A/N-Sorry for taking another eternity to update. What can I say? I'm just one of the worst procrastinators ever.
The first skit is Antoinette and co. while the second one is the normal group. Please don't kill me if I got the time frame of tenpins wrong. I also have to use the metric system since the story does take place in France.Kilograms are roughly twice as heavy as pounds. There is also some toilet humor ahead (well I'm not sure if it should exactly be labeled as potty humor, but just to be safe we'll call it that.).
Disclaimer-If I owned That 70's Show, then I would have killed off Randy by now. Is spontaneous combustion a plausible way to die? And if I owned Phantom then I doubt that I would be sitting here making up weird stories. But who knows what the wealthy do in the privacy of their homes.
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Philippe, Andre, Firmin, Erik and the Persian are all at the viscount's house. They are doing nothing special.Just sitting around.
Erik breaks the long, dull silence by clearing his throat. "Isn't it nice to just have an afternoon to ourselves? Do you hear that?" He then becomes still to listen to the silence.
Andre immediately becomes redfaced. "Sorry.That was me. I had some beans for lunch." He hangs his head in shame.
Erik shakes his head. "I said do you hear not do you smell. " He tries to pinch the bridge of his nose,but his mask gets in the way so he settles for holding his forehead. In a few seconds, he lifts his head again. "It is enlightening to not have either one of our female friends down here."
"Speak for yourself." says Philippe. "Sorelli's voice is permanently burned into my mind. I am never going to be able to hear the sound of silence! It just keeps going on and on and on! I wish that I could find some way to make it stop!"
This comment causes Erik to throw him an evil little smirk. "I think I know of a way that could cease her annoying yammerings from plaguing your mind." offers the boy genius.
The Persian looks at him in alarm. "Erik! This idea of yours better have nothing to do with wrapping catgut around his neck, bashing him over the head with some blunt or heavy object ,or giving him drugs that may alter his memory."
Erik's face immediatly falls at the revealing of his idea. "You always have to ruin my fun."
Firmin contemplates Erik's comment about women. "Erik is right. I remember those good times that we would have together when there were no women in our lives.Wonderful times those were." He leans back into his seat and smiles.
"Wonderful times!" shouts Andre. "More like, 'the-three-of-you-laughing-at-me-while-Erik-attempts-to-kill-me' times."
"As I said," repeats Firmin, "wonderful times. I think that we should go and do something ludicrous!" He puts his hand next to his ear as if he is trying to hear someone that is far away. "What was that? Did someone say...spy on the ballerinas while they change?"
Andre vigorously shakes his head. "No way in hell am I going to do it! You guys will just leave me there so that all of the ballerinas can squash me to a pulp!"
"For the first time I think that I agree with Andre." says Erik. "Anyways, what is the point of me doing something that I normally do every day?"
"Erik, I thought that you just scared them! I never thought that you would lower yourself to actually looking!" admonishes the Persian.
"Well what is the point of making all those secret passages if I can't use them for purposes which please me?" questions Erik.
"You know what we can do?" interrupts Philippe. "We could go and play a drunken round of tenpins! It always seems fun. The only downside is that we can't seem to remember how well we did the next day."
Andre jumps up excitedly. "You can count me in! I have heard that it is a proven fact that alcohol improves your game."
All of the guys start to move toward the door so that they can make their way to a tenpin alley. Just as the Persian is about to reach the door, he stops, and calls out Firmin's name. "Are you guys going to force me into playing with that silly pink ball again?" asks the foreigner.
"Why are you asking when you already know what the anser is?"
The Persian sighs in discontentment. "I have to use the pink ball until I am able to get Erik to scream like a little girl." states the teen in a dejected tone.
Firmin nods."Sorry my dark skinned friend, but those are the rules." He then pats the Persian on the back ,and they leave the house.
At the tenpins ally all of the guys are gathered around Philippe.
"Men, here are the rules. If you knock down all ten pins, you drink a bottle of wine. If you miss all ten pins, you drink a bottle of wine. If you get 7 pins then...you drink 7 shots of whiskey. Get it? Got it? Good." He then nods to noone in particular.
"Hey fellows." calls out Firmin. They all turn to see him holding two of the balls at waist level. "I have five kilogram balls!"All the boy chuckle rather idiotically at this joke. "That joke never ceases to bring laughs!"
The Persian spots two balls and attempts to imitate the joke. "Look guy, my balls have holes in them." He beams proudly at his own joke.
Instead of laughter, he is greeted by an awkward silence.
Erik walks up to him and shakes his head slowly. "Nadir, that wasn't funny. It was just sad and disturbing."
The Persian hangs his head. "Why can't my balls ever be funny?"
All of the boys except Firmin take a seat. "This is the life." says Philippe. "No girls to ruin the evening. Just us men surrounded by alcohol. Nothing can ruin this evening."
Firmin ,meanwhile, had been in the process of releasing his ball when a young blonde girl comes over to him. She waves at him and gives him a seductive grin. "Bonjour monsieur."
