A grave mistake was made by the leader of the Belmont organization. It would cost him greatly, revealing not only his location, but his identity as David Belmont. The camera footage of him kidnapping the police officers, stealing the clothes of one as well as their vehicle, but also his face. Needless to say, the man got a little cocky. He thought that he could get in close and then slip away unnoticed, but in doing so, he flew too close to the sun. Since his father, Richard Belmont, was not only under investigation but also in HELLSING custody for his own safety, HELLSING had done their research and discovered that he had a son. From there, they had been watching the man's house for ages, watching as he came and went without picking up on much suspicious activity, but then they had the clip with his face, fully exposed, as he used his powers on two policemen. That was a grave mistake. Since they never saw the police car arrive at David's house, they assumed that he stashed it somewhere. Finding out where was an easy task, as they simply looked up the car number and worked with police to access the GPS coordinates of the vehicle. Thus, the dangerous villain Skullface was identified and found.
That was the easy part, however. The next step was to actually dispatch him. This was no easy task, as he could use any nearby innocent civilian as a shield or soldier if he wanted to. They would have to somehow get him alone without any backup, which was going to be next to impossible. Skullface- or, "David" had proven that he can make mistakes on his own, but was more dangerous in a group. From his previous actions, it could be assumed that he was on at least some level, aware of this. He wouldn't willingly go alone. If he did, he might come up with some kind of plan.
Such is the problem with weighing all of the possibilities one could come up with. The barbaric thing to do would be to just storm in and start shooting, but what if in the house he had commandeered as his newest hideout, there is an innocent family who is victim to his powers? Would it be worth sacrificing them for the lives of many? Ciel seemed to think so, but his husband, however, dissagreed.
"You saw the file on that family." the lion said with a furrowed brow and a wave of his hand. "There's fucking kids in there. You can't just go in and shoot a couple of kids!" Naturally, the idea that his husband would so coldly sacrifice a few children for one man without any really need to do so appalled the blonde Phantomhive. This was not something that Ciel would do. He was kind. There was no way he would kill a child, was there?
"So are we just supposed to allow him to run around and do whatever he pleases so long as he has a shield?" questioned the Watchdog, matching his spouse's somewhat aggressive tone. "There is always going to be another shield, Jim. Always. It's sacrificing one family for many more families. Not just the families he ruins directly, but also the ones who his singular victims leave behind!"
"There has to be another way!" Alois protested as he began to pace. "Civilian casualties should be avoided whenever possible. We should at least try! What if it was our family, huh? What if that was Luka, and Revy, and Sebastian in there? Would you want somebody to go in and turn them into Swiss cheese?"
"I'm merely offering solutions." Ciel stated from his seat on the sofa. It was uncomfortable watching his spouse pace like this. "It is the simplest answer to the problem. When you add morality into the mix, it becomes more complicated. I'm not saying that this is the final solution and that we should absolutely go with it. I'm just saying that it is a solution."
"What's wrong with adding morality into things? Yes, morality makes things complicated, but that's the whole purpose of HELLSING. It's to keep the public safe from supernatural bullshit."
"Elizabeth agrees with me."
"Elizabeth was talking about 'sacrificing one for many' in regards to someone who actually is a threat, Ciel. Not some kids who haven't done anything wrong. It's not right to just accept it!" Alois threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "I don't get how you can just go through with shit like that like it's no big deal!"
"It is a big deal! Do you really think I wouldn't feel bad? That I would have no remorse?" questioned the bluenette. "Do you know how many allies I had to dispatch out of duty? Some of them were people who I was actually somewhat fond of. Of course I know how I ruin lives and destroy families! It's what I do! It's what the Phantomhives do and have always done! It's a destiny that we cannot escape and has almost wiped us out more than once, Jim. Do you think that if I was offered the chance to live peacefully and normally like a regular person, that I wouldn't jump at the chance?"
Pausing, the menace looked his husband over as he thought. He analysed what his husband was saying and found that a lot of it really wasn't relevant to the actual problem at hand. "Wait, what are you talking about?" he asked. "I'm talking about the mission. You're talking about your family?"
The bluenette raised his brows, as if suddenly realising how strange that was. "Technically, it's our family." he said before sighing. Leaning over, he rested his elbows on his knees and folded his hands. "I'm sorry. That was strange. I'm just not very good at, well, being 'good,' I suppose. I'm trying. It's hard to shake what you're used to. I know perfectly well that it's wrong..."
