Alright, I know, I know. But hey, at least I made it before the season four premiere. I think you guys will really like this one though.
Mike's POV
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
Ever since I came to terms with my feelings for El over the weekend, it's been difficult to decide how to move forward. I guess it's no lie to say that El has, surprisingly, become a big part of my life. And while there are bigger things to be thinking about, she always seems to be right there.
I wish the way that I could deal with all this would make itself clear and present as her.
The only thing I could think of doing at the moment was leaving the torturing program. It just makes the most sense. That is where El and I met after all. And if it weren't for that, then all... this wouldn't be happening.
But I wouldn't just stop showing up. I'm not looking forward to seeing her again, because, given the realization of my feelings, I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle that. But simply not showing up to the library on Monday afternoon with no explanation also wouldn't be right. I'll talk to Mrs. Chapman during my free period and tell her that for personal reasons, I'm unable to continue volunteering at tutoring. Replacing me won't be a problem as a lot of students signed up at the beginning of the school year and there were only so many students who needed help.
As for El... Well, I suppose I could bend the truth a little. I know her well enough to know she wouldn't believe, or probably even accept, such a cheap excuse. I have the whole day to think about it though, and then break the news to her today at our last tutoring session.
For now, as I arrived at school and tied my bike to the silver rack outside the building, I decided not to worry about it too much. In a few moments, I'd be seeing the guys in my first class and didn't want them to think there was something going on. That, of course, would have been easy if the first person I made eye contact with when entering the building wasn't El's red-headed friend.
It seemed like too much of a coincidence for her to be walking towards me as I was going to my locker, but based on the look she gave me, one that I'm really not able to make out, maybe it wasn't. It definitely didn't help that as we crossed paths, her lip twitched into a smirk. And whatever that could mean was all I thought about while I walked the last few steps to my locker, managed to open it up, and start my school day.
"Hey." Dustin approached me wearing his usual cap and nodded. Luckily it was enough to get me out of my thoughts.
"Hey." I replied before looking back into my locker. "You ready for that test late-?" It was easy to see that before I could even get a full sentence out, Dustin was already distracted. Only this time when I turned to face what he was seeing, I couldn't blame him.
At the end of the hallway, just outside the bathrooms, stood El's friend, the same one that had just passed by me. Next to her was the person I was not ready nor expecting to see just yet. They were talking but I couldn't tell what about as I was too far to read their lips accurately and their facial expressions gave nothing away. Despite that, El, with her arms crossed and leaning against the wall, still caught my full attention. It was like I had been the one to be distracted first instead of Dustin.
It felt odd to see her like this. Not her being in school, I see that all the time. But just her being so... herself.
Nearly every time we meet up, whether it's for tutoring or even the night of that party, I can't help but feel there is something she's holding back. I guess that's how it always is when you meet new people, but with El it's different. It's almost like she wants to be thought of as a big mystery. If it's so that people will talk and wonder about her or the opposite, it's unclear. Which, of course, brings up more questions about her.
The only time she really let her guard down around me was about a week ago when we met at the Upside Down to go over college information and see if she developed interest in applying to any schools. She had left really abruptly and I never found out why. She said it was a family thing so maybe it's better if I mind my own business. I don't know her that well after all.
But seeing her now, laughing at something her friend said and reaching up to move some hair behind her ear, felt kind of... exclusive. It's not really, since she's in the school hallway where dozens of kids have passed by now. But she looks as if none of them exist. Except for me, who is getting these few seconds to see her unveiled.
I'm comfortable with that. I'm comfortable with her. I'm curious if, even a small part of her, feels the same.
The door that was next to El opened and her other friend walked out of the bathroom, explaining why they were standing there. The action caused their gaze to shift and for a split second, El made direct eye contact with me. It barely registered just before her friends laughed about something and the three of them walked around the corner.
Dustin turned back to me, exhaling a dopey sigh, one that I kind of felt like releasing too. I nearly forgot he was standing beside me. "What were you saying?"
"Why do you like her?" That obviously wasn't what I was asking before we turned our attention to El, but it seemed more important.
"Huh?" It made sense he'd be confused for several reasons. The biggest one being that I've never asked him anything about his crush on El or why he has one at all. This would have been the perfect chance to pretend I didn't say anything and change the subject. But it was also the perfect moment to find out why it is that Dustin is so into El, and more specifically, if it is even that deep.
"El." I nodded over to where she and her friends were just standing. "Why do you like her so much? You've never spoken to her." Giving him a few seconds to come up with an answer, thinking he'd need it, I picked out a textbook from my locker, closed it shut, and started walking towards our first class.
