The rain beats rhythmically against the tin roof of the bunkhouse. Lighting striking the ground outside illuminates the open concept living area, thunderous booms follow shortly after causing the floor to rumble and shake beneath his feet. The snores coming from the older wranglers sleeping around the room resemble light growls and are barley audible over the storm ruminating through the mountains. But Jay still feels the need to be quiet as he walks back to his room. The water sloshes around in the glass in his hand as he picks up pace the closer he gets.
He sighs sadly when he sees that she's still in the same spot at the foot of his bed. Her shoulders slumped forward and head hung low as she trembles.The glass gets set on the nightstand in the corner before he moves to lay down. He holds the blanket up - inviting her to take the spot next to him. It's a twin sized bed - not exactly big enough for the two of them but they make it work as she cuddles into him with her head coming to rest on his chest.
His heart aches in a way that is both familiar and new as she whispers that misses them. It'd be a vague statement if it was a stranger she was saying it to. If he didn't know the same pain she feels now. She repeats it with an added 'so much' as she nuzzles further into him. He can feel her uneven, heavy breaths through the fabric of his shirt and soon enough her tears break through and dampen his skin.
He feels a burning desire to protect her. Even in knowing that he can't change the past or reverse the loss that she suffered just two weeks ago - something inside him yearns to keep her from enduring any more pain. The need to comfort her is strong and almost overwhelming for someone who's never felt the way he does for her. He's not sure what the appropriate thing to do is, so he just holds her tight - pulling her into him even more until she's lying on top of him. The thought of why she chose to come to him - to sneak out of her house, trudge through a storm and into the bunkhouse before continuing to his room confuses him. She was scared and sad - he knows that not because she told him but because he relates to this stage of mourning and grief. But he doesn't get why she didn't just go to her dad - what brought her here? He thinks about that for a few minutes before he hears her sniffle and his lips press against her forehead - some kind of magnetic force pulling the act from him in an effort to comfort her. Even though they're locked in an embrace, the kiss seems like the best way to let her know that he's there for her - in whatever way she needs.
It was a new feeling at the time - one he still can't adequately describe even though he's felt it for her ever since that night. That need to protect her from everything bad is still so overwhelmingly strong - taking over every fibre of his being. The anger and deep sadness that came to him just hours ago begins to fade even more as he allows her to step into the entryway. It's so quiet he can hear the drops of water falling from her coat and onto the door mat - the light thuds mimicing the ongoing storm outside. His eyes travel up to meet hers but stop when he sees her lips quivering. He chides himself in his head as he moves to the hallway closet to grab a towel and blanket before making his way back to her.
He nods towards the living room after handing her the towel.
The silence lingers between them as they each focus on their individual tasks - him building a fire within the fireplace and her trying to dry off before taking a seat on his leather couch.
A few minutes later the fire grows and she can instantly feel the heat warming her from the outside in. He pokes at the logs a little more - waiting for her to start the conversation and finish what she was saying on the phone.
"It's not ok." She murmurs as she covers herself with the wool blanket he gave her.
"What? I put a lot of work into this fire and it's not good enough?" He jokes - hoping to lighten the already heavy discussion.
She tilts her head a little and gives him a look telling him without words that she doesn't find him funny in the moment.
"It is ok Erin. I get that you're -"
"No it's not Jay." Her voice is stern as her eyes remain locked on his before she adverts her gaze and chooses instead to look out the window. He can tell that she's disappointed in herself but he doesn't call her out on it - he doesn't say anything at all because he knows that she has more to say. "There was this one night, it was storming kind of like it is now. I think it was the first time I heard thunder after that day." She pauses again - taking a deep breath before she can continue.
"I remember waking up and leaning back against the headboard of my bed, drenched in sweat and tears. I don't know how long I sat there before I got up. I didn't really have a destination in mind, but I wandered through the hall until I got to my parents bedroom. I stopped and I saw my dad sitting there, just staring blankly at the wall. I thought about going to him - to mourn with him but I knew he'd just tell me to go back to my room. He was too consumed by his own grief to offer anyone else - even me any comfort, so I went down the stairs. And before I knew it I was in your bedroom in the bunkhouse." She chuckles sadly as she looks down at her knees that are now pulled up to her chest. He finds himself wondering how they're always on the same page - even during moments where they've disagreed or seemingly disconnected briefly.
