Her hair blows in the wind as she clicks her tongue to get her horse to move faster. The large animal running at almost full speed to the next barrel – moving in figure eights around the two black cylinders set within the arena.

Her heart is pounding at the same pace as her horse's feet as the argument with her dad replays in her head. She sees the subject of the disagreement making his way over to the pen she's currently in and she leans forward a little – getting Ziggy to speed up even more.

"Whatever happened, I'm sure it wasn't poor Ziggy's fault." He jokes.

She rolls her eyes as she pulls back on the reigns to get the large animal to stop. They're breathing at the same rate as she moves her hand up and down his black mane. She lets herself calm a little and apologizes to her horse before she jumps down and looks up at her friend.

The smile that she gives him is small and sad and in return the expression that comes to his face is one of confusion.

"You ok?" He asks and she shakes her head while she moves her gaze away from him – finding it too hard to look into his eyes at the moment. Her frustration continues to bubble – not being able to get her mind off the fact that her dad forbade her from seeing her best friend. She argued that it would be impossible since he's been living on the ranch for a year now but he countered that, that doesn't mean she has to spend time with him. He even threatened that if she doesn't stop hanging out with him that he'll take Jay to live somewhere else. And since her mom is gone there's no one to ensure that he doesn't follow through with the ultimatum. With that reminder she takes a deep, shuttering breath as she prepares to push him away.

"I umm…." She stops to think how to do this but her chest tightens. "Don't you have work to do?"

He chuckles lightly as she stumbles over her words. "Yeah but-"

"You should really just focus on your job, please." The statement is both a stern statement and a plea to him – her eyes remaining on her horse.

"So he told you the same thing as me huh?" He questions and that gets her gaze to meet his once again. There's a pregnant pause before either of them utters another word. Her hands fiddle with a loose string on the saddle blanket, pulling on it until it starts to unravel more. She feels tears brimming in her eyes as she stares out in front of her. The tops of his ears begin to turn a deep red, letting her know that he is already getting aggravated. She knows that she just has to say one more thing and it'll be over.

But before she can get the words out he cuts back in. "I guess I didn't think you'd actually push me away because of it."

Her heart aches in a familiar way as he hops off of the fence and walks away. "Jay I'm-" She isn't able to finish her sentence – instead watching him move further and further away until he disappears around a corner.

She pulls on the lead and Ziggy moves to follow her out of the arena. The saddle falls to the ground after she loosens the girth that was holding it in place and then the blanket. It's heavy and her energy is depleting so she drags it to the tack room and then quickly throws it on the stand. Her feet kick up dirt as she slowly moves back to Ziggy's stall to give him fresh feed and a few treats which he takes eagerly.

"I messed up Zig." She voices to him as he stops chewing and huffs as if he understood what she said, causing her to chuckle sadly. Her hand moves up and down his face as she nods. "I should probably go apologize, huh?"

The gravel crackles beneath her boots as she walks down the driveway to get from the stables to the bunkhouse - stopping a feet away from the door when she sees him feeding some the horses out in the corrals.

"I'm sorry." She all but whispers to him as she walks up and stands next to him. He doesn't even look at her but he does nod while pushing the green wheelbarrow to the next pens.

"How many times has he done this? How many arguments have we had about this same thing?" He questions as he tosses rations of hay to a grey mare.

She doesn't get a chance to argue because he answers his own inquiries. "I swear it's been once a month since I've moved onto the ranch. I know he's your dad and now my boss but that doesn't mean he should be able to make empty threats that allow him to come between us."

"I don't want you to have to run again. And more importantly you shouldn't have to." Her head bows in shame for putting him at risk of being homeless again. "Especially not because of me."

He scoffs at that and just walks away from her once more. She stands frozen in place - unable to move in any way. But after a few minutes she musters up the strength to trudge over to the house - making a beeline for her room where she collapses on the bed and cuddles into her pillows.

Eventually she falls asleep and doesn't wake up until she hears little pings against the glass of her window. She rubs her eyes as she looks over to that side of her room. When the noise stops for a few moments she lays her head back down just for it to start again. Her mouth opens wide as she yawns and then moves over to open the window.

He steps out of the shadows and gives her a sad smile. She returns a half smile of her own as she takes a seat on the sill.

"I'm sorry." They say in unison and then both of them give each other a small nod quickly putting their most recent dispute behind them.