"Ciel, you're a good man." the blonde began, "You just… The way you treat death sometimes is..."
"Cold?" Ciel asked. "Careless?"
"Somewhat..."
"People die all the time." the Watchdog sighed. "They died all around me when I was human. They die all around me as a demon. More often than I like, by my own hand. You start to feel detached so it doesn't effect you."
Unsure of what to say about that, Alois stood there and thought before eventually, he decided to sit down next to the bluenette. He sat so there was space between them with his own hands in his lap as he contemplated all of this.
"If I didn't make you a demon, then there would be less blood on your hands." he finally said.
"Yes, but… If you didn't make me a demon, I would have never become so human." his husband replied looking over at him. "I want to be a good person. I want to be a good husband and to give you a good life. There's just no way for me to escape the Phantomhive legacy. We have been tasked to handle dirtywork for centuries. Sometimes, blood really does matter."
Suddenly, the blonde grasped at his hand, causing him to raise an eyebrow. "I know what I got into." Alois stated. "Sometimes, it's easy to forget that the way people are is shaped by their experiences. For the record, I think you are a really good person. You are kind. You just need the opportunity, sometimes. I think I might have… jumped to conclusions, there… Going in guns blazing is indeed a solution. It's just not a good one. We can do better, surely."
"I hope so." the bluenette replied. "My conscience could use a break."
"Do you regret your kills often?"
"All the time. Not just kills, but innocent lives made miserable." Leaning back in his seat again, he looked up at the ceiling. "A long time ago, I thought that it wouldn't bother me. That they were all just sacrifices to a greater goal and that it was just human nature to do things that way. Over time, they just piled up and before I knew it, I was already drowning in them. I'm an idiot..."
Turning his body to face the bluenette, Alois replied: "We both did terrible shit. We're trying to get better, though. In order to do that, we gotta think about our actions. We could go in and shoot the place up, but we know that's wrong, so we're gonna avoid doing that."
"Right. Question is: how do we go about killing Skullface, then?"
"I dunno..." pondered the menace. "Maybe we should just leave it up to HELLSING to come up with a plan?"
"Maybe. As long as they increase observation on him, we should be fine. He won't get away."
Awkwardly, the two of them sat in silence as neither one of them could think of anything to say. They sat with one seat between them, only occupied by their joined hands. Finally, Alois was unable to stand the quiet any longer and needed to speak.
"I'm sorry I raised my voice at you." he said, prompting the other to shake his head.
"I'm sorry I did the same. You got stuck with a very troublesome man, unfortunately." Ciel replied.
"So did you. I'm no picnic to deal with either." There was a long pause between this and the Watchdog's answer, prompting Alois to arch an eyebrow in confusion at the sudden silence.
"A picnic sounds like a good idea..." the bluenette finally pondered. "We should have one sometime."
Chuckling lightly at the strangeness of the sudden idea, Alois replied: "We should, shouldn't we?"
"I don't 'deal with' you, though." the Watchdog said firmly. "I love you, and that just comes with it. You can't have the good without the less-than-good, and I care about you, so I don't really mind it. When you love someone, stuff like that just doesn't seem to be that much of a big deal, I think. I don't know if that's universal, however."
"No, no, I get what you mean. We all have baggage that we've gotta live with. It's nice to have someone to help carry it, though. The burden gets lighter that way, even while helping them carry theirs too."
"Most people don't have spouses that have been an assassin since they were ten, however."
"Most people don't have spouses who are assassins and have lived on the street for most of their lives. I'm much happier as an assassin, really."
"I've become happier, too." Ciel answered, cracking a small smile. "It's not quite normal and there's still darkness, but as long as I have this, I feel like everything is always going to be alright."
"Right." the other demon smiled back. "I couldn't agree with you more on that."
"Can I confess something to you? I feel like it might be strange coming from me."
"Shoot."
"I've thought about what it would be like to be 'normal' a lot." the bluenette informed, turning his attention back up to the ceiling as the back of his head rested on the back of the sofa. "If it were possible to just 'quit' the whole 'assassin' thing and just live normally… We would still have the house and the family we've put together… maybe with a big dog, and… and a couple of kids, maybe?"
