I know. Sorry. Love you. Thank you.

El's POV

"My God, the things I would do to dance with Patrick Swayze."

"The things I would do to be with Patrick Swayze."

It was hearing Kali and Max's comments on the movie we were watching that snapped me back to reality. With Kali lying on her stomach and her head on the foot of Max's bed and Max sitting close to the open window, cigarette in hand, they couldn't tell that I wasn't paying attention. Sitting with my back against Max's headboard turned out to be a good idea.

It's Friday night and while I wasn't really feeling it when the idea was first presented, I figured having a sleepover at Max's house would serve well to distract from... things. Trying to not make too much noise, I moved the bowl of microwave popcorn off my lap so I could reposition myself.

"What do you think El?"

Even though my mind still wasn't fully back to the current time and place, since Max was speaking to me directly, I had to respond anyway.

"Uhh, yeah. He's really hot." I spoke as I placed the bowl in front of my now crossed legs.

Based on what Max said next though, my tone wasn't convincing enough.

"Are you okay El? You've been pretty weird all week."

If only she knew.

It's only been a few days that I was, essentially, rejected by Mike. I don't know what I really expected to come out of meeting with him in the Upside Down, but that sure wasn't it. But what I do know is that he considers me a friend, and very likely only that. This news also completely sidetracked me from looking into and applying to any colleges, something else I haven't been honest with Max about.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Kali looking over at us. "It's just, uhh been a long week."

"Is everything okay?" Max asked again.

And with a quick glance, I noticed Kali's raised eyebrow, prompting me to do something I knew I wasn't really ready for but knew had to be done.

"Actually, there's something I have to tell you guys." Within the next few seconds, Max had stubbed out her cigarette on the windowsill while Kali paused the movie and both of them turned to face me, giving me attention that, due to what I was about to say, was bound to quickly become overwhelming.

There's obviously so much I need to fill them in on, especially now that it's physically visible that something is going on with me. I guess I always knew I couldn't keep this, any of this, to myself forever. But seeing as some things have to do with others, I wasn't really sure where to begin. There's also the factor of how much they each already know or suspect about.

"Umm, so yeah. This school year has been a little...crazy." That's what this led back to after all. Falling for and meeting Mike all happened because of how I was doing in school. And that made this point the most logical and easiest place to start. "With finding out about my dad's girlfriend and it being senior year, it's just kind of been... a lot. But ahh," and that was the extent to which they knew about. Mentioning Mike, which I was about to do, was going to be new territory for them. "I don't really know how to say this..." I glanced at each of them nervously, and they looked so patient even though I was just rambling. "I've sort of umm... met someone."

It took about a second for it to register. And then...

"Oh my God! Like, a guy?" Max exclaimed while Kali's lip twitched.

"Yeah," I nodded, knowing the job was only half done.

"Does he go to our school? Do we know him?" Kali and Max both spoke at the same time.

"Yeah, actually. It's..." Here we go. "It's umm, Mike."

Silence. As expected.

"Who?" Max asked and looked towards Kali, like she was supposed to answer her question.

"Mike... Wheeler?" I spoke hesitantly, because even though Mike is the most common name ever, I wasn't expecting to specify who I was talking about.

"Oh, the-the guy who is tutoring you?" Kali, though correct, didn't sound so confident since she had to look between Max and I.

"Hold on, wait," Max spoke before moving to sit next to me which caused Kali to get closer too. Once the three of us were on her bed, she continued. "You're into your tutor? Like, into him into him?"

"Umm," Fuck. I knew this was a bad idea. I didn't know what to say and for some reason, the only thing I could think of doing was sneaking a quick glance at Kali. Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough for Max.

"Did you know?!" She directed at her.

"What? NO! I'm finding out about this for the first time too!" Drawing her attention back to me, she said. "Okay, so El. How did this happen?"

Ha. Once I figure it out, I'll gladly share.

"I'm not sure." I said with a shake of my head. "I didn't go into tutoring thinking anything of him. I barely gave him the time of day. It's just- I guess-. He's so nice and patient with me. And I really am getting better thanks to him. I know he seems super dorky and he is but he -he's so smart and talented. And never makes me feel bad when I make mistakes or ask questions. He... offered to help me work on college applications. And now it's actually making me think about my future! And Mike makes me laugh, he really does! He's so funny. I love being around him. I- I didn't think I would start to feel this way. But I do."

Wow.

What started with me trying to look at my best friends, ended with me looking down at Max's lime green comforter, desperate and relieved.

"And I guess maybe I started to realize it when, for his birthday, I-".

Crap.

I never did get around to telling them about Axl and Dottie's party and who I took as my guest. I didn't think I'd ever want or need to.

"What? You what?" Max spoke though they both had the same expression.

"Well- You know that weekend you both went out of town?" They nodded. "On that Saturday, I was doing some things and I went into Axl and Dottie's shop. We were talking and as I was leaving, they said they were having a party at their place that night. So since I wasn't doing anything, I said I'd go and then I-I... I asked if I could bring a friend."

