Authorities have been investigating an odd theft at the Oshare Shoppe. Owner of the Oshare Shoppe, Oshare "Dapper" Bones (Age: "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" Est. Positively Ancient) once or twice in a month, has found one of his file boxes, namely the N to Z box (by first name, oddly enough), stolen. Specifically the files for recurrent customer convenience. Said files are said to streamline the process for his most shopaholic customers on the tailoring side of his business. Keeping track of some private information Oshare has sworn to keep private unless his customers do not care. The cash register has been completely ignored every time. But strangely, the box is always returned. Mr. Oshare Bones had this to say to all those affected: "The thief doesn't steal out of greed it would seem. I've dealt with enough criminals in my to come to that conclusion. I have reason believe this thief is a pervert. For one girl specifically. For her files never return, I always have to start from scratch. For her sake, she shall remain anonymous. A fair bit of warning to all the other ladies, considered attractive or not with the first names between the letters N through Z, just-in-case. While the thief seems to have a specific target in mind. There's no way of telling what's done with your information. Considering that only one is consistently kept, I doubt he's copying it. But they've might have altered your files out of spite or something, I'll have no way of knowing… Be wary of that. I hope this doesn't impede on your continued patronage to The Oshare Shoppe, I shall up my security when the opportunity arrives, and remember, we sell plenty of non-clothes." The timing of this is inconvenient. A bunch of women have complained about the wait time when the box is missing. Especially with Primp's second swimsuit competition this summer. The files are made of tought stuff, it takes a while to open them without a key. If you're entering the female competition and have yet to get your swimsuit, Oshare Bones wants you to be patient. The authorities are still looking for clues. There are no leads on how the thief broke in. Which paradoxically could narrow down the suspects.

Chapter 68: Measured Response

"What a creep!" Pierrot read the newspaper during a break in front of Amitie, Vento, and Oshare. She handed it over to Amitie.

"I should be thankful my cash isn't stolen by him. In fact, it is more secure than ever now. But I seriously need to make the magic filter stricter. I have no idea, how he could break in otherwise."

"Do that, Ozzy."

"Hey, Oshare. Does this mean you can't make Sil her sexy new bikini for the contest?"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, AMMY! I AM NOT ENTERING THE SWIMSUIT CONTEST!"

Pierrot's shout attracted everyone's attention. She froze for a few seconds.

"I'm not."
"But, Si-"
"Don't "But, Sil" me. It won't do me the good you think it'll do."
"How's losing shyness a bad thing?"

"Yeah!" Vento agreed. "And we get to see your hot body in a swimsuit. As it's meant to be seen in."

Pierrot pulled a very judgemental face onto Vento. Followed by Amitie, and Oshare as they didn't defend her. "You guys sicken me."

"Don't you lump me in with these perverts." Oshare objected, to which Amitie objected to the comment about her but she went ignored. "I have no interest in your body or you participating, it's a free town. You do it or you don't. You flaunt it or you don't."

"Thank you…"

"That said, nobody should be ashamed of what they've got, by all means, it does nothing for me except advertising. Flaunt it while you're still young. It's only healthy. If you don't you'll regret it when you're old. Take it from me. I can only flaunt my sense of fashion sense nowadays." Plus the rarity in this world for a living skeleton.

"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Flaunt it, Sis!"
"Do it, P!"

"…Oshare, I'll increase your pay if you'll keep my stolen measurements missing and destroy them after you don't need them…"

"Not a bad idea, inconvenient for me, considering how many outfits you buy." Pierrot blushed at Oshare's comments. "But it should keep your preferences and measurements safe. I'll even leave a note for the thief."

"Oh, pranking the thief… Good thinking, Bones!" Vento complimented.
"That'll show'm!" Amitie yelled. "Wait? Sis is the main victim?"
"Holy smokes, P. Someone stole your measurements… How am I supposed to react to that?"
"It means the thief knows Sis's size."
"So? She might just get a prezzy's all…"

"I would've gotten them already if that was the case. Why would he steal multiple copies then?" Pierrot asked the logical question. "Sure, I still have growth spurt awaiting," Pierrot hoped to be as tall as Accord at least. "But you can see me perform every week. You'll know when I have my growth spurt. This makes no sense to me."

"Sis, I don't think you're gonna grow anymore." Amitie went ignored.

