"I didn't know I was this popular in Gehenna..." the bluenette mused, holding up one of the letters from the box, his head resting in his husband's lap. After a moment to glance over the paper, he corrected himself. "Wait, no… That one's a death threat..."

"We should report that to the police later." Alois replied, glancing over one of the books he was sent. "Last time someone hated you that much, I had my memory wiped."

"I have to agree with you on that. Still, I'm surprised how many of these are actual 'get well' letters. I thought you were the likable one."

"Not quite. People like me, but they also like you too."

"Because I'm married to you..."

"Well… Yes, but still. You're a good guy. Not as scary anymore."

"Shame… Now I'm just ordinary."

With a roll of his eyes, Alois turned the page of the book before putting his hand back on the other's forehead and running it through his hair. "Your character in folklore has changed since then."

"So now people are writing nice fanfiction about me?"

"And me."

"Delightful." sighed the Watchdog. He was still unhappy about his current situation and it was still showing. Yet, he did his best to move past it. The threats on his life didn't help his lingering feelings of weakness. "I can only imagine..."

"I would rather not. There's the potential for creepy shit to be in there."

"My thoughts, exactly."

Having picked up on the man's tone long ago, Alois thought it would be best if Ciel confessed as to what ailed him so on his own, but alas, that didn't appear to be happening. Thus, the blonde took matters into his own hands. "What's wrong, honey? Still feel shitty?"

"Yeah… I kind of want to punch something in order to feel manly again. I don't like this moping around and waiting on my arms to work so I can."

"Punching things is manly?" playfully questioned the menace. "Why do you need to feel manly?"

"I mean that I feel weak- not that women are weak..."

"Integra and Liz would beat the shit out of you..."

"In this state, they probably could." Pausing, the Watchdog closed his eye and sighed. "I don't know… I just- I just feel so helpless. 'Manly' is just the word that came to mind..."

"Not having an arm has threatened your masculinity? Ciel. Honey. Baby, please. You just had your arm ripped off and sewn back on. And you're complaining that you aren't tough? You? Really?" Putting down his book, the blonde looked down at his spouse with a skeptical expression. "You fought a dragon while having like, forty stab wounds. If you wanna stereotype, that's pretty manly."

"Well, when you put it like that… It sounds kind of silly."

"I used to worry about that stuff, too. Now I don't, though. It is kind of silly if you really stop to think. That said, if you feel weak, it's because you feel weak, not because you aren't a man. Nothin' wrong with that."

"Hm..." Ciel hummed while the other ran his fingers through his hair. He was content with this, finding the action soothing. "I do wish I could hurry up and heal already so I can go do the things I used to..."

"You can do a lot of them now, if you'd go outside."

"Except clap." stated the Watchdog, sitting up before turning to face his beau while the other man rolled his eyes. One leg hung off the couch while he sat on the other. "And hug you properly."

"Now you're getting all mushy on me?" Alois scoffed with a grin. "What happened to Sir Mopes-a-lot?"

"I am still moping. I just miss hugs so bad." his husband replied, scrunching his face for emphasis. "I want to hold you in both arms. The fact that I can't makes me sad."

To that, the menace turned so his back was facing his husband before leaning back, resting his head on the bluenette's leg. "I miss it, too. I also don't like not being able to squeeze you, either, but I don't want to hurt your arm." Gently, Ciel caressed his face with his good hand, coaxing a smile out of the blonde. "It sucks. Brace yourself for some hardcore cuddling after that thing's fixed."

"I would love nothing more."

"Not even dancing the horizontal tango?"

Pausing, Ciel genuinely stopped to think. "No, actually. I think if I had to choose one or the other, I would pick hugging. I mean if I hypothetically could only do one."

"Aw… You're so sweet. And so silly. I didn't expect you to think about it so seriously." giggled his beau.

"Oh. That's just the way I am, I suppose."

"It is. It's cute, though." Sitting up again, Alois turned to face his husband before reaching out and cupping his cheeks. Pulling him slightly closer, the blonde closed the rest of the gap and kissed Ciel. It was supposed to be quick, but they both lingered for a while, wanting more out of it. The blonde's eyes were smiling when he pulled away, infecting his spouse with his joy.

"What are you doing?" chuckled Ciel while the menace continued to pepper his face with kisses.

"Kissing you." bluntly answered the other. "'Cause I love you and am happy to be here."

"I didn't even do anything, though?"

"Doesn't matter. We could be sitting in total silence and not do anything, but I'd still think you're cute."

"You're so strange..."

"Yeah, yeah… You are somehow less macho after losing an arm but I'm the weird one?"