"She's cute. She doesn't seem like the other girls around here. She has a... different kind of vibe." I didn't expect all of that, but it's nearly exactly what I would have said. "And... well yeah I know I've never spoken to her. But it's not like we run in the same circles. She's kind of intimidating anyway. Which is kind of hot actually." I knew it was better to not comment on that. "I guess it's different for you since you kind of know her enough by now." Since I couldn't tell if that was a question or just him thinking out loud, I didn't answer again. "Why do you ask?"
And with impeccable timing, Will and Lucas came running up behind us, making me unable to answer Dustin's unexpected question. It was the last of El that was discussed for the day.
The school day seemed to be rushing by and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I headed to my locker alone to drop off my books and get the ones for my next class before heading to the cafeteria. There, leaning against my locker, was El.
"Hey," I greeted before she saw me.
"Hey, Mike."
She said it like nothing was wrong. Like nothing has changed since we last saw each other. Which, I guess, from her point of view is true.
"What's up?" I replied, trying to sound as casual as she was and realizing I sounded a lot like her.
"So, umm," She began as I started entering my combination and already I could tell she was surprised I was continuing on with what I was doing even with her speaking. "I wanted to apologize about last time. Running out on you like that wasn't cool at all. And you were helping me and everything... I hope you're not mad."
"I'm not mad." There were a few emotions, even at the moment she's speaking about, that I felt. But mad wasn't one of them. To assure her, I turned to look at her. I could already see how much more relaxed she was just at me confirming I wasn't mad. "You said it was a family thing. So I figured it must have been important. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything is good. Umm, but since we didn't finish up or really do much last time, do you think we can give it another go?"
"Uhh..."
"I was actually telling my dad about it. He got pretty excited by the idea. One of the guys at the station, his kid, was doing all this college prep last year. Apparently, he has a bunch of stuff, like what you showed me, and he gave it to my dad. So we can use that." It wasn't going to take much convincing since, as she said, we didn't do much. But it was nice to hear what her idea was, regardless of how... rehearsed? it all seemed to be.
"Great," I knew it was my turn to say something. "That's good. It'll be a big help."
"Yeah, I thought so too. So if you want, we can meet at my place today after school." I nearly dropped the book I was holding.
What?
Her house?
"You-you said today?" And for the first time in this conversation, I adjusted my glasses.
"I know we have tutoring, but I don't think it'll be a problem if we skip, right? You're still technically helping me." She replied casually, not even acknowledging the fact that she just invited me over to her house. "It's okay if you don't want to. We can go to tutoring and do college stuff another day."
"No, it's okay." Part of me couldn't believe I was even able to speak. "We can... ditch tutoring." I replied in a manner she would speak in too.
"Okay, great! Umm, I'll just drive us over after school. Just meet me at the front steps and I'll bring my car around."
"Sounds good." El nodded and turned to leave. She barely walked two steps before turning back around.
"Also, I should probably tell you now so you don't freak out later. It's not exactly my house. My dad has this... cabin in the forest. It was his dad's and he spent a lot of time there as a kid. And all the stuff I mentioned is there... so yeah. Just wanted to give you a heads up."
"Oh, uhh, okay." She nodded again, not seeming to notice how tense her explanation of where we were going made me.
"I'll see you later." She left and walked towards the lunchroom. Knowing better than to follow her, even though that was my destination too, I, for several reasons, stayed behind.
It wasn't like I hadn't been in El's car before. There's no reason to be nervous about that. But this time, unlike the other times, I was not entirely sure of where we were going. El's silence during the car ride that was already going on ten minutes did nothing to help. She had the radio on to a song I didn't recognize, but one that she must have since she didn't change the station. The volume was low enough that wouldn't drown out our voices, not that either of us were speaking anyway. Although there was a bunch going through my head and that I wanted to say, every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Finally, as we turned onto a road I knew went into the forest, El spoke.
"Almost there."
I would have definitely preferred if she gave a more specific ETA but seeing as I trusted her enough to lead me all the way over here, I could wait a few more minutes. It was only a little after we got off the paved road that I could see a cabin, and hopefully it was the one she was talking about.
As she drove towards it, parked, and shut the engine off, one thing became clear: we were the only ones here. Which, sure, I had anticipated. But now that it, being fully alone with El, was the reality, it was very overwhelming. Not wanting her to catch on to that, I stepped out of the car and followed her to the front door. Seeing it in front of me, even in the quickly dwindling daylight, was not as intimidating as I thought it'd be. But maybe being with El had something to do with that.