He shakes his head of the thought when she picks up where she left off. "I had no qualms, I didn't second guess it I just went to you. And I didn't know or really understand why I decided to go to you instead of just going back to my room. But now I get it." She stops once again and it causes his heart to pound.
"Even then I think I knew deep down why I came to you." Her hands nervously fiddle with the blanket still wrapped around her tightly.
"But no matter how safe I feel when I'm with you. This place - our home is not a place where I feel safest. And I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings - that I had you question whether or not you make me feel safe because truthfully there's literally no one else that makes me feel the way you do." She looks up then and he can tell that she's not just talking about feeling safe. He can see in her hazel orbs what she means by that last sentence but it's another thing he doesn't push. He knows that it took a lot for her to admit to him. So he nods and places a hand on the small of her back while cupping her cheek with the other before he leans in to place a kiss to her forehead - firm, reassuring and every bit comforting. Both of them close their eyes as his lips linger like they often do.
"I've missed you." He whispers against her skin before his hand falls to her knee and she gasps as if those words left her breathless.
"You too." She murmurs back and for a second his heart flutters even though he can sense the but that's coming.
She moves up to kiss the corner of his lips before pulling back. He nods with understanding as her eyes meet his once again. The words of how they should focus on the ranch before delving deeper into a relationship are left unsaid. He adverts his eyes, feeling a little disappointed and discouraged by the silent exchange before he pushes that feeling down and gives her knee a gentle squeeze as he stands.
She wants to ask to stay with him especially since what she just told him is true - she does feel safest with him. But she knows that with how her dad has been acting, he'd probably try knocking down Jay's door at the asscrack of dawn just to check on her. So she figures it'll be best to stay at the house - at least for the next couple nights. Let the grumpy old man get settled in and reacquainted with being back home before she leaves him to fend for himself.
"I should get you home." He tells her even though he wants nothing more than for her to spend the night here - with him but he wants to respect her wishes so he bites back the request and offers her a hand to help her stand next to him. She gives him a knowing glare as she looks up at his usually green orbs that appear to be more of a grey in the moment. He nods his head again and goes to grab her coat.
He thinks about her words - each sentence repeating in his head like a song even after he returns to the cabin from walking her back to the main house. It lasts throughout the night causing him to toss and turn in his bed until the early hours of the morning.
The storm has cleared by the time he moves towards the windows in his room. He stays there for a few moments taking in the warm glow the sun provides as it rises in the distance. It's not long before his eyes land on the movement within one of the corrals. A smile taking over his face when he sees her petting the face of one of his horses.
He gets ready for the day rather quickly and heads downstairs to make some coffee before heading outside with a mug in each hand.
"Aww, man you shouldn't have." Adam mumbles as he reaches for the second cup when Jay comes to stand next to him.
"I didn't." Jay grumbles back, his eyes not leaving her form - still unmoving for her earlier position.
He smiles again - not much different than when he saw her before. It seems as though she's unaware of their presence - too lost in her thoughts. She takes in a deep breath then another before she moves to the right side of the horse and pulls herself up. They don't make it far before she's being thrown off. Jay hands Adam the mugs and jumps over the fence to run over to her.
She stays laying in the spot that she fell - slamming her hands face down into the dirt as she looks up at the sky. His shadow provides her with shade - shielding her eyes from the early morning sun. He doesn't say anything as he picks up her hat and brushes it off before extending his other hand to her - offering to help her up. The smile she gives him is shy and a bit embarrassed as she sits up and then accepts his hand. He pulls her up effortlessly and looks her over to make sure she's not hurt.
"I'm fine Jay." She tells him as she looks at the horse standing a few feet away from them.
"I'm just a little surprised to see you out here." He admits because he was truthfully taken aback when he saw her in the corral.
"I just had to get away from my dad, he's been even more overbearing, overprotective and all around over the top since I told him about Andrew being involved. I thought getting back on the saddle would be a good distraction but I guess it's not like riding a bike."
He thinks about what she said for a moment and nods, choosing not to dwell on the topic of her dad or her ex. So he instead moves past that. "Don't be so hard on yourself, you haven't been on a horse for what fifteen - sixteen years." He replies as he places her hat back on her head. Another smile comes to his face because seeing her in a cowboy hat is a sight he didn't know he missed until now. The black suede sits atop her head so perfectly and her hair flowing in it's natural waves down to her shoulders is a breathtaking image.