"Bonjour mademoiselle." replies Firmin. He then takes her in his arms ,and they proceed to make out.
All of the boys stare at the couple in shock. "Amazing." blurts out Andre. "Getting with bowling wenches is so easy for him!"
After five minutes of the couple just making out, they finally break apart. "Evelyn, I am glad that you were able to come down tonight. Gentleman, this is Evelyn, the girl that I am currently seeing."
The Persian gets up and approaches them with a smile. "So this is the girl who keeps nagging you about marriage when really you just want to bed her!"
Evelyn is stricken dumb by this remark and looks at Firmin in horror.Firmin pulls back his arm and punches the Persian in the arm as hard as he can.
"Ow!" shouts the Persian as he falls back a few steps from the punch. He rubs the spot with his other arm and looks at the girl apologetically. "It was lovely to make your aquantince." says the foreigner in a broken voice.
"You as well." replies Evelyn slowly. She then looks around at all of the boys. "So who is going first?"
"Why me of course." answers Firmin. He then brings her close to him ,and they proceed to kiss again.
Andre looks on in envy as they really start to get passionate. "Can I be next?"
The viscount sighs and rises from his seat. He walks over to the couple and taps Firmin on the shoulder. "Firmin, could I talk to you in private for a moment?"
He pulls Firmin over to a little corner where the other boys soon follow. "What are you doing bringing that girl with you? This is supposed to be a night for just us men."
"Don't get so antsy Philippe. She is truly amazing. Once you get a few bottles of wine in her, she will be as loose as size 15 skirt is on a size 8 girl."
Erik shakes his head at Firmin. "This is a night for males only. I do not really wish to see you and your lover go at it all night long."
"Yes,out with the wench!" proclaims the Persian.
After this statement Evelyn walks up behind the boys. "Bonjour everyone! The next five rounds of wine are on me!" offers the young girl cheerily. She then walks away to purchase the wine.
Andre watches her departing figure. "The wench stays!" yells the teen excitedly.
Philippe sighs in agitation. "Fine. But she had better not interfere with our little outing!"
"What did I just tell you Philippe? She will fit in just fine." reassures Firmin.
10 minutes later...
Philippe raises his hands in victory. "Yes! That is another strike for me! Is there anything that can best guy's night out?"
"Being with a woman." answers Andre dejectedly.
The Vicomte whirls around to see what Andre is talking about and sees that everyone has their eyes transfixed upon Firmin and Evelyn. They have been entangled within each other's arms for the past ten minutes.
The Persian nods his head in agreement. "Precisely." He places his fingers in two balls and holds them up for everyone to see. "Look Vicomte, I have words on my balls!"
This statement causes everyone ,except the smooching couple, to stare at him awkwardly.
Erik gets up and starts dragging him towards the door. "I think that it is time that we headed home."
"Wait! My fingers are still stuck in my balls!" exclaims the Persian.
Erik immediately drops him at the mention of this phrase. "Ugh! You can get home by yourself!" He then sees Andre who is still hovering abit too closely to Firmin and Evelyn and grabs him instead. "Come Peeping Tom. We don't need for you tomake your hobby viewable."
Andre tries to resist but is no match for Erik so he grudingly gives in.
Philippe watches as they all leave. "Fine! Leave me if you must, but I am warning you that you shall miss the finest game of tenpins that Europe has ever seen!" He picks up a ball and throws it down the lane. It is another strike.He jumps up into the air! "Yes! I'm doing excellently! Andre was right, alcohol does improve your game." He smiles at his accomplishment.He turns to look at the couple just to find that they are still going at it. "I've had enough of this." mutters the viscount to himself. He walks over to them and taps Evelyn on the shoulder. "Sorry to interrupt the moment, but Firmin, I think that it is time that we should take leave of this place."
Firmin glares at him. "Well I was thinking that we should stay here for a while longer."
Philippe chuckles at this statement. "I think that someone is forgetting who brought him here so if that someone doesn't want to find himself without a ride a home then I think that someone should come with me right now." counters the aristocrat.
Evelyn gets up. "I don't want to stay and see you two start fighting. Firmin, come over sometime." She blows him a kiss and leaves.
After she leaves Firmin gets up and confronts Philippe. "What on earth was that for? Is there something wrong with you?" demanded the young man.
Philippe gives him an astonished look. "Something wrong with me? You spent our male bonding evening making out with Mademoiselle Can't Find a Brassiere! You made me the third wheel ,and it made me feel very uncomfortable and out of place! I finally know how Erik feels out in public!"
"Who cares?" exclaims Firmin. He gestures at the door. "Evelyn's parents are out of town, and they have a really comfortable bed! But you killed that dream." He points a finger in the Vicomte's face. "I am going right now." He thenstarts to make his wayout of the building.
"Wait! You have no right to storm off! If anything it should be me who gets to storm off!" The aristocrat then goes into the opposite direction.He suddenly turns back and races past Firmin. "Wrong way out." is all he mutters before Firmin loses sight of him.
