His stomach grumbles and growls as he stalks through the grass. It seems like he hasn't eaten in weeks and his insides are just seconds away from consuming themselves. But that's not what brought him here. He may be starving but he actually came to check on her. To make sure she was ok, since he hasn't seen her in almost a month - three weeks and four days to be exact. That was the last time she brought him food. And though he ate the last of those "meals" a few days ago and his animal's feed is almost gone that's not his main concern in the moment. He just wants to see her.
He ducks behind one of the troughs when he sees a man with a pistol on his hip slowly approach. His heart pounds at the prospect of being found and potentially shot. But it's a fleeting thought as the guy - a wrangler or a cowboy he's not sure - walks right past him and into what he assumes is the bunkhouse. He stumbles to his feet and rushes towards the side of the main house. His body is carried in a hunched over and low position in attempt to remain undetected. Coming to stand flush against the round logs of the two story cabin. He takes in his surroundings once more before taking a step back out and away from the house to look up at the window above him. The room is illuminated in a bright but warm light - much different from the candlelight he uses to move about the barn at night. He gets closer to the house again when he sees a man stop in front of the window. The grass rustles beneath his feet as he walks around the back. And when he looks up again he sees her. She's got a towel wrapped around her hair - sitting in a spiral on the top of her head. He can see her jump when he steps into the square of light coming from her room. And he can also see when her shoulders relax and drop in relief the instant she realizes its him standing there.
She looks behind her as she walks up to the window and then slowly opens it before sitting on the sill. "Jay, what are you doing here? Someone could see you."
"I know. I just I wanted to see you and make sure you're ok." His voice is shaky from nerves, he just doesn't know if the cause is from the truth behind her words - the reality that someone could find him or kill him or from seeing her after nearly a month. But he feels the tension ease a little seeing her smile.
"That's really sweet but I'm fine Jay. I just got myself grounded for a while." She shrugs as she glances behind her again.
"I'm sorry." He voices to her because he can tell and already knows that she's in trouble because of him.
"Don't be, it's not like you asked to be in the situation you're in. And you didn't make me do anything I didn't want to. Once my punishment is over I'll go right back to-"
"Erin is your homework done?" An older woman's voice interrupts what she was saying and causes both teenagers to jump.
Erin quickly stands up - trying her best to use her petite frame to block the open window and Jay steps towards the house as his friend answers her mom.
"Yes Mom." She replies dryly as she sits back down - at least that's what he thinks based off her dark silhouette on the ground.
"Who were just talking to?" Her mom questions and Jay's breathing accelerates seeing the larger shadow become more centered in the box of light he was just standing in - letting him know that she moved closer to the window.
He can hear Erin whisper. "No one."
Then the distinct sound of the window closing blocks out their voices. That's his cue to leave - now knowing that she's alright.
It feels strange even now as he walks onto the ranch - a place he's called home for over half his life. He's only back for a few things - more food and clothes along with the first aid kit from his cabin. He looks over at the main house - going over that distant memory as well as the ones from yesterday. Then, with a shake of his head, he moves inside.
"Hey, where have you been? Tilly, the pinto mare just dropped her foal." Adam yells as he runs over to him while Jay secures the last of the bags to his second horse.
"She deliver the placenta ok?" Jay asks as he ties the last of the panniers shut.
"Yeah I think so." The younger man shrugs - looking over all that is packed onto the horse.
"Then there's no need for me to stay. But if she's showing signs that she's retained any of the fetal membranes you can call Severide, he'll know what to do." Jay tells him as he gets back on the saddle.
He doesn't make it far from the ranch before that memory from years ago comes back to him again.
The yelling and hollering lets him know that he's been spotted. Doors slamming and dogs barking only serving to heighten the fear he feels. He has to think quick and realizes that he's just going to have to run. So with a deep breath he goes for it - moving towards the small opening in the woods that he came in from.
He hears a few loud bangs and the same amount of hisses before feeling a sharp, burning sensation in his side but he doesn't let it slow him down. His feet moving quickly through the dense foliage around him. The pounding of his heart is soon overshadowed by his breathing. But he still doesn't stop until he gets to the barn. And after a few minutes he calms down enough to he realize what the cause of the pain is. He lifts his shirt and finds the gushing wound in his side. The only other shirt he has is used to try and stop the blood but he soon feels himself becoming weaker - struggling to hold the fabric tight against his skin.