"We're both weird. But that's how we should be." Spoke the bluenette, putting his right arm around the other's shoulders. "We're assassins and big players in a secret world that most people will never see. I think that's actually brought us closer."

"It is." chuckled the menace. "When I came back and we started talking- like, really talking, I thought 'finally, someone who gets it.'"

"Well, they say that there's someone for everyone. I was surprised as well. Not many others would put up with someone as shady as me." Ciel replied, leaning in to peck his beau's lips again. "You're perfect."

With a laugh, the lion answered: "I'd tell you you're perfect as well, but then we'd start a chain that's impossible to get out of as it is mushily embarrassing."

"Don't be ashamed of me. I quite like disgustingly lovey-dovey nonsense, I've discovered over the past few years, so long as it's us."

"What about other people?"

"Nasty."

"What about Dan?" Alois questioned out of seemingly nowhere. "Think he'll be able to find someone?"

"Are you still worried about what Logan said?"

"Yeah..." the blonde sighed, leaning on Ciel's shoulder. "I'm worried about him. I want him to be happy, but right now, he's not. I want to talk to him, but I don't really know how to do that anymore."

"Why can't you just send him a text or call him?" questioned the Watchdog. "Or, you could just invite him somewhere. What's something you think he might be interested in?"

Alois' eyes wandered the room while he pondered these suggestions. He looked at the objects that sat on top of the bookshelves, the trophies and odd artifiacts that are appropriate to display in "normal" houses, and his eyes wandered to the ceiling and the carpet before he remembered something. "There was that music thing." he said. "Logan said there was something going on at The Wolf's Glen that he might be interested in. A music competition or something."

"You should take him."

"You should come." the menace shot back.

"What? Why?" questioned Ciel, sounding almost defensive about the idea of going to Gehenna in his current condition.

"Because you haven't left the estate since the accident." pushed his beau. "You need to go out."

"That's dangerous. If something were to happen, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to help you."

"Or yourself?" the blonde added with a knowing look, causing his spouse to shift uncomfortably. Ciel was afraid that he was powerless. It's been a concern of his since he was a child after the tragedy that befell himself and his family. It is a fixation of his ever since then. He must be noble, strong, and powerful in all ways he can muster, yet, he now cowered, despite being in little to no danger at all. "Ciel, you can handle yourself just fine. You still have one arm. I've seen you use it. You can open letters, you can use the computer, you can do everything that you could before."

"Except fight." huffed the blue Phantomhive, wearing a sour look. "I haven't had practise at that, and even if I did, this sling would be an invitation to the same people sending me threats."

"I'm going to be there. They wouldn't dare. Even if they did, I'd protect you despite the fact that you're still perfectly capable. You would be perfectly safe."

With a twitch of his eyebrow, the bluenette opened his mouth to speak, uttering a small sound before he stopped himself. Despite the frustration on his face, he held onto his words with dutiful restraint. He didn't want to escalate this any further, so he stood up and began to walk away.

"So that's it?" questioned the menace throwing up his arms as he stood as well. "You're just gonna stay here the entire time it takes to heal?"

Hesitantly, Ciel answered. "It is the safest option, so yes."

"Don't walk away. We need to talk about this."

"What is there to discuss? I'm a sitting duck out there! I can't even dress myself like some sort of child! I am deadweight, Jim!" He raised his voice at his husband and it was only after he stopped talking that he saw the concerned and hurt expression on the other man's face. With a heavy sigh, he said: "I'm sorry… I just- I don't want to go..."

Watching the bluenette hang his head, Alois thought for a moment. He took in the sight of an upset Ciel Phantomhive, wondering what it was that was making him so anxious. "You can do things, Ciel. You just need the time to learn how."

"Yes, but by then, I won't need to, because I'll be healed by then."

"Bullshit." Alois blurted out, slightly annoyed with the tone that was being used by his beau. "What happens in a fight when your arm has three bullets in it and you can't use it? Be a stud muffin and try to use it anyway? It's a practical skill and it will make you feel better. You need to stop wallowing in this mopey hopelessness all the time. It isn't good for you!"

Once again, Ciel tried to speak, but there were no words. Instead, he turned back to face the door so he could walk out. He didn't want to talk about it. It was embarrassing to him, but most of all, it was difficult. Ciel needed to be strong. It wasn't up for debate. He needed it. He needed it every since that day on the fourteenth of December all those years ago. How else was he supposed to ensure that nothing like that ever happened again? Now, the thought of stepping outside the front gates to the estate filled him with irrational dread that he couldn't force himself past. So, he ran away instead.

"Ciel? Ciel, come back! Hey!" the Lion called out. Following his spouse, he pushed his back against the door as the other man reached for the handle.

"Jim, move. I'm done talking about this right now." grouchily sighed the blue Phantomhive.

