Cearbhail:

So, we're back. And I'm giving not only you but me a full recap of the day so far. It took me FIVE HOURS to write the battlemage log. I hope you appreciate the things I do for my continued sanity. Also... stay home, wash your hands, eat your veggies, don't go to school... oh wait...

...

Oh, and enjoy =^^=


[Veselle Tenvanni]

Battlemage's Log full log: 14 Evening Star, 15 Evening Star

To quickly recap the events of the day. Master Neloth had ventured to Skyrim to gain the help of the Dragonborn High King of Skyrim, a person who is tied into the mysteries of the rising tensions here on our island. Early in the afternoon, Master Neloth returned to Tel Mithryn with the Dragonborn. We quickly teamed up and headed to an ancient tomb dedicated to the first Dragonborn: Miraak. We were met by a Skaal woman named Frea, who briefly mentioned having met the Dragonborn in the past, a romantic one, imaginably. The four of us ventured into the tomb, meeting resistance by some cult members belonging to Miraak. Battlemage Mirri Severin managed to free one of them, a boy named Rynamel Dres. The Battlemage in question may have also… had a few romantic encounters with said cult member, Rynamel Dres.

After the romantic encounters were over, the now five of us ventured further into the tomb, encountering more cultists, draugr, and a Black Book at the end of the tomb. The Dragonborn picked up the tome, activating its trap. Tentacles of Hermeaus Mora sprung out of the book, capturing the Dragonborn. His corporeal form quickly turned hollow as his astral form was pulled from his body, transported to another realm. We waited for a few minutes all while wondering what had happened to the Dragonborn. Master Neloth and I both examined his body. We deduced that his astral form had been pulled from him, and that he was still tethered to his mortal wrapping. Therefore, he was not dead, just in a form of stasis while part of his soul traveled to another destination, one not on Mundus.

The Dragonborn managed to wake up roughly fifteen minutes after his adventure. He quickly informed us about his encounter with Miraak, and how Miraak was planning on taking over Tamriel, enslaving all the dragons, and using them to overtake all the armies of Tamriel. So, he now knew about Miraak's plans, but not how he planned on achieving them, or how it connected to the mind control surrounding the island. We ventured with Frea to her Skaal village, where the shaman would have answers as to what was happening on our island.

The shaman of the village was more knowledgeable than I would have believed, and not only knew Miraak but knew how to reach him, but before he would give the knowledge, he required some help with the infected stone outside his village. He wanted it purified so that he could get his village back to normal. He knew of a location that would hold a Shout the Dragonborn could use to cleanse the infected stone. I wonder how the shaman knew any of this information, but… I'm just told to record events not speculate on them. We ventured to the location, coming across draugr and dragons defending the location. The Dragonborn decided to be eaten by the dragon, killing it from the inside. When the Dragonborn attempted to absorb the dragon's soul, we were introduced to Miraak in the astral form. He was absorbing the soul of the fallen dragon, bragging about how every dragon we kill only serves to make him stronger. The Dragonborn High King was dissuaded from slaying any more dragons while he stayed on the island. We all agreed.

We returned to the Skaal village to meet with the shaman. We freed his people from the infected Wind Stone of worship, and after destroying the structures surrounding the stone, we were attacked by some of Hermeaus Mora's monsters. We dispatched them easily and then returned to the Skaal village for the information, and some rest. It was close to midnight when we arrived in the village. We received a lesson on cosmic creation, on what the divine stones of our island do in relation to the world, and just… how Miraak's webbing could result in a mass corprus virus that could destroy the world. Master Neloth has a full report written and stored on his desk to be researched. I will be attending to this research with Brelyna and Teldryn, and Master Neloth. The four of us will be busy through the night, no doubt.

