Thank you Guest, DragonRider225, Anita Simons, paninihead, Guest, collegestudent34, xxDreamWalkerxx, and Love. Fiction. 2020 for your reviews! I'm so happy from reading all of them, I can't explain it! I'll reply by PM when I get my head back together after writing this!

This is a slightly longer one, I think the next one will be as well, but we're still in book chapter length territory so I think it's okay.

It's the middle of February now, just so everyone's got their bearings -Edward is still hiding from/ignoring Bella at the moment.

Chapter 5

Carys' mind whirled through every note she'd made, everything he'd confirmed, everything he'd added...

Then, finally, she thought of the Carlisle she knew and the time they'd spent together over the past year and more. She thought of the man he was. The lives he'd saved. The fact she had nearly fifty items on her list and only one was truly negative.

"Carlisle...?" She began slowly as he gently stroked her jaw, "I think... I think I'm ready for that explanation now..."


Carlisle smiled a little as he shook his head and pulled back, reaching into his inner pocket.

"Is... Is that part of it?" Carys asked him, clasping her hands together as she watched him remove a small bottle of brandy. When he tilted his head in askance, she pointed to his pocket. "You always seem to have the right things in there... Is it a Mary Poppins situation we're dealing with?"

Carlisle stared at her for a moment before he started laughing quietly, shoulders quaking. His laugh was infectious, though when her answering peal took on a particularly feverish quality, he stopped and uncorked the bottle quickly.

"You need to drink some of this, darling," he told her, watching her intently as he returned his hand to her face and rubbed his thumb over her cheek. "It'll help with the shock."

Carys tried to control her frantic laughter as she grabbed the bottle with shaking hands and tipped it up, pouring it from above so that the opening didn't touch her mouth. She swallowed hard and held the bottle out to him as she winced. Heat spread through her as the liquid warmed her from her stomach outwards.

Carlisle took the bottle and re-corked it, a little taken aback. "I assumed you would use a glass," he said slowly, "but that's okay. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just found out the man I'm dating is... Immortal...?" She frowned at him, and when he nodded, she continued. "Yeah, like the man I'm dating is immortal, and maybe Mary Poppins."

"Not Mary Poppins," he assured her with a small smile. "And... Well, we can be killed by our own kind, but for the most part, yes, immortal." He seemed unwilling to touch her now that she was gathering her wits a little more, resting his hands on his knees instead.

"So... Do you want to tell me...?" She coaxed, grabbing a cushion to support her back as she sat upright.

He hesitated. "Perhaps it would be easier if you asked questions and I answered them?" He asked her as he ran a hand through his hair. "I would rather not risk overloading you with information, and as I said, I would rather not say exactly what I am just yet."

"Because of the risk?" She questioned slowly.

He nodded, seeming relieved that she had remembered that through her shock.

"So... I mean... Are we talking Highlander?"

Carlisle grinned and reached towards her before thinking better of it and letting his hand fall to his leg again. "No, not Highlander."

"So. There is a risk, and you can be killed by your own kind, but you're not in an eternal battle to the death?" She smirked, the joking helping to calm the last part that the brandy couldn't.

"No, well. My family and I are not, anyway." He assured her calmly.

"Your family..."

"Yes, they're all the same as I am."

She glanced at her list. "I was more going to ask about... Well... Okay, I'm just going to ask it. Is Jasper real? I've never seen him. Is he-"

"Yes," Carlisle was grinning again as he spoke, "yes, Jasper is real. He simply finds it more difficult to be around humans, and that's why he stays away from the hospital."

Carys nodded sagely. "I can't say I blame him really." She waited for Carlisle's surprised laughter to abate. "So you're not human... But you... Were human once?" She questioned.

He nodded. "Yes. We were all born and lived human lives before we changed into what we are now. The change freezes us, if you will." He smiled again at his pun.

"Okay... So... You're saying you lived and... Died...? And then forever look as you did when you died?"

"Somewhat," he agreed. "The change enhances our features, our beauty."

"That explains Rosalie and Alice," she mused quietly to herself, before sitting forward a little. It seemed to please Carlisle that she was moving closer to him rather than backing away again. "How old did you say you were?"

"I'm almost three hundred and sixty-five years old. I was twenty-three when I was changed. At least, that's what I estimate. Most people didn't have their birth date recorded as they do now."

"So we're almost the same age!?" She questioned excitedly and then grimaced as she realised how she must have sounded. "In one way, at least?"

