Lucy was standing up on stage with a mic, clearing her throat. "I would like to thank you all for coming tonight." she points at you, the readers, "Except for you, Steve. You know what you did."

Something Completely Different

Luan barged into Lincoln's room with Mr. Coconuts, "Hey Lincoln! Mr. Coconuts here wanted to audition for your magic show!"

"If you're gonna do a sawed in half trick, I got a great twist for it!" said Mr. Coconuts.

Lincoln's room was empty however. Luan rubbed her cheek and left. She switched gears and barged into the attic, "Hey Grim! How many bones does it take to pick with-"

The attic was empty aside from Grim's trunk with a "DO NOT TOUCH! (Especially you, Luan)" sign on it.

Luan made a smug grin and sauntered over to the trunk. "Oh dear, Grim's trunk that I'm not allowed to touch! Would be a shame if I-" she put her hand on the trunk and an electric current went through her body. 'YOW! What? It was booby-trapped? Shocking!"

A pie then inexplicably hit Luan in the face. She took the pie tin off to see the words "Pun-kin Pie Curse" written on the inside. She looked again at Grim's trunk to see some fine print saying: "Touching will result in curses."

"Well, that's egg on my face." Luan remarked, getting hit with another pie. "THERE'S EGG IN THESE?"

...

"Luna?" Luan asked with no answer. "Leni?" she asked with the same result. "Lola? Lana? Lynn? Lucy?"

"Hey Luan." Lucy answered from right out of sight next to Luan.

Luan jumped and threw her arms up upon seeing her spooky little sister, "Lucy! Where is everyone? You didn't eat them, did you?"

Lucy's blank expression briefly became bewildered before she broke the news, "Uh, no. They're all just busy. Dad is at the restaurant, Leni is out with friends, Luna had a gig, Lynn took a part-time job at a storage facility in the middle of the woods where people have gone missing, Lincoln and Grim are reading comics on the roof, Lola is at a pagent, Lana is at the pet store, Lisa is in her bunker, and mom took Lily to the doctor."

Luan tapped her chin, "Huh...guess that just leaves the pair of us instead of a full house!"

A pie hit Luan in the face.

"I see you tried to get into Grim's trunk too. Lynn tried that the other day and got cursed with diarrhea."

Luan wiped the pie off her face, "First of all, that's grody. Second of all, can you go see Grim and force him to take this curse off?"

Lucy shook her head, "Can't, but don't worry, it'll wear off by tomorrow. I happen to be meeting with a friend in the graveyard soon."

Luan raised an eyebrow, "Dead or alive?"

"Well, they're buried in an unmarked grave next to Mr. Dusk's Hopes and Dreams."

Luan narrowed her brow, "That guy needs a therapist."

I have one, they told me this was a good way of venting frustrations.

"You need a better therapist."

Lucy sighed, "Sigh. Well, I better go before I'm late. Bye Luan." And with that, Lucy left the Loud House, leaving Luan all alone.

Luan took out Mr. Coconuts, "Well Mr. Coconuts, looks like we're on our own and unsupervised! Got any ideas?"

"Well, we can watch some of our favorite shows like Amphibaland, Fowl House, or Little Country Blues." Mr. Coconuts suggested.

"Or we could catch up on our Flatworld reading!" Luan countered.

"Or..."

"Or..."

"WE CONQUER EARTH!" both of them shouted.

...

Meanwhile, Lincoln and Grim were reading comics on the roof in pairs of underwear five feet apart from each other.

Lincoln looked up from his reading material, "Did you hear something, Grim?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I'm choosin' to ignore it." Grim answered.

Lincoln shrugged and went back to reading.

...

Luan walked onto the property of the Buttz Motel she and Lynn Sr. still inexplicably owned with her boyfriend Benny close behind.

"You know I am behind you one-hundred percent Luan-" Benny started before being interrupted.

Luan interrupted him, "Yeah, if you were in front of me, you wouldn't see me!" She then ducked and covered her head. Then blinked when she didn't get hit. "Wait, that wasn't a pun?" she asked.

Benny shrugged, "I mean, if i was in front of you, I'd still be looking at you."

Luan blushed, "Oh yeah, hehe."

"Anyway...as I was saying, I am behind you one-hundred percent but isn't world conquest a bit too ambitious logistically?"

