Silvana hyperventilated. She'd been running away from her… That woman. The straw that broke her back. And now she was deep in another dimension far away from home…
She took off her mask and sat on a rock amongst rocks. Her elbows were pitched on her legs as she held up her head by her chin.
"I'm so stupid… What have I done?..." She asked herself. "Why am I so weak?"
Silvana just sat there… Until it slowly became evening. "Maybe I should sightsee and then go home. Just a little walk. Then I'm gonna give mo- Mel- No, Mom(?) a piece of my mind!"
…
"I need peace of mind myself..." Sil held her forehead. She stood up from the rock and took her mask and kept holding her mask in her hand. Her bag was left back in her caravan. She supposed she could cast Go Home on the thing… But she'd feel naked without the thing. It's her face as much as her real face is.
Walking towards the nearest sign to see what's she's in for. But glancing further down the road she spotted something. It made her jump in surprise and a rush of emotions surged through her core. She ran up to the sign to confirm.
^ Lookout Mountain
Magical Village
Other Village [Grandma's House]
Sil frantically looked to the west and saw the house she grew up in. She looked at the mountain she had been sitting next to, this was certainly Lookout Mountain from its foot to its tip. And to the east was the path to her grandma's house.
The clown was hyperventilating again. Without thinking, she had traveled to the world she's sworn she'd never to return to, lest should she risk losing the identity she worked so hard to make for herself in a hard-hitting relapse so she could keep her friends and circus at the very least.
"Mommy…" Doppel mumbled as she slowly made way to the old home she'd been kicked out of many times.
Her insides felt like they were tearing her apart as memories both bad and good flooded back to her. Nostalgia guided her whether she wanted to or not.
'I-It c-can't hurt to v-visit m-m-m-momm- Mrs. Nadja. Can it?' Doppel hoped that she's built up enough rationality as her time as Sil to come to terms with her and not come off as desperate.
Silvana hoped for one last rejection from her mother she earned for being a threat to her real daughter by just existing as a doppelganger.
It's what she feels she deserves.
And perhaps needed.
Chapter 79: Home (Part 1)
She had knocked on the door. Sil trembled, hoping no one was home or her birth mom had moved out… This nervousness was overwhelming her.
She heard nothi- OH SNAP! She heard footsteps! And now she saw a lantern being lit. 'Mask? No mask? Mask? No- Choose now!'
But before she could choose, Sil stood bare-faced in front of a brown-haired, bun-tied woman. Wearing a dress she by Primp standards would be old-fashioned.
Looking at her face it was clear the woman was processing what she was looking at. Doppel had noticed how little her mommy had changed since she last saw her before Doppel willed herself into the world where Primp was.
"Oh. Eheh. Em… H-Hello, Mo… Mrs.-"
"Arle!" The woman exclaimed. "You've been gone so long! Where've you been? What are wearing? Is that makeup? What have you've gotten yourself into? Who did this to you?" The mother scanned her body and clothes.
Seeing her eyes narrow as after a few seconds of eye-to-eye contact felt like another dagger in Doppel's heart. Utter whiplash akin to the warm compassionate hugs she's gotten from her before on intentional false pretenses years ago.
Her mother knew exactly who she was. Though she is thrown aback by the get-up and the mask held in her hand.
"H-Hello, M-M-Mrs. Nadja."The clown wanted to just run away. "And to answer your questions: Primp Town. My… casual duds, I kinda forgot it's a bit silly… It's fake makeup, real makeup is a hassle. I've gotten into running a circus, I do a lot within it. And I did this mostly by myself and my supportive friends back in Primp."
The mother gasped at the sudden movement of Sil's stiff arm, ready to deck her daughter's fake in with a broom spell. But she calmed down as it became apparent what Sil actually did.
Sil had extended her right arm (being Sil's left arm from her Mom's perspective) to shake. Looking at the girl's face, she was nervous as all hell. Eyelids pressured themselves to close as hard as they could. And her face as a whole was turned away from her.
"I-I'm Ssssssilvana P-Pierrot, recovering d-d-d-doppelganger." Suddenly: Doppel retracted her arm, put it on her head and squatted down in fear. "Pleasedon'tchasemewithabroom!" She squealed keeping her eyes closed.