"Yes, we remain the age we were changed - physically and developmentally at least. Though I have lived a long life-" he paused as if he'd said more than he'd meant to. "Mentally we're the same age, and physically almost so."

"How long have you been a doctor?"

"Quite a while." He looked and sounded glad that their conversation appeared to be going so well. "I studied and trained myself for almost two hundred years before I began to practice, and I've been a doctor for over a hundred."

"Jeessuuuussss Christ." Carys' eyes widened as she dropped back against the cushion.

After quickly running through the reality, if that was what it was, of her new knowledge, she darted a hand out and grabbed the notepad. She flicked through her list as Carlisle sat watching her, faintly alarmed.

"You died, you're immortal, you trained for roughly two hundred years to become a doctor. It clearly worked, I mean, you're the best doctor in the hospital, understandably." She continued flicking through the pages as she spoke quickly. "You're compassionate, you're oddly calm all the time, you live amongst humans and look like us, but you hide what you are and your enhanced powers." She stared across at him as she dropped the pad to the side. "Am I allowed a guess?"

"... Yes." Carlisle seemed nervous as he nodded.

"Angel..." She breathed.

Carlisle was confused for a moment before he slid forward, shaking his head.

"No darling, I'm the furthest thing from it."

"... Fallen angel then...?"

"No, I'm-"

"You can't deny you've kind of carved out a pretty angelic life for yourself right here. Is that why Jasper doesn't like humans? Because they're-"

"We're not angels, Carys." Carlisle spoke firmly, capturing Carys' gaze and cutting off her excited rambling.

She stared back for a few moments before her eyes turned sad.

Carlisle looked apologetic as he placed a hand on her forearm, and was about to speak when she did.

"You hate what you are, don't you?" She frowned lightly, sympathetically.

"How-"

"When you realised what I meant, you practically recoiled. When I suggested you were a fallen angel, it was the... Whatever you are, you hate it, don't you...?"

Carlisle nodded slowly and then shook his head.

"I believe... I believe I lost my soul when I changed. For a long time, I wanted nothing more than to die, to destroy the monster I'd become. When I eventually do die, I know that hell awaits me-" he continued through Carys' horror, though he smiled a little as she slid forward and rubbed his arms. "-but after a time, I realised that I could help people, that I could use this curse to save lives. I took solace in that." He stroked a hand over her shoulder, down her arm, and covered one of her hands with his. "I dedicated myself to medicine, my compassion for human life sustained me through the pain that came with my choice, from what I was..."

Carys turned her hand in his, and he lifted it, pressing his hard, cold lips to the back of her wrist.

There was more, she thought it was obvious from his tone. "Has that changed now? Do you not love medicine as you did?"

"No," Carlisle shook his head guiltily. "I believe I will always love what I do, but... I became... Lonely. That is no excuse for what I did, but..." He took a deep breath when his voice began to crack and held her wrist to his lips again as he spoke, his eyes imploring her to understand. "I was alone, in the way I lived. I was alone for such a long time, I became so lonely... I treated Edward and his parents when they were dying. He... His mother asked me, begged me, to save him. To do whatever I could to save her child, and I..."

"You changed him," Carys breathed.

He nodded.

"Did you change anyone else?" She asked quietly, trying to control her breathing. "Your other children, Edward's sister?"

Carlisle nodded again, turning his gaze to their joined hands as he stroked her arm. He looked as if he was trying to commit the image to memory.

He was silent for some time, and when he turned to meet her gaze again, his eyes swam with unshed tears.

"I changed Edward in 1918, during the Spanish Influenza pandemic... It was 1921 when I found Esme. We'd met before," he explained quietly, "I had treated her when she was sixteen. She had been so full of life, so filled with excitement for what her future would bring. She was twenty-six when I saw her next."

"What happened...?" Carys prompted when he fell silent, brushing back a lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead.

"... She was... I found her in the morgue, the doctors thought she was dead. Since the last time we'd met, her life had... It had destroyed her, destroyed the hope and light in her eyes. She'd been through so much, lost so much. She gave me permission to tell you this... She had been pregnant when she ran from her abusive husband. Losing her son shortly after his birth broke her, and she threw herself from a cliff. I... I knew I could save her..."

"So you did," Carys whispered, moving closer still.