Luan grinned, "Rome wasn't sacked in a day, Benny, I know that! It'll take years to take over the world, so why not start now?"

Benny rubbed his chin, "Hmm...yeah, good point."

Luan went up to Room 6 and knocked on it nine times. A microphone popped out of the wall, and Luan cleared her throat before saying: "Nice."

A trapdoor opened up beneath her and Luan fell down into the depths.

Benny turns towards you, the audience, "I know, she's got a few screws loose. But hey, she makes me laugh. GEROMINO!" he yelled as he jumped down the trapdoor facefirst, leading to a super fun happy slide. After sliding down to the bottom, he met Luan's bottom.

Luan quickly got up and lifted Benny by the collar, "Quit messing around Benny! We got a lot of work to do! Maggie is here already, leading my army of crazy fans taking ground in war-torn California."

Luan gestured towards the teenage emo girl whom puberty was inordinately kind to. Said emo teen was sitting at a very impressive computer setup wearing a headset and typing away, not bothering to acknowledge the two.

Benny found his footing and scratched his head, "Uh, why?" he asked.

Luan shrugged, "She's very popular with the fanbase despite only showing up once in my life and I barely talked to her. No prizes for guessing why."

Benny shook his head, "No, I meant why is she leading your army of fans?"

Maggie briefly took off the headset and looked over, "I play a lot of 4X." she answered before putting the headset back on.

Benny nodded, "Ah, that makes sense. So, what should we do?"

Luan smiled, "We need to set up the doomsday device I have!"

"...you built a doomsday device?" Benny asked.

"No, Lisa did. I'm just borrowing it from her."

"Why did she build it?"

"Leverage!" Luan said as she led Benny to a giant techno-monolith with lots of lights and buttons on it. "I'm not fully sure what this thing does, but I sure had a time getting it here."

Benny looked the techno-monolith up and down and turned to Luan, "Uh, so how do we set it up?" he asked.

Luan smiled, "You're a fan of science fiction stuff! I'm sure you can figure it out by pressing buttons. I need to set up the broadcast and our big star!

Luan pulled Mr. Coconuts out of nowhere who added, "I'm ready for my closeup!"

...

Meanwhile, at the League of Nations, an important meeting was taking place.

"And then he says, maybe we should hold China accountable for its actions?" joked the representative from Sweden.

Everyone around the table exploded in laughter, the representative from China wiped tears from his eyes, "It gets funnier every time!"

"Incoming signal hijacking from the United States in Royal Woods, Michigan!" announced the PA system.

The representative from the United States groaned, "Probably Lisa Loud again trying to shake us down. Put it through."

A screen on the wall came on to show Mr. Coconuts waving, "Hello League of Nations! Guess who?"

The representatives gasped, "MR. COCONUTS!"

Mr. Coconuts adjusted his bowtie and moved to the side to show off the doomsday device, "As you can clearly see behind me, I have access to a doomsday device created by Lisa Loud. Here's my offer: blink and you'll miss it! Send fifty million US dollars to my offshore account in the Philippines or I activate this doomsday device built by Lisa Loud! You have one hour to comply! Cheers!"

The screen then went to static.

The representative from the United States banged their hands on the table, "The fiend! We can't just give them fifty million US dollars! Looks like a job for our commandos!"

"Wouldn't it be cheaper to pay off the ransom? It's not like it comes from our money." pointed out the guy on the PA.

"It's the principle of the thing!"

...

Half an hour later, Benny was poking and prodding the techno-monolith. Luan walked up with Mr. Coconuts in hand, "How's the setup so far, Benny?" Luan asked.

"Yeah, we're at the halfway point and still no money in the Philippines!" Mr. Coconuts added.

Benny turned towards the duo, "Well, I figured out how to get it to play East Coast Rap, and discovered a suspicious big red button we shouldn't touch, but other than that I question if it really can do anything too damaging."

Mr. Coconuts raised his arms up, "Oh come on! Don't tell me we dragged it all the way here for nothing! My back hurts from all the heavy lifting!"

Luan patted Mr. Coconuts's head, "I'm sure Benny's doing the best he can!"

"What's the fifty million dollars for anyway?" Benny asked.

"Mainly to plant trees." Luan answered.

"...really?"

"Yeah, purchasing land, trees to plant, and arborists to keep them healthy isn't cheap."