As if they've rehearsed it, their jaws dropped, again having the same reaction to something. This being the most expressive they've been, it seemed this surprised them more than the initial news of me telling them I like him.

"Oh shit."

"El..." Kali trailed off, with a very small smile.

"So I-I wasn't sure if I should have." I knew I didn't have to say what I meant. "I drove to his house before going to the party and I sat in the car for like five minutes deciding if I even should or want to. I did though and he came along. It was a birthday gift because he told me it was the day before and that's why we weren't going to meet for tutoring. But it was also kind of like a 'thank you' for everything he'd done at that point. That's what I kept telling myself at least and-."

"Okay, okay El. It's fine. Calm down." Kali spoke while gently putting her hand on my arm, stopping me from getting more worked up. With a small shrug, I did as she said.

"This came out of nowhere and I wasn't sure if I should tell you guys. Part of me couldn't really believe it for myself."

"Why?" Max said with one eyebrow raised.

"Because we're so different. He's so different. And... the way I couldn't believe I like him is the same way I believe that he doesn't like me." Now, they wore matching looks of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's face it." I started with a grim smile. "He'd never like somebody like me. I'm so dumb, I have to go to tutoring so I can graduate high school. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. While he's so... everything that I'm not."

"Did he say that to you?" Max spoke, and I could tell she sounded offended.

"No." I answered knowing he didn't have to actually say it for me to know it. "But like," and now, here we are. We're caught up to earlier this week when I met Mike for the second time at the coffeeshop. "A few days ago we met up because he wants to help me get into college since he, well, that's a whole different story. But we were talking about out-of-state schools and he was saying there's a lot to it. He-he said that he would miss his friends and he included... me in that. And... I don't know. I don't know if I'm overthinking it or what but I kind of take that to mean that that's the only way he sees me."

"You think he just wants to be friends?" Kali spoke my latest fear.

"Yes. I mean, I wasn't even aware that we had gotten into that. I was sort of just... taking everything one day at a time. Before I knew it, he was all I thought about."

Finally, I was able to take a huge sigh of relief.

"Are you okay?" Max asked as they both looked on with concern.

"Yeah," I answered because for the first time in a while, I was. "I'm okay. Sorry, I just, I wasn't expecting to... explode on you guys like that."

"Well, damn it El, it sounds like you needed it. You must have been holding all that in for a while." Max spoke it as a statement, not a question. With a small smile, so immensely relieved to have all this off my chest, I nodded.

"So... he doesn't know?" Kali brought up.

"No. Honestly, I haven't even thought about telling him. I can barely believe it myself and the fact that he hasn't shown that he feels anything for me doesn't make it any easier."

"But you don't know that for sure. I know Max and I don't know him the way you do, but based on what we've seen, he seems pretty... awkward. I'm not saying he doesn't like you, but maybe he's just unsure how to show it?"

"Maybe. I don't know." And even though I finally shared everything I had been feeling, a part of me didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"You know, I don't know if this will help," Max started. "But now that you're mentioning all this, it kind of clicks together." I faced her, curious to what she was about to say. "It's just that I've... noticed a couple times you guys would like, make eye contact in the cafeteria. And you've definitely stared over at him a few times, El. I guess now we know why." She smirked.

"What do you mean?" I decided to ignore her teasing.

"You guys weren't really being subtle about it if you ask me. It wasn't many times but when it did happen, it was like you guys couldn't look away. Like you were the only people in the world. Oh, and he definitely noticed that day you were absent-. Hey, did he have something to do with that? You were acting kind of weird that day too."

"How do you know he noticed?" Based on these new pieces of information, it seemed I wasn't the only one who was paying attention to Mike. While I didn't want this to be the main conversation point for the whole night, I did want to find out whatever my best friends knew or suspected.

"He looked over at Kali and me in the cafeteria that day and I know he was looking for you. He looked away a little too quickly when I caught him so that's how I knew."

"Okay, well," I started, not too sure what to make of Max's update. "That doesn't mean anythin-."

"What about the way he came up to you in the hallway the day after that?" Kali interrupted. "That was pretty... bold, if you ask me." I knew it wasn't a matter of eavesdropping because he and I were far enough away for them not to hear us. But if Kali could say that of Mike just based on how he looked and approached me that day... that could mean something right?

"I-I don't know." I answered my internal question and spoke out loud. "We've never spoken about relationships or anything like that. Nothing too personal. I don't even know if he's ever had a girlfriend." Though I have a pretty good guess. "It's just- I've never felt this way before and never cared this much if a guy liked me back. And it doesn't help at all that we're so different from each other."

"I know it's tough El," Kali started, "but, well, what do you want out of it? Do you want him to be your boyfriend? Or do you want this to be some unrequited crush to the point where you graduate and never see each other again?"

"Kali!" Max exclaimed and I knew what she meant by her tone.