This isn't like that. The things being said aren't going to be so easily forgiven and it makes her heart heavy.

She didn't think the same argument that they've been having every day for the last week would turn into this. He was adamant on going with her - wherever she went and she was set on him staying at the ranch. It always started out with them talking about something totally unrelated - a subject so small and then somehow they'd get on the topic of them. It usually ended with one of them walking away or leaving the house for a while. But not this time. She knows that this will likely end with no way to repair anything - their friendship or the relationship they could've had. They've reached their breaking point and though this explosive conversation came to fruition over something little. She figures that with the help of a whole bottle of whiskey, it was just big enough of an issue to cause a torrent of emotions to come rushing to the surface. Confusion, anger, frustration and hurt all melting together and boiling over within him.

He reminds her of a mustang that's been put in a trailer for the first time. As if everything he's known - the life he knew has been stripped away just for him to be put into a small box. And it honestly frightens her a little - seeing him so wild and agitated - differing vastly from the beautifully tamed soul she knows and has come to love over the years.

His lips are moving so quick that she can't even register what he's saying as he rants on and on. But her ears perk up a little when he says "It's all so selfish."

She bites the inside of her lip and blinks rapidly to try to keep her tears at bay. It's bad enough that she caused this, she couldn't have him trying to comfort her - not when she did this to him. Not when she's the one who broke him. So she attempts to appear unfazed, straightening her posture and stiffening her upper lip - masking her own pain in order to acknowledge his.

But even with the anger of his words she catches the hint of remorse that crosses his features before he covers his face with his hands and drags them down to his chin. He takes a few calming breaths - his hand shaking as he reaches for the second bottle of alcohol on top of the fridge, thankfully most of the contents are already gone.

"I flew out to see you whenever I could." He takes a swig of the amber liquid once the top is off.

"I went there even though I felt out of place and I spent every holiday season with you." The bottle gets shaken a little as he points it at the window.

"You asked me to quit my job. For me uproot my life and move to a different state - to the city. Multiple fucking times. And when I realized how wrong I was to turn you down." Then the glass neck of the bottle gets turned towards her.

"You decide that you don't want that anymore." There's so much heat behind those eight words. He's practically growling - his voice rough and unrecognizable - causing her to flinch.

Now she's shaking and there's no stopping her tears anymore. She's done her best to keep them in for the last seven days but the dam has finally broke. "Jay I-"

"Because I know you and I know deep down you thought that I'd come to regret it - that I'd resent you for it one day. That we'd end up like them." He doesn't have to elaborate on what he means by that because she knows what he's implying.

"And you couldn't imagine how much that would have hurt you. So you made the decision to push me away because it was easier for you and the hypothetical bullshit you concocted in your head. It was the same when we were kids. You didn't care about me or the threat of me being homeless. It only mattered what it would have done to you and your conscience and how that guilt would have affected you. You don't care about me and I'm starting to think you never did." He finishes the rest of the whiskey after that and she thinks that he may be done. That's he's gotten all the pent up anger and disappointment off his chest.

But she was wrong.

When the last drop of alcohol is swallowed he lets it take it's desired effect a little before he continues. "A part of me thought it was your dad this whole time. This constant back and forth between us was a way for you to get some validation from him or maybe, somehow measure your worth to him. But now I see it for what it is - I see the real you."

If it was possible for her heart to break anymore then it just did. She doesn't even recognize this man before her. It's like he's an imposter here to do onto her what she did to the real Jay.

The words she was going to say get lodged in her throat and she tries to calm her breathing - waiting to see if that'll help her reply. It doesn't. So instead she slumps down onto the chair closest to her as what he said sinks in and drains every ounce of energy from her body. All the fight leaves her and she's left with a stinging pain that ruminates throughout her entire being as his remarks replay in her head over and again. But she's broken from her thoughts when he clears his throat and she manages a few words that somehow form an apology. Then she's back up on her feet and moving towards the door in a sluggish way.

"I'm sorry Jay, truly." She whispers to him while thinking of what to say next.

"I know that probably doesn't mean much because I hurt you and I pushed you away." She sniffles and then attempts to compose herself again before she can continue.

"But I do care about you - more than I could put into words. I always have and I always will. That's not going to change." There's more on the tip of her tongue but she doesn't say anything else as she walks out the door.