Two days later, Philippe is still upset about the whole Evelyn thing. He goes into his kitchen one day to discover Firmin there.
"Firmin? Is it really you? I almost didn't know that it was you without Mademoiselle Skanky Skirts attached to your face." spat the aristiocrat.
"Are you still so hung up about her? Honestly, it's as if I was married." Firmin rolls his eyes.
"Don't flatter yourself. I would only marry someone who was nice to his friends." stated Philippe.
Firmin looks at him weirdly ,and Philippe pales at his mistake. "I meant her friends! Okay! Her ,not his, her!" He glares at Firmin. "Just be quiet and listen. The point is-"
"I already know what the point is." interrupts Firmin.
"You do?"
"Yes. Evelyn said that she thinks you're creepy ,and I told her to deal with it since we've known each other forever. Then she left me." He casts his eyes to the floor in disappointment.
Philippe is at a loss for words. "...I'm...so sorry.How does 5 francs sound to you?" offers the Vicomte.
"Come on Philippe! I really liked this girl! 5 francs cannot replace the dear memories that we made together." replies the downtrodden youth.
The noble nods for awhile. "What about 15 francs?"
Firmin looks up, happy as ever. "Evelyn who?"
That evening Philippe takes Firmin to the same tenpins alley where they see Evelyn.
"Evelyn, what are you doing here?" asks Firmin.
Philippe gives him a big smile. "I confess. It was I who have brought the two of you here. I asked for Evelyn to meet us here." He turns toward the blonde girl. "Evelyn, Firmin is one of my closest friends. That is no reason for you to stop seeing him."
Evelyn gives him a confused look. "What? He broke up with me. Not the other way around. He told me that he had to spend more time with you because of some brain disorder that makes you act like an idiot in front of women."
"Brain disorder? I don't have a brain disorder." said the viscount.
"He forgets that he has it." interrupts Firmin. "It is part of the disease." He starts moving his finger in a circular motion around his head.
Evelyn takes a few steps closer to Firmin. "Why did you lie to me?"
"Yes, and me." adds Philippe.
Firmin looks between the two of them and struggles with his words. "Well Evelyn, the thing is...you enjoy listening to music designed for the ears of three year olds. I cannot be with a girl that like listening to toddler tunes."
Philippe puts on a nasty smirk at this explanation. "Yeah! Take that!"
Firmin turns to face the viscount and folds his arms over his chest. "And you got all upset like a jealous wife when I was with her on guy's night. I don't think I would of heard a peep out of you if it had been you that Evelyn was with! So for pete's sake, go and find someone to make out with!"
The Vicomte scratches the back of his head. "You are right. I do need someone." He turns toward the girl and gives her a pleasant smile. "You know, Evelyn, I like toddler tunes."
She sighs in disgust. "Ugh! Both of you are stranger then the kid with the mask, the dark skinned boy, and that perv who kept checking me out while we were making out, combined!" She then storms off in a fit.
As soon as she leaves Erik, Andre, and the Persian come in and take a seat with Firmin and Philippe.
"What are you guys doing here?" questioned Philippe.
"There's no practice at the opera house ,therefore there are no ballerinas changing." answered Andre. He see two balls that are next to him,picks them up, stands, and says, "Look, I have five kilogram balls!"
All of the boys burst into laughter. The Persian, amidst his laughs, spots a blue ball and a black ball. "Gentleman, my balls are black and blue."
This statement causes the laughter to increase.
"That was great!" compliments Andre.
"Good one." says Firmin.
"You actually got it." comments Erik with approval in his voice.
The Persian smiles at all of their compliments."My balls are finally funny!"
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A/N-While a bit of this did happen in That 70's Show, I mostly attribute this idea to Grace who was bothering Fram during Geometry class.Then she found out that I write this story and bothered me to put it up. So here it is. Are you happy Grace?
Raoul, Erik, and Meg are in Erik's house.Raoul is holding his finger irritatingly close to Erik's eye.
"Does this bother you?" asks Raoul.
"Yes." responds Erik through gritted teeth. "And I would prefer that you would cease this instance."
"But why? I am not really doing anything." replies Raoul.
"Well you are annoying me ,and that is reason enough for you to stop." responds the Phantom.
"Are you sure that you want me to stop?" persists the viscount.
"YES!" yells the angry Erik.
The noble shrugs his shoulders. "If you say so." He then pokes Erik in the eye.
"Ack!" The Phantom reaches for the eye that has been poked and tries to give Raoul a murderous glare with his other eye.
Meg giggles at the sight of Erik attempting to give a death glare with one eye. "Wasn't it so much better when he was not touching you?"
"Yes." admits the Phantom grudingly. He looks at Raoul who is still laughing. "But he's going to like it much better when I did not have my hands wrapped around his throat!" With that he leaps unto the suprised aristocrat and proceeds to throttle the younger man.
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