"I'm not." retorted the blonde one. "I'm worried about you, Ciel. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm not trying to antagonise you. I just want to help… What can I do to do that? Other than dropping it, though. Running away doesn't solve anything."

"I know, Jim, I know. Just- Just step aside, for now. I know you mean well, but..."

"But?"

"It can't be reasoned away." The bluenette almost sounded breathless as he spoke. "I don't like feeling powerless. I hate this. I don't hate myself, I just- I hate how I feel."

"How do you feel?" Alois questioned, reaching up to cup his beau's cheek. "It's not just powerlessness, is it?"

"Scared..." the Watchdog said, hanging his head. "I feel scared. My pride has taken a hit, yes. I'm frustrated because I can't do the things I want to do right now. The worst is being afraid, however… I hate it the most..."

"What are you afraid of, honey? That something is going to happen?" the blonde questioned, causing the other to nod.

"When you suggested leaving the estate, I… It felt like I'd been punched in the chest. My legs went numb, too. Isn't that pathetic? Leaving those gates feels like the end of the world. It's like I'll be dragged away and never come back."

Pressing their foreheads together, Alois allowed the other to put his good arm around his waist and pull him as close as possible without disturbing the sling. "I can't even hug you. And forget about making love. It's impossible."

"I don't believe that." Alois stated, his voice soft and gentle. "You just haven't tried. Giving up kills people, you know. Their spirit. Their drive. People who are strong don't do that. They find a way even if they have to dig out a path with nothing but their fingernails. No matter what, you have to try. There's always an angle. There's always a way. How else are you supposed to go on living?"

That is how Alois does things. He was tenacious as he was clever and then some. Not giving up meant something to him. Finding ways around obstacles was a talent of his. From his own personal experience, it was the difference between life and death. "It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be scared. It's also important to keep trying, though. You have our support, too, so you don't have to do it all by yourself."

Raising his eyebrows, Ciel watched as Alois readjusted his arm so that it was around his shoulders and not his waist. Then, Alois situated himself off-center, more into the bluenette's side than directly face to face as to avoid the demon's arm. Putting his own arms around Ciel's waist, he squeezed the man firmly, pressing himself right against the Watchdog. It surprised the bluenette to the point where he had to ease himself in slowly at first, lightly putting more and more pressure around his husband's shoulders in return. Then, all at once, he held onto Alois tightly. He pulled him as close as possible while burying his face in flaxen locks. They felt cool against his skin as his face grew hot.

"I wanted to hold you so badly..." he breathlessly said while his beloved shifted to get more comfortable.

"You can. All you need to do is adapt to what you have to work with, and you can."


A/N: This is... difficult.

Did not expect things to get rocky toward the end, but that's the best part about this series. I don't know what will happen in each chapter, so it's like I'm reading it with you!

Amazing.

This is really messy, though, and I hope I can make it all neat and tidy, but as we know, that never happens. Fingers crossed!

This isn't about "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" or anything. It's supposed to be more about adapting to the way things are rather than rejecting them. Ciel's real problem here is his mind, not his arm. With enough practise, one can learn to do just about anyone with two arms can while using only one. Mental rough patches, though? Those are hard to even know how to begin to solve.

Ciel is absolutely terrified of leaving the estate. In reality, he's most likely going to be perfectly fine, but rational thought doesn't really get along well with irrational fear. Maybe he'll get better, though...

We actually don't talk a lot about Ciel's problems, do we? Not lately, anyway. We should fix that...

Oh, and I got a question:

"So, for Hate, you explained in the chapter 415 of DLTD that if a human die, his soul will be judged by the reapers, if they were "good", they became Angels, and if they were "bad", they became Demons. I don't know it has already been asked, but how does it work for Supernaturals, like Witch, Werewolf, Elf, Incubis, etc ? What happen to their soul when they die ?" by Kinja145

On the "figure eight" model, they fit more in the category of "human", actually. Still mortal or of mortal origin. Weird, I know, since a lot of them are somehow "against god". Divinity and angels works a lot differently in DLTD. It's not solid as of this moment, but there's ideas.

Until the next chapter, my duckies~!


CHARACTER SHET

Question: "So Logan what you're saying is that you can find out about how people act in the bedroom with just their personality?" by Guest

Logan: "More or less. It's not an exact science, so sometimes, it's way off. Sometimes, though, messages are mixed, which is actually concerning... Most of the time, we're accurate, though. Especially if more than one of us has met the same person and agrees. It's a safe bet. That said, I can't tell things like, if someone's into kinks or anything... I know about most of the others, or at least have guesses, but I try to keep them to myself, since humans don't like talking about things that intimately for some reason."