She walks to the small stable to get Zane ready. Her tears flow like a river in cascading streams down her cheeks. She dusts off the saddle - brushing her fingers over the dirt that's managed to settle on the tan and brown leather over the last week and a half since they got here. Then she carries the heavy piece of equipment to the last stall - the lock clanking as she slides it to the side in order to open the door. But just as she's about to enter the stall Zane nickers and begins to swish his tail quickly. She stills and waits for him to calm a little before proceeding forward. But it seems she didn't give him enough time because the next thing she knows the large animals rears - standing so tall on his hind legs that his head almost touches one of the support beams above them. She's quick to get out of the way of the stressed out horse and slides the door shut.

Then she feels it again - her energy depleting - forcing her to fall in a heap on the ground with the saddle landing with a heavy thud next to her. She pulls her knees to her chest - burying her face against the tops of her legs as sobs wreck her body. She's not sure how long she's sitting there before she hears someone approaching from the side but it's the clanging of keys that gets her attention and she looks up just as a set hits the floor right in front of her saddle.

"There's an ATV that you can use to get back to the ranch." He points his thumb over his shoulder as he looks down at the bag - her bag as he places it at his feet.

"You can leave it by my cabin down there and I'll trade it out with Zane in a few days." His voice is a little less harsh than it was before but she doesn't look into it much. She just nods in thanks and then she whispers another 'I'm sorry'.

"Yeah, me too." He murmurs back as he walks out of the stables.

Eventually she pulls herself together enough to leave - grabbing her bag on the way to the ATV.

She stops when she sees the ranch come into view and just sighs as she combs her fingers through her hair. Then her hands go back to the handles and she's just about to continue down the valley when she sees a flash of blue and white fly right in front of her. The bird lands on a tree near by and she observes the feathered creature for a few moments before giving him a sad smile as she drives away.

XXXXXX

She can feel their eyes on her on the drive into town. Two pairs of warm brown orbs glancing at her with worry as she stares out the window.

She wasn't sure how she was going to get off the ranch once she got there but luckily Adam and Kevin were just about to leave and offered her a ride after making sure she was ok. They told her that they were on their way to the feed store and could drop her off wherever she needed. She appreciated the gesture and told them as much as she got into the passenger side of the truck. It's obvious that they have more questions for her - about what she's not sure but she can tell that the wheels are turning in their heads with every glance. It almost feels suffocating but it's something she doesn't have to endure for much longer as she sees a bar just outside the downtown area.

"Can you drop me off there, please?" She asks, needing a stiff drink right now - telling herself that she'll figure the rest out as she goes.

"Of course." Adam nods as he puts on the right turn signal and then pulls into the parking lot of the small pub.

"Are you going to need a ride to a hotel or airport?" Kevin asks after he hands her, her bag once they're out of the truck.

She shakes her head to answer his question. "But thank you guys for driving me here."

Adam gives her a quick nod and Kevin tips his hat to her and lets her know to call them if she changes her mind. Then it's her turn to nod and both men give her one more worried glance before driving away.

She takes a deep breath before turning in the direction of the bar.

It's not exactly the atmosphere she was expecting and certainly not the one she was looking for. She was hoping to get a drink to help her decompress while she looks up flights, air BnB's and availability at the closest hotel. But this place - as small as it may be - is surprisingly packed for the middle of the week, with almost every table and seat taken. She debates on walking right back out but instead she just sighs and she moves towards the one empty stool at the end of the bar.

Figuring she won't be able to order for a while, she pulls out her phone and begins her search for a place to stay. She only looks up when she hears a familiar voice ask one of the other patrons what she can get them. The corner of her lips curl up into a small smile as her gaze meets that of her old friend's as she pours the drink and slides it to the guy in front of her before she makes her way out from behind the bar and quickly pulls Erin in for a hug.

"It's so good to see you." The younger woman exclaims as she leans back against the counter.

"You too Nads." She murmurs back as she sits back down - still feeling exhausted from her falling out with Jay.

"What are you doing here?" Nadia questions just as someone yells for a bartender.

"I just needed a drink while I look up flights and possibly a hotel." Erin's voice breaks with that sentence and even in the dimly lit pub Nadia can see her friend get teary-eyed.

"You're not staying at the ranch?" She asks next as she takes a small step away.

Erin she shakes her head with her answer. "I was."

Nadia can tell that there's more to it but she doesn't call her friend out on it. Instead she gives her another hug and lets her know that her shift ends in an hour.