A smile comes to his face when he recalls her rushing into the same barn that he's heading to now. He remembers how worried she was when she ran in - probably feeling the same way he did when he stupidly went down to the ranch that night. He shakes his head as he lets himself get lost in the memory once more.
"Erin, what are you-?" Her mom stops short when she sees her daughter frantically trying to help him.
"Mom." It comes out as a choked sob as she looks up from where her hands are covering the wound. "We have to help him."
He's in and out of consciousness but the next thing he knows is that the older woman is standing next to them.
"Erin." She says sternly but her daughter is too focused on her best friend lying in front of her. "Erin, I need you to go get the suture kit from my front left satchel."
Erin looks at him one more time before doing what her mother has asked. "You're going to be ok Sweetheart."
"It doesn't feel like it." He mumbles meekly and it causes the woman to chuckle somberly.
She nods her head as she looks back in the direction of the door.
"I'm sure it doesn't." She says as she readjusts the cloth pressed between his abdomen and her hand. Then she clears her throat in a way that reminds him of his own mother. It was something she always used to do before she started any serious conversation with him or his brother. And he can tell that Erin's mom was likely preparing to do the same. Her eyes look for her daughter again and her focus remains on the door. "She's one of the strongest people I know and she doesn't let people in so easily - not unless they're as tough and resilient as her. And since you're the one that she's been sneaking off to see I think it's a safe bet that she sees something in you. And something tells me that you're just as strong as she is and that this - well this doesn't even come close to the worst thing that's happened to you."
He doesn't reply to that - instead just nodding his head as Erin returns to them with the suture kit in hand. Then it's like he just falls asleep and when he wakes up he's no longer in the old, run down barn. Wherever he is, it's warm and cosy - somewhere much different than what he's become accustomed to in the last several months. He looks around and sees that he's in a room and he sighs in relief when he realizes that he's not at a hospital. Then his eyes land on her - curled up and asleep in the small upholstered chair in the corner. He smiles seeing her in such a peaceful state after worrying her just hours before. But it doesn't last long - as if she could sense that his eyes were on her she too wakes up. Her hands clench into fists as she stretches and then rubs her eyes before sitting up.
"You're awake!" She cajoles as she moves over to the bed to take up the spot next to him.
"Where are we?" He asks and she chuckles as she looks around as if she's trying to figure out the same thing.
"This is the guest bedroom at my house. My dad was going to make you stay in the bunkhouse but my mom wouldn't have it. She said that you'll heal in here and then when you're ready you'll go to stay in the bunkhouse." She shrugs just as her mom comes into the room.
"Erin shouldn't you be in your room?" Her mom questions and Erin nods before looking back at Jay.
She whispers that she'll see him tomorrow as she leans in to press a kiss to his cheek. He's thankful for the dim lighting in the room because he knows that he's blushing from the gesture. She moves towards the door where her mom is standing and tells her goodnight before continuing out of the room.
"My husband wanted to arrest you for trespassing and theft." Her mom tells him as she goes to sit in the chair that her daughter was just occupying. "Took a lot of convincing on both our parts to stop that from happening."
He sits up a little but quickly regrets it - feeling the tightness in his side. But he still manages to get out a few words. "I appreciate that ma'am."
"Erin wouldn't tell us why you were out there but after a little digging, her dad was able to figure it out." She looks down and gulps and he squirms knowing that an apology is coming. "I'm sorry about what you went through sweetheart." She professes as she looks back up at him.
Thankfully she doesn't dwell on that subject and moves on with the conversation after a few minutes of silence. "Like Erin told you, you'll stay in here until you're healed and then move into the bunkhouse. We'll figure out how to get you enrolled in school and when you're not there, you'll be working the ranch with the wranglers. No more stealing and no more sneaking around my home. Is that understood?"
"Yes, thank you ma'am." He nods again and she nods back while she stands from her seat.
"Two more things." She adds as she narrows her eyes at him but almost in a joking way. He just whispers an 'ok' and she nods.
"One, I ask that you please stop with the ma'am. Please call me Mrs. Voight or Camille." She starts as she adjusts the duvet folded at the foot of the bed.
"Second I ask for you not let my daughter down. Whether you remain friends or become something more just stick with her - even when she pushes you away and believe me, he will make her push you...Just stick with her." She tells him and then she leaves without another word.
