His heart is pounding in his throat as he rushes to the closet to hide. He practically fumbles over his feet as he scurries into the corner of the small, dark space. He quietly slides the door shut in hopes of keeping himself concealed. His eyes close – trying to keep his tears at bay and he buries his face on his legs as he folds them into his chest. His lungs are struggling to take in air as he inhales and exhales in quick succession. The sound of a gun shot followed by another causes him to jump and push himself against the wall behind him even more. His tears fall when he doesn't hear his mom anymore. Her pleas and screams have stopped – the only noise coming from the creaking floor. The steps retreating and coming closer and then moving away again. He hopes it's his mom but deep down he knows its not her walking around the living room. He can tell the difference in the way they carry themselves. His mom's footsteps are light and gentle – practically a whisper against the pine wood flooring. But this is a loud clunking and clomping – letting him know that the noise is coming from someone who is bigger and less graceful than his mom. He can practically picture it – envisioning Patrick pacing like a caged animal in the living room with the gun still in his hand.

Then it stops and the house falls completely silent. He waits it out in the closet a little longer before looking to see if his dad left. But when he starts to slide the door open he sees his feet just in front of him. He's afraid to move at first – his eyes refusing to look up and find those ice cold orbs staring down at him. But he eventually does – his gaze traveling up until he meets his dad's. A chill runs down his spine when he sees the pleased but terrifying smirk that comes to the older Halstead's face as he raises the gun in his hand. Then a shot rings through the room.

His chest is heaving and his skin soaked in sweat as he wakes from his slumber with a jolt and sits up on his couch. He drags hand down his face as he tries to shake those memories from his head. The fogginess lingers as he stands and moves towards the kitchen. Once he's in front of the sink he turns the water on and bends down enough to splash some of the cold liquid on his face in another attempt to clear his head. He grabs the hand towel on the stove and uses it to pat his skin dry. His eyes stare out the window above the sink and his eyebrows furrow as the lights just outside the barn turn on. He moves quickly to grab his gun before he makes his way outside.

XXXXXX

Her eyelids grow heavy as she sits with her back against the headboard of her old bed. She's fallen asleep a couple times but her mind runs rampant with different images and memories. Her feet carry her at their own volition out of the room, down the stairs. She briefly glances at Andrew asleep on the couch before she continues out the front door. When she approaches the main barn she stops and looks around before sliding the door to the side. A horse knickers as she walks past and the noise causes her to jump but she moves closer to the pinto mare. Her shaking hand pets the horse's long face until both of their breathing slows. She smiles sadly before moving away from the stall and then she's at the wall. Picture frames with photographs from all the years her family's been on the ranch cover the worn wood from the ceiling to the floor.

She's so entranced with the images in front of her that she doesn't notice someone approaching her. The distinct clicking of a gun goes unheard by her.

He lowers the pistol in his hand when he realizes its her. A look of confusion comes to his face when she doesn't even acknowledge his presence. He says her name quietly as to not startle her but she still doesn't budge. It's not until he places a hand on her shoulder that she realizes he's there.

"It's just me." Jay whispers when she flinches and she feels relieved knowing it's not Andrew.

"Hey." She continues to look over the pictures until her eyes land on one of her with her mom and brother only a couple weeks before that day.

"Are you ok?" He asks but she doesn't hear him even though he's right next to her. "Erin." He says a little louder but his voice remains calm. He moves his hand down to her back – rubbing small, soothing circles in attempt to comfort her.

She shakes her head and he pulls her into him and kisses her hair.

"Are you having nightmares again?" The question comes out as a whisper once he feels her calm a little.

She nods against his chest and he holds her a little tighter.

"You?" Her voice is so quiet, he almost misses the one worded question.

"Yeah." He nods as he rests his chin on her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shrugs as she looks at him with tears in her eyes. "It's the same one, I just haven't had it in over a year. It's still like I'm right back there. And I feel more and more guilty every time."

He cups her jaw as she breaks eye contact with him. "I wish that I could take your pain and guilt that I know you're feeling, away." His lips linger on her forehead as he places a firm, reassuring kiss against her skin. "And I know I've said it before but it was not your fault."

"It wasn't yours either Jay." She defends, her eyes meeting his again. "But does hearing that make you feel any better?"

He looks down, knowing that she makes a good point. Neither of them utter another word before he nods towards the door that leads out the back of the stables before walking around her and towards the exit. She follows closely behind him as they walk to his cabin a few meters away.