"No, it's okay. I get what you're saying. I do think I should tell him how I feel. It's just hard for more than the reasons I've mentioned. It's not easy to be alone with him. At tutoring, we're always surrounded by other people. And the two times we went somewhere else, it wasn't exactly private. The only time we've ever been completely alone was that night of his birthday and Axel's party and I didn't realize my feelings at that time. But even if I could get him alone, I can't imagine being so... open and upfront with him and tell him how I feel."

"Well, you've already done it with us!" Max gestured to herself and Kali. "I'm sure you were freaking out to tell us but you did it anyway."

That's true...

"So, okay. Let's think about this." Max said. And at that moment, I knew she was cooking up another one of her plans. With Kali nodding along, I knew she would be going with it too. "We need to figure out how to get you two alone together. In a way that's natural but where you're still in control so that you don't get too nervous and psych yourself out. But also where he won't think it was planned, because while he might be clueless about your feelings for him, I'm sure he's not a total idiot." I nodded now too, thinking it might be difficult to check all those boxes but knowing there had to be a solution.

Within a couple of moments, one of the girls spoke.

"Hey, El?"

"Yeah?" I looked towards Kali and the grin she had on almost didn't match the tone of our whole conversation.

"Does your dad still have that cabin?"


Mike's POV

Even though it's been a few days, I can't get that day in the Upside Down with El out of my mind.

After she abruptly left, I packed up all my stuff, which again, I went home and picked up only for her, and thought about what could have been so urgent and important that she still forgot to do. But I guess I don't know her well enough to have very good theories.

I don't think it was a complete waste, however. As mean as it sounds to say, I didn't really expect anything when I arrived. I half-expected her to not even show up. And after a little bit, she seemed... excited almost. I noticed it especially when she started talking about movies and how she's been interested in them for a while. The eagerness of her voice and the way her eyes lit up was similar to how- oh crap, the guys.

"Dude, are you for real?" Lucas was, not entirely surprising, the first one to react.

"What? I mean, yeah. For real. She has a big test tomorrow and needs my help. So... why wouldn't I help her?" I knew better than to tell them the truth about why El and I were really meeting out of regular tutoring hours. Her applying to colleges was something she had to take the weekend to think about. So clearly, telling these guys who are pretty much strangers to her wouldn't make sense.

"But I'm only going to have the console for the next couple days and I have biology club the rest of the week."

"I know, I know, Dustin. Sorry but-." I didn't know how to say that I thought what I had planned with El was more important than spending another afternoon playing video games. Even though in the long run, it was. "Maybe we'll finish up early and I can head over to your place. It's just-, I already promised her." Lucas looked over at me suspiciously and I could tell he wanted to say something. Will, always the quiet one, glanced at me in a similar way but didn't say anything

"I take it the tutoring is going well?" That was Dustin's response and given the suggestive tone of his voice, you wouldn't think he was upset at me just a few seconds ago.

Not wanting to comment on that, I quickly thought back to the progress made with El in the past couple months and replied honestly. "Yeah, I guess so."

This, despite being a shorter conversation than expected, was still the longest one the guys and I have had about El in all the time I've been working with her. I realized that due to their reactions and the way they were looking at me, it's the only conversation I wanted to have about her.

That didn't stop me from thinking about her though, and how we left things when we last saw each other.

I know that we haven't gotten to that stage in our... whatever one would call whatever we're in. But I couldn't help thinking that El and I were heading to a place where we can open up a little more about each other. I thought that, considering what we were talking about in the Upside Down the other day, our life goals, career prospects, and such, that it was heading in that direction anyway.

To be honest, El isn't exactly the first person I would think wants to go to college. So I really was surprised that she even wanted to apply to any schools. I also didn't expect to hear that she was as passionate about something as she was about filmmaking. It's just not something I would have pictured from her. If anything, it's taught me that you can't really judge a book by its cover, which leads me to wonder what else she is hiding behind that smokey eye makeup and tight, dark clothing.

Not that I was, you know, looking.

Oh, who am I kidding? I called her 'pretty' to her face, of course I've been looking.

El recovered from my slip-up far better than I did and changed subjects effortlessly. But I still can't believe I was stupid enough to do that. Everything was going fine until then and I was keeping it calm and cool, like I told myself to do on the way over there. But even though I wasn't being awkward, at least, I don't think so, I was still, I guess... nervous?

Why was that? And why do I think I was stupid for saying she's pretty? And why do I care so much about how she is affected or feels about what I say or do?

It-it's not. It can't be.

I'm sure a lot of what I'm feeling has to do with the fact that El really is the first girl I've gotten... close to. I'd only talk to girls for a few days at a time for group projects and occasionally in class. They've always been school related interactions too. Before El, I never imagined I'd go to some stranger's house party and drink alcohol with a girl or talk so openly about my passions, I'm almost not embarrassed to share them with someone who is not one of the guys.

But El did that.

So I really did mean what I said before: I've never met a girl like El Hopper.

And maybe that's a good thing.

Oh.

Damn.

For those that have been waiting: I am so, SO sorry. I thank you for sticking around and am endlessly thankful for your patience. If you're feeling up to it, you know what to do.