After learning the information we needed, Master Neloth was quick to rush us back to Tel Mithryn. It was close to two in the morning, and half of us were dead on our feet, but we marched on. He wanted the stone outside our town destroyed as quickly as possible so that Veselle would be free from her suffering, as well as our other villagers attending to the webbing's creation. We attended to the stone outside our own little village, using the Dragonborn's new Shout to destroy the webbing and the mind control making our own family members build it. I had the honor of fighting Gwenlena Ienith and Talvas Fathryon while Master Neloth fought against Teldryn Sero. I quickly put Gwen on the ground, but had a bit of an issue against the ice magick of Talvas. I managed to overcome him with the help of Rynamel and after all was said and down, the Dragonborn cleansed the stone and the mind control holding our friends captive dissipated. We had our village back. We rushed to Veselle's room to see if her condition had improved. We found her missing.

Master Neloth quickly used a spell to find her location, but tracking the ethereal imprints stuck on the ground and air, recreating the image of how she managed to escape. Her deceased guardian, a magister-in-training named Bran-Shei Tenvanni, a name that holds rank inside the Telvanni House, and deserving on a lordship within the House. He had managed to take care of Veselle when Master Neloth was busy trying to destroy his ex-wife when she was possessed by a heart stone. So, when Master Tenvanni showed up, he managed to convince Veselle to leave with him without attempting to stop him. She voluntarily left with him just minutes before we left. We traced her ethereal footprints, all while expecting to fight for her freedom, only to find her sleeping in the ash outside the village. She had completed her task and was allowed to leave. She was abducted so that she may give a message to the High King… read the book in Master Neloth's library. Hermeaus Mora wanted to meet the Dragonborn, let him know what he needed to do to defeat Miraak. We were being led into another trap by the very force trying to destroy the island. We can't escape him, no matter how hard we try. Another thing for us to research.

After we recovered Veselle, we debriefed her on her adventure. She told us about her multiple years she spent in another timeline, each second being repeatedly comforted by Master Neloth and Mistress Ildari, telling Veselle that she wasn't dreaming anymore, that she was back in the correct timeline. Veselle's mentality seemed shaken, broken is a better word. She reported her other life, how she grew up outside of Tel Mithryn, and how she had met Master Neloth under different circumstances, how she destroyed Windhelm, and how she had killed Ildari after the infection took over. All while talking about how she watched the world slowly be overtaken by corprus, and how she destroyed village after village to cure the world of the expanding cancer. She then went on to explain how Mermeaus Mora found a cancerous spreading of corprus in her lower back, and destroyed it, using a spell, a spell that was passed onto Veselle, all with the intention of Veselle curing corprus in anyone she examines. Veselle holds the cure for corprus in her mind. Master Neloth did a memory scan, picking up on her other life, documenting the other timeline, and wrote down in detail the contents of the detection spell locked in her mind, as well as the spell for destroying corprus. Master Neloth had planned on passing this knowledge onto me, seeing how I've excelled in ethereal destruction and have precision with each strike I take.

From there, we all decided to retire for the night, and regroup later in the morning. This has been a complete log of what has transpired from 1300 in the afternoon on 14th Evening Star to 3 in the morning 15th Evening Star.

Battlemage Mirri Severin.

The entire night I spent lying in my bed, looking at my ceiling. I just slept for a week without stopping. I wasn't sleepy at all. In fact, I had too many questions rolling around in my head for me to rest. I didn't have anyone to talk to. From what I gathered, Dad and Mirri were up since dawn yesterday. They were tired, and I understand that. And everyone else were building that thing outside our town without stopping. Even though they weren't conscious during their time as a puppet, their bodies still required the rest. Me though…

I kept thinking about the other timeline I lived through. And yeah… I lived it. Every second… I remember it. It was the most expressive dream, so lifelike, so precise… that I was getting memories of this life and the other one mixed up. In the other life… I had convinced myself that this life… in this timeline… was nothing more than a dream. A fake life I dreamt up. And it appears… I was duped, just like I thought when I first woke up in the other world. It's so weird. I still can't really make sense of it. And honestly… my transition back to this world would have been simpler if the first thing I saw when I woke up wasn't my dead father. The one that died in my correct timeline.

