This is just some random thing that came up in my head during during my lunch break at school. I don't know how I thought of it. I've never played any of the LOK games, but I'm planning on it, so be nice. R&R plz!
Driving to Meridian
Kain wanted to drive to Meridian to get away from the Pillars for a change. His sons, Raziel (age: 18), Turel (age: 16), Dumah (age: 15), Rahab (age: 12), Zephon (age: 8), and Melchiah (age: 5), decided to go with him, to give him trouble I suppose. Kain decided to resurect Umah (because Ariel couldn't leave the pillars), to give him a hand with his troublesome sons.
Kain: Where are we?
Umah: Dunno. Have a look at your map.
Kain: (Pulls over to the edge of the road, get's out the map and sees scribles) Who scribbled on the map!
Melchiah: Whoopsie. I thought it was Raziel's homework.
Raziel: Was that you? Did you use my homework as a doodle board?
Melchiah: I didn't say anything.
Raziel: Yes, you did.
Melchiah: No, I didn't.
Raziel: Did.
Melchiah: Didn't.
Raziel: Did!
Melchiah: Didn't!
Raziel: DID!
Melchiah: DIDN'T!
Kain: SHUT UP!
Raziel and Melchiah: NO!
Kain: YES!
Raziel and Melchiah: NO!
Umah: (Firmly and angrily) When you've quite finished!
There was silence.
Umah: Now, Kain, you can still see the map if you look past the scribbles. There aren't many. Where are we?
Kain: (Trying to read one of the scribbles) Kain... is... a... welsh... git...
Giggling comes from behind Umah and Kain. Umah tries her best not to join in.
Kain: Melchiah...
Melchiah: Yes Daddy?
Kain: Come up here.
Melchiah: Yes Daddy.
Melchiah squeezes passed his older brothers and nearly tripped himself when Raziel made a scary face at him. His head peared in between Kain and Umah's seats.
Melchiah: I came Daddy.
Kain wacks Melchiah's head with a baseball bat.
Melchiah: (Groggily) Thank you Daddy.
Kain: You're welcome. You can go back to your seat now.
Melchiah: Okay Daddy.
Melchiah turns around and sees his brethren with their swords in their right hands and flags in the other reading 'Melchiah's going to die'.
Melchiah: MUMMY! DADDY!
Kain: YOU ROTTEN BUGGERS DON'T HAVE A MOTHER!
Raziel, Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah: WELL, IT'S HIGH TIME WE HAD ONE!
Melchiah: (lips tremble until gives into crying) WWAAAHHHH! I WANT A MUMMY!
Umah: (Picks up Melchiah, puts him on her lap and cradles him) Oh, Melchiah... You poor baby...
Kain: 'Poor baby'? That's cheap! I'm the poor baby. He's scard me for life, calling me a 'welsh git'.
Umah: You deserved it.
Melchiah: Oh, Umah, you're such a good vampire. Many, many times, I wished, you were my mother.
Kain: Oh please...
Melchiah: And you, Daddy, are a tall disapointment!
Kain: Get in the back.
Melchiah: (With an innocent look on his face) Okay.
Kain: And don't draw on the moving glass.
Dumah: You mean a 'window'?
Kain: That's what I said.
Raziel: No, you didn't.
Kain: Yes, I did.
Umah: (Places her hand on her forehead) Oh, someone, please kill me again.
Raziel: DIDN'T!
Kain: DID!
Umah: WON'T YOU TWO SHUT UP!
Kain and Raziel: No!
Umah: If you don't stop this arguing, I'm gonna get the other five boys out of the car, burn som sulfur candles in here and lock you two in here.
Kain: I'm not have those candles in here again! You'll stink the car out!
Umah: So, are you two going to behave?
Kain and Raziel: (In fear) Yes, Mummy.
Umah: Good. Now, Kain, where are we?
Kain: (Struggles to read the map) You know, I can't read maps.
Umah: You told me you could.
Kain: That's because I can.
Umah: Either you can read a map or you can't. Which one is it?
Kain: Both.
Umah: (confused look) Why both? Usually it's, "Yes, I can read a map."
Kain: This one's a tricky one.
Umah: Let me see.
Umah snatches the map from Kain and dust and loose crayon shavings start flying in the air.
Umah: (Coughs) You know why, you can't read this map?
Kain: Why?
Umah: It's Raziel's homework.
Raziel: Melchiah, I'll kill you!
Melchiah: AAAAARRRRRRHHHHH!
Melchiah realizes he can't run anywhere.
Raziel: Don't worry, I'll kill ya when we get home.
Melchiah: (Relieved) Thanks Raziel.
Raziel: It's only because you're to ugly to look at in the car.
Melchiah: (Starts crying again) Waaaahhhh!
Turel: Be nice to him.
Raziel: No.
Zephon: Why not?
Raziel: He's so fun to tease. Watch this... Melchiah, you forgot, you have to go to the loo.
Melchiah: Very funny, Raz. That one hasn't worked since I was three.
Raziel: Bugger.
There was still bits of crayon flying around. A bit went up Kain's nose and he's alergic to crayon, causing him to sneeze uncontrollably.
Kain: Achoo!
Rahab: Dad's sneezing! It's time to count!
Raziel, Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah: One!
Umah: You count Kain's sneezes?
Kain: They count how many sneezes I make and then they write it in the Nosgoth's book of Records.
Umah: Why?
Kain: It entertains them. Achoo! Bless me.
Raziel, Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah: Two!
Umah: (laughs) "Bless me". You should write that in there too.
Kain: You wouldn't dare. Achoo!
Raziel, Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah: Three!
Umah: What's the largest amount of sneezes have you done?
Kain: 46.
Umah: Wow...
Kain: Achoo!
Raziel, Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah: Four!
Half an hour later...
Kain: Achoo!
Raziel, Turel, Dumah, Rahab, Zephon and Melchiah: (getting tired of counting) Three thousand and forty-six.
Umah: He's definitely beaten his highest record, boys.
Zephon: (Excitedly) Dad made a music record?
Turel: Yes, Zephon. He recorded a song in Hollywood about burying Fats Domino in the sand.
Raziel: Don't lie to him, Turel. He never made a music record in his life, Melchiah.
Melchiah: (Disapointed) Oh...
Kain: Achoo! (sniffs) Oh, that feels beter.
His sons start clapping to congradulate him, on beating his record and the fact that he's finally stopped.
Umah: Well, we've got no map and the sun's coming up, all we can do now is go home.
Everyone except Umah: YAY!
The went home, Umah was killed and buried again and they all lived happily ever after... for five minutes.
Was it funny? Tell me what you think.