Her eyes take in the large entry way as they enter his house – a space she's only seen in pictures or video chats. His décor is minimal and rustic. She chuckles sadly as she looks at the mismatch furniture, that somehow still goes together nicely. The couch, chairs and tables fitting together seamlessly and creating a space that encompasses everything that is Jay.

"Do you want something to drink?" His question breaks her from her thoughts and she nods with her answer as she comes to stand next to him in his kitchen.

Once their coffee is ready he pours them both a mug before they venture back to the living room.

The spoon in his black cup clinks against the sides as he continues to stir in the creamer he added. His eyes are set on the wall – staring at the mustard yellow plain as the dark memories plaguing his mind keep playing on a loop. The storm brewing inside him continues even in her presence. She's usually his rock – the one person who can calm him and ease his worries. But it appears in this moment even she can't tame the dark thoughts running rampant in his head.

Her hand falls to his knee and she gives his leg a gentle squeeze – reminding him without words that she's there and hopes to provide some type of comfort. She can see his demons wearing on him – taking their toll after so many years as he stays unmoving in his spot. They've been here before – many times yet it doesn't hurt any less to see him like this.

"I know you don't like to talk about it but I'm here if you do." She knows he won't want to talk but it never hurts to remind him that he can lean on her – especially since he's acting different than he normally does. Deflection is usually how he deals with the dark memories and nightmares of his childhood. His first attempt is always to joke or redirect the attention to her. But this time he just shakes his head and remains silent like she figured he would.

She nods as she sets her mug on the short, wood table in front of them. He does the same; placing his cup next to hers before leaning back and letting her cuddle in his side. Even without talking much, just being in each other's presence is all they need and they quickly fall back to sleep; feeling lighter than they had when they woke from their nightmares just hours before.

XXXXXX

The tension is thick and weighs heavy in the air as they walk towards the door. Her heart pounds against her chest as the excitement bubbles inside her. She's actually happy to see him go and it's obvious that her feelings aren't reciprocated as he literally drags his feet like a petulant child. The act causes her to question – even more than she already was – what it was that she ever saw in him.

He's trying to think of a way to get her to change her mind but deep down he knows there's no fixing things. So he continues out of the house and practically stomps his feet on the porch in an attempt to get her attention.

The car he ordered to take him to the airport arrives just as they step off the bottom stair of the front porch.

"I'm sorry." It's something that seems to come off his lips as an obligation - rushed and insincere. But then he looks at her and she can see the hope in his eyes as if he thinks her lack of response means she's actually considering his apology.

She just gives him a small nod and backs away. His eyes take in their surroundings one more time – appearing to be looking for something or maybe even someone in particular. And when he doesn't find it he casts his gaze towards the ground and plops down onto the back seat of the sedan – letting out a defeated sigh just before he closes the door.

The gravel crunch beneath the tires as the driver pulls away. She too, gives the ranch a once over as she turns to go back inside. Her hand barely twists the doorknob before she hears a vehicle approaching and sighs thinking that it's Andrew. But to her surprise it's Al and her dad. Both shock and worry wash over her as she moves to help her dad get out of the large pickup.

"I didn't know you were being released already." She states as her and Al help her dad get situated on his giant, leather recliner.

"Yeah, I found out a couple days ago." He huffs as he struggles to actually recline the chair.

"Why wouldn't you have told me?" Her frustration and confusion are evident in both her voice and facial expression as she pulls the lever to move the foot rest up.

"I figured you'd be with Jay." He shrugs and she furrows her eyebrows at him and she can feel the blush that takes over her cheeks.

She waits to see if he'll elaborate without being prompted but for some reason his lack of explanation made her anxious.

"Why would you think that?" She tries to play it cool but her voice fails her towards the end of her question.

"You two always spend this day together." He reveals and her eyes go wide when it dawns on her what he means. She checks her phone to confirm the date and her heart sinks as she chides herself with the realization. She could make excuses as to why she forgot or lost track of time. But truthfully she doesn't feel that any of them would be good enough.

It all falls into place as she recalls the way he was acting earlier in the morning. He always gets like that on this day and she's even seen him continue to spiral on the days that follow.

She moves to kiss her dad's forehead before leaving the house again. And she reprimands herself on the short walk to his cabin.

The question of how she could forget this plays on a loop in her head as she waits for him to open the door.

She mumbles to herself just before the door is pulled open. And if her heart wasn't already aching then it would be now. Seeing the state he's in brings tears to her eyes and she looses her breath as she takes a cautious step towards him before he practically collapses against her.

XXXXXX

A/N: Sorry for the delayed update and all the mistakes in this chapter. I probably won't be updating until I get back home next week. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have a great week. As always nice reviews much appreciated!