That's the last part that runs through his thoughts before he arrives at the barn.
The dogs growl as he takes the first step in - carrying bags in each hand in hopes of making fewer trips out. She can hear him shush the three collies surrounding her on the oversized couch. And when he sees her stir and he places the bags near the door to come closer.
He leans down to press his lips to her forehead - an attempt to both comfort her and gauge her temperature. He's relieved to find that she's warm - even warmer than she was when he went to go to the ranch. And when he opens his eyes he assesses the bandage set near her hairline - grateful that her blood is just now coming through the gauze he applied there before he left. He was worried that she'd need stitches when he first saw all the blood. But once he was able to clean her face he found that the water made it appear worse than it actually was - only finding a couple cuts and scratches.
"Alright, good dogs." He waves them off and the adults move away but her hands move to keep the little puppy from moving off the couch.
"I thought you just left me out here." She whispers to him - keeping her eyes closed as she pets the puppy.
The words of how he's done leaving her are on the tip of his tongue but something keeps him from saying that.
"I just went to get a few more things." He nods towards the panniers by the door. "Figured we'll be out here a little longer than originally planned." He tells her as he pushes a few strands of hair off of her face.
"What about the ranch?" Her eyebrows furrow as she moves to sit up a little - holding the puppy to her chest.
He shrugs "What about it?"
"How are you going to work there, while being all the way up here?" The confusion is evident both in her voice and the expression her face. Her eyebrows furrowing and her lips pursing as she looks at him.
"I'm not." He shakes his head. "I uh...I quit."
"But that ranch is your whole life." She tells him with tears gathering in her eyes before she looks down at the puppy in her lap again - watching her fingers comb through the tan and brown patches of the young dog's coat.
"Well it's not the life I want to live anymore." His eyes stay fixed on her - trying to read her but she's too busy building her walls up for him to see what she's thinking. It's something she does whenever they get on this topic of him leaving here permanently. And then that memory of Camille telling him to stick with Erin, even when she tries to push him away comes back to him.
Erin presses her lips together so her mouth forms a flat line - her dimples popping ever-so-slightly, in a way much different than when she smiles. And she gives him a small nod as she turns towards him.
He inspects the gauze on her temple again and the blood staining the thin piece of cotton - pushing himself to get up. He figures they can pick the subject back up when she's ready but for now he wants to take care of her injuries properly.
"Are you going to want to take a shower or bath?" He asks as he goes to grab some of the toiletries he brought up with them initially.
"What are you trying to say?" She defends with a raise of an eyebrow.
"I'm saying that you fell into a river and I need to clean and redress your cuts. So if you want to shower then I'd wait until you were done." He explains and she seems to think about it - her lips pursing a little before nodding again.
"Is the bathtub here like the one at your cabin?" She questions and he chuckles with that.
He nods. "Is that your way of telling me you want to take a bath?"
She bites her lip in the most enticing way as she nods back. He chuckles again as he leans in to kiss her forehead and goes to draw her a bath.
His mind wanders as the water slowly fills to the top - voiding out the noise she makes as she walks into the room.
She can sense that her response and subsequent lack-there-of caused a shift. But she feels that it was the right start because truthfully she's scared - she's terrified that he'll end up resenting her too if she just lets him walk away from the ranch. And it's that thought that stays with her and makes her heart sink as she walks into the bathroom. Her eyes instantly lock on him as his hand moves back and forth through the surface of the rising water. She observes the muscles of his shoulders and back twitch beneath his shirt with the movement - taking in the obvious tension that their most recent conversation has caused. Her thoughts run rampant but her moves are slow as she begins to remove the clothes of his that he covered her with yesterday. She's almost completely naked by the time that the tub is full and the water is cut off. And when he turns around the only article of clothing left on her body is her panties which quickly find their way onto the tiled floor of the spacious bathroom.
His breath hitches at the raw beauty of the women in front of him. It hasn't been long - mere months since he's seen her like this and less than a day since he's seen her somewhat nude but in that moment he was too busy worrying over her to admire her enchanting physique. And there's been countless times before that but he's never been short of speechless when she's bared her smooth, ivory skin and elegant curves that make up the masterpiece that is her body. He clears his throat in order to mask the moan threatening to come out of his mouth at the sight of her.