He couldn't see it as he continued to watch the ceiling, but Alois was struggling to contain the widest of grins. It was a thought shared by both of them, to be truthful, but Alois was somewhat surprised by Ciel. "Mm-hm." he hummed in response.
"I think it would be nice." Ciel continued. "We could go on dates and family outings without being interrupted by missions- we wouldn't have to even pick up a weapon ever again. I feel like we've actually started moving in that sort of 'domestic' direction..."
"Yeah." agreed his beau with a nod. "It's nice. Even just what we have is nice. I love it. Even if there's shady stuff in between, I think it's worth it, y'know? I don't really mind all the dark shit on occasion, as long as we can still come back to this- These little quiet moments." Squeezing the bluenette's hand, he looked over at him. "This is the closest to 'normal' I've ever been, and I've loved every second of it. You act like you're a terrible person who's only capable of murder, but you're not. You've given me a second chance at life and the opportunity to be a better person and to finally live happily. There's no way you can be evil if you can do that."
"It's the same with you." the Watchdog replied, face still staring at the ceiling. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me. I've been stumbling around in darkness for so long… It's like I've finally found a little bit of light. All I want to do is keep it safe and let it grow..."
Finally, he sat up and stared straight ahead. "I don't really think I can ever step fully into the light. This is all I know. I've tried living normally when I fled to France, but… I couldn't do it. I hate it, but… I missed the conflict. It felt so alien to go without it… Sometimes… Sometimes, I worry if that makes me a bad person… Can a good person do that? Doesn't that make me a monster? Is it wrong for someone so monstrous to want something so… so soft and good?"
Although Ciel refused to meet his gaze, Alois understood him. He could guess what sort of expression his husband was making. He knew. It was in his words and in his voice. It was the light trembling of his hand.
Gently, Alois let go of that hand and eliminated the distance between them, wrapping his arms around his beau from the side and resting a head on his shoulder. "I don't think you're a monster." he said. "If you're a monster, then I'm not much better. I don't have all the answers, but I don't see the harm in wanting to be happy. You're allowed to be happy, Ciel."
Although the Watchdog opened his mouth to speak, no words came out so he closed it again. He reached up and grasped at his husbad's arms, gently- almost tenderly. Wordlessly, he tilted his head to the side and allowed it to rest on top of Alois', stroking the other man's skin with his thumb.
"Thank you." he said at last.
"No problem." Alois replied. "We'll figure it out. Both the mission and this. In the meantime, just accept that you're my world and I love you."
Tightening his grip on his beau, Ciel answered. "Alright." he said. "I love you, too."
"I know. You make it obvious."
A/N: This was initially supposed to be entirely plot stuff, but I'm glad it turned out this way. We don't really get to see the more "deep" conversations between the duo, do we? We also don't see them arguing very often...
The image of Ciel on a throne on top of the bodies of his friends, family, and allies comes up several times in cannon. In the manga, yes, but the anime invokes that very SPECIFIC image more than once. That's the old Ciel. In DLTD, it's kind of like how he described it in the chapter. It's like over the span of 100+ years, the bodies just kept piling up and piling up until it got to the point where he was drowning in them, in a figurative sense. It caught up to him. Guilt, regret, and the idea that what he's doing might be wrong and that he is perhaps not some kind of higher being who is above ridicule for this has gotten into his head and sometimes, he remembers it's there. He's tired. It's kind of worse, now, that he has people that he wants to be a good person FOR. There's a reason, now, so he has to sort himself out. Sometimes he realises how "practical-minded" he is about death and worries that it makes him "heartless" or something, like he did here.
Though, I feel like I sort of brought this up out of nowhere. I'd like to touch on it more in the future. I feel like people are gonna read this and be like "How did he feel about killing Preston and Daniel's dad?" well, he does have feelings on that, but they're complicated. I hope to get into them someday because they're interesting.
He's VERY different from the canon Ciel... He's grown up. He's changed in some ways and is the same in others. I feel like sometimes, he dreads being happy in case something terrible happens, kind of like in canon, but now he's evolved to the point where he sort of dares to try. It is very daring for him. That's one of the biggest differences there is, here. It's been 100 years. That's a lot of time. It's one of the most interesting things about Ciel, to me. There's this serious "past versus present" thing with him.
Eh, I could go on about this forever, but I guess I'll leave you all with that, then?
Until the next chapter, my duckies~!