I don't know… I'm still… I was standing in Winterhold. I destroyed it. I killed everyone. And the thing is… that was normal for me. That was just my mission. I had grown up in a colder world than this one. And Ruby… she and I… we…

I sighed. I couldn't sleep like this. I needed to talk to someone. And the only person here I can talk to… really talk to… is the one person I shouldn't talk to.

So, I went with the best alternative I had. I warmed up a ball of Conjuration and tossed it on my bed. I mentally called out to Kyuu… and then I waited.

My cute little ball of white fur and blue runes jumped from the portal, landing on my bed. He looked up at me with his beady blue eyes. "Veselle… I'm sorry. I wasn't much help…"

I reached down, wrapping my arms around him. I squeezed him close to me. "I've missed you so much."

He chuckled to himself. "I missed you too…" He replied.

I held him there, hugging him close to me. My arms were shaky, my head still trying to process all that happened the past few days. Or years… jeez… how old was I currently? What year is it?

"The current year and days is 4e 207 15th Evening Star, 5:32 in the morning. You're currently 14 years old." Kyuu reported quickly and accurately, as he always does. And he's still able to read my mind, so that hasn't changed much. I wonder he was able to keep track of my dream world, and what I had gone through.

Kyuu shook his head. "Not really. I heard thoughts, but living in the world with you… not so much. So, I was able to only get a small picture of what you experienced. I'm sorry I couldn't help. I'm so sorry, Vessy."

I found tears rolling down my eyes, my throat closing up. Shit… I'm starting to cry. I haven't done that in months. The last time I cried… was when Ruby died.

"It's okay, Vessy. You're… home." Kyuu said from my shoulder. I was keeping him pinned close to me. I just sat there, crying as I rubbed my hands through his fur, using it to keep me centered. I was home. I was home. Back where I belong. Back in a world where… my friends still exist. Where corprus didn't destroy everything. Ruby's still alive… maybe. Should be. Talvas is real. Seth is real. Dad… both of them… they're real. Mom's alive. Everyone… everything is okay.

And yet… there's one person that can and will fuck that up. I need to go find Miraak and end his life. I don't want him taking anyone away from me. This is my perfect timeline… and I will do whatever I can to keep it like that.

Finding my own resolve, I let Kyuu free from his hug. It was then that I realized… I'm filthy. Covered in days of sweat and ash stains. My clothes were smelly, and I think I peed myself while I lay in bed for three days. I need a bath.

"Well, I'm going to the bathhouse. Want to join me?" I asked Kyuu.

He nodded. "Yup. We haven't really talked since… Tatianna joined us."

"How is she?" I asked as I reached for some new robes from my dresser.

"Anxious. Zera was being controlled by some outside source. And Tatianna hated not being able to talk to Zera telepathically. Now that Zera is fine… she's trying to be patient while waiting for Zera to get some rest. She seemed less… anxious when you called out to me. I don't think she likes being alone though. I mean… I'm happy to be here with you. And you need me. But… Tatianna also needs me. Just not as much as you do right now."

I found myself smiling. I missed these moments. I didn't have Kyuu in the other world, and just… having him here, talking to me… it was that missing piece. The one thing that made this world different from the other one. Other than the living people, this town. All of it. But Kyuu was my grounding force right now. He was keeping me here… mentally. He was my first real friend too, honestly. Not like Brelyna, Karliah, or my fake father. They were family.

Just stepping outside, I felt the cold winter air of our island smack me hard in the face. It was still dark out. Heck… it's five in the morning, in the middle of winter. We won't be getting sun for a few hours still. I took a deep breath, trying my best to enjoy this little moment before things go crazy again. I continued to think about the faces I melted with fire. Mom as I killed her. Ruby as her head was lobbed off in front of me. Everyone else in the Crimson Blades I had to kill: Nexi, Agni, Ahmbra, Stan, Bob, Samantha, Violet. All good friends. And I hunted down and eliminated each and every one of them.