"...couldn't you just, I dunno, start a charity for that?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, but people are more willing to support terrorists than a charity these days." Mr. Coconuts answered.

Benny shrugged, "Sounds about right."

Luan smiled, "Don't worry Benny, we have plenty of time before they can call our bluff!"

Just then, a group of commandos burst in, coming down the super fun happy slide. A fireteam of five landed in the base. One ran back up to go down the slide a second time.

Luan yelled, "It's a raid! Battlestations, everyone!"

Maggie shoved the computer desk over and got behind her makeshift cover. Then, she reached down into her shirt and pulled out a Thompson-style laser repeater. I mean, where else could she hide that? Maggie laid down suppressing fire.

One commando managed to get around the suppressing fire and ran towards Benny. Benny panicked and slapped the commando in the face.

"What the- did you just slap me?" the commando asked as he rubbed his reddening cheek.

Benny took out an ice pack, with a guilty expression, "Sorry sir, I panicked!"

Luan and Mr. Coconuts made a break for the doomsday device as the chaos ensued.

The commando Benny slapped applied the ice pack to his cheek, "I mean, that really smarts! Did you put your whole body into that?"

Benny held his hands out as he shrugged his shoulders in bewilderment, "I dunno? I mean, all I've done before this were stunts and fight choreography!"

Maggie meanwhile was still shooting at the commandos breaking in. At one point pausing to throw a shock-grenade as the laser repeater started to overheat.

Luan and Mr. Coconuts reached the doomsday device, but were confronted by a cod in commando gear, standing on his fins somehow. "Blah, blah, blah, blah!" he ordered.

"So, we meet again, fish face!" Mr. Coconuts responded.

"Wait, you know Mr. Coconuts?" Luan asked.

Cod Commando nodded, "Blah, blah, blah, blah-blah, blah!"

Luan's jaw dropped, "Wow! What an amazing story!"

Mr. Coconuts pointed at the cod, "Don't listen to this guy, toots! He has zero proof that I'm the one who blew up Quebec!"

Luan regained her composure, "Hey, yeah! Your story sounds awfully fishy! Uh oh!"

Luan quickly ducked to avoid the pie thrown at her. The pie instead hit the suspicious big red button on the techno-monolith. It began to play an audio recording: "Hello -enter sibling name here-, this is Lisa. I knew you would steal this device so I put a big red self-destruct switch. Please get out of the blast radius in fifteen seconds. Mother and father will never forgive me if you perish."

Luan slapped her cheeks, "What have I done!" she cried out.

"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!" Cod Commando commanded.

Benny and the commando he slapped held each other and screamed.

The other commandos just started running in different directions.

Maggie strapped on a jetpack and blasted out of there.

KA-BLAMM!

...

A commando carried Mr. Coconuts onto the commando transport copter, "Target in custody! And is exercising his right to remain silent!" he reported.

Benny and Luan sat on the curb in a blanket, and mugs of Cocoa Brand cocoa. Cod Commando was lecturing them, "Blah, blah, blah, blah!"

Luan and Benny nodded, "Yes Cod Commando."

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?"

"We're sorry, Cod Commando. Thank you for saving us."

"Blah. Blah-blah!" Cod Commando waved before jumping onto the copter, which soon took off.

Luan sulked, "I hate that jerk."

"He just saved our lives." Benny remarked.

"Yeah, but it was his fault we nearly died in the first place!"

"Was it? He didn't put that device-"

Luan put her hand over Benny's mouth, "Just let me have this."

Benny nodded. Luan uncovered his mouth, "So, is Mr. Coconuts just gone forever now?" Benny then asked.

"Nah, he'll be back before we know it."

"Is he gonna escape capture?"

"Uh, Benny, no DA or judge is going to put Mr. Coconuts through a trial. There's no political or social gain for it."

"Isn't he supposed to be some kind of international terrorist?"

"Yeah, but it's not like they care about that."

"Speaking of, how did he get to be like that? What really happened between him and Cod Commando? And where did Maggie go?"

Luan shrugged, "Some questions are best left to the imagination."

...

Meanwhile, Maggie entered her house and was greeted by her mother, "Hi sweetie! How was your little play date with Luan?"

Maggie shrugged, "About the usual. Did I get any calls?"

Her mom nodded, "That boy you play that pirate game with left a message."

Maggie smiled, "Thanks mom."