"Well, I shall put the prank in place as soon as my file box returns."

"Good." Pierrot smiled. Now she frowned. "How the heck am I supposed to be sexy with my mask on? Is this an admission to where your eyes are? Or do you find clowns attractive?"

"I am a clown, and I'd like to be sexy like mommy, Raffi, or even you when I grow up, Sis. I wouldn't mind seeing a sexy clown in the mirror." Amitie said innocently in earnest. Pierrot gave her a stare. Amitie grinned sheepishly. "But you really should still go, Sis. Mommy's worried that your skin doesn't get enough sunlight. We'll find some way not to make it a "PR disaster"."

"…Is the break over already?" Pierrot pulled out her pocket watch. "For two minutes already? Donny?"

"Rib-rib?"
"The backstage still needs a clock. Make it a top priority."
*Writes down* *Playfully salutes* "Ribbit, ribbit!" *bounces off*
"Break time's over guys get back to practicing and do your best!"

Amitie and Vento went to their posts. Oshare stayed behind for a bit.

"I do still got back-up files, FYI. Don't tell anyone."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, I kept it hidden underneath the cash register. If you still need something from me, ask me now."
"Uhm… Can you make a new jacket, shirt, and bra for me? The usual. One down each. Had to throw them away." She rubbed her back. The thickness of those things was what protected from Schezo's power. He swears he didn't mean it before he continued attacking anyway.

"How's my life come to this?" Pierrot held her hand in front of eyeholes.


Oshare hid in plain sight late at night in his shop, masquerading as an overdressed mannequin. Just waiting for the thief to strike.

The thief just entered the room via a trap door from the ceiling. Oshare cursed himself. He completely forgot about that thing. It blended in seamlessly.

As Oshare suspected, the thief was a female. Completely dressed in black. 'How cliché. Dark blue is better for stealth! Doesn't she know anything?'

The thief took the big file box and placed it back where she took Oshare's office.

The skeleton casted a spell to see through his own building walls. If the thief was smart, she'd leave now. But she appeared to stop to think. She sneaked back at the store's counter. She paused for a second.

"Uuuuuh." She said under her breath. Thinking if she actually should. She shifted her head all around her. She lifted the cash register.

"You got busted!"

"Tsktsk! Finally decided to steal my money as well?"
*Hand up* *Panicky nod*
"Ohoho. Looks like I caught you red-handed. I have blocked any and all teleportation magicks, body-enhancing magicks, minimizing magicks, you name it. I've got you cornered. Escape is impossible."
*Checkmated!*
"Now. Since all you did was make a girl fear and inconvenience a lot of other ones."
*Sweats*
"I'll let you get off easy if you promise to take off that uncool ski-mask."
*Sweats even more*
"Mute?"
*Pauses* *Nods* "…"
"How adorable. Well, I'm waiting…"

The thief gave in. She slowly tugged the mask off.

"Oh, mute and face that would have both gentlemen and ladies would fall for, no doubt." The thief looked nervous as she blushed, hiding the shame been behind her hands.

"Why did you think that's a good idea? What has poor Ms. Pierrot done to you that makes her worried her measurements are being misused as a result, hmmm?" The thief was about to shrug. "And this is about the measurements, isn't it, Silvana?"

"WUUUUUWHAAAAAAAA!" Sil out of surprise fell over against the wall. She quickly grabbed something to cover her face. "How did you know?" No need to play dumb now. Sil got too greedy in covering it up. And now she's facing consequences.

"Excuse me, Silvana? "How did I know?" she says… I wasn't born yesterday. I am "Positively Ancient". I've endured several locked room mysteries over the years. Been an innocent victim in them several times. Who else but you would steal your measurements?"

"Elton?"

"He was on the suspect list. But he can't pull this off. It had to be you. And forgive me, but I want to digress a bit to address the elephant in the room. You. Look awfully like Arle."

"…"
"You're her Doppelganger, aren't you?" The skeleton said with barely any emotion.

"I won't ask, I won't tell. I have known you long enough that "Silvana" isn't an act."
"Thank you… I hate going through that song and dance."

"So what's the deal, Silvana? I know you aren't doing this for any naughty reasons, and I know you don't need my money. Why did you do this? What would your mother think?" Hw teased a bit with that last one.