"Yes. I made her what I am. We lived together, Edward, Esme and I, for a time." He took a shuddering breath and carried on, almost pleadingly. "I wasn't going to change another. I only changed them because they were dying. Surely that's..." He rolled his shoulders, his jaw setting in anger. "Rosalie was the next. She wouldn't have survived after what-"

He broke off, nostrils flaring, and Carys fought to remain where she was, not to give in to the fear that came with the anger in his face. It was the first time she'd seen the emotion, he was usually so calm.

"Hers is not a story for anyone else to tell... But I believed... I thought I was helping her... I changed her, and she had her rev-" he broke off again, taking a deep breath before his calm façade fell back into place. "Rosalie found Emmett sometime later. He'd been attacked by a bear-"

"A bear!?" Carys cut across, her eyes widening.

He smiled briefly. "Yes, a very Emmett-like way to go, so he assures me. She found him and ran with him for over a hundred miles despite the pain it caused her."

"The pain?" She questioned when he paused.

"He was... Well, you can imagine what happens when you're mauled to death," Carlisle replied quickly, moving on before she could ask again. "She begged me to save him, to give him a chance to live, to be with her. I wasn't sure if I could... Whatever good I'd done for my soul had been depleted through damning three others alongside me, but... She begged me. I had damned her, and she wasn't able to change him herself, she couldn't be sure she could- well. She needed me to do it."

"So you saved him as well?"

"I damned him-"

"Let's just go with saved for now, my lovely," she told him gently as she placed a kiss to his hand, her nose brushing his smooth marble-like skin.

Carlisle let out a sigh, the tension leaving his body at the contact. When their eyes met, mere inches apart, his were filled with an adoration she couldn't process the depth of.

"Saved." She repeated softly.

"Saved..." He agreed with a faint whisper. "I changed him in 1935. Two years after Rosalie. He was twenty, she was eighteen."

"How old was Edward?"

"Seventeen."

Neither of them moved, each filled with a desire for the closeness, a fear that any small movement would dispell their connection. Their eyes remained locked over their joined hands.

"Alice?" She murmured, "Jasper?"

"Jasper was turned in 1863 by another. He was nineteen. Alice, we believe she was nineteen as well, but we know little of her past. She, like myself, was left by her maker before she completed the change, but her gift allowed her to find us. First Jasper, and then-"

"Then she turned up, staring up at you with huge eyes, knowing how well she would fit into your family?" She completed for him, recalling the conversation they'd had a year before. She would ask about his and Alice's makers leaving later, when she could understand more of what they were. "You told me the truth... Well, part of it."

"I wanted to tell you. So much."

"Why?"

"Could I answer that later, darling?" His hard lips moved against her skin as he talked, a caress that she returned with another kiss to his skin as she nodded. "Alice can see the future. It's subjective to decisions, choices, prone to change at times. In some matters, however, her visions are far more concrete."

"That's how she saw me today?" Carys asked, tightening her grip on his hand in surprise.

"Yes... And how she's seen so much more." When Carys opened her mouth to ask, he sped through. "We bring our strongest power with us when we change. I brought my compassion. Edward was always able to guess what people were thinking... He can now read minds. Jasper was an empath, that translated to the ability to feel and influence the emotions of those around him."

"What about the others?"

Carlisle grinned, his eyes alight as he spoke of his family. "Emmett brought strength and a playful contentment in his life that affects us in a more subtle way to Alice's. Esme is supremely devoted to those she loves, far beyond anything I've seen. She brought that and her warmth. Rosalie, well, you might have noticed. She brought with her her protective nature alongside her determination and strength of character. And her beauty of course," he added as if an afterthought.

"Is that why Jasper finds it hard to be around people?" Carys questioned again after they'd lapsed into silence for long moments. "Because he can feel everyone? It must be overwhelming."

"No," Carlisle replied softly, shaking his head as he light left his eyes. "He was... His upbringing was different to ours... He..." He trailed off.

"Have we circled back to the part you can't tell me yet?"

"Yes... I... I could tell you, but you'd have to be sure. If I... If I tell you, it would endanger my family - what I've already told you is enough to put us at risk, if anyone else were to find out."

Carys made to protest, and Carlisle stroked her arm.

"I know. I believe you wouldn't... But it would also, crucially, put you at risk if some of our kind were to find out that you knew. There... We have rules, laws which govern us."

"Of course, I imagine this sort of thing isn't something you want the world to know." She conceded, though it didn't stop her from wanting the truth. She wanted to know, wanted to be able to understand why he thought he was damned. She couldn't guess what he was, and she needed to understand him. "What if I told you I wanted to know? That I could understand...?"

