tries to bring you to life once more.

"Brother…brother…don't die, please don't die…I LOVE YOU BROTHER!"

You gasp as you take in vital air, your eyes open as you look up at your sister who is coved in as much mud as you are now.

"Thank god your alive." Your sister cries.

You bring your arms around her body as you embrace her in a deep and loving hug, not a sexual one but more of like a brother and sister hug.

"Thanks sis, for saving my life." You say to her as you deepen your hug on her body.

As you think about how lucky you are to be alive, you then look at your muddy clothes that you had tied in knots to form a long rope that you did when you tried to save your sister from before.

How are you going to explain to your teacher once when you reach college at lunch that you are late and your clothes are all muddy. But that dose not matter now, at least you and your sister are both alive.

Perhaps your sister will be able to have her first kiss by someone other than you and even make that lucky boy happy one day.

And by the way your sister liked you kissing her, you might be able to have a chance of having your first kiss with a girl that is not your sister and she will like you for the way you are, you even have a chance to make her happy someday too.


There are hardly words to describe how fiercely I am opposed to this.

So go on, haters. Leave me comments professing how "immature, stupid, pathetic, ect." I am. But if you actually think THIS deserves artistic support, I am inclined to judge how much water your argument holds.