Guilty of Murder?
Mannd
A/N - Sorry, I posted chapters out of order. thank you howlingblackwolf for pointing it out!
Harry sat on the bench at the playground just before twilight a week after school had let out. He was wearing a heavy long sleeve shirt, long pants, and wasn't wearing a pair of winter gloves only because his Aunt Petunia had confiscated them. Harry stared almost blankly around him, wanting to curl in on himself as he remembered Quirrell and the screams. It hadn't been so bad right after he woke up in the hospital wing, he was busy with packing, school, Ron and Hermione, but now… now he had time on his hands and memories that he could no longer ignore.
Harry wasn't even aware when someone sat next to him, just being silent, and he knew without being told that it was one of his friends, his brothers. He moved closer to his visitor sliding along the bench until his pant covered leg was touching the one next to him. He shuddered taking in deep breaths, trying to control his breathing, his memories, his panic… He leaned forward and put his face in his hands, his fingers touching the rough, smooth scar on his forehead and he shuddered again. A hand moved to his back, gentle, hesitant as it rubbed, as if the person wasn't sure how to comfort.
"I killed him," Harry said as he looked through his hands to his knees. The hand on his back never paused, never wavered and Harry was grateful for that, "I murdered him WuFei," he said looking up into the calm eyes of his friend.
"Talk to me," WuFei said softly, "Tell me what happened."
Harry looked forward again, his eyes watching the sun as it sent rose, orange and yellow across the sky as it began to set, "he attacked me," Harry said, "wanted the stone in my pocket, but I wouldn't give it to him…" Harry was quiet for a time, and WuFei let him think, "I fell and he… he tried to get it, but when he touched me… he began to scream, his skin burning."
Harry was silent, "then Voldemort told him to get the stone…" Harry gave a small shudder, "and Quirrell tried to touch me again, and he screamed and screamed…" Harry's voice cracked. "I realized that it was my skin, whenever he tried to touch my skin, he would scream so…" he swallowed hard, "I leapt up and grabbed him, held on no matter how much he screamed and flayed about. I killed him." Harry looked down at his hands, "with my bare hands."
WuFei continued to gently stroke his back as he thought of words to help the boy, "Harry," he said and the pain filled green-eyes looked at him, "what would have happened if you had not touched him, had not killed him?"
Harry closed his eyes, angrily brushing at a tear that streaked out of one of them, "he would… he would have gotten the stone."
"Harry…" WuFei prodded again, knowing that the boy knew what he was talking about.
"He would…" Harry whispered as he looked over the deserted park, putting his hands up his sleeves, "he would have killed me."
"Yes," WuFei said his voice soft, "he would have killed you."
Harry ran through what he could remember of the scene over and over again with different variations, different endings, different… "He would have killed me." Harry said again, "Voldemort ordered him to kill, when Quirrell couldn't touch, he told him to kill me and be done with it, like I was a piece of trash to be thrown away. When I woke in the infirmary, Dumbledore was there, he told me that he pulled Quirrell off of me, but I know that he was already dead, I heard him stop screaming. Dumbledore told me that because Voldemort had left Quirrell that's why he died, not because of what I did," Harry looked at WuFei, his eye filled with pleading, "I hurt him, I caused him agony, I did that to him just by touching him…" Again Harry pulled his hands out of his sleeves and looked at them before starting to tuck them back out of the way.
WuFei quickly grabbed one of Harry's wrists in his hand then getting off the bench grabbed the other, Harry blinked in shock then began tugging against the firm hold. "No, you'll die too, I don't want to kill you too!" He tugged his breath coming in panicked gasps, "no, no, don't die too."
WuFei tugged on Harry's wrists and sending the boy tumbling into him, then picked him up and sat down on the bench, Harry in his lap, still making sure to keep a hand on flesh, "I'm alive, Green-eyes," WuFei said softly, "no screaming in pain, no burning skin, I'm alive and here." WuFei repeated the words over and over until it finally penetrated through Harry's panicked words and mind.
Finally Harry slumped against him exhausted, and WuFei gently released his wrists and began gently rubbing Harry's back again, "breath, Deshi," he said softly, "just breath."
Harry concentrated on WuFei's voice and when WuFei shifted he grabbed Fei's wrist, "don't leave me!" he pleaded.
WuFei continued the shift so that Harry would be more comfortable, "I'm right here," Fei said, "I'm not going anywhere."
Harry nodded and closed his eyes, he missed touching and being touched and wondered if any of his friends had noticed that after he had left the hospital wing he had been very careful to avoid touching anyone. Aunt Petunia had noticed when Harry had shied away from hugging her and that he only did touch when he had his sleeves covering his arms and hiding his hands.
"Can you tell me what else Dumbledore said?" WuFei asked.
Harry sighed as he leaned his head against WuFei's shoulder and listened to the calm and steady heartbeat, "I asked him why Quirrell couldn't touch me and he said it was because Quirrell was full of hatred, greed and ambition and because of my mother's love. She loved me so deeply that she sacrificed herself for me."
"Your mother loved you, your aunt loves you and so do we," WuFei said and Harry turned his green eyes up to face the calm dark eyes of his friend and brother. Harry gave a hesitant smile and WuFei smiled back. Harry's pain and nightmares weren't over, but now it wasn't a terrible beast clawing and destroying him from the inside.
HPGWHPGW
Petunia smiled and gave a small unheard sigh of relief when she looked out the living room window and saw Harry walking hand in hand with WuFei. She flipped on the porch light, opened the door and smiled when Harry pulled his hand from Fei's and ran to her throwing his arms around her waist. She looked at WuFei who nodded at her and went to his car: he had come over to spend some time with Harry as Vernon had taken Dudley to the latest Space movie. Harry pulled away from Petunia and slipped his hand in hers as he turned around and waved to WuFei as he pulled away. "Did I tell you," Harry said as she drew him in the house, "that I saw mom and dad in a mirror?"
"You did?" Petunia said, and Harry nodded and Harry told her all about the Mirror of Erised.
"You were in it too," Harry said taking the bowl of ice cream that she dished up for him, "standing next to mom and grandma and grandpa. We were happy together." Harry said and she smiled at him wishing she could have seen it too, "I drew it," Harry said and leaving his bowl of ice cream raced up stairs and came back down with one of his drawings.
Petunia opened it and blinked back tears at the happy faces that smiled back at her. She nearly dropped it in shock when the figures waved to her and she looked up and caught her nephew's anxious glance, "I love it!" she said and drew him into a hug, "finish your ice cream, Vernon and Dudley are due home soon."
AN: One of the main things that I don't like about the HP series is JK's lack of dealing with Harry's emotions over summers. Harry killed, saw death, almost saw someone die or was almost killed in every book, and yet there is nothing to show how Harry 'healed' after each year. After dealing with Quirrell's death just by his touch alone, it is amazing that Harry let anyone touch him after that! I am very surprised he didn't develop aphephobia (the fear of being touched) when he realized that he could hurt Quirrell just by touch.
AN2: I finally did my Harry and WuFei chapter only! GO ME! Not sure why by WuFei's character just intimidates me and I had a hard time finding his 'voice,' so I am quite proud of my chapter, even if it is a bit short!