"I don't have a mom… And do I have to tell?"
"Do I have to bring in the authorities?" The undead bluffed.
"No! I'll talk! There are two reasons!"

"One, this is why I normally steal it: I am Arle's doppelganger. We have the same body. My measurements need to be destroyed or I'll be ousted! I don't wanna be ousted!"

"…...Silvana. Do you think you and Arle are the only people in Primp with your exact measurements?"
"Uh…" The jester for the first time thought about it logically. "Sounds kinda dumb of me when put like that."
"Furthermore, if you didn't want me to keep record keep your measurements, you could've said "no" when I asked if I could record them! You don't even have to do it politely. Don't you trust me after all this time? I have been your tailor in Primp since day one and you still are still so fidgety when I do my job? Anything else you want me to know?"
"…I don't like your boney finger touching my back…"
"You could've said so too! I have gloves! You're unbelievable! No one in the world recognizes someone by just bust measurements, Silvana. It's circumstantial evidence at best."
"Sorry…"

"Silvana, before I want you to tell me your second reason. I want you to follow me."

"Okay…" Sil spoke softly. Glad her life's been spared again. "Thank you for not hating me for what I am, Ozzy."

"Well, this may sound a bit heartless, but what do I care? Arle isn't some innocent bystander, she can hold her own." Sil bit her lip. "And you, well. You're a friend."

"Thank you."

They arrived at the file boxes. Oshare Bones opened up the A-to-M box with his keys. He picked one file out of it.

"Arle's file?"
"Ever read it?"
"Of course not! Isn't in the other box."
"Well, compare and contrast to your's heart content, dear. I had to cancel any fun today. You should know your own data by heart by now with how often you've stolen it."

"Arle Nadja"
'Silvana V. Pierrot.'

"Species: Human"
'Same, but less so.'

"Sex: Female"
'Yes. Same.'

"Occupation: Adventurer, Mailman, Paper Boy"
'Circus Ring Master, Clown, Acrobat.'

"Married: No"
'No'

"Naughtiness on a scale from 1 to 10: 3/10"
'5/10 Still don't why this is here. Or what it has to do with anything.'

"Birthday: July 22th"
'March 20th, though it's still July 22th I guess… '

"Favorite colour: Blue"
'Red…'

"Hair: brunette, dyes it to orange a lot"
'Dark red…'

"Height: 159cm [5ft 2,.6in]"
'That should be the same.'

"Figure: Hourglass"
"…"

"Measurements:" 'Finally…'
"86D-60-85 [34D-24-33]?! But mine is 86D-58-85 [34D-23-33]!"

"So? You're healthier. Sort of, you're both quite slim."
"I'm two centimeters too thin…"
"Just wait until you're a walking skeleton. Anyhoo, you should stop worrying, you don't have the same waist length."
"I guess…"

"What's reason number two?"

"Witch bribed Arle to compete in the swimsuit competition to get revenge at Draco. They're friends of Arle. And because Arle's going, it urges me to enter as well. Whether I want to or not. And really don't want to. I don't want the attention I'm gonna get… I can't go without my mask, everyone knows Arle, she's the freaking mailman. And I can't sure as hellfire can't go with any mask on period! Everyone will know it's me!…"

"Almost sounds to me like you wanna go to me." The bone pile teased.

"Don't joke, please. Ammy's non-jokes are enough… No matter what I say, I can't get Ammy to get on the side where I want her to be. I don't wanna model a bikini in front of people! She's enabling me, and I don't have the guts to get it through her skull! I don't wanna make her cry…"

"I see. I think I can help you. Stay here." The skeleton. "And I'm back." He handed his boss a pair of glasses(?) and a… bottle of shampoo? Not everyone can see in the dark as a skeleton can. "Free of charge. In case you can't muster the will power not to go."

Author's Notes:

I didn't make this a mystery with more than one suspect and such.

I feel unclean learning how body measuring works for girls and what the letters are measured mean. All because I wanted Sil's being unreasonable over something she would be genuinely fearful of. I hope I didn't get the proportions wrong… Take it with a grain of salt.

I used the average height of a Japanese woman for Arle and Sil. They won't grow much more.

Also threw in Sil's official false Birth Date. March 20th.

How's this fic come to this?...

Next up: Amitie won over pressuring Silvana into participating in the competition and Sil still wants none of it.