She turned the key into the knob and pushed the door open, the creaking and groans from the hinges indicating they probably haven't been used for a while. Honestly, I was starting to suspect that was the case.
"You can take a seat." I heard her say. "He said he put the box in one of the rooms..." She trailed off while walking deeper into the cabin, through another door. Instead of sitting on the lumpy, dusty couch in front of me, I walked around. It wasn't big at all, the living room area and kitchen were visible from where I was standing. The kitchen appliances looked smaller than average to accommodate. There wasn't a TV but instead a record player against the wall that looked like it hadn't been used in years. A discolored blanket was sprawled on the back of the couch. There was a cluttered coffee table with a shoebox on top, but I doubt it was the one El was trying to find since it looked as old as nearly everything else in here.
There were only two other doors, which I assumed lead to the bathroom and the other to a bedroom. If this were someone's actual residence, I don't imagine more than two people living comfortably here. Apart from it being small, it looked like how a typical, single story house would look - with the exception of it being out in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't help but wonder, and maybe even consider, if El's actual house looks like this.
"Maybe it's out here. Wanna help me look?"
She'd only been gone a minute and a half, at most. But I could tell El seemed... different. There was no physical difference about her and yet it caused the energy in here to change. It was like she too now realized we were here alone together.
"Umm, sure." I reached for the coffee table, though by now I kind of forgot what we were looking for. Even if I was certain, I wasn't sure I could focus anymore.
I rummaged through the contents of the shoebox, while El looked in the drawer under the record player. Due to how quiet it got, I was easily able to tell how fast my heart was beating. I almost took a seat and took deep breaths, not caring how stupid I might look in front of El. But then I saw something in the box that calmed me down instantly.
"Hey. Come look." I pulled out a crayon drawing. It was easy to tell -and it could only be so many people- that it was of El and her friends. She walked a few short steps over and stopped across from me.
"Oh, I remember this!" She looked at the drawing and smiled. "The girls and I had a sleepover and Hop was called last minute for an emergency. He dropped us off because he thought it'd be safer leaving us alone here since it's so isolated. We picked up a huge pizza along the way and he made us swear never to tell their parents."
"Were you guys okay?"
"Yeah, we were fine. The TV wasn't working though, but luckily Max brought her portable radio." Since neither of her friends were physically here, I was hoping she'd use the drawing to point out which one was Max. That feeble introduction when they picked El up from tutoring and she left early, I never counted.
"Max..." I trailed off, hoping she would understand and that she wouldn't get upset at me not being able to put a face to the name.
"Max is the redhead."
"Oh, Max. The redhead. Okay." I said as I nodded, hoping that would help me remember.
"Maxine, but, you know, you don't go by Michael."
"Right. Yeah." I smiled. "And what about your other friend?"
"Her name is Kali."
"Kali." I repeated. "She seems nice." Immediately, I wanted to take it back. "Not that Max doesn't seem nice. I just mean that-" El smiled and held back a laugh.
"It's okay. I know what you meant. I think. I guess I never really properly introduced you guys. They're both great. I don't know what I'd do without them." With that, she shook her head, like she was remembering something to do with Kali and Max. Putting the drawing down on the cluttered table, she took a seat on the couch. "So, umm what about your friends? I know Will already..."
"Yeah. Umm, his mom is going out with your dad right?" She nodded with a small smile, like it didn't seem to bother her, which honestly surprised me a bit.
"Were you... cool with that when you found out?" I asked as I joined her on the couch.
"It's kind of complicated. When I first met Joyce, Hop didn't clarify who she was and just told me her name. They hung out a few times and even though he told me he'd let me know if and when it started going in a certain direction, he didn't. And then we went to the Byers's for Thanksgiving and I realized based on all the conversations how serious their relationship got. By that point, I'd gotten to know Joyce more and she is really nice and caring and makes my dad happy, which I like seeing. So I was never really... mad or upset about it. I just didn't like not being updated on their relationship. I didn't want specific details obviously," she shuddered and I knew what she meant. "But I just thought it was fair since I'm his daughter and all." I nodded in agreement, because it did make complete sense. "But I also understood that it must have been hard for him to share that with me. This is his first relationship since... since my mom died."
My eyes widened in shock and despite her looking down at the cushions since she said that, I thought she'd noticed my reaction. When she didn't do or say anything for a few seconds, I very cautiously spoke.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know that. Do you want to... talk about it?" I knew there wasn't really much else I could say. I was willing to listen though and since she had already opened up a lot to me today, I really hoped she knew that.