I walked in a haze to the bathhouse. The images just kept repeating in my mind, and I couldn't… shake them. In the other world, I got to ignore it… mostly. I had a mission, I had to complete it. The world needed to be cleansed. And I was the only one capable of doing it. I was 34… and I had pushed myself to the point of killing my friends… whole villages of people. And now… I understand Dad better. He's a little strict, he's tight on rules… he's a lot of things, but he's devoted to doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. I could believe that his emotional distance is caused by… well… surviving. Surviving all… this. What I lived through. And now Dad has my old memories. Every moment of them. I'm sure he'll want to talk about it in the morning. He assured me I did the best I could. I guess… that's all I could do really.

I sighed as I planted my hand on the bathhouse's door. Kyuu rubbed his side against my leg, drawing my attention down to him. He smiled up at me, flashing his bright fangs. He could read my thoughts, always could. He knew I was thinking about my old friends… and how I killed them. And… while I know now that it was a fake world… I feel like… if I ignored it… forgot them… I'd lose them for good. And… I might repeat the same mistakes this coming time around too. I'm curious to see if those people really exist, or if they will exist. I know Ruby's real, but… her Dunmer best friend Ashana? Or Samantha? I hope Ashana doesn't exist. She and Ruby were a thing for a while after Ruby's boyfriend died. And then Ruby and I dated when she needed a rebound for Ashana's death. I was more than happy to be with her, even if it wasn't real. Well, real for her. Every once in a while, she'd call me Ashana when she woke up in the morning… a bright smile that quickly faded back to reality, setting into a calm glance and small smile… a sad smile. I get it though. Her best friend… gone. And me… there. A replacement.

I wiped away a tear as I opened the door to the bathhouse. I allowed Kyuu to run past me as I closed the door behind us. I held my breath as I reached up, struggling to take the sweat-smeared dress off me. It fell to the floor like a weighted training shirt, making a splashing sound as it hit the slightly wet floor. I placed my new robes on the bench and walked over to the women's bath. I heard some splashing from the other side, and felt curious. So…

"Hello? Who's here?"

"Just me." Talvas' voice echoed from the men's bath.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" I called in through the curtain.

"Shouldn't you?" He asked back, almost chuckling.

"I've been asleep for a week now. I can't." I replied, pushing through the women's curtain. We were separated by a wooden wall, but we'd still be able to chat if we wanted to.

"I guess that's a good enough reason as any." Talvas replied. "So, I heard you had a nightmare."

I forced a single laugh as I took my place in the hot water. It felt nice to feel the hot water burning away at my skin. I scooted myself over to the wooden wall, placing my back to it. "Nightmare? Try… 22 years in an alternate reality. Where… I never met you. Or Dad. Instead… I had Ruby. My old dad. Karliah. You know… the old life I left behind to move here. I never had those crazy missions you and I had two years ago. I mean… I still had some crazy missions, but they were with this Khajiit boy, Pantu, and his girlfriend Zaliika. Or Ruby and Maleek. Or Ahmbra. Or Violet."

Talvas just listened to me. I could hear him splashing water on his face, so I knew he was just on the other side of me. And I knew… this was my chance to actually talk to him. A real conversation. Not… child to adult. I've lived to be as old as him. I know his mindset… somewhat. And… I need someone to really talk to.

"Hey, Talvas…" I heard the water behind me shift. He was right behind me, placing his back against the same wall as me. We were practically sitting back to back. It reminded me of that ruin shower we shared. It almost brought a smile to my face. "I made it to 34 years old in the other reality. And… it wasn't easy. I… I had to kill people. I had to kill Mom… my best friends. I… I did a lot of horrible things. I burned down whole cities, betrayed my best friends. And… when I was 12… I judged you… pretty harshly. I thought you were distant, off-putting… just a lot of stuff. I had a crush on you… and I know you realized that. You put up with me, I think. It's hard to remember. For me it was 22 years ago. I haven't seen your face in 22 years. And… I didn't realize just how hard it is… when you've lived through some bad things. I had to kill Ildari. I had to kill my friends… and I know you have this history with Argonians and your family… and being the only survivor… and I'm sorry if bringing it up is painful.."