Arle's mom admittedly felt a bit guilty, beating anyone that looks exactly like your daughter will do that to you. But now… She's skeptical of the doppelganger. She had no real idea where she stood. But this is definitely a different girl that the previous time she saw her.
She heard her kid's copy breathing erratically. Traumatized by both garbage Puyos and her brooms. 'At least I have a way keep her in check…' She felt horrible thinking that.
"Eep!" Sil squeaked. Arle's mom took off Silvana's right hand (from the older one's perspective) and shook it.
"Hello, um… Silla, was it?" She asked with a sheepish grin as they shook hands.
Doppel couldn't believe it. She actually entertained it. "It's Silvana. Sil. Va. Na. Friends call me Sil, Mommy. I mean MRS. NADJA!" She clasped her head and stomped the ground. Both frustrated at her slip up and embarrassing herself in front of her.
"So… Silvana…? Why don't you come inside? I'm sure you wouldn't want to wake the neighbours."
Sil was paralyzed at the proposal, her inner conflict went on a frenzy. She was in heavy argument with herself.
"Silvana?"
"Huh? Oh, sure…" She with twiddly fingers slowly entered.
The inside had changed a lot since she last snuck inside. It seemed like this world had enjoyed some progress in modern conveniences she's enjoyed in Primp. Nothing like a radio or such around, but it's a weird contrast to her expectation. The house looked pretty much the same safe for an expansion on the outside.
Arle's mom quietly suggested for her to sit at the dinner table. It was a new one.
"Something wrong?"
"N-No. It's all so different…" The clown mumbled nervously as she sat down at her favorite spot.
"It's been quite some time…" She said while in the kitchen warming a kettle. "Would you like some tea?"
"Yes, please!" She slammed her hands on the table, jumping the host. "S-Sorry, I'm really on edge." She shrunk.
"I… can tell."
"I'm in the mood, for some kinda berry tea. If you have it. If it's not too much to ask for after everything I've done…"
"Okay." She turned around and took place right across of Silvana and looked at her with a gaze that unnerved her. She felt so unwelcome with that stare.
"Please don't broom me…" She meekly pleaded.
"I'm sorry… I was just trying to prod you into a confession." Her apologetic expression turned straightfaced. "Be honest with me, Doppel." Doppel wanted to die. "Is this a plot?"
Sil's heart felt like it got ripped apart. "No!" She cried to which the woman flinched. "This is not a plot, Mommy! I'm being serious! Honest!" The clown clenched her fists and held them close to her chest. "I've somehow gained individuality from Arle and I wanna make it work! Because what I've gained these last years makes me feel wonderful when it doesn't hurt me on the inside because of what I am." She took a moment to breathe. "I've got friends, and a new family sort off now because I absorbed some essence of a doppelganger of their daughter. I don't wanna throw that away! I'd be so stupid if I did…"
"What?" The woman didn't have the time to comprehend that digestible paragraph at the speed Silvana sobbed.
"…I'm sorry, Mrs. Nadja…"
"You can call me…" Doppel looked up at the table with anticipating eyes. "Actually, let's keep it at Mrs. Nadja." Sil looked down again.
"Good idea." She admitted, even if it hurt.
The tea kettle whistled and Mrs. Nadja got up to get it.
"Silvana." She spoke a little cold. Doppel felt it. "I'm gonna be blunt." She walked back with the kettle and some cups. "You haven't exactly earned the benefit of the doubt."
"…"
"You've caused me and Arle so much stress over the years. I'll admit I trust that you're not lying about intentions." She said pouring the tea. "But looking into your red eyes I have trouble not flashing back to let's say that one time you held Arle and knifepoint and any other horrendous things you've done like that."
Sil put on her mask in shame and lost any muscle control. "…I'm sorry I put you through that!"
"What about Arle? Do you feel sorry for her?"
"Sometimes. But it's against my natu-u-u-u-u-rrrrrre!"
Mrs. Nadja noticed how nothing Doppel said contradicted what books she read on doppelgangers stated.
Doppel sniffled. "I'd be lying if Arle was gone I wouldn't feel better. No matter what I try to be… It's only a benefit to me… It's just… I'd lose a lot of friends if she's gone. Because those who really know me know I'd be suspect #1. And I don't wanna lose them."