"What about the other two?" Looks like it's something she doesn't want to talk about.
"What?" I pretended like I didn't know what she meant.
"Your other two friends. Besides Will. Tell me about them." She tilted her head slightly and based on how she looked at me, I knew she'd give me her full attention. She truly cared about whatever I was about to say.
"Umm, well. We've known each other a long time. We're pretty inseparable. We have a lot of things in common." Thinking all this was standard stuff that anyone would say about their best friends, I thought of something that might be of interest to her. "You know, they're kind of the reason why I decided to join the tutoring program." Her eyebrow raised in interest.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, umm." I shifted on the couch so I was facing her. "I was kind of undecided on it. I thought it'd be too time consuming. But Lucas, the other guy who's in it with me," She nodded, probably realizing who Lucas was, "said it'd be good for volunteer hours and of course, college applications. And with Dustin in the biology club and Will working at the store, I thought it'd also give me something to do after school instead of going home." Hoping she didn't catch on to the slight hesitation regarding my comment about going home, I continued. "I was actually one of the last ones to sign up, but Mrs. Chapman squeezed me in."
"And then I showed up."
"Yeah."
"What do you think your friends would say if they knew where we are right now?"
I chuckled, half surprised and half not knowing what to say.
"Probably not much," I lied. They'd definitely have opinions and maybe not such innocent ones. "They know we've met at the Upside Down a couple times so it's not really a big deal."
"Yeah, but here," she gestured around the room, "is a little different."
"Yeah." I knew exactly what she meant and yet sensed that she implied more. Instead of asking about it, I noticed how strong her gaze became, her eyes pouring into mine. After a few intense seconds, she broke the silence.
"Err, so." She looked down and shook her head nervously. "Will is the one I know. The one in tutoring with you in Lucas. What did you say the other was named?"
"Dustin." I laughed internally, wondering how he would feel knowing that El Hopper is asking about him.
"Dustin." She repeated in the same way I repeated her friends' names minutes ago. I couldn't control it when the single laugh escaped.
"What?"
"No it's just, umm, I really probably shouldn't be telling you this but, he -Dustin- has a... bit of a thing for you." However, now that I've said it, it might not have been a bad idea since it just might take all this internalized pressure off me.
"Dustin has a crush on me?" She asked with narrowed, questioning eyes.
"I mean, as much of a crush as he can have without ever saying two words to you." I clarified. "It seems like it's more of an attraction. He thinks you're really-."
"Pretty?" I glanced over at her and she had a small smirk on her lips. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I had just been, sort of, thinking about when you said that."
"You-you were?"
"Yeah. Guys don't typically say that to me, remember? So I... really do appreciate it." She repositioned herself and her body now faced me.
"El?" I resisted adjusting my glasses. I knew that it would ruin the moment. The moment all this led to.
"Yes?"
"We're not here to talk about college, are we?"
I saw her lip pull into a smile before she leaned in even closer.
"No."
And before I was fully ready for it, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against mine. For real this time.
It was soft, and yet firm. She wasn't hesitant and while I wasn't really sure how to express it, I wasn't either. I could tell though, that she had done this before. I worried that, similarly, she could tell that I haven't.
Abruptly, she pulled away and I could hear her exhale a shaky breath. Naturally, I thought I did something wrong. Still, she spoke first.
"Sorry, I-"
El barely let out before I kissed her back.
I've only realized my feelings for her a little while ago, but I'd be stupid to deny that I haven't been thinking about doing this for much longer. If there were any doubt to how I feel or if I were still questioning what these feelings were, I'd know now.
Her lips tasted like cherry and surprisingly, she didn't smell of smoke. It made me realize I can't remember the last time I saw her smoke and was curious as to why.
She really is a wonder.
Wanting to get closer to her, I put my hand on her cheek, my fingers going slightly into her hair. I've never done this before but she wasn't pushing me away so I guess I was doing it right. She lifted herself up in reaction and tilted her head, deepening the kiss. At this point, it really did feel like we were the only two people around and not only because of how isolated we are here in the cabin.
The faint sound of a car driving up didn't even seem real. But based on El pulling away and looking curiously towards the front door, it confirmed I wasn't just hearing things. At seeing the revolving red and blue lights however, I sat up quickly, not knowing what to do or think.
"You have got to be kidding me." El said, but it didn't seem like it was directed at me.
"El?"
She didn't look at me when she spoke again, focusing instead on the entrance and the footsteps coming up the stairs.
"Whatever you do, don't panic."
And thank you so much for reading! I've been planning this chapter for a while and am really looking to seeing what you guys think. Please review!