"It's not pleasant." Talvas admitted, almost chuckling. "But… you need to talk about these things. So… yeah, I was distant. I was living as Master Neloth's student… for revenge. I wanted to learn how to make Argonians suffer, and it's because of this that I met Gwen. She was this bright light in my life. She made me not want to be so angry. And then… well… Ildari happened. And then Gwen 'died.' And I became distant again. And then… one year later… you show up in my bed, wrapped up in a sheet. A small child. And then… almost immediately, you were this excited child, full of energy, hopeful. But I was already broken, jaded. You clearly liked me, but… you were a kid… and I was too jaded, to dispassionate to even care about you. I thought of you as my annoying sister" Ouch. "But as you grew stronger, I started actually liking you, and then Ildari stole you as well. It was breaking all over again. So… I can say that I understand you when you say that you realize how hard it is to live through all of the pain, misery. I'm sorry, Veselle. I can't imagine what it's like to kill your best friend. Your mother. To grow up without your old friends… well, with Gwen, I can imagine."

"So… what do I do?" I voice started to crack. "I don't want to forget my friends. I don't want the memories I built with my friends to fade away… but… at the same time… I don't want to think about it anymore. I can still see Ruby's empty eyes glaring at me. Her body twitching. And the shocked looked on all my friends as I vaporized them. The total look of betrayal I have seared into my memory. I want it gone… but if I do that… I'll forget them… and how it's so important that I remember them."

Talvas was silent. "What do you want to do?"

I found myself crying. "I want to… I want to keep them safe. If I go and find Ruby… maybe I can change our future. I can keep her from dying. I know what I need to do to prevent it."

"You mentioned Ruby a lot." Talvas replied. "She was that Khajiit that visited here, right?"

"Yeah. Same girl." I found myself smiling, just thinking that she was alive somewhere in Skyrim right now. I couldn't wait to go find her. I wonder what she's doing right now. "She was this very cool person. Always calm, collected. Bit of a klutz though. And a slight temper whenever she was one."

[Ruby]

"How's the girl?" Samantha asked as she walked into the healing room. This was the third time this morning she's already been down here.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" I glanced over at Samantha. "You worked hard yesterday."

"Not as hard as her." Samantha gestured to Ashana, who was still comatose in her healing chamber. "So, how is she?"

"Still the same. No aura. Check again in a few hours. What's that you have there?" I gestured to the cup of coffee in Samantha's hands.

"Thought you could use a drink. Here." She handed it over to me.

I smiled as I took the cup from her, but I guess… the cup's handle decided right then and there to break off. Hot scolding coffee spilled onto my lap, not only staining my new dress, but burning my thighs.

"Shab!" I snarled, throwing myself up on my feet. I tried to brush the coffee of my dress, and off my fur. "This fierfekla birthday curse is the worst shabla thing ever! If I ever find out who did this to us Khajiits will be rendered to the bone by my furious claws!"

[Veselle]

"She's just one of the best people I've ever met." I finished my statement to Talvas. "And… she was the love of my life for… a couple years. We were…" Happy? Content? "figuring it out." I was happy… Ruby… I don't know what she was.

Talvas almost chuckled. "I thought you weren't bi."

I shrugged. "I found out otherwise? Anyway, the two of us were pretty… happy. I'd say we were happy. Ruby seemed too caught up in her ex-girlfriend to actually move on… but she claimed she needed me. I just don't think she… wanted me." I found myself shaking my head. "Now that I think about it… her being with me… was probably damaging for us both. A fake relationship. I don't know. Her best friend just died… and then she started clinging to me for support. I might have taken advantage of that. I guess… I just wanted something with someone. And I always liked Ruby. She was the oldest and perhaps the only real friend I had in this timeline and the last one. This one grounding force I had… that I could cling to."

[Mirri]

"And I always liked Ruby. She was the oldest and perhaps the only real friend I had in this lifetime and the last one."

So… that's how it is then.

I sighed as I turned around. I didn't want to disturb her while she's in the bath. And… I don't really want to see her at the moment anyway.