"Aha." That put things into more of a perspective to Mrs. Nadja. Sil's teacup was trembling for a bit there. It even spilled a little. She picked up an implication in the confession. Though she supposed it could wait.
"It's a miracle they've stuck by me for so long…" She lifted her cup. "Is this tea drugged?" Doppel asked quietly. She got a non-verbal confirmation that it wasn't. Sil didn't 100% trust it but she gambled. She lifted her mask and took a sip. "The problem is I'm too attached to my identity being Arle. I've been Silvana for almost 2 years. But anything that makes me Arle still haunts me. And I've tried but never found anything to detach myself."
"You've got makeup on. Arle wouldn't do that."
Doppel winched in pain. "Please don't compare us. It doesn't help…"
"Sorry."
…
The two were quiet, there was a tension that wouldn't just leave.
"I just wanted to see you one last time. I got what I wanted." Sil stood up from her chair. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Nadja." She spoke sentimentally. "It went better than expected. But it's time to say good-bye forever. If I ever come to visit you again… I'm… doing something wrong." She started walking to the door.
"Wait. We're not done talking." She said almost like a command? Doppel turned around and took off her mask to show an inquisitive face. She put it back on and continued walking away, fighting the urge that felt like it's scratching the insides of her stomach.
"Wouldn't you wanna leave on a better note?"
"…"
"It's market day tomorrow. Would you like a goodbye curry? You can stay the night."
Doppel put pressure on her tongue with her teeth. She couldn't fight that. "I'd… Like that. Buuuuuut…" She fought and stretched for a legitimate excuse. "Do you have a dreamcatcher?"
"I should have one in the attic." Doppel honestly surprised she had one. "It was a present when Arle brought her friend Chico over. Why?" Doppel went on the explain why and especially why it's important for her real daughter. "Ah. Then I'd better find it quickly. You look like you're about to fall asleep. I don't wanna see that monster again." She stood up as she lowered the ladder to the attic.
"Yeah…"
"Take a bath and go to sleep. I've got spare pajamas that should fit you lying in that drawer over there. I'll find that dream catcher."
"Um… Okay… A-Are you sure?"
"Are you?"
Doppel kept her mouth shut and slowly. Step. By. Step. Walked. To. The. New. Bathroom. That. Wasn't. There. The. Last. Time. She. Was. In. Town. And. Now. She's. Inside. The. Door. Or. Rather. On. The. Otherside. My. Mistake.
"What am I doing? I should just leave…" She almost did the necessary thing to cast Go Home. But she couldn't find it in her. She hoped she wouldn't lose herself getting what she finally wanted. Especially when it would mean losing everything in Primp.
'Though if Arle's gone I could double duty…' She slapped herself for thinking that.
Later that night, Sil was uncomfortable in bed. She was lying down in a bed. Arle's former bed. In pajamas. Taylor made for Arle, and they're a bit tight. Probably because both Arle and Doppel have aged and not because they're that different in terms of shape and size to Sil's chagrin and mild satisfaction.
The presence of her Mommy too was unnerving. Sil wasn't entirely she was safe of her mama bear, broom thwacking wrath.
It's all so different. The bed too is not a luxurious as she'd grown accustomed too, and that could go for the whole house, it has nothing on anything in Primp besides maybe Lidelle humble cottage. She supposed she was a little spoiled now, but even Sig's bed was comfier. It was always better than the rocks and dirt she slept on as a kid, but not much better than some shelters she's stayed at. Maybe she could give her some gold as a parting gift?
She's taken her caravan for granted. And if she wasn't careful she would throw it all away, no doubt regretting it all later while pushing herself further away…
"Army." She mumbled. She's been so accustomed to sleeping with someone in her arms.
She was about to cast a sleep spell on herself, but then it started raining outside. She felt more comfortable.
Author's Notes:
Did you know there was a kind copy? There's a nice Doppelganger in Madou Monogatari I on Mega Drive. If warelander and I knew that back then you'd have a different story. Granted, this Kind Copy seems like it only takes the appearance of Arle and not much else.
I've split up this chapter in two. So I can keep up my interest. Because frankly. I'm getting burned out. A temporary place holder ending is still coming.
Next up: Part 2