Erin doesn't say anything to that before Nadia walks back to tend to the bar.

XXXXXX

She takes in the rustic and native decor around Nadia's apartment as the younger woman takes a shower. It's a place that Erin's only seen in pictures when Nadia was first looking at getting her own place and she's surprised to see that the space is a lot bigger then it appeared in the photos. A smile graces her face when she comes across an old picture of her and Nadia just before they went into the arena for a rodeo - both of them grinning at the camera as they sat atop their horses. Erin laughs at the gaudy outfits they wore but also thinks back to that time. The picture was taken just minutes after the two of them first met. And though Nadia's a few years younger than Erin and at the time they were competitors, it didn't stop them from becoming close friends - almost like sisters. She begins to feel bad that she hadn't reached out and hung out with her old friend since she's been back in Montana.

"So how long have you been in town for?" Nadia asks as she walks out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

"A couple weeks. I came back when my dad was in the hospital and then left for a little bit before coming home again." Erin replies sadly at what a shit show it's been since the night Jay called to tell her that her dad had been hurt.

"I'd say I'm hurt that you didn't tell me but I can tell that it hasn't been easy." Nadia's eyes soften seeing the troubled look on Erin's face.

"Do you want to talk about it?" It's a loaded question and she kind of expects Erin not to answer but to her surprise she sees her friend pondering. And she can tell that whatever happened is weighing heavy on her chest.

And with a sigh, Erin starts from the beginning. Neither of them know how long they sit there as Erin vents and relays everything that's transpired over the last couple months.

"So you just left?" Nadia asks once Erin gets to the part where she walked into the bar a few hours ago.

"What was I supposed to do Nadia? Stay? Let myself continue to hurt him?"

Nadia shrugs before she sighs. "So what are you going to do now? Do you think going back to Chicago and trying to forget about him isn't going to hurt him?"

"I don't know." Erin's shoulders deflate with those words. Because truthfully she doesn't know what to do. She knows that Chicago isn't where she wants to be but she also knows that she can't go back to the ranch. And she voices that to Nadia as she gets up to pour them some drinks.

"I don't think there's any going back Nads. And I pushed him away and he eventually did the same. It's obvious we don't belong with each other."

"Erin you know I love you like a sister. So with that being said I'd tell you that you're completely delusional if you truly think that."

Erin eyebrows furrow as she's handed one of two glasses offered to her - nodding her head in thanks. "He thinks that I'm selfish and I don't care about him."

"You said that you two were arguing for the last week, right?" Nadia doesn't wait for Erin to reply because she already told her just moments before. "He wanted to leave with you while you claimed that you wanted him to stay, without you."

"Yeah but-"

"But nothing Erin. We're only human. You, me, Jay, your dad. We all reach our boiling points. We all get pissed and say shit we don't mean, even with people that mean the most to us. I heard or maybe I read it once, that it's only concerning when you stop fighting because that means that there's nothing left worth fighting for." She quotes and Erin quite shocked by the bold statement from the younger woman.

"He was willing to leave everything that he's known behind because he thought going to back with you would make you happy. And you were ok with leaving him here because you thought that he wouldn't be happy in Chicago and would eventually grow to resent you in the future. No matter how much it hurt, you fought about it because you wanted whatever you thought would make the other happy. And what you two are obviously oblivious to is that being together - no matter where you are - is what will make you both the happiest." Nadia scoots over on the couch and pulls Erin in for a side hug.

She doesn't get to dwell on any of what she said for long as Nadia soon changes subjects and asks what she wants for dinner. Erin answers with a shrug and Nadia chuckles sadly. "I'll let you mull everything over while I go order us some food."

Erin remains silent but does nod her head in acknowledgement before quickly becoming lost in her thoughts once again.

And a few hours later, as she lays awake in the guest bed, she thinks about whether she really wants to go back to Chicago or stay and fight for her family's ranch and more importantly, the man that she loves.

XXXXXX

A/N: If I could add emoji's on here, I'd definitely insert the monkey covering it's eyes for this one. But despite being incredibly nervous about it, I really hope it was a good read. I can promise that it'll get easier - soon-ish.

Sorry for any and all mistakes and as always nice reviews are much appreciated! Your sweet commentary is my motivation to keep up. However, I may not update on time next week because I'm going to try to focus on Chapter 16 of Race and I'll likely won't be able to do both, but we'll see.

Hope you all have a great weekend and thanks for reading!