[Veselle]

"And even then… I guess I was only hurting myself too. She was hurt, I was hurt. We helped each other, in our own ways. I guess you couldn't call us 'happy'… just coping." I felt a little better being able to talk about this. "So, Talvas. How do I… how do I go forward from this? Seth… he's a kid. I can only see him as a kid now. Even before I went through time, he's been… hesitant in our relationship. I've been ready to do things he's afraid of doing. Claiming we're still young, that we should wait… realize what we want. And now… I'm almost 36 in years of living experience. I know I still look 14, but… I've lived from 12 to 34 all over again. And I've been in actual serious relationships. On par with what you and Gwen have. I can't… I can't look at Seth and think… yeah… holding hands is the shit. I look at him and think 'wow… you're a kid'. I guess that's how you saw me, huh? A kid?"

Talvas laughed. "Please. You were never innocent enough for me to think that. You tried to get into my pants more times than Gwen did when I first met her. No… I couldn't let my guard down around you. You wanted things I wasn't prepared to give you. So yeah… you were a kid, but I didn't see you as some innocent kid, like what you're describing Seth as. You wanted things from me… that I felt uncomfortable with. An adult like me… letting some kid undo my pants? Oblivion no. Sure, you were a cute firebrand, and while I had no problem kissing you on the forehead… letting you in my pants… there are lines you just don't cross. If you had been closer to my age, then… I would have dated you after our mining adventure. But… I couldn't get past you being a kid. But… I did love you. In… some fashion anyway."

That brought a smile to me. "Well… I'm technically 36 now. In terms of years lived."

Talvas laughed. "Sorry. But I have a wife… and two children on the way. Plus, you're too old for me."

Oh well.

"At least we'll always have the mine." I chuckled back. "That's okay. Memories… that's what life's all about. Right? The memories we make. The friends we meet along the way."

"Starting to sound like a proper adult." Talvas replied dryly. "No longer that firebrand girl I fell in love with?"

"I think I'm still in shock." I answered truthfully. "But I do know this… Draseth and me… I don't think… I can't… he's just…"

"You think of him how I thought of you. Too young…" Talvas replied. "You can either give it time… and let him catch up to you… or you can do what I did to you. Push him away. Make him feel like crap for not being like you. Slowly make him resent you. The boy… he clearly loves you. Maybe not in the way you loved him. But… what do I know? You were gone for five years… Your feelings may have changed. He must be a stranger to you now. I can't imagine what that's like. With me and Gwen… we just picked off where we ended. In my bed. But you… I think you just need some time to yourself. You need to learn who you are before you can figure out who you are to others."

Yeah… that's what it felt like. It felt like I don't know Seth anymore. I hardly remember what we were like… or how I acted around him. I never thought I'd have this problem with my boyfriend but… how do you go from holding hands to… skipping twenty years of life and having several boyfriends and girlfriends… the last of which was very… well-versed in bedroom activities? Going back to hand-holding with a boy, a kid, I haven't seen in twenty-two years… is something I think I can handle.

"Fuck." I replied.

"Realize you have to break up with Seth?" Talvas asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah…" Maybe I'm rushing this. Maybe I should just go on a date with Seth… see if I can work through this feeling. "Or maybe… I should give it a try."

"Honestly, I think you need the break. You just lost your girlfriend, right?"

I felt my throat close up. "Yeah…"

"Dude, you're making her sad. Stop it!" Kyuu said from the boy's side.

"Veselle. I say this from the bottom of my heart. When I lost Gwen… I went to a dark place. Friends would have made that easier to handle. But… not immediately. I needed time to process how I felt. The grief I was experiencing. You haven't had time to grieve, right?"

I shook my head. "No. I went from dead girlfriend to…. Well, now I have to murder everyone I know and love. Ending with my own death. Not because Ruby died but… because what I discovered meant the end of the world if I didn't fix it. And well… Ruby being dead might have made it okay for me to do those things. If I had discovered she had corprus… and if I had to kill her… I don't… I don't know what I would have done. If I could have done it."