He clears his throat when he realizes that he's gawking at her. "It doesn't help that the horse you picked is as stubborn as they get. Some days he'll be saddled up for the whole day with no problem. Those are the days he reminds me of his dad and others he's determined to loosen the cinch and get the saddle off right away."
"His dad was-?" Her eyes light up a little as he nods letting her know that this horse, Zane, is the son of her old horse Ziggy.
"Do you want to try again?" He asks, looking over at Zane.
She nods and they go over to the large animal together. He adjusts the slightly burnt and dusty saddle a little and gives her words of advice before going to stand behind her. His breath against her ear sets a fire to her skin as he takes hold of her sides just above her waist. Her heart begins hammering in her chest and she's sure that he can hear it - so loud that she almost misses what he says next. He applies some pressure while whispering in her ear.
"Is that comfortable?" He asks and she just shakes her head then he releases his hold on her a little. "What about this?"
She nods, understanding what his point is but she's in no rush to leave his embrace.
"You're too tense. Just relax, take a couple deep breaths before getting on and a few more once you're up there." He concludes and takes a step back, his hands falling to his sides.
She does as he says and Zane slowly moves forward - the opposite of the frantic animal he was when he threw her off before. The clicks of her tongue get him to pick up speed and he's soon trotting around the corral.
Jay watches them as he makes his way back to the outside of the fence.
"That's impressive." Adam comments when he hands the mugs of somewhat cold coffee back.
Jay rolls his eyes as he prepares to hear a smart-ass remark from his friend. "What is?"
"You just taught her how to ride a horse in like two minutes." He quips and Jay looks at him to see whether the younger man is joking or being serious but he can't tell.
"I didn't-"
"My mom is the one that taught me how to ride a horse actually. Jay just reminded me what to do." Erin admits as she pulls back on the reigns causing Zane to come to a stop. She leans forward a little to lightly pat the horse's shoulder.
Jay just chuckles seeing the dumbfounded expression on Adam's face. He's not sure if the shock is from her hearing his comment or the fact that he was wrong in his assumption.
"You didn't actually think I just taught her that, did you?" Jay asks after a beat, causing Erin to chuckle lightly.
Adam remains slackjawed as he shrugs, still a bit stunned.
"You thought that she grew up in Montana, on a cattle ranch and didn't know how to ride a horse?" Jay questions as both he and Erin look from each other to Adam again.
"I don't know, I didn't see her on a horse the last time she was here and when I first started working on the ranch before she went to Chicago I never saw her even stand by a horse." Adam elaborates and Jay sees his point but still feels like he'll be giving him a hard time about it for a while.
Erin laughs lightly - in that uncomfortable way before clicking her tongue and the horse is moving to go around the corral a few more times.
"She was one of the best junior barrel racers in the country actually." Jay began as he places the full mug on top of one of the fences posts before moving towards the new foundation for the stables.
"Why'd she stop?" Adam asks as Jay takes in the broken picture frames, burnt ribbons and saddles mixed in with the piles of ash and rubbish left over from when the old stables were torn down. He releases a long sigh as he thinks back to the last time he saw Erin with her mom and brother. The day the Voight family changed forever.
XXXXXX
A/N: I thought it saved this but I guess not...I'm sorry again for the late update. I've really been trying to write a couple chapters in between updates but with work and just life in general, it never works out. I've spent a lot of today busting out this chapter and I hope it makes sense.
Your reviews motivate me to keep my WIPs going. And to show my gratitude, I wanted to included some requests that I've seen in the comments. At first I was going to have someone else at Jay's door but I wanted to bring Erin and Hank home within the next couple chapters and I figured why not now? I also put in a moment with Adam, Jay and Erin - albeit a brief moment it was what came to mind. And lastly I saw someone ask for more details about what happened the day that Camille and Justin died, so that will kick off the next chapter. I do have an idea of how this story will end and for now I like it, so I can't promise that I'll be able to write in every request but I'll try my best as long as it doesn't take us off the beaten path.
As always nice reviews are greatly appreciated and I hope you all have a great weekend!