"You must know how much I want you to know, Carys. You must know how much I..."

"Carlisle...?"

He hesitated again, and then began to speak. "I tried, darling, I tried to hold back, to wait. I didn't want to put this on you, the knowledge, the danger of what I am... But I failed you, I couldn't bear the pain you were going through, the depression I saw over those weeks at the hospital from afar. When I saw you that day on the trail, I could no longer hold back. I thought. I thought I could be your friend, that I could help you and somehow keep my distance.

"I can't explain to you how it felt last summer when we were friends and you pulled away. I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but I knew I needed to let you go, to let you live your life and not be cursed with this knowledge, not have me take any decisions away from you... And then I saw your eyes at the coffee shop, I saw the love you held for me, and-" Carlisle moved forward, his hands moving to her waist as he pressed his forehead against hers and briefly closed his eyes.

Carys was shocked to silence. She didn't speak in case he stopped, but she couldn't help herself as she slid her arms over his shoulders.

"I've never wanted anything as much as I want your love, my darling. Its been a long time since I've had total control over my-over what I am, the need that comes from it, but that need is the closest thing I can think to how I feel about you. I love you, Carys. I think I've loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you."

Carys breathed softly, her eyes swimming with tears of happiness that fell ignored down her cheeks as he continued.

"Becoming your friend, I thought it would be enough. I thought I could love you from afar, I could protect you and my family and somehow make it through." He leaned back, his cold hand gently brushing the hot tears from Carys' cheeks. "In all my time on this Earth, I'd never felt anything like it, my love. I cannot put into words what you mean to me. I can only tell you that I'm sorry, I'm sorry that it wasn't enough for me, that I brought you into this. And that I'm also not sorry. Not really, no matter the guilt I feel for it.

"Carys, my love, my darling." He brushed a still damp curl from her face and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "I wanted to wait until you made your decision. When Alice saw the choice you'd have to make for your family..." He shook his head slowly, his cold skin a balm against her cold cheek, and when Carys sighed, he withdrew again to look into her eyes.

"You didn't tell me what you thought I should do," she whispered, recalling their conversation when she questioned whether or not she should move to California with her family. "You didn't want to be a factor in it, did you?"

"Your life, your choices, every decision you made... I wanted it to be yours my love. I still want them to be yours."

"Do you believe I love you as much as you love me?" Carys asked quietly, lost in his eyes. When he nodded, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, drawing a sigh from him that echoed hers from moments before. "I want to know, Carlisle. I want to understand this, you, why you felt damned, why you feel such guilt about saving the others. I want to know why you waited to tell me."

He looked conflicted, fear in his eyes as he finally relented and rushed through his explanation. "I-I drink the blood of animals. It's what sustains me, what sustains my family. Very few of our kind do - I was the first. When I was changed, I wanted nothing more than to die because I believed there was only one way to survive. I-"

"Vampire." Carys whispered, cutting off the rest of his fearful speech as she drew back in shock. "You're a vampire..."

Carlisle nodded, letting her go and moving back until the backs of his knees pressed against the wood of the small table, giving her space. If he'd looked as if someone had kicked him in the gut when she'd asked if he would hurt her, he looked then as if a knife had been thrust below his ribs and twisted.

Carys felt as if she was going to be sick. The blood drained from her face.

She could understand him, somehow, could understand that he was different, that he fed on animals rather than humans. It was the thought of the others... The thought that vampires existed... That he might have consumed human blood... It was as if the penny had dropped and the reality of what he was, what truly existed in the world had suddenly broken through.

She'd been sure she believed him before, but she then realised it hadn't sunk in.

She raced from the sofa, taking the stairs two at a time, and slammed the bathroom door behind her as she dropped to her knees and began to retch.

It wasn't until she'd rid herself of the little food she had left in her stomach and had passed through bile to the bitter burn of stomach acid that she registered Carlisle's light, hesitant touch.

He was rubbing her back soothingly, holding her hair away from her face as she bent over the toilet bowl.

She finally stopped, not sure she had anything left in her, and reached for the toilet paper. Carlisle reached it first and held in front of her, and she murmured an inarticulate sound as she wiped her mouth and dropped the tissue into the bowl.

The sound of the flush followed her as she collapsed sideways against his chest, her breathing harsh, her body devoid of the energy to hold herself up as she trembled.