"Then, Veselle. I'd… I'd just be myself for a couple days… oblivion, maybe weeks. Months. I spent a year in my squalor until you came into my life, and even then, you forced yourself into my life without my permission. I wasn't ready for friends when you showed up. I really needed one though. I can be that friend again. Someone you can talk to, hang out with… or… you can hang out with Zera, Seth… maybe Teldryn, Mirri, Brelyna. You have options here. We're family now. You want to talk… I'm sure any one of us will be more than happy to listen. In the short time you've lived here… you've made this one tower into a small town. You revived House Telvanni, whether you realize it or not. And I'm sure any one of us will help you as you figure out who you are now. Where you belong. Master Neloth has your full memories. I'm sure he can give you some clarity on how you can overcome the events of your past. Counseling, if you need it."

That sounds nice. I think I would do that. But first… I'm actually feeling relaxed. Somewhat. I needed this conversation. I'm glad I was able to have it. The nice hot water was doing wonders for my body. It felt like I haven't had a hot bath like this forever. And with me sleeping in my bed for a week… I can believe it. I splashed water on my face, before holding my breath and dunking myself underwater. It felt so nice to stay down there that I held my breath for as long as I could. I exploded out of the water when I could no longer hold my breath.

"Well, I'm done." Talvas said from his side. "If I stay in any longer, I might pass out." I heard him splash up to his feet.

As I heard him walk to the entrance, I felt suddenly… very alone. And… I don't want to be alone. A fear started to fall down around my shoulders, and I knew… if Talvas left… and if I stayed… Ruby's glace would begin glaring at me again. I gripped my arms tightly as I said, "Um… can you wait a minute? Just let me… finish washing up?"

Talvas paused before I heard him coming back. "Sure, Veselle."

I quickly turned to my bar of soap, rushing over the running shower. I quickly double-downed on my body, scrubbing it quickly as I tried to get any other germs off me. I washed my hair while I did this, trying to get all the grease out. I rushed as quickly as I could. "Okay… I'm ready." I screamed over to Talvas' side.

"Okay. I'm leaving then. See you in the waiting room." I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. He was expecting me to want to be alone. He wasn't expecting me to need to have someone around me. I just hope he doesn't think I want to do anything to him. I just… I don't want to be alone. Is this how Ruby felt? She didn't want to be alone. She just lost her best friend… her girlfriend. She didn't want to be alone. It… it was scary… to be alone with her thoughts. And me… I was a distraction to her. That made my chest hurt… a lot, just thinking about it. I almost felt like ripping it out of my ribcage and throwing it on the ground. I'd need a heart stone for that to work though.

I quickly grabbed my towel, wiping the tears from my eyes as I walked back into the dressing room. I grabbed my clean robes, getting myself dressed. And then I realized something… it's been five years since I've worn these types of robes. Huh… how do… which strings are these on the pants? The front strings, the back? Which ones did I wrap twice? Shit… I need taught how to put on my clothes again.

"Talvas?" I screamed through the dressing room door. "Can you help dress me?"

There was a long pause on the other side of the door. "What?" He sounded more than surprised.

"I swear this is not an trap to force you to see me naked. I'm wearing my undershirt… and leggings. I just can't get these pants to work. It's been twenty years, okay? I don't know how to work these strings. That's all."

"Okay, fine… but if you're trying something stupid… I'll tell Gwen. Got it?"

I almost laughed. "Oh no… not Gwen. It's not like I haven't killed someone stronger than her before."

"She's being honest. She's just confused." Kyuu responded on the other side of the door.

"Okay." Talvas still sounded worried. "I'm coming in then." He tapped on the door a few times before slowly pushing it open. He had his eyes shielded, slowly peeking at me. When he realized that I was in fact… wearing my under layers, he rushed up to my pants. "Okay, so we put the robe on first, tie off the strings in a bow." While I was tying off the strings, Talvas was pulling up the front of my pants. "This is the front, you can tell by the longer strings. They wrap across your backside and back to the front. You tie them off in the front and then tuck them underneath the first layer. And then you slide up the back, and insert the clip into the straps you just tied off. This holds the back of your pants up. And then you just reinforce the form by using the back strings, tying them in the front. And then you tuck them under the first ones. And there you go." Talvas nodded, gesturing to my pants. "You're wearing pants."