She slips into the hot water and practically melts against the back of the tub. Her eyes close as she lets out a pleasurable hum - beginning to relax. He smiles fondly at her and leans down to kiss her uninjured temple before going to grab the rest of the things he brought up and putting the horses in the stable for the night.
The lock clicks on the last stall as he closes the door. His boots clunk and the dog's nails click as they walk along the wood flooring of the stables. He tosses in some hay to all three of the horses on his way out before heading back inside.
The rest of the panniers are set just to the left of the door as he walks into the refurbished barn. And as he begins to unpack everything within the bags his mind once again wanders back to her.
Goosebumps erupt over her skin as she steps out of the tub. The cool air of the cabin causing her to shiver before she gets the chance to grab a towel. She leans over the beautifully treated wooden slab that makes up the vanity of the bathroom - her eyes trying to examine the cuts near her hairline but her blood and some deep bruising is already covering most of them and her hair conceals the rest. The towel around her is readjusted as she walks out to open concept living area and kitchen.
He puts away the last of the food - setting each can and box neatly within the cabinets when she walks into the kitchen wrapped in a towel.
His hand moves to cup her cheek - gently turning her head to the side when he sees more blood.
"I think it's just the old blood being washed away." She tells him as he releases his hold on her jaw and reaches over her shoulder to get the kit.
"Yeah, I think so too." He agrees before lifting her up to sit on the island. The way he cleans and cares for the cuts makes her heart flutter - feeling herself swoon over the gentle touch of the man in front of her.
"I'm just-" She stops with a hiss when the antiseptic wipe comes in contact with her skin.
The look he gives her is so apologetic and she finds it adorable - so much so that she has the urge to kiss his pouty lips. But she shakes her head - telling herself that she can't.
"I'm confused." She admits after a few minutes and he pulls away from her to look in her eyes but he remains silent for a beat.
"What's there to be confused about? The cuts need to be cleaned." He attempts to joke but she gives him a pointed look to let him know that this isn't the time.
"You said that you can't leave and that this is your home - it's where you belong. What's changed?" Her voice is stern - hoping to keep the conversation on the right path.
"I guess I was wrong." His shoulders deflate with the revelation because he's wasted so much time away from her and based on the current mood of this conversation, he's beginning to feel like he needs to prepare himself for even more time apart.
"You guess?" She argues as he finishes taping the small square of gauze to her temple.
"I know I was wrong when you asked me to stay in Chicago last year and all the times before that." He admits to her as he begins replacing the unused items back into the red plastic case of the first aid kit.
"I wasn't going to ask you to leave again Jay. I couldn't ask you for that - especially after everything that's happened." She looks down with that. The aching in her heart returning as she thinks about her next words.
"I can't ask you to leave anymore because I know what this place means to you." There's another pause as she takes a few deep breaths - thinking back to her father's words of being like her mother when it comes to her trying to make them choose between the ranch and her. And as much as she loved - loves her mother she doesn't want to be like her when it comes to this - when it comes to the ranch and the man she loves. She doesn't want him to look back and hate her for making him choose.
"Then it's a good thing you didn't ask me to do anything." He tells her as he places two fingers under her chin and pushes her to look up at him but she quickly moves her head away.
"Jay I'm going to go back to the city." She sniffles and blinks back her tears. The back of her eyes sting and her whole body has started to ache - her limbs becoming weak as she moves off the counter.
"And I don't want you to come with me." Those words hurt to say - feeling as if her tongue was on fire as she spoke them. But she knows that they needed to be said in order to get him to stay here - where he feels he belongs. She's not sure why but it just feels right to lean forward and press a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips. Then she rests her head on his shoulder for a brief, blink and you miss it moment before she walks away - not even paying attention to where she's going. And she doesn't look back - she can't see him at that moment because she knows that her resolve and the wall she just put up would crumble if she were to look into those beautiful blue-green eyes of his.
He thinks of what to say and how to respond to that but no words come to mind. He's been rendered speechless and before he can form a proper sentence she's gone. The door of the bathroom being slammed shut in her hast to put more distance between them. Her mom's request and advise from all those years ago repeat in his head like a manta as he thinks of how to convince Erin that where he belongs is wherever she is.
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A/N: I'm sorry for the mistakes and all the dialogue but hopefully it was still a somewhat good read. As always nice reviews are much appreciated and I hope you all have a great weekend! Thanks for reading.