"I'm sorry, Carys, I'm so so sorry," he whispered over and over again as his arms came about her and he held her for long minutes until her breathing began to slow and her body stopped trembling.

When he made to release her, she murmured her refusal and hugged one of his arms to her.

They sat in silence until the cold of the hard floor and his body began to seep into her, and she pushed away, reaching towards the sink to pull herself up onto shaky, numbed legs.

Carlisle stood slowly, watching her warily in the mirror as she washed her hands and brushed her teeth. He remained motionless until she wiped her mouth a minute later and turned towards him.

She kept her eyes averted as she sat on the edge of her bathtub.

"Have you..." She stared at the wall. "Have you ever kill-"

"No," he denied vehemently before she could finish. "When I knew what I was, I fled. I travelled by night, on roads as far away from humans as possible to avoid the risk. I couldn't take life, couldn't become the... I tried to starve myself to death rather than taste human blood. It was the last of several attempts to destroy myself. I was hiding, for a time, in a forest near London - it was there that I discovered animal blood could sustain me instead, when a herd of deer passed by where I was concealed."

"Deer..." She whispered quietly, knowing now that he could still hear her. She looked up at him slowly.

"I ate venison as a human, afterwards I reasoned it wasn't too dissimilar. It was a revelation, to know that I could survive on that, that I didn't have to take human life."

Carys nodded to herself as they lapsed once again into silence, turning back to the wall. She felt numb still, and drained, tired both mentally and physically.

She stood slowly, testing her legs, and Carlisle stepped out of the way as she passed him, following her uncertainly down the stairs. She had to hold onto the bannister and slide her other hand against the wall to support herself, but she made it down and crossed to the sofa once again.

Carlisle hovered, standing beside the coffee table, and she held out a hand to him. He took it, and when she tugged lightly, sat down beside her.

"I don't think... I'm not... I love you Carlisle, but I don't think I can... My head feels... Would you just hold me for a bit? I... I think I need some time to process..." She explained slowly, her voice devoid of emotion as she found herself unable to complete a sentence.

Carlisle moved quickly, placing a cushion between them as his arms came around her.

Sometime later, when she was able to think past her shock and horror, she turned her restored mind to everything he'd told her. For half an hour she sifted through the information, Carlisle a silent support beside her.

She searched her heart and mind, and surprised herself that all she felt was her love for him. Now that she could properly think about everything, she knew that the knowledge wouldn't stop her from feeling the way she did.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, holding his arm to silence him when he went to speak. "It was just a bit of a shock, that Jasper really exists."

She grinned as Carlisle chuckled and drew her closer, staring at the fabric of his jumper as she took a deep breath and her smile faded.

"I love you Carlisle. I trust you. And I don't know why or how, or what's happened... Or what will happen... But I know that. And I'm not saying I'm not scared, but I am saying..."

"I know..." Carlisle replied quietly as he pressed his face to her hair.

He spoke again later, as she yawned against his shoulder.

"Would you trust me enough to meet my family tomorrow?"

She pulled away so she could look up at him. "Your family? All of them?"

"Esme is here for my birthday weekend," he explained, putting a strange emphasis on the word birthday, "and I know she and the others would like to meet you, or to meet you again at any rate... If you're willing to, I could show you more, explain my past once you've had some time to process."

Carys blinked slowly, and thought it over before she replied hesitantly. "You want me to walk into a house filled with vampires?"

Carlisle removed his arms from her, clasping his hands together. He looked dejected, and that was enough to make Carys relent.

"You said they drink animal blood as well?" She queried, wrapping her arms around herself as they both faced forward, staring at the coffee table.

"Yes." He turned his head to look at her. "We like to think of ourselves as vegetarian. You're at no risk from my family, darling. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward have all assured me your blood smells distinctly normal, and I'm practically immune to the scent of human blood."

"Okay... Well... I guess that's a good thing..." She accepted quietly, not entirely sure how she felt about that information. "Well... Will there be a dress code?"

Carlisle smiled. "I'd like to say no, but I know Alice too well. I believe she said something about cocktail dresses or suit trousers and waistcoats being non-negotiable."

"So I have to wear both?" Carys joked.

"Ah," Carlisle's grin grew as he turned thoughtful. "No, I'm afraid last time we celebrated something and she wasn't clear enough, Jasper and Emmett decided to wear ball gowns with tuxedo jackets - it completely threw off her aesthetic. She was adamant this time, it's one or the other."

A/N: we get to meet Esme and Jasper in the next chapter!