As he was doing my pants, I started remembering the steps involved. Man, it's amazing the things you forget when you don't do it for a while. "Thanks, Talvas. I was afraid I'd be walking out of here in my underwear." I tried to laugh as I looked him in the eye.

Yeah… he looked so different now. I haven't seen him since… since before I woke up in Riften so many years ago. It seemed so unreal… to see him now… towering over me again. I'm short again. Huh… it's weird. I was almost as tall as he is. And now… I know I'll be as tall as him. I know how I'll look as an adult. Tall like Brelyna. She and I look pretty alike. "Wow…" I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "It's so weird… seeing you again for the first time in twenty years." I had forgotten what he looked like, and actually began imagining what I thought he looked like. He looked cuter in my mind.

Talvas tried to smile. "So… impressed?" He struck a pose. "Am I… everything you imagined I would be?"

I snickered as I tried to keep myself from laughing. "No. I thought you'd be cuter." I laughed as I walked past him. "Thanks for the talk, Talvas. I… I really needed it."

He stopped me as I walked to the door. "When I was about to leave… you stopped me. You sounded… frantic. Is there something you want to tell me?"

I sighed. "As you left… if felt alone. Crushingly alone. I started thinking about Ruby… and… it hurt. It really hurt. And while I was washing up… I felt… I thought… this must be what she felt. Crushingly alone. And… I just happened to be close enough to keep her distracted. It hurts, Talvas."

Talvas wrapped me up in a hug. "Veselle. I… I don't know what to say."

I have a feeling there's nothing anyone can say. This pain isn't going away anytime soon. I just… I need to see Ruby again. Even if… she won't know anything about me. She won't know about the life we shared.

"I'm going to bed." I replied. "I just… need a nap. A regular dream." I looked down at Kyuu. "Can you stay while I sleep?"

Kyuu nodded. "As long as you have magicka to sustain me, yup!" He jumped up onto my shoulders. "I'm ready, Vessy." Yeah… he's ready. I just hope I am. Here's to trying.


Cearbhail:

So... I guess this is the path we're heading down. Veselle is going to breakup with Draseth. I honestly did not know how to handle this situation. I thought... well, maybe Veselle would be eager to return to her real boyfriend. But then... she hasn't seen him for years. She's way older than him now... and she's had some serious relationships since then. And she just watched her favorite person in the world... die. Like not even two weeks ago in her past. And since that murder, she's been on a rampage to end all corprus. She's been wracking up a body count. So... yeah... she's changed. Really changed. There's no way she'd be up for dating... anyone. Except maybe Ruby... which she realized... their relationship wasn't exactly... honest either. A lot of stuff came to light while I was writing this. And none of this conversation was forced. Honestly... I was planning on Mirri being in the bathhouse, and the two of them having a talk. But... it just seemed... it seemed like Veselle needed a neutral ear, one that knows her, and knows the kind of situation she's been in... to listen. And that's always been Talvas. And with everything that's happened between them... he's the perfect grounding force in her life. It helps he's married so... no rushing to Veselle to take advantage of her while she's wounded. And trust me... she probably would if she felt she could get away with it. Even writing her, I was half wondering if she was going to rush him in the waiting room. I just know the characters... I try not to force them into any scenario... or push them out of it. I just censor it.

Oh, and in other news. I opened up a Pat reon account. It's under Cearbhail so... I'm easy to find. I'm the one wearing the purple Mandalorian helmet. Anyway, once I start actually getting followers, I'll start posting updates and whatnot, as well as access to my older stories (very cringey ones I wrote in high school and stuff) Like my original early Bond Summoners (very edge lord stuff) as well as my very first fan fictions (very cringey bad) Super Smash Bros, and Fable (this one's actually not so bad). Anyway, I hope to see you there. I'm always willing to listen to advice on how to improve my pat reon account. Anyway, I hope to see you there, or on Facebook, also under Cearbhail, but that one uses my Umbreon/Espeon